Kemp's Blog

It's (still) coming

2009-07-10T11:07:00.001-05:00

I am still planning on a return to blogging… it’s just I haven’t had anything pop into my head that I would consider suitable enough for my first return post.

But I, along with The Wife, are taking the Gemelas to see the Jonas Brothers in concert tomorrow.

If that doesn’t give me fodder for writing, I don’t know what will…

Re-launch #42

2009-07-02T10:58:00.000-05:00

I know I’ve said many times that I had planned on bring this blog back to life, but with the re-design and subsequent re-launch of Draft Day Suit, I decided now was the time to bring back Kemp’s Blog.

No kidding… this time I’m serious… I’m back… for real this time.

2009-02-02T11:36:00.003-06:00

I've seen this before... I can't quite place it, but I know it's here... oh yes, I HAVE seen this before. Last Groundhog Day... and the Groundhog Day before that... and the, well you get the idea.

As I gird up for getting back into this blogging business, I thought I would take this chance to, once again, re-up my post about Groundhog Day, now with over 2% new material...so enjoy.

Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow today, so that means six more weeks of winter. My question is this: considering the winter most of us have had this year (25 more inches of snow here in Chicagoland than last year), if the groundhog was to meet an "unfortunate" accident, would that cancel-out his prediction? It's something to think about...

To help you get through the horrible news of more winter, and thus the horrible news of our new house being pushed further back, I’ve put together some random Groundhog Day trivia/Q&A/useless knowledge tidbits. Enjoy...

TRIVIA!
-The groundhog is also known as a woodchuck (Marmota monax) and is a member of the squirrel family eating such things as dandelions, clovers and various grasses.
- Did you know? That the first Groundhog Day was observed in Punxsutawney, PA in 1887.

TOP 10 GROUNDHOG DAY MOVIES

10 - Groundhog Day
09 - Groundhog Day
08 - Groundhog Day
07 - Groundhog Day
06 - Groundhog Day
05 - Groundhog Day
04 - Groundhog Day
03 - Groundhog Day
02 - Groundhog Day
01 - Groundhog Day

Nice list huh? What do you expect with what I have to work with?

TOP 10 REASONS TO CELEBRATE GROUNDHOG DAY

10 - It's on nearly every calendar

09 - It helps relieve Cabin Fever

08 - Spring or not, it's still six weeks till St. Urho's Day

07 - It takes something to get over your possible post-Super Bowl letdown

06 - At least one of them critters is bound to see things your way

05 - Valentine's Day is just too damn depressing for nerds

04 - Unlike the Easter Bunny, he keeps his dirty paws outside

03 - Facebook's Groundhog Day application (I don't know if actually exists, but wouldn't it be fun if it did?)

02 - It's fun to say “Punxsutawney”

01 - If a rodent can bring us an early spring, more power to him

RANDOM GROUNHOG DAY MUSINGS

Allow me to get political with this next one: Q: What's the difference between Groundhog Day and President Bush's State of the Union Address? A: One is a meaningless ritual wherein we look to a creature of little intelligence to prognosticate for us... the other involves a woodchuck. [rimshot] (Thank you, I'm here all week, try the veal... or the Groundhog)

HEY KEMP, WHAT ELSE HAS HAPPENED ON FEBRUARY 2ND IN WORLD HISTORY?

1653 - New Amsterdam (later renamed New York City) is incorporated.

1709 - Alexander Selkirk is rescued from a shipwreck on a deserted island. This would inspire the writing of the book "Robinson Crusoe" by Daniel 'No Relation to Willem' Defoe.

1880 - The first electric streetlight is installed in Wabash, Indiana.

1940 - Frank Sinatra debuts with the Tommy Dorsey orchestra.

1945 - World War II: US President Franklin D. Roosevelt & British Prime Minister Winston Churchill leave to meet with Soviet leader Joseph Stalin at the Yalta Conference.

1979 - Sid Vicious dies of a heroin overdose.

HERE'S A GROUNDHOG DAY DRINKING GAME

This is a very simple game. Watch the movie “Groundhog's Day” and take a shot for every new ‘day’ that Bill Murray lives again. Especially fun is the multiple slapping scenes. Each slap is obviously another day, so you may have to count the number of slaps, stop the tape and catch up. This all happens when he tries killing himself over and over, and over and over and over and, well, you get the idea. (Hint: By the end of the game, each participant should have done 42 shots. Remember, as with any drinking game... know your limitations)

THE STORY OF GROUNDHOG DAY

That pig farmers have never done well in the United States as most Americans prefer beef to pork. Granted, hamburger is an American favorite but, in a little known secret, actually contains no ham whatsoever. The porcine raisers were hopeful to see a significant increase in their business after the health scares about beef and Upton Sinclairs novel “The Jungle”, but most of those benefits had gone to the poultry and fish industries and sales of ham and bacon remained virtually unchanged.Because of this, The National Porcine Association hired a major Madison Avenue advertising firm to boost sales of pork products and they decided on an intensive campaign to saturate magazines, television and radio with ads urging people to eat pork patties. The campaign was given an extra boost when Congress was convinced to designate the second of February as the day when every family would be urged to eat pork sausage. That day would be celebrated nationally, of course, as Ground, Hog, Day.

To get a real history of the day, click HERE.

Ask yourself this; how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

Now, go out there with his new-found treasure trove of trivial goodness and impress your friends, coworkers, significant others, and small furry animals...

2009-01-28T10:22:00.002-06:00

I have EVERY intention to start writing more regularly on this blog, but in the meantime, I've entered a contest hosted by the esteemed AnissaMayhew (www.hope4peyton.org).

She's giving away an HP All-In-One WIRELESS printer, and I want to win it for my lovely wife, who deserves it for, not only putting up with me for the last 12 years, but for putting up with 2 6 year olds, a demanding job and our new house construction.

Want. Want. Want.

GOTV!!!!

2008-11-04T09:38:00.003-06:00

VOTE VOTE OBAMA VOTE VOTE OBAMA VOTE VOTE OBAMA VOTE VOTE OBAMA VOTE VOTE OBAMA VOTE VOTE OBAMA VOTE VOTE

Most of you already know which way my politics lean (HERE'S A HINT: TBWA) and whom I support in the election (cough cough; OBAMA, cough cough).

While I would hope you would vote for my candidate, I'm a realist and know that not everyone will... and that is fine.

But if you don't even vote... then you lose your right to bitch.

And the point is?

2008-10-22T09:44:00.002-05:00

MillerCoors LLC has ceased production of Zima...

And I think I speak for everyone when I ask; did anyone know they still made Zima?

A New Day is Dawning

2008-09-26T16:11:00.001-05:00

And I am returning...

We WIll Never Forget...

2008-09-11T08:02:00.001-05:00

Here we go again

2008-08-15T15:16:00.002-05:00

The raping of my childhood continues as it's all but "official" that there is going to be a remake of "The Karate Kid".

Will Smith is set to direct...

His son is set to star...

My lunch is set to come back up...

Won't someone make it stop?

Sometimes the joke writes itself

2008-08-07T08:58:00.003-05:00

This is one of those times...

Anyone got a joke to go along with the picture?

Want to feel old?

2008-07-24T16:50:00.001-05:00

The baby on the cover of Nirvana's "Nevermind" album is now 17 years old...

Ouch...

Seriously?

2008-07-15T22:26:00.002-05:00

Entry 1 on my trip with my Dad to the Black Hills of South Dakota. We left Chicago around 1:30 and drove to Iowa and encountered this exchange in Iowa...

We're travelling in my Dad's cherry red corvette convertible... My Dad: "So why aren't there any hotel rooms in town tonight?"

Motel Employee: "Because it's Tuesday night in Des Moines (Iowa) silly..."

Are you kidding me?

Another Music Meme...

2008-07-10T09:33:00.001-05:00

I wasn’t tagged, but it looked like a cool meme so I thought I would join in… rather than try to r
I was born in 1973…and my early influences in music were my parents and my brother… thankfully, my parent’s choice of music at the time didn’t stick with me (Anne Murray? Yikes!) but my brother’s did… The Beatles, and LOTS of it…

1973: Paul McCartney & Wings - Band on the Run

1974: Genesis - The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway

1975: Fleetwood Mac - Fleetwood Mac

1976: Stevie Wonder - Songs in the Key of Life

1977: Fleetwood Mac - Rumours

1978: Warren Zevon - Excitable Boy

1979: The Clash - London Calling

1980: John Lennon & Yoko Ono - Double Fantasy

1981: Men at Work - Business as Usual

1982: Donald Fagen - The Nightfly

1983: Yes – 90125

1984: U2 - The Unforgettable Fire

1985: Dire Straits - Brothers in Arms

1986: TIE: Paul Simon - Graceland & XTC - Skylarking

1987: TIE: Guns N' Roses - Appetite for Destruction & U2 - The Joshua
Tree

1988: Traveling Wilburys - Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1

1989: The Black Crowes - Shake Your Moneymaker

1990: They Might Be Giants - Flood

1991: Matthew Sweet - Girlfriend

1992: Arrested Development - 3 Years, 5 months, and 2 Days in the Life of…

1993: Liz Phair - Exit to Guyville

1994: Green Day - Dookie

1995: Oasis - What’s the Story Morning Glory?

1996: Cake - Fashion Nugget

1997: Ben Folds Five - Whatever and Ever, Amen

1998: Elliot Smith - XO

1999: Wilco - Summerteeth

2000: Elliot Smith - Figure 8

2001: Ben Folds - Rockin' the Suburbs

2002: TIE: Wilco - Yankee Hotel Foxtrot & Norah Jones - Come Away with Me

2003: Fountains of Wayne - Welcome Interstate Managers

2004: Green Day - American Idiot

2005: Paul McCartney - Chaos and Creation in the Backyard & Sufjan Stevens - Illinois

2006: Johnny Cash - American V: A Hundred Highways

2007: TIE: Paul McCartney - Memory Almost Full Spoon - Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga Fountains of Wayne - Traffic and Weather

2008: haven’t found anything this year that qualifies

Back Again Part 3: Back with a Vengeance

2008-07-09T15:15:00.001-05:00

Yes... again, I'm back to more regular blogging. For those of you who had been sending emails asking where I was, here it is.

Let’s start from the beginning.

Frequent readers will know we put an offer on a house a few months ago… a house we liked SO much, we put our old house on the market, by owner.

It sold in three weeks (I swear we didn’t make a pact with the devil)…

Things were going smoothly… we had a closing for the new house, we had a closing for the old house, and we had all our ducks in a row.

Then came the home inspection on the house we wanted to buy… and… well… let me just say this; son of a bitch.

The sale fell through when the home inspection revealed that there was close to $50,000 worth of needed repairs (who needs a foundation anyway?)

Knowing we hit the mother lode in selling our old house this quickly in THIS market, we decided to move forward on the sale of our house and build on the lot we bought last year.

So we started looking at housing options in between selling our old house and moving into the newly constructed house.

Many ideas were floated… stay with my in-laws (eep) until we decided upon renting a small apartment… we looked at half a dozen, and each one was worse than the next…

Until… manna from heaven…

We found an apartment in the new school district that The PB & The J would be attending, under $750 a month with all utilities included (I imagine those of you reading this on the Coasts are shaking your hands to the sky screaming… ya gotta love the Midwest).

We signed the lease, paid the security deposit and first months rent and were all set to move as soon as we closed on our house.

The contract we had our attorney draw up called for the closing to happen before June 15th.

The buyer, or more specifically, the buyer’s MOTHER, had other ideas.

Herein lies the rub…

When we started this endeavor and the buyer, more specifically the buyer’s mother, did everything.

She called to express her daughter’s interest in the house…

She called to express her daughter’s desire to see the house…
After seeing the house, she called to express her daughter’s desire to purchase the house…

She called to express her daughter’s wishes to sign the contract…

And she called to express her daughter’s agreement on a date to sign the contract…

So we signed the contract saying that they would be out of the house by June 16th… this was around April 26th.

Foolishly thinking that we were going to sell our house in a few weeks, we had a moving sale and unloaded The PB & The J’s playset (which they had outgrown anyway), our washer and dryer (over 10 years old and were on its last legs) and a few other large items we didn’t want to take with us…

The Monday after the sale we were told that we would be closing the next week, so we started vigorously packing.

The next week came, and we heard nothing from the buyer, nor had our attorney.

This is when things started going downhill fast…

Our attorney contacted the buyer and, when got no response from them, the buyer’s lender.

He was then told that there was a problem… the buyer was listed on her mother’s mortgage… and we couldn’t move forward until the mother re-financed and taken her daughter’s name off.

Problem is, the mother – who works for a title company so one would think she would know this would create havoc – decided to do some upgrades on her house at this time and had it cut up and messy.

Lovely…

Our attorney, being an attorney, started to push for a closing date… the mother started pushing for everyone to mind their own business.

Then… suddenly, weeks after the initial offer sheet was signed; a glimmer of light appeared.

The mother was having her home appraised and re-financed while taking her daughter’s name off the mortgage and the closing was slated for July 1st (2 weeks after the closing was contracted to occur). We lined up help to move us on June 28th…

Hallelujah, we were closing!

…

Not so fast there chuckles…

The Friday before the closing our attorney called us and said the lender was backing off of the closing because “they had concerns about her (the buyer’s) income.”

WHAT!!??

She was pre-approved… everything was falling into place… what the hell happened in that short amount of time??

Turns out nothing… the attorney was told that by the mother, who had decided things were moving too quickly for her and decided to slow things down a bit.

Long story short (to late)… we closed last Thursday…we (technically movers, thank GOD!) moved out Saturday… handed keys and possession over on Saturday night… and we are now, officially, apartment dwellers whilst they build our house… which is expected to start now the first part of September.

This is a long-winded way for me to say that my life is starting to level off now and I’ll have more time to write… including a blogging first on Kemp’s Blog.

Next week I join my Dad on a road trip… a road trip in his 2006 red corvette convertible to the Black Hills of South Dakota.

I plan on blogging the trip… so stay tuned.

Didn't I just have one???

2008-07-08T08:33:00.002-05:00

Happy Birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear MEEEEEEE, happy birthday to meeeeeeeeeee

I hate birthdays...

Breaking News

2008-06-26T16:04:00.001-05:00

We have a closing date...

oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God...

More details as they occur...

What, me worry? Yes.

2008-06-17T10:11:00.001-05:00

For the last few months I’ve been in a state of confusion.

Not in the comedic sense… but not in the overly dramatic sense either. Kind of a middle ground…

The writing has dried up… the ideas have vanished… and time has evaporated…

My life is, for the most part, good… I have a steady job, I have my health (save for this damn right foot that hurts beyond belief), I have a wife and daughters who love me, I have the means to build a house, I have the time to do things I enjoy… and yet… something’s missing.

And I have no idea what.

I just haven’t been in, the mood, to mingle lately… in real life or in the blog life. I read posts by my blogmigos, yet I don’t comment because I can’t think of anything to say or simply don’t want to…

I just don’t know…

So Kemp, what have you been up to lately?

2008-05-14T16:15:00.001-05:00

Well…

We found a house, made an offer, had the offer accepted, put our house on the market, saw it sell within 3 weeks (in this market), had the home inspection done on the new house which showed that there was over $50,000 worth of repairs needed including electrical, plumbing and foundation work, rescinded said offer, threatened legal action if our earnest money wasn’t returned, continued with the sale of our house, decided to build on the lot we bought last year, realized we will be homeless by June 6th, started looking for apartments to live in while the house is built, got our earnest check back, started packing, started looking at house plans, found a house plan, looked for builders, found a builder, met with builder, found out it will take anywhere from 6 months to 1 year to build house, started freaking out, started to get ready for HoMu’s graduation this weekend (she finally finished her Master’s Degree), getting ready for The PB & The J’s 6th birthday, decided to have a family one at Chuck E. Cheese (eep) and another at our house with their friends from school and dance (double eep), decided to have a moving sale at the end of the month, found an apartment, realized I hadn’t gotten HoMu anything for her graduation yet and realized that we have to move by June 4th.

What’s up with you?

MeatLoaf (the singer, not the entree) and Tiffany (the singer, not the lamp)

2008-04-09T23:41:00.001-05:00

I... I have no words to describe what I feel right now...

11 Years of Marriage

2008-04-05T15:03:00.001-05:00

To My Darling Wife, on the Anniversary of our Marriage

Seasons change…

Years change…

Thoughts change…

Ideas change…

Lives change…

One thing that has not changed,

and will never change,

Is the beautiful togetherness that we share,

and the beautiful love that we share,

Happy 11th Anniversary My Love, I love you always…

and forever

Here we go again…

2008-03-17T10:08:00.002-05:00

We did it about a year ago...

Then we rescinded it...

Then we bought something else with the goal of building...

But then, this past week, like you would see in some un-original romantic movie starring Hugh Grant, we saw each other... there was an instant connection... a sense that this was right... this was ideal... so, we made our move...

The wife and I put an offer on a larger house this past Saturday… again.

This house is our dream house… it is a quad-level with 2,400 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 2.5 baths, a kitchen that would make Alton Brown proud (complete with skylights), a formal dining room, dinette, family room, living room, basement, deck…

Did I mention it has an in-ground pool with a heater? (Did I mention that that was the only thing The PB & The J saw?)

So we made an offer… we put the ‘For Sale’ sign in our yard… and we’re holding onto our lot for the time being.

Now we wait… while we try and sell our house so we can buy a newer and larger one… with a pool… so we can move all of our ~~crap~~ stuff?My God… what the hell are we thinking?

Anyone want to buy a house? 2 (possibly 3) bedrooms, kitchen and dining room recently remodeled, new windows, new roof with nice landscaping?

Anyone?

Hey!

2008-03-04T10:27:00.002-06:00

Go over and wish Back to Me's Samantha Jo, and her husband, congratulations on the birth of their first child...

Woot, woot!

Note to my Cardinals, aim for the crotch

2008-03-03T23:52:00.003-06:00

It's as if thousands of men weeped in pain, and then were silenced...

From the Chicago Cubs official site: "Outfielder Felix Pie missed a couple of days early because of a twisted testicle."

Besides the obvious statement of, 'OMFG that's got to be painful!', the more important question is; How exactly does this happen to someone?

Though I don't think Cubs fans can blame Bartman for this one...

Wow...

2008-02-28T21:29:00.001-06:00

does this bring back memories... kinda sad really...

Things that make me wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat

2008-02-28T11:36:00.002-06:00

"Rosie O'Donnell and Fran Drescher are working together on creating a new sitcom."

Hello? Is anyone there?

2008-02-27T14:57:00.003-06:00

Yes, I am still here... I am still writing, I just haven't had a chance to write lately.

Not only did The Peanut Butter get the flu, so did Honey Mustard... the two of them then got upper respitory infections... followed by The Jelly getting a sinus infection (but NOT the flu thank God).

I, knock on wood, have not gotten anything... wait, does my throat feel scratchy now? Do I feel warm?

Sorry.

This weekend marks the annual Chorizo-making fun with my Dad, brother and a slew of cousins and Uncles. And making a special guest-appearance this weekend is none other than that other missing blogger; Scott.

Hopefully I will have more stories to regale you with upon my return.

Now I'm going to take some Vitamin C and echinacea...

OH YEAHHHHHHH

2008-02-14T21:50:00.001-06:00

Valentine's Day

2008-02-14T10:59:00.001-06:00

No, you’re not having a bad flashback… I wrote this post for Valentine’s Day 2006… but I’ve updated some areas, so enjoy this post with 40% added material…

Tomorrow I will post the poem I wrote for my wife the year we started dating, which was published in my univeristy's poetry magazine...

I love my wife more and more each day. And each day I am grateful she is with me for eternity and has given us our beautiful daughters, The Peanut Butter and The Jelly. She laughs at my jokes, she compliments my cooking and, last but not least; she makes me a better man, husband, and father, and for that I can never thank you enough. I love you, always… and forever.Ok… how about some handy dandy Valentine’s Day statistics… cause nothing says love like statistical data…

+ 15% of U.S. women send themselves flowers on Valentine's Day
+ 73% of people who buy flowers for Valentine's Day are men, 27% are women
+ about 3% of pet owners will give Valentine's Day gifts to their pets (your dog wants Ghiradelli)
+ California produces about 60% of American roses, but the majority sold on Valentine's Day in the United States are imported, my guess for that would be because it’s winter here
+ 64% of men do not make plans in advance for a romantic Valentine's Day with their sweethearts (I would have thought that number would have been much larger)
+ Consumers will spend an average of $77.43 on Valentine's Day gifts this year

Did you enjoy those? I knew you would. Ok… how about some Inane Valentine’s Day trivia…

On this date in 1929, the "St. Valentine's Day Massacre" took place in Chicago, Illinois. Seven gangsters, all rivals of Al Capone, were killed. People think that it was Capone’s men that did the killing but they’re wrong. It was the seven gangster’s wives who didn’t even get a card, much less flowers or chocolates, for Valentine’s Day… Remember the saying: hell hath no fury like a woman forgotten on Valentine’s Day.

Alexander Graham Bell applied for his patent on the telephone on Valentine's Day, 1876… guys, could you imagine how V-Day would be if Bell hadn’t invented the phone? I would say, but I’ve grown accustomed to my genetalia.

That some famous people have gotten married on February 14th? The Captain to Tennille, Elton John to Renate Blauel, Jerry Garcia to Deborah Koons,

What’s that you say? Now you want some... Historical background on Valentine’s Day?

As early as the fourth century B.C., the Romans engaged in an annual young man's rite to passage to the God Lupercus. The names of teenage women were placed in a box and drawn at random by adolescent men; thus, a man was assigned a woman companion for the duration of the year, after which another lottery was staged. After eight hundred years of this practice, the early church fathers sought to end it. They found an answer in Valentine, a bishop who had been martyred some two hundred years earlier.According to church tradition St. Valentine was a priest near Rome in about the year 270 A.D.(At that time the Roman Emperor Claudius-II who had issued an edict forbidding marriage. This was around when the heyday of Roman empire had almost come to an end. Lack of quality administrators led to frequent civil strife. Learning declined, taxation increased, and trade slumped to a low, precarious level. And the Gauls, Slavs, Huns, Turks and Mongolians from Northern Europe and Asian increased their pressure on the empire's boundaries. The empire was grown too large to be shielded from external aggression and internal chaos with existing forces. Thus more of capable men were required to be recruited as soldiers and officers)When Claudius became the emperor, he felt that married men were more emotionally attached to their families, and thus, will not make good soldiers. So to assure quality soldiers, he banned marriage.

Valentine, a bishop , seeing the trauma of young lovers, met them in a secret place, and joined them in the sacrament of matrimony. Claudius learned of this "friend of lovers," and had him arrested. The emperor, impressed with the young priest's dignity and conviction, attempted to convert him to the roman gods, to save him from certain execution. Valentine refused to recognize Roman Gods and even attempted to convert the emperor, knowing the consequences fully.

On February 24, 270, Valentine was executed, but not before, while in prison awaiting his fate, he came in contact with his jailor, Asterius.It seems Asterius had a blind daughter and requested Valentine heal his daughter. Through his faith he miraculously restored the sight of Asterius' daughter.Just before his execution, he asked for a pen and paper from his jailor, and signed a farewell message to her "From Your Valentine," a phrase that lived ever after.Valentine thus became a Patron Saint, and the spiritual overseer of an annual festival. The festival involved young Romans offering women they admired, and wished to court, handwritten greetings of affection on February 14. The greeting cards contained St. Valentine's name.
And now you know… the rest. Of. The story.Still hungry for more? How about... Kemp’s Top Ten Valentine’s Day/Romantic Movies:
- Casablanca
- Pride & Prejudice
- The Philadelphia Story
- Reality Bites
- Before Sunrise
- Amelie
- Chasing Amy
- It Happened One Night
- Say Anything
- The Princess Bride

Still hungry for more Valentine's Day-related madness? Ok. Here’s... How to say “I love you” in other languages.

In Danish – “Jeg elsker dig”
In Dutch -- "Ik hou van jou"
In Esperanto -- "Mi amas vin"
In French -- "Je t'aime"
In German -- "Ich liebe Dich"
In Indonesian -- "Saya cinta kamu"
In Italian -- "Ti amo"
In Japanese -- "Aishite imasu"
In Latin -- "Te amo"
In Mandarin Chinese -- "Wo ai ni"
In Polish -- "Kocham cie"
In Romanian -- "Te iu besc"
In Russian -- "Ya vas liubliu" (which you would know if you’ve ever watched “The Great Escape”)
In Spanish -- "Te amo" (Wait, or is that how you say it in Italian?)
In Swedish -- "Jag alskar dig"
In Turkish -- "Seni seviyorum"

Now you want some Quotes about Love, don’t ya?
“Love is the delightful interval between meeting a girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.” - John Barrymore
“I never knew how to worship until I knew how to love.” - Henry Ward Beecher
“Love is a power too strong to be overcome by anything but flight.” - Miguel de Cervantes

“Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.” - Robert Frost

“In love there are two things: bodies and words.” - Joyce Carol Oates

“Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.” - Peter Ustinov

A Living Legend

2008-02-10T00:20:00.001-06:00

Last night Honey Mustard and I went to a concert...

Who did we see?

None other than The King himself...

Mr. B.B. King...

At 82 years of age, the man can STILL grind that axe...

It's a moral imperative*

2008-02-05T07:56:00.000-06:00

If you live in one of the plethora of states holding a primary today, remember, regardless of political affiliation, to get out and

VOTE!!

*Know what movie this is from??

A Follow-Up

2008-01-31T10:21:00.000-06:00

For those of you that have sent me emails asking what the status of my previous post is...

The "accused" is no longer accused… he is guilty… convicted late Wednesday afternoon of four counts of first-degree murder in the deaths of his former girlfriend “Nicole”, her 9-week-old son (who was named after him) and her friends “Brandon” and my cousin “Mary.”

It took the jury four hours to convict him, and 20 minutes to decide he was eligible for the death penalty… that part of the trial is slated to begin today…

He's very clean*

2008-01-25T16:04:00.000-06:00

This is Frightening...

On the left is Sean Lennon and his girlfriend... on the right are his Mom and Dad, aka Yoko Ono & John Lennon...

Eep

*Know what movie this is from??

Next time Kemp, write a god-damn memo

2008-01-24T11:57:00.000-06:00

Following in Matthew’s inspired leadership; I have taken his post titles being song lyrics and tweaked it a tad... my titles will be quotes from movies… sometimes the quotes will be well-known and famous, sometimes obscure.

Am I stealing this from him? Technically yes, but I prefer to think of it as flattery of being copied...

This morning when I got into work I realized that I needed to ask my new media coordinator a question about the brand-spanking new marketing campaign I created. Needing to grab another cup of coffee from the breakroom I decided to walk down to her office and ask her in person (concept in this day and age).

As I turn the corner to her office I see her in the hallway... with her skirt hiked up... adjusting her ~~underwear~~ thong...

Next time Kemp, send a memo... or an email.

Random Thoughts for a Wednesday Afternoon

2008-01-23T13:20:00.000-06:00

After a sabbatical in the jungles of Peru, it is back… the return of Kemp’s Random Thoughts for a Wednesday Afternoon…

+ Yahoo news headline; Women More Thick-headed than Men. Ahh, snark overload, snark overload...

+ So sad Heath… so, so sad…

+ Though not quite as sad a commentary on people as the fact that the current number 2 search term on Google is Keith Ledger…

+ Matthew has a grudge, and rightfully so, towards Home Decorators stores and is telling the blogosphere “DO NOT SHOP AT HOME DECORATORS. Do not shop at the Home Decorators website: http://www.homedecorators.com/.” Done and done…

+ Thanks to everyone who expressed their kind wishes following the Friday post about my cousin Mary. The trial has started…

+ Proof that CNN is being run by morons; actual headline; “Sasquatchy image spotted in Mars picture” Sasquatchy… seriously???

+ With the writers on strike, we can count on an influx of reality programming this season. I think everyone can share my reaction to that news when I say; AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

+ Recent search terms that have brought people to my corner of the blogoverse: “where is garth kemp”, “dennis hopper super bowl commercial”, “kemp’s blog”, “princess solstice ride on” (I assume they mean the car and NOT a porn movie of some kind), “ghosts, pemberton hall”, “big kids kemp” (Huh?), “Becky Kemp”, “poland mardi gras float”

+ Who the hell is Garth Kemp? And why should I care?

An Open Cry for iPod Help

2008-01-21T16:57:00.000-06:00

Knowing that I have the smartest blog-readers and blogmigos on the face of the planet, I thought I would float this question in the blogosphere before I do anything drastic.

For the last few weeks I've been having an issue with my iPod wherein my computer doesn't recognize it... If you've ever encountered this problem with your iPod, and know a good fix that doesn't involve doing a system restore (I've done that many times) or re-formatting my iPod (and thus losing everything) please email me at kempsblog at gmail dot com

If you don't have a quick fix and hear a loud, agonizing scream this Thursday coming from the Chicago area, have no fear; it will be me re-formatting my iPod and losing my 9,000 + songs, videos, movies, etc...

Thank you...

A Non-humourous post

2008-01-17T14:43:00.000-06:00

Warning, the following post contains words and descriptions that may be unsettling to some readers.

About 2 ½ years ago one of my second cousins, “Mary”, was brutally shot and killed, all because she was helping a friend in need.

Granted, I didn’t know “Mary” that well, but her Dad and I hung out a lot when I was younger and even though we have grown apart as our lives took divergent paths, we still kept in touch.

(He was one of my older cousins - all of them were older, that’s what happens when you’re the youngest of the youngest - and, like all my cousins, did things with my brother and I that are usually reserved for siblings… but that’s how my family is, and I love that about them.)

When my Dad called me to tell me what had happened, even though I didn’t know her that well, she’s family, and the news was a swift kick to the gut.

Some back-story: back in October of 2005, the “accused” broke into my cousin’s basement apartment in Belleville, Illinois, using his shotgun to break out the window. From outside he shot my cousin’s friend, “Nicole”, as she watched television in the living-room; he then crawled through the window and gunned down my cousin “Mary”, her friend “Brandon”, and Nicole’s 2-month old son… with a shotgun… at close range…

The son was named after his Dad… the “accused” gunman…

…

The “accused” was arrested hours after the attack and charged with four counts of first-degree murder.

Delay after delay, the trial is just now getting under way… and I have to tip my hat to my cousin and his wife… they have not only taken Mary’s son to raise, they have been living this personal hell for over 2 years now of not only losing their daughter, but of their grandson losing his mother… and it’s all about to be dredged up again in court…

The judge also ruled that jurors would be barred from hearing statements the "accused" allegedly made to police after his arrest.

The hatred one can have is a strong thing, and... while I am famously (or infamously) a Liberal, I do support the death penalty in certain cases…

This is one of those cases. Even putting personal feelings aside, this man not only shot and killed 3 people under the age of thirty, but also a 2-month old baby… a 2-month old baby that was strapped into his car seat when he was shot.

I hope the bastard gets what he deserves...

It worked, for a moment

2008-01-16T16:19:00.001-06:00

It was over…the J had just sassed me for what felt like the hundredth time that night (truthfully it was more like 2 or 3) but I was not going to have any of it. Having already placed her in time-out, the next step was clear… but just as I was about to lower the boom, she said;

“I love you Daddy.”

Sigh… no fair…

FLOOD

2008-01-12T20:15:00.001-06:00

The Kankakee river is flooding, and it's yielding some incredible photos... like these that were taken by Honey Mustard today.

No, this isn't my house... but it's for sale if you want to buy it...

This is a park that we often take The PB & The J to... it's now partially under water

Needless to say, the water is not supposed to be that close to the bridge...

This gives you the best opportunity to see just how far up the river has come. It's expected to crest tonight and start dropping. Unless of course we get the rain/snow that is being forecast for tomorrow...

So what are you waiting for?

2008-01-10T10:57:00.000-06:00

Today, Thursday January 10, 2007 is National De-lurking day, a day where readers of blogs come out of the woodwork and leave a comment rather than stay in the shadows lurking (see what I did there?)

Feel free to say anything you want, even if it doesn’t make sense… something I’m guilty of doing A LOT.

You can thank Aimee of Greeblemonkey for the hilarious button and the permission to use said button and Chris at Rude Cactus for keeping the spirit alive and not letting National De-lurking day fade…

So De-lurk already!

How's about a joke?*

2008-01-08T09:43:00.001-06:00

A NY City cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him;

“Nice bike, did Santa bring it to you?”

“Yep, he sure did!” said the little girl.

The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation, saying; “Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it.”

The young girl looked up at the cop and said, “Nice horse you got there officer, did Santa bring it to you?”

The cop chuckled and said, “Yes, yes he did.”

The little girl looked up at the cop and said, “Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top.”

Thank you, I’m here all week. Try the veal, it’s lonely…

*Please note I did not ask how about a good joke...

I'm a guest poster...

2008-01-06T11:30:00.000-06:00

If you have time today, head on over to Deep Muck, Big Rake and check out my guest post. It's a moral imperative...

Next Stop: Disney

2007-12-26T09:08:00.000-06:00

I leave tomorrow for yet another trip to Disney World, this time not only with HoMu, The PB & The J, but the rest of HoMu's family...

All.

18.

Of.

Us.

Now, I could write about how much I'm ~~dreading~~ ~~fearing~~ looking forward to the trip... or I could beg for guestposters... but I won't.

Instead I'm asking for YOUR help.

I need some new music for my iPod and before perusing I thought to myself, what better source than my b-l-o-g-m-i-g-o-s and the rest of the blogosphere to get some ideas.

So I'm asking all of you... what new albums/music should I illegally download?

Merry Christmas Everyone!

2007-12-25T00:01:00.000-06:00

Why explain it myself when I can let Mr. Linus van Pelt do it for me... enjoy!

The Kemp's Blog Players present:

2007-12-21T09:46:00.000-06:00

A play in one scene: “5-Year Old Smack-down”

Cast of Characters:
Narrator: The Voices in My Head
Daddy: Kemp
Sweetie: The Peanut Butter
Sissy: The Jelly

Setting: Kankakee, Illinois - Friday, December 21, 2007. 7:45 AM.

The wind was out of the SE at 8 MPH, with an air temperature of 37 degrees Fahrenheit. It was foggy with visibility at 2.50 miles…

Sweetie: “Daddy, I was good this morning wasn’t I?”

Daddy: “Yes sweetie, you were very good. Thank you.”

Sissy: “Was I Daddy?”

Narrator: “She wasn’t…”

Sweetie: “Not really Sissy…”

Narrator: “Sisters…”

So Kemp, how are you feeling?

2007-12-19T16:16:00.001-06:00

Like someone hit me in the crotch with a baseball bat that had just took a swing at a microwave.

In other words, some minor discomfort...

Leader of the Band...

2007-12-16T20:38:00.000-06:00

An only child
Alone and wild
A cabinet makers son
His hands were meant
For different work
And his heart was known
To none --
He left his home
And went his lone
And solitary way
And he gave to me
A gift I know I never
Can repay

A quiet man of music
Denied a simpler fate
He tried to be a soldier once
But his music wouldnt wait
He earned his love
Through discipline
A thundering, velvet hand
His gentle means of sculpting souls
Took me years to understand.

The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through
My instrument
And his song is in my soul --
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
Im just a living legacy
To the leader of the band.

My brothers lives were
Different
For they heard another call
One went to chicago
And the other to st. paul
And Im in colorado
When Im not in some hotel
Living out this life Ive chose
And come to know so well.

I thank you for the music
And your stories of the road
I thank you for the freedom
When it came my time to go --
I thank you for the kindness
And the times when you got tough
And, pap, I dont think i
Said i love you near enough --

The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through
My instrument
And his song is in my soul --
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
Im just a living legacy
To the leader of the band
I am the living legacy
To the leader of the band.

Dan Fogelberg, 1951-2007

Before...

2007-12-14T08:57:00.000-06:00

I make 'Bob Barker a happier guy' (thanks Devra), I stumbled across this. How about the 2006 Casino Royale opening credits with the 1967 Herb Alpert score from the original Casino Royale... pretty sweet. Enjoy!

So Kemp, what are you doing tomorrow?

2007-12-13T19:21:00.000-06:00

I won't bore you with the details or the specifics of the procedure I'm having done tomorrow other than this; it will make a vas deferens in my life...

Things that make my head hurt #3

2007-12-13T09:30:00.000-06:00

Where do I start?? Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch has released their winners for this years “Wacky Warning Label” contest.

Some of the “winners”:

A label on a small tractor that warns: "Danger: Avoid Death." (“Important safety tip; thanks Egon.”)
Second place: An iron-on T-shirt transfer that warns: "Do not iron while wearing shirt." (Is that where that iron-shaped scar on my chest came from? I thought I was the chosen one…
Third place: A baby stroller featuring a small pouch for storage that warns: "Do not put child in bag." (One has to think this was a direct message to “Brandine” Spears…)
Honorable Mention: A letter opener that says, "Caution: Safety goggles recommended." (“The goggles! They do nothing!”)
Honorable Mention: A marker that warns: "The Vanishing Fabric Marker should not be used as a writing instrument for signing checks or any legal documents." (So that’s how the Bush(whacked) Administrations covers their tracks…)

What's even more frightening is knowing that there are people out there who actually need these warnings...

Update on The PB

2007-12-12T09:00:00.000-06:00

The Peanut Butter has been released from the hospital…

She had the 48 hour EEG done and the readings showed no irregular brain patterns, no spikes and no seizures.

The Neurologist isn’t ready to completely take her off the medication yet, so she will be kept on 2 pills a night for the next six months, after which she will have another EEG to see where she is at that time.

The doctor also wants her to be tested for dyslexia, which is something I’ve been asking to be done for some time.

More details to come…

Also, if you ever find yourself at the University of Chicago’s Comer Children’s Hospital, be prepared to be pampered.

Some of the amenities; one patient per room… flat-screen HD TV… free on-demand movies… free on-line games… room-service type food service (they don’t bring it by, you order it when you’re ready and they then bring it to you…) and for the parents, a sofa that folds out to a twin-sized bed. A far cry from the thing I had to sleep on when HoMu was on bed-rest during pregnancy… those things were far from comfortable…

Time Apart

2007-12-10T10:16:00.000-06:00

Regular readers of my blog know that The Peanut Butter was diagnosed with a “seizure disorder” a little more than a year ago and was prescribed medication to combat it.

When she started kindergarten this year, HoMu and I, along with her teacher, noticed that at times she wasn’t paying attention in class, was easily distracted, seemed distant and un-interested and sometimes would act as though she didn’t know something even though she did the day or even hours before.

Like we did before she was put on the medication, we started researching the side-effects of her medication again and discovered that these were indeed side-effects of taking it. So at her bi-annual exam with her Neurologist, we discussed with the doctor and it was decided that we would wean her off of the medication and, for the last 8 weeks, we’ve been doing just that.

After being dropped from 4 doses a day to 2, she showed a drastic increase in her testing and schoolwork, scoring a 27 on a numbers test weeks before when she was under full dosage to an astounding 49 (out of 50) when her dosing was cut in half.

She is now totally off the meds and, knock on wood, has not had a seizure during that time… and today she starts her 48-hour, in-hospital EEG at the University of Chicago Hospital (also where they were born) to see if she is still having them (she was having them in her sleep, hence the 48-hour EEG).

This is significant for two reasons: First; hopefully we can find out if she has, as most children who develop this type of seizure disorder do, grown out of the seizures.

Second: this means that she and The Jelly will be separated… for 3 days/2 nights.

For those of you reading that don’t have twins, everything you’ve heard about the connections that twins have with each other is, for the most part, true… and in the past, their separations have not worked out very well.

So this time we’re trying something different.

I am teaching two ‘Introduction to Public Speaking’ classes this semester and this week are final exams and final speeches, so I can’t cancel class. HoMu will be staying with The PB in the hospital and I will be down here with The J. But since I teach tonight until 10:00, and in an attempt to make The J more at ease, one of my SIL’s graciously said that The J can stay with them… so rather than staying up late until I pick her up… and rather than staying with a set of grandparents, she will be with one of her Aunts and Uncles and three of her cousins…

Hopefully my nephews and niece will help The J get through this first night… my wife will help The PB get through her first night… and me? Well… in front of people I will be the strong father, stoic and solid. But when I get home tonight, with no one around, and when I start thinking about my wife and daughters and what one of them is going through at the hospital and the other is going through away from her sister… I’m sure I’ll sit down for a nice cry…

And I have no problem with that…

The iPod Meme

2007-12-07T10:39:00.000-06:00

I wasn’t tagged by Sarah, per se, but I haven’t done a meme in a while, so here ya go… and in the interest of full-disclosure, we reset* our iTunes a few months back when we got our big-ass external hard-drive, so the numbers are probably a tad off…

How many total songs?
8,142 plus 5 videos, 2 TV episodes, one short-movie, and a plethora of photos

Sort by Time - Shortest and Longest…
“A Conjunction of Drones Simulating the Way in Which Sufjan Stevens Hasan Existential Crisis in the Great Godfrey Maze” (:19) by Sufjan Stevens from Illinoise
“Alice’s Restaurant Massacree” (18:30) by Arlo Guthrie from The Best of Arlo Guthrie

Sort by song title - First and Last…
“A” by Cartel from the album Chroma
“99 Luftballons” by Nena from The Download Album

Sort by Album - First and Last…
“(What’s the story) Morning Glory?” by Oasis
“Youth” by Matisyahu

Sort by Artist - First and Last…
A Tribe Called Quest
ZZ Top

Top Five Most Played Songs…*
“American Idiot” by Green Day’
“Superman” by Lazlo Bane
“Piece of my Heart” by Janis Joplin
“Suddenly I see” by KT Tunstall
“Hear me in the Harmony” by Harry Connick, Jr.

Find the following words. How many songs show up?
Sex: 221, Death: 123 , Love: 326, You: 2,058, Home: 201, Boy: 372, Girl: 421

First five songs that come up on Party Shuffle… Click HERE to get some information about how the iTunes’ and iPod’s shuffle algorithms work
“Rolling off a Log” by World Party
“Girl, You’ll be a Woman Soon” by Urge Overkill
“Waiting for my Real Life to Begin” by Colin Hay
“Ain’t That a Kick in the Head” by Dean Martin
“My Sweet Lord” by George Harrison

I won’t be tagging anyone because, well, it usually falls on deaf ears anyway… though I will tag my good friend Scott… remember him?? Let’s see if he’ll come back to the land of bloggers…

BTW; Scott is engaged...

Memories

2007-12-06T07:50:00.000-06:00

Kemp’s Note: I know I’m going to get thrashed for this song by, well, quite a few of my blogmigos, but a memory is a memory, and it can’t be changed…

Memories are a strong thing, a strong thing that stays in the recesses of our mind and comes out with certain cues we get… the smell of cookies baking reminding you of your grandmother Florence… the sight of a red sky in fall reminding you of your beloved Uncle Nishan… and music, perhaps the strongest mental cue there is.

The best time of my early, pre-adult, pre-bill paying life was college… I had a circle of friends (most of whom I still stay in touch with) that were close, one of which would eventually become my wife.

Since my roommate and I had the largest apartment out of the group, everyone would congregate there… and one particular moment has stayed in my mind more than others.

It was me, HoMu, my roommate and the rest of our little gang. There were only two days left in the semester before winter break… and the six of us were having a beer (imagine that), talking about life and the holidays and the future. It was a great time… and then, if by design, it started to lightly snow outside and the below song started playing on the stereo…

The images… the sounds… the feeling of all of us sitting there and talking are fully ingrained into my brain, and whenever I hear this song, I’m immediately transported back to that time… and those friends. A time of youth and few responsibilities… a time that saw a love blooming… and the holiday season upon us.

Memories…

Enjoy the song… it’s Mariah Carey’s, “All I Want for Christmas is You”

Things that make my heart hurt 2

2007-12-04T16:55:00.000-06:00

I don't think they quite understand the concept...

Wanted: Assistance

2007-12-04T13:05:00.001-06:00

I am considering, on advice of my consultant Lance, a move over to wordpress.com because, as I have mentioned many, many, many many times; blogger bites it.

What I am looking for is someone who has done this before (moving from blogger to wordpress) because I have questions and you, hopefully, have answers. Such as, is it possible to move all my posts from here to there? And if so, how.

Yes, I COULD look at wordpress' help section, but why do that when I have the smartest blogmigos and readers around?

TIA...

Hmmmm...

2007-12-04T11:39:00.000-06:00

it seems blogger (who bites it btw) doesn't like my new template... so everytime I post something it magically dissapears... almost like {puts tinfoil hat on} someone doesn't want me to post...

Hopefully I can get this thing figured out soon...

Goodbye Mr. Knievel...

2007-11-30T16:05:00.000-06:00

1938 - 2007

A Toast....

2007-11-27T09:42:00.000-06:00

Kemp's Note: The story you are about to see is true; the names have been changed to protect the innocent. For example: George Baker is now called "Sylvia Wiss. "

My older brother got married last Friday. I was the Best Man and The Peanut Butter and The Jelly were the Flower Girls. As the Best Man, I was required to give a toast to the happy couple... for your convenience, it's below.

More wedding shenanigans later...

If I could just say a few words... I'd be a better public speaker.

For those of you who don't know me, I'm Kemp, Prof’s little brother… in age, not in size.

Let me just start by saying that Lawyer looks absolutely stunning while Prof looks... well, stunned.

I consider it a great privilege that Prof asked me to be his best man as he has quite generously returned the favor that I asked of him 10 ½ years ago, during which he took the opportunity to make lots of cheap jokes at my expense... which means I now have the right to reciprocate… I should warn you now; pay back is gonna be a bitch.

When Prof asked me to be his Best Man, I immediately started going through all the stories about him that would best embar– I mean, describe him…

I could start by telling the story of how, on my 24th birthday, we went golfing and he got hit IN the head with a golf ball… or the story of his 30th birthday when he got hit ON by two 70-year old women at the Denny’s restaurant in Peoria… or how he almost got hit by a wayward bottle rocket one fourth of July… how he fell into a Christmas tree one year... or how my wife Honey Mustard likes to compare us to Frasier and Niles Crane... HoMu, you and Lawyer will have to decide which of you is Maris and which of you is Lilith...

But then I thought of a better story.

You see; many people thought that Prof was a confirmed bachelor, but something happened about five and a half years ago that changed him and made him more reflective on his life, and that was the birth of his nieces, The PB & The J…

Long story, somewhat short version... my wife HoMu was hospitalized with a difficult pregnancy 6 weeks prior to the birth of our twins. Surprising everyone, the girls… without me being there, hell without anyone being there, decided to come into this world a little earlier than planned.

Since I was a good 2-hour drive away in Aurora, and HoMu was in Chicago, I was unable to be there when the girls were hastily born … but I knew that Prof was only a few miles away so I called him, trembling - my voice cracking, and told him that the girls had been born, and someone needed to be there when HoMu woke up. Prof dropped everything, raced out of his DePaul office and took a very expensive cab ride to the University of Chicago Hospital.

Of course the nurses assumed he was the father and started telling him about the birth... and the incisions... and then, came the pictures... ending with one nurse asking Prof if he had ever seen a placenta that large... Prof’s response was a sardonic ‘not since breakfast.’

When HoMu woke up, Prof was there to comfort her, hold her hand, assure her that everything was fine, the girls were doing well, and that I was on my way…

After I got there, Prof's adventures continued as he traveled on foot in the dead of night, through the South Side of Chicago looking for a place to develop pictures of his nieces so HoMu, who wouldn’t be able to see the girls until the next day, could see them.

The first time I met Lawyer I told her this story… and she, and Prof, started to mist up… and it was then that I knew that these two were meant to be together

Lawyer, I know that Prof loves you very much because, you know, he spent a long time writing this speech FOR me.

And I know that you love him because you have accepted the eccentric, sometimes complicated (insert generic last name here) family.

But in all seriousness, I’d like to end with a quote for the two of you to remember from one of my favorite authors, Henry David Thoreau; “There is no remedy for love than to love more” so let’s raise our glasses to the happy couple, Prof and lawyer; may the joys you share today be the beginning of a lifetime of great happiness and fulfillment. Congratulations, I love you both.

Happy Thanksgiving...

2007-11-22T08:00:00.000-06:00

I've done this before, but I stand by my statement that this is THE FUNNIEST Thanksgiving themed sitcom episode EVAH!!

Relax... and enjoy...

Things that make my head hurt #1

2007-11-21T08:40:00.001-06:00

The publicist for Norman Mailer recently said of Kurt Vonnegut that he was

“the American Mark Twain.”

So who would be the British Shakespeare?

Sigh…

How many times?

2007-11-20T10:00:00.000-06:00

After taking a break from blogging for a few months (2 1/2, but who’s counting?) I am once again feeling the mojo to rejoin the blogosphere and start blogging again.

To say I’ve had blogstipation would be a cheap cop-out… so instead I’ll say that the inspiration to write again has struck and I have found my muse.

Also, the issues in my life that led to the, well we'll call it a sabbatical for now, have slowly evaporated, and I find myself feeling good… looking good… and doing good…

Besides, there’s a lot of stuff to talk about…

My "confirmed bachelor" brother gets married this Friday in downtown Chicago... and I am the Best Man for said wedding and The PB & The J are the flower girls...

I am having a male-oriented "pro-ce-dure" in December...

HoneyMustard and I have decided, due to her PCOS & diabetes, we are done having children but are indeed looking into adoption...

The family in-laws are heading to Disney World after Christmas… All. 18. Of. Us. (eep)

The PB & The J are enjoying school, dance and gymnastics and are as full of life as ever...

The PB is being weaned off her seizure medication and will have a 3-day test in December to see if she has grown out of her seizure disorder...

So I am looking forward to regaling you with tales of whimsy, fun, drama, horror, opinion... in short; life.

I am in the process of re-designing the ol' blog, and it's a mighty task... so bear with me.

2007-11-19T08:53:00.000-06:00

Returning in five... four... three... two...

2007-09-24T15:01:00.001-05:00

“… good things don't end with 'eum,' they end with 'mania' or 'teria.’”

Or they simply end…

Here comes the smackdown

2007-08-29T09:49:00.000-05:00

Tonight is my fantasy football draft with a plethora of my blogmigos from around the Blogospehere… we call our league; The Blogpound (sense a theme here?)

Below, in our league’s draft order, are the poor souls whose money I will be collecting after the season… (yes, I stole the links from Sarah):

Kaiser

Child’s Play x2

MetroDad

LA Daddy

ME (AKA; 2007 Blogpound Champion)

Marginally Clever

Bump

CroutonBoy

Queen of Spain

BIYF

More Diapers

Sarah & the Goon Squad

GAME ON!

Is it a bad sign...

2007-08-28T08:18:00.000-05:00

...when you find yourself singing the songs from "High School Musical 2" and your kids are nowhere around???

~~Guilty-feeling~~ Inquiring minds want to know...

Um, ok...

2007-08-24T09:43:00.000-05:00

We took The Peanut Butter & The Jelly out for dinner last night and as we’re sitting down at the table The J says; ‘I need a beer.’

She meant root beer, but still...

'Blogfather'ing Alert!

2007-08-21T10:39:00.000-05:00

Hey, I've got a post up at The Blogfathers today, why don't you go check it out? It's a moral imperative...

eep

2007-08-17T07:39:00.000-05:00

Woman Has Rare Identical Quadruplets

Here my wife and I were, thinking that having two that are identical was (is) hard and this brave woman goes and has four babies that are identical.

She wins.

Regression

2007-08-15T13:29:00.000-05:00

I have a temper… always have. I could easily chalk it up to my Spanish heritage and the infamous Spanish-temper… but that’s a cop-out.

I have never struck anyone in anger… not my wife or kids, nor my friends and family. My temper is not like that, it manifests itself in a much more childish manner…

A blow-up.

My temper is the precise reason I took up Tai Chi and meditation in college… because my temper had gotten the better of me one too many times and I needed to, for lack of a better term, channel it.

And it worked… granted, I still get upset (who doesn’t)… but I don’t have the blow-ups that I used to.

Until yesterday.

I had an adjunct faculty meeting last night and when I got home I noticed right away that Honey Mustard was upset… no details here, just that she was upset and it involved a couple of my in-laws.

I ended up calling the in-laws myself and had an abrupt conversation that ended in me throwing the cord-less phone across the room and slamming the door.

No one witnessed this, The PB & The J who were playing downstairs and HoMu was putting the dog out… it was just me being incredibly stupid and childish. And now I feel ashamed, upset disappointed that I lost my cool and blew up and thought that ‘airing it out’ on the blog would help.

It’s not…

A Sign of Things to Come

2007-08-13T10:55:00.000-05:00

“The female of the species is more deadly than the male.” - Rudyard Kipling

Oh you have no idea Rudyard… you have no idea…

This past weekend, Honey Mustard and I took The Peanut Butter & The Jelly to the Illinois State Fair in Springfield to see Corbin Blue/Drake Bell in concert.

Who’s Corbin Bleu you ask?

He’s one of the stars of ~~the evil empire’s~~ Disney’s “High School Musical,” he also starred in The PB’s favorite movie; “Jump In.”

There were approximately 7300 people at the concert, with the breakdown something like this:

Girls anywhere from ages 3-17; 6899

Boys anywhere from ages 3-17; 100

Mothers/grandmothers/etc; 291

Fathers/grandfathers/etc; 10

Ok, there were probably more than 10 men there, but not a whole-lot more… I was definitely outnumbered and realize I could have been trampled and overpowered at any given moment, but that is part of being a good father. And when The PB & The J told me that I was the best Daddy in the world for taking them to the concert... well, my heart was bursting with pride and joy.

When the first act, Jordan Pruitt, came out the audience response was a succinct; meh.

When Drake Bell (of Nickelodeon’s Drake & Josh) came out… the audience roared with approval.

When Corbin came out, all I heard was the squealing of thousands of girls… something along the lines of "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

That was immediately followed by a semi-constant ringing in my ears that went away… well, it really hasn’t yet…

The PB & The J enjoyed themselves immensely… and were dancing and singing with all the other girls in attendance.

The PB & The J are five… and we saw plenty of other girls around the same age… with their High School Musical or “I heart Corbin” t-shirts on… teeny-bopping around, screaming, and generally acting like a concert-goer.

But seeing all of this – seeing the throngs of girls in a tizzy ready to rip the eyes out of any other girl that made eyes at Corbin – made me realize one thing;

I am oh-so-screwed…

It’s gonna be me… HoMu… and The PB & The J… no other males in the house…

Me… and three females…

Pray for me…

In all seriousness though; Bell wasn’t bad. His musical influences are The Beatles, and you can definitely hear it in his music and also in his fashion with his publicty photo on the state fair’s website looking very early-Beatlesesque;

As far as Corbin goes, he’s been working out since “High School Musical.” Midway through his show he removed his shirt to reveal a tank top with a glittery peace sign, and his muscles were a’bulging with more than a few of the mother’s oooing and aahing… never mind the fact that he’s only 20…

And one other question; when the HELL did concert t-shirts get so ridiculously expensive? $30, are you kidding me?

Best Greeting Card Ever

2007-08-05T09:31:00.001-05:00

Friday was Honey Mustard's birthday, and yesterday I threw a 35th b-day bash for her (more on that later).

The card my brother gave her is one of the most clever cards I've ever seen... even though it took a potshot at me.

[front] "Sister-in-law; I thought about getting you one of those gag gifts for your birthday...

[inside]: ...but you already have my brother."

Ouch

Headlines that give me hope for humankind:

2007-07-27T07:42:00.000-05:00

Critics bash new 'Caveman' show

Wow... I never saw that coming... (he said with sarcasm oozing out of him...)

A sad and pathetic threat*

2007-07-19T13:38:00.000-05:00

Kemp’s Note: I know I haven’t posted anything political here since I started TBWA, but this story just pissed me off so much, I had to take any soapbox I could get to let my anger known. Here ya go…

As I mentioned briefly in this morning’s “’BushWhack’ing”, there is a bi-partisan effort underway in the Senate to renew a program that provides health insurance to poor children, and they’ve reached a compromise that would expand the program by $35 billion over five years, an increase agreed to by both Democrats and republicans.

The program currently insures 6.6 million low income children from families that do not qualify for Medicaid, but are still too poor to afford private insurance coverage, and under the Senate’s expansion plan, an additional 3.3 million children would be covered under the program that was developed by Senate Finance Committee Chairman Max Baucus (D-MT) and republican Sens. Charles Grassley (r-IA) and Orrin Hatch (r-UT), among others…. and they plan to pay for this with a scant $0.61 increase on the federal excise tax on cigarettes.

“President” Bush opposes both.

Now I could give a rats-ass as to the cigarette tax… but the one that really frosts my preserves is his opposition to insuring more children whose only strike against them is being born into a poor family.

This isn’t a partisan issue, as republicans have tried pleading with Bush to compromise with Democrats on the legislation and he’s ignored them (and he wonders why no one likes him and why no gop candidates want their picture with him… it’s because he’s a train wreck that’s turning into a disaster who only cares about his beliefs and no one else’s, but I’m getting off-topic)

And no, he doesn’t have a better solution in mind; he wants to kill the expansion because… well, let’s let him speak for himself;

“My concern is that when you expand eligibility . . . you're really beginning to open up an avenue for people to switch from private insurance to the government.”

You read that right… he’s essentially saying that he cares more about private insurance companies than he does about children's health, (which seems, to me, to exemplify how he and other republicans don't care about children once they are outside the womb or outside the Petri dish)

Bush went on and said that he objects to the proposal based on “philosophical grounds”…

‘Philosophical grounds????’ Whose philosophical grounds; insurance and healthcare companies?? Or more specifically, insurance and healthcare company’s political gop contributions???

And what’s more, his comments seem to imply that he wants private insurance only… now I could get into the whole ~~socialized medicine~~ universal health care spiel, but after reading this, I’m just too frustrated to do it.

Rep. Rahm Emanuel (D-IL), the House Democratic Caucus chairman, said that he’s “bewildered” that Bush would be fighting an expansion in funding for a program that is not only supported by Democrats, but republicans as well. Said Mr. Emanuel;

“This is the chance for him to finally be a uniter and not a divider. You have consensus across party and ideology, and a unity on the most important domestic issue, health care -- except for one person.”

Bush’s ignorance here is unnerving… this isn’t a program to increase handing out condoms in schools or to teach evolution, two things that cause conservative’s skin to crawl… it’s ensuring that children who can not fend for themselves and have been born into situations that they are not able to control or change have health coverage…

I mean… shouldn’t it be a necessity to ensure that children (who are, as trite as it may sound, our future) are healthy?

Billions and billions of dollars for Iraq… but let’s screw poor kids.

The man is a tool… and I hope Bush can explain to the sick and dying kids what his "philosophical" reasons are for letting them suffer… and I won’t even bring-up his pre-presidential pledge to be a “compassionate conservative” because he obviously only understands the definition of one of those words.

Your guess as to which one I’m inferring to…

*cross-posted at The BushWhacked Administration

Glorious Self-Promotion Post

2007-07-08T09:19:00.000-05:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEMP!!!!

Hi everyone, it's Honey Mustard... wanted to give a blogosphere shout-out to hubby, to one of the most intelligent, creative and thought-provoking bloggers in the blogosphere...

at least that's what he wrote down for me...

He's 34 today, so if you have a chance, come wish him a Happy Cyber-Birthday.

Happy 4th of July!! Have some Hendrix

2007-07-04T11:04:00.001-05:00

What better way is there to wish everyone a happy and safe July 4th then by showing this...

Maybe we can hire Bob the Builder

2007-06-28T09:51:00.000-05:00

Well… apparently Honey Mustard and I are gluttons for punishment.

First, we made an offer on a lovely house…

Second, we rescinded said offer after the home inspector said the house was a ‘fire waiting to happen’ and was… well, I can’t really say any more as I’ve suppressed those memories…

Third we thought about adding on to our house. Uh… no…

Fourth, and current, we have purchased a lot… a lot in which we will build a house.

We are going to build… a… house…

Bui— Oh my God…what the hell are we thinking?

Didn’t we see “Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House”???? Or “The Money Pit”? Or “Drömkåken”????

Didn’t we see Ice Cube’s “Are we Done Yet?”? (wait, that’s right; no one saw that movie…)*

Oh my God… building a house?

...

...

Is it possible to hyperventilate in the blogosphere?

*BTW, I’m ignoring the fact that all of these movies are all in some way remakes of ‘Mr. Blandings…’

Quick post from Oklahoma...

2007-06-23T10:00:00.000-05:00

So Julie was driving the last 2 hours of our trip to Oklahoma yesterday afternoon when it starts to get really, really dark.

I’s about 88 degrees… then, suddenly the temperature drops to 70…

And then I see this dropping out of the sky to our right…

Have car, will travel

2007-06-21T11:07:00.000-05:00

At first I was supposed to go out to L.A. on business…

Then that changed to Boston on business…

Then that got cancelled altogether and now I’m going to Norman, Oklahoma…

From LA to Boston to Norman… that’s a rather strange progression isn’t it?

One of my cousins got married recently and they are having a reception on Saturday. And seeing as how this is one of only two cousins on my Mom’s side, Honey Mustard, The Peanut Butter, The Jelly and I – along with my parents, my brother and his fiancée – are making the trek down.

Twelve hours in a car with two 5-year olds…

Oh. My. God.

Sure, we’ll have the dual DVD player… and The PB & The J will have their Gameboys (which, quite frankly, they don’t really like)… and they’ll have enough books that they would be able to take over for the Library of Congress… and coloring books. But even with all those diversions, it’s still going to be a bumpy ride so to speak.

Why? Well, save for a short portion through the Ozarks, the states of Illinois, Missouri and Oklahoma are pretty damn flat…

For those of you in New York or Virginia or California or Florida who have never driven through those states, it looks something like this:

Okay, maybe not that bad, but you get the idea.

So… I’ll be back Tuesday with tales to regale about a trip that, while shorter than last year’s jaunt to Washington DC, will surely be…

Be…

...

... well... how about we just say ‘interesting’ at this point at leave it at that?

Oh... and a prize to whomever can accurately guess what the total expenditure of gas on this trip will be while driving a Ford Explorer.

Happy Father's Day!!

2007-06-17T10:21:00.000-05:00

To all my fellow dads out there Happy Father's Day.

And to my own dad, Happy Fathers Day, I love you and truly appreciate everything you've ever done for me in my life. Thank you.

I am part of a special collaborative post over at The Blogfather's today about our thoughts on being a father, go check it out with this handy, dandy link.

Remembrance

2007-06-12T22:17:00.000-05:00

Don Herbert, more popularly known as "Mr. Wizard" died today at the age of 89.

I am not a science person by ANY means, but I always enjoyed watching his show as he not only introduced me to the joys of science, he introduced generation after generation of young viewers to the joys of science as well, and he will be missed...

Perfect Tommy: Emilio Lizardo. Wasn't he on TV once?
Buckaroo Banzai: You're thinking of Mr. Wizard.
Reno: Emilio Lizardo is a top scientist, dummkopf.
Perfect Tommy: So was Mr. Wizard.

- from The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension

How true Perfect Tommy... how true...

Now let's all go freeze a superball in liquid nitrogen and smash it with a hammer, just for old times sake.

I don't even know where to begin...

2007-06-07T10:15:00.000-05:00

So I'm in the front of the office, the radio is on and the DJ says that Paris Hilton was released from prison today, a scant day or two into her 23-day sentence, because she was depressed.

Stop the world, I want to get off...

It was forty years ago today…

2007-06-01T09:23:00.000-05:00

... that Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play.

Today is the 40th Anniversary of the release of what is arguably THE most influential rock album EVAH; The Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.

Go on... give it a listen today…

Coooooool

2007-05-30T22:01:00.000-05:00

Oops

2007-05-30T15:10:00.001-05:00

Director Mike Figgis (Leaving Las Vegas, Timecode) was going through security at LAX when he was asked the reason for his visit.

He responded by saying; "I'm here to shoot a pilot."

Five hours after immigration and airport officials got online and figured out that, "pilot" has more than one meaning, he was released.

Don't you feel safe that our airports are hiring the best and brightest...

Went to a picnic and an Amish barn-raising broke out

2007-05-29T09:40:00.000-05:00

Honey Mustard, The Peanut Butter, The Jelly and I were going to a Memorial Day picnic at the home of one of my sisters-in-law yesterday.

The fete was scheduled to start at 4:00… and unbeknownst to me, my father-in-law, brother-in-law and his Dad were erecting (heh heh heh… I said erect…) a wooden swingset… a task they started at Noon.

So, needless to say, from 4:00 until (no lie) 9:15 in the evening, the four of us, joined later by my sister-in-law’s fiancé, put the set together.

I could go into detail of how the process went, but A: I don't have that kind of time, and B: I honestly don't think I have enough swear-words in my vocabulary to do the story justice.

What I can say is this; when it comes time to upgrade The Peanut Butter and The Jelly’s playset, I’m gonna splurge on a little extra money and have professionals install it… lest my children be playing on something that looks like it was put together by Homer Simpson.

Because the kids did not having a swingset to play with, I was the adult of the day when I quickly ran home and got The PB & The J’s birthday present from my parents. How do you think THIS THING went over with nine kids ages 23 month to 15 years?
Yeah... I was the hero of the day...

Kemp's 7-word Movie Review

2007-05-27T22:50:00.001-05:00

This week's offering; Shrek 3.

"They should have stopped at number two."

That is all...

2007-05-25T09:00:00.000-05:00

Ya remember that post a few weeks ago wherein I said I wasn’t going to do this blog anymore and how I had lost my spark to write and yada, yada, yada?

.....

I’d like you all to forget that post mmkay? Thanks…

2007-05-24T23:41:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday to The Peanut Butter & The Jelly

2007-05-22T13:25:00.000-05:00

Dear The PB & The J:

It was five years ago today… at 4:19 PM… that you came into this world.

The PB, you came out loud and crying at 4 pounds, 14ounces.

The J, you came out ‘floppy and unresponsive’ at 4 pounds, 3 ounces and with 10 tangles in your umbilical cord.

But you were healthy, and for that your Mother and I are eternally grateful.

After three weeks of life in the NICU, we brought you home. To say your Mommy and I were nervous would be a colossal understatement…

We were scared to death.

Dozens of questions went through our heads; ‘Would we be good parents?’, ‘Would we be so-so parents?’… ‘Would we be parents that you would have to talk to therapists about when you’re both older?’

There were adjustments, and some of them were hard to... well, adjust to. Some weren't... like sleep, since you both started to sleep through the night around 4 months of age...

You crawled...

You walked...

You talked...

You sassed...

And…

You’ve grown..

Happy Birthday girls… I love you both very, very much… more than anything else in the world, and will continue to do so, always... and forever..

Love Daddy

A Rant on the blog that refuses to die

2007-05-16T16:02:00.000-05:00

I am literally sick to my stomach and am in desperate need of some ranting and venting, hence yet another post on the blog that refuses to die.

Some of you may remember that Honey Mustard and I put a bid on a new and larger house a few weeks ago with a contingency of it passing a home inspection.

Well, the inspection was today… and the house failed in a more spectacular fashion than George W. Bush would a public speaking class.

In other words, it wasn’t pretty.

When the home inspector with over 30 years experience says that the house is “a pit” and is “a fire waiting to happen” because of the electrical system and he is “amazed the house hasn’t caught fire yet”, you know you’re in trouble.

The inspector went room to room and went over each room with a fine-tooth comb and found so many things wrong with it that it would take me until Christmas 2009 to list them all, but here are a few of the better ones:

Upstairs bathroom leaks into downstairs bathroom (Convenient…)
Downstairs bathroom leaks into the basement
The exhaust fan on the stove/oven doesn’t go outside as Illinois law dictates; rather it goes into the attic. Meaning if a fire occurred on the stove, the entire house would go up in flames.
The outlets in every room are installed incorrectly.

Needless to say, we are going to rescind our offer.

These are things that no one; not me, not HoMu, not my father-in-law or mother-in-law, or my Mom and Dad noticed when we went through the house.

Granted, it’s a positive that we discovered it BEFORE we bought it and moved in, but still… we liked the layout of this house… we liked the looks of the house… we liked the yard…

And now we’re back at square one.

I can sum up my feelings in one concise word;

FUCK!

Thanks for allowing me the chance to vent. Carry on…

One Last Post: Happy Birthday Mr Big Dubya!!!

2007-05-04T07:35:00.000-05:00

Yes, I've already broken my vow of not posting anymore, but this... this is a special occassion...

Kara over at Cape Buffalo is throwing a virtual birthday party for everyone's blogmigo Mr. Big Dubya.

For a virtual birthday gift I present to him: a couple of cubans...

Damn Blogger... I mean these types of Cubans:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY M-B-D! AND MANY, MANY MORE!!!!

And the curtain drops...

2007-05-02T00:00:00.000-05:00

Sorry about the cryptic post earlier this week, but I was in a rush and didn’t want to be talked out of something.

I know I’ve flirted with this in the past but now it’s time.

It’s time to end this blog.

In the last few weeks, readership, comments and visitors have dropped dramatically and, as a result, I have not been in much mood to write.

I plan to continue with TBWA, The Blogfathers (if they still want me) and DDS (which I hope makes me elligible for the Blogpound next Fantasy Football season - hint, hint Tony...) it's just that I feel it’s time to bring this blog to an end as I have been in a severe case of writer's block for a few weeks now. I have the second and third part of my Vegas story ready, but it's... for lack of a better word... off. It doesn't make sense, it's unfunny and, in all honesty, it's cruel to a certain demographic.

I will be keeping the URL active on the off chance I am ever hit ~~upside the head with a sledgehammer~~ with a thought and need to express it.

Having said that, however, this will cease to be an "active" blog.

I seem to have lost my "blog muse" if you will and I don't know where it is.

For all of you that have been loyal readers, and I know there are a few, I want to give you a sincere "Thank you… and goodbye."

The End

2007-04-30T14:35:00.001-05:00

Buh-bye...

Day One: Sand, sand everywhere, so let's all take a drink

2007-04-20T16:10:00.000-05:00

Epilogue: The original plan was to go to bed relatively early after arriving late Wednesday night, but one thing led to another and we stayed up until 3:00 in the morning, went back to our room and

…

The following takes place between 7:00 AM and 2:30 AM…

Thanks to casinos pumping enough Oxygen into the joint to awaken Keith Richards , we went to bed about 2 or 3 in the morning and woke up and were raring to go at 7 AM.

We got cleaned up, dressed, hit the brunch buffet and, after being briefly sidelined by my ogling/playing of a Star Wars slot machine at Bills Casino (formerly Barbary Coast) we hit The Strip.

Today’s target; walk ~~North~~ South North to pick up our tickets at the Sahara for Trent Carlini’s show.

As we stepped outside, we immediately noticed something… there was no sun, and the wind was blowing harder than Paris Hilton at a new club opening…

{Rimshot!}

Because of which, we saw a LOT of people diving into shops to buy sweatshirts or jackets.

We’re Chicagoans, we did no such diving…

Besides the “chill” in the air, the wind was kicking up enough sand that one thought that Mac the Atlas man was around…

I’ll wait a moment for that reference to click…

We walked… we shopped… we visited each casino and played at least one game and, if the time was right, had one drink before we would walk to the next one.

That wasn’t so bad, I won a nice Calvin Hill gift set from The Riviera… and HoMu won a Leather bag set.

We finally arrived at the Sahara, got our tickets, made reservations for dinner at House of Lords (where The Beatles loved to go when they were in Vegas) and decided to walk back to our hotel via the other side of the street with the first stop to be Circus Circus.

Big. Honking. Mistake.

Apparently, about 98% of the vacationers that come to Las Vegas with kids stay at Circus Circus. We left our kids at home, so being surrounded by screaming children and obviously bored & longing parents ignoring said children was, to be polite; a bit taxing.

Mental note made at that time; never, ever, ever go back to Circus Circus…

We left C-C (we both vowed to never speak of the experience again…) and, seeing as how we both had sand in every single orifice of our body’s thanks to the wind and wanted to clean up before we went to dinner and the show, we decided to cab it back to The Flamingo. We did our thing and took the monorail (monorail… monorail… monorail…) back to the Sahara.

Dinner was excellent; we had time to gamble (I won about $50 on Blackjack) and went to our show.

Trent Carlini is Elvis. If you like Elvis and you go to Vegas, ignore every other Elvis impersonator and go see Carlini… you will NOT be disappointed.

After the show, we decided to take the monorail (monorail… monorail… monorail…) back to our hotel. When we arrive we head across the street to O’Shea’s. The War table is full, as are all the Blackjack tables, so we each find a ‘one-armed bandit’, I light my cigar and we gamble… badly… very, very badly… so when all else fails… drink.

And then go to “bed.”

Coming Next: “Day Two” or “Deliverance: Las Vegas Style”

Random (Las Vegas) Thoughts for a Wednesday

2007-04-18T12:50:00.000-05:00

A few random thoughts about our trip to Las Vegas.

There is a lot of construction going on in Vegas right now. A LOT. It will be interesting to go back in, say, five years and see the city.
The Flamingo is great. Bugsy would be proud…
The Tropicana, celebrating its 50th anniversary this year, will be gone within five years. It’s not being maintained very well, the restaurants all looked like (and served) crap, the theaters are run-down and the casino itself was craptacular.
Saw a lot of kids in Vegas. Can’t really understand why parents would bring kids to a place where the primary pastime is drinking and gambling…
Flying over the mountains is beautiful… but I miss the days when pilots would tell you to look out the windows at see ‘such and such.’
People are rude, more so than Disney World.
'The Strip' at night is amazing.
If I see one more picture or video of Celine Dion gyrating, I’m gonna plotz.
Terrific views of the city atop Paris’ Eiffel Tower.
If they stopped handing out the hooker cards and booklets, or at the least recycled them, every forest in the world could be re-populated.
The biggest-selling clothing line in Vegas (meaning I saw them in every store and on 90% of the people walking around) had “CSI” plastered on them… as if they couldn’t find those anywhere else.
ATM fees around the city were $4.99. That’s not just outrageous, it’s obscene.
Cab drivers in Vegas drive like Chicago cabbies, but they do their best to get you somewhere quickly…
What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas... and stays OUT of the blog; Sorry Samantha.
On the final shuttle to the airport, a woman got on and proceeded to have a very loud conversation on her cell phone the entire way to the airport… in French. She didn’t even stop when one of the other passengers asked her to or when I said a smart-ass comment about frogs legs…I know, I know – that was harsh.
Two airline flights, two rough landings.
Random Vegas Photo Time! This is a photo of one of the pools at The Flamingo with a very stylish and very retro feel.

Random Las Vegas Picture

2007-04-17T10:12:00.000-05:00

Everyone said we had to go here because it's a lot of fun; so we went:

I thought they said S and M World... imagine my disappointment...

Las Vegas: Departure (hopefully) & Arrival (hopefully)

2007-04-16T10:53:00.000-05:00

When we woke up Wednesday morning, there was snow on the ground.

Snow… in Mid-April… wtf?

Later in the morning, the snow became this combination of quickly-changing and ever-changing snow/sleet/rain.

Usually it takes about an hour to get to Midway from our house, but because of the weather… and knowing that people can’t drive if they see a flake of snow fall from the sky, we decided to leave for the airport a little earlier.

We dropped The Peanut Butter and The Jelly off at HoMu’s parents house and hit the road.

Lo and behold, the traffic was fine and we arrived at the airport about three and a half hours before our flight was scheduled to depart.

Son of a…

We checked our bags and then checked the monitor to see the status of our flight:

“On Time.”

Excellent.

We then had two and a half hours to kill but that was not a problem as it gave us a chance to eat dinner at Harry Carry’s Seventh Inning Stretch and have a calming alcohol-based drink before boarding.

After that, we went to our gate and checked the status of our flight…

“Delayed.”

Son of a...

Did I mention it started snowing again… harder? And that the wind picked up… and that the temperature started to drop?

We were supposed to leave at 4:35, but at 4:45, they put a sign on the board that still said delayed… but listed no time.

Hmmmmm…

Being the inquisitive one that she is, HoMu went up and asked them approximately what time our flight would be leaving… the conversation went something like this:

“We don’t know, we can’t find the plan.”

“I’m sorry, what? Are you being funny?”

“No unfortunately I’m not…”

“Oh. Shit.”

That’s right, you heard me (sorry Sarah); they couldn’t find the plane.

Gotta love Southwest…

About 20 minutes later, they announced that they found the plane (it must have been in another pair of pants or something…) and that it was on its way to Midway.

A joyous applause was heard throughout the terminal… which was quickly beat-out by shouts of anger and frustration as the flight in the next gate was pushed back an additional hour.

So, we boarded the plane about 5:50 and they tell us we should be taking off within the next 10 minutes.

Needless to say, that was wrong.

We left the gate in ten minutes, but we sat on the tarmac for an additional 40 minutes before taking off…

We landed about 8:45 Vegas time and were told that our luggage would be on carousel 14.

We waited… and waited… and waited… and waited…

Finally, I saw a Southwest desk in the corner of the baggage area and went over to ask when our luggage would be unloaded and put on carousel 14, that conversation went something like this:

“When will the bags from Chicago be unloaded?”

“They already have been. They’re right here. We have our own luggage carousel.”

“We weren’t told that, the sign said carousel 14. I mean, didn’t you think it was odd that no one was claiming their luggage.”

“Actually I did. I thought about making an announcement, but didn’t.”

“You’re an idiot, do you know that?”

So HoMu and I got our bags and, since Southwest wasn’t doing a damn thing, we walked over to the luggage carousel where everyone on our flight was waiting and told them where to go and whom to yell at.

They obliged.

We quickly found the shuttle to The Flamingo, arrived, checked in and, seeing as how we hadn’t eaten since 2:00 Chicago time and it was now 11:30 Chicago time (9:30 LV), we grabbed a bite to eat before hitting the casino for a quick drink and some quick gambling before hitting the strip and getting to bed early so we could start early the next morning.

We ended up going to bed around 3:00.

Tomorrow; “Day One” or “How We Ended Up Getting Sand in Every Orifice of our Bodies”

Two nonstop flights to guilt please

2007-04-10T11:04:00.000-05:00

Honey Mustard and I leave for Las Vegas tomorrow without the The Peanut Butter & The Jelly.

That’s right, just the two of us… and we’re positively giddy about the idea.

Now don’t get us wrong, we absolutely, unequivocally, unconditionally love our children, but… come on… anyone with kids knows exactly what I’m talking about.

However, there is one problem…

In The PB and The J’s 4 ¾ on this planet (and NOT counting the nights they were in the NICU since we were next door at the Ronald McDonald House) we’ve been apart from them, overnight, for a grand total of two times…

You read that right… two times.

Once, a year and two months after they were born when my Uncle Nishan (who I am named for and who was always like a grandfather to me) passed away.

The second time was two years ago when we decided to have some salvation for an evening and stayed the night at Hotel 71 in Chicago, had dinner at Miller’s Pub, drank too much with friends of ours at the Congress Hotel Bar (which is THE BEST dive bar in Chicago btw), and had Sunday Brunch at The Signature Room atop the John Hancock building…

And that’s it.

So here we are… on the cusp of multiple nights away from our little ~~demoñios~~ angels… and HoMu and I are more than a little nervous.

The girls?They’re excited… no, scratch that… they’re thrilled... after all, they get to spend two nights with HoMu’s parents, then two nights with my parents.

Four nights of spoiling… four nights of being given money from Abuelo (my Dad)… four nights of being the center of attention from their Gama (HoMu’s Mom, whom they usually have to share with six other grandchildren)…

It’s enough to make them push us out the door two days early.

...

… but it’s also enough to make HoMu and I a little worried.

But, we’ll muddle through somehow.

It's a pleasure to just be nominated...

2007-04-06T17:20:00.000-05:00

Lisa over at My Thoughts, Ideas and Ramblings has nominated The BushWhacked Administration for the Blogger's Choice Awards - Best Political Blog.

So if you agree with her (and really, who wouldn't?), head over and give Scott and I a vote:

http://www.bloggerschoiceawards.com/blogs/show/698

It's a moral imperative...

It was ten years ago today...

2007-04-05T07:40:00.000-05:00

We met in college… Eastern Illinois University… and in my first semester there, which was Honey Mustard’s second, we had a class together, World History with Wolfgang Schlauch.

I noticed her daily, because she sat in front of a girl I dated for about 3 months… and that’s how we initially met. Because “Ginger” was almost always tardy (the reason was one of the reasons we broke up – but that’s a story for another day), while we talked often, we didn’t really “meet,”

We got along, but nothing more as we were both in “relationships” (for lack of a better word) with others at the time…

But there was always something in the back of mind about her, even after the semester was over.

A year later, we actually “met”, this time through mutual friends. Along the way discovered that we lived about 1 block from each other and had a lot of mutual interests. That first night, we talked for four hours while our friends partied…

The rest, as the saying goes, is history.

HAPPY 10^th ANNIVERSARY HoMU! I Love You; Always & Forever.

Here’s the wedding meme revisited should you want to know more… and really, who doesn’t?

1. Where/How did you meet? See above…

2. How long have you known each other? All told – about 13 years. We’ve been together as a couple for about 12 years…

3. How long after you met did you start dating? About 2 months after the second time we met, or the “official” time we met as opposed to the moment, as HoMu so eloquently puts it, ‘we met while you (meaning I) were dating that tramp’ … in HoMu’s defense, the other woman was a tramp, but that’s another story for another day

4. How long did you date before you were engaged? 6 months

5. How long was your engagement? An additional year and a half as we decided to wait for me to graduate college (HoMu graduated a year before I did) and for her to finish her post-graduate program she started upon her graduation.

6. How long have you been married? 10 years today! Next week, we’re going to Vegas baby… sans kids…

7. What is your anniversary? See above. But still plenty of time to purchase something online for the special day.

8. How many people came to your wedding reception? 390 people, give or take a few…

9. What kind of cake did you serve? Classic wedding cake with tiers…

10. Where was your wedding? In Kankakee at the church my wife grew up attending.

11. What did you serve for your meal? Steak or chicken, twice-baked potatoes, salad, green beans, bread, and wine…

12. How many people were in your bridal party? Seven, plus two ushers and a flower girl and a ring bearer… one big-ass wedding party.

13. Are you still friends with them all? Yes…

14. Did your spouse cry during the ceremony? Yes… as did I…

15. Most special moment of your wedding day? Being at the front of the church and seeing her in her wedding gown for the first time when the ushers opened the doors…

16. Any funny moments? At the rehearsal, one of the altar boys asked my female cousin, who was standing-up as one of my “groomsmen,” if they were the night’s entertainment… my cousin almost slugged the kid. Another one happened at the reception, when the priest asked me if the ‘girl with the huge tits’ had found her purse…

17. Any big disasters? A couple. First, I almost did not have a vest as the tuxedo place screwed up my tux about eight times, which almost resulted in my Dad reaching over the counter and strangling, Homer-Bart style, the manager who had said to “Make do” with my messed up tux and the ringbearer’s messed-up tux. They eventually fixed it and I got my vest about 3 minutes before we started. The second? We had a gift opening/leftover eating party the next day as we were leaving for our honeymoon Monday morning. So my brother drove us to the O’Hare Holiday Inn Sunday night, where I had ordered a “Honeymoon Special” of bath beads, champagne, chocolates and a free dinner at their stylish restaurant. Besides the fact it was snowing (in April) when my brother dropped us off, the hotel had no heat… and no hot water. Plus, they did not have the Gift Basket waiting in the room for us. So we spent our second night of married life freezing our asses off waiting for a gift basket that never came. On the plus side, upon our return, we sent a letter to Holiday Inn corp and they sent us back a free 2-night stay at the same location with all the perks.

18. Where did you go on your honeymoon? The Sandals resort at Ocho Rios in Jamaica.

19. How long were you gone? A week and a half.

20. If you were to do your wedding over, what would you change? I would have held firm that my female cousin wear a tux while standing up on my side rather than one of the bridesmaids dresses, it looked odd…

21. What side of the bed do you sleep on? Left

22. What size is your bed? Queen.

23. Greatest strength as a couple? She laughs at my jokes, no matter how bad they are. Also, a shared respect for one another and our sometimes differing opinions.

24. Greatest challenges as a couple? I give two because they tie-in so well with each other. We are both highly opinionated, while at the same time we are both bosses at our jobs, and we sometimes tend to forget to leave that particular trait where it belongs…

25. Who literally pays the bills? She does. While I can manage a multi-million dollar budget at work, I have trouble doing so at home; go figure.

26. What is your song? “Love Will Keep Us Alive” by The Eagles. Though we walked into our reception to “Miserlou” from the Pulp Fiction soundtrack… without the Pumpkin and Honey Bunny dialog btw…

27. What did you dance your first dance to? The aforementioned Eagles song…

28. Describe your ~~wedding dress~~ tux? Black, with white vest and black satin band with diamond stud – no cummerbund or ‘tux’ tie…

29. What kind of flowers did you have at your wedding? Uh.. there were flowers?? Kidding, they were lilies…

30. Are your wedding bands engraved? Hold on, let me check.. no…