Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Applaud and Heckle

Applaud: to Conan O’Brien for this quote: "Yesterday President Bush made his fifth visit to the area that received the most damage from Hurricane Katrina. In other words, the White House." (From The Simpsons, to Late Night, to (in the future) The Tonight Show, his humor and wit has improved with each passing year. Makes me believe that he will be better than Leno (and Letterman) when he takes the reigns of the Tonight Show in a couple of years…)

Heckle: to former FEMA putz Michael Brown had his head handed to him today when he testified before a House committee on FEMA’s response, or lack thereof, to Hurricane Katrina. After that, ‘Brownie’ will accept a new job as (wait for it). . . as a consultant for FEMA. Nice. (Only in political circles can someone screw up something this major, then “resign”, and then be brought back as a consultant, all while making more money than before…gotta love it!)

Applaud: to two distinct individuals who each had an impact on other people’s lives:
- Dr. M. Scott Peck, noted author and self-help guru.
- Don Adams, who brought joy and laughter to adults in “Get Smart”, and then to children in “Inspector

Both died Sunday, and both will be missed…

Heckle: George W. Bush…again, like before, just on general principles alone…

Applaud: to quick thinking. Early Saturday morning, the owner of the Holiday Inn in Sulphur, Louisiana noticed that the hurricane-force winds had shifted and were threatening the, up to then unprotected windows in the back of the hotel. The owner quickly alerted the guests to put their mattress up against the windows in order to prevent them from shattering. Only 3 windows were lost and no one got hurt.

Heckle: to Askjeeves.com for dumping their genteel butler logo *and* their name. The company that runs the site stated that the slightly chubby and balding English butler isn't the kind of image that they want representing the search engine – so they are pushing him out – clearly a case of ageism. The company also announced that they are going to be changing the name (to ask or ask.com) as well. My thought: boycott them. Use Google, Yahoo, or Dogpile.com

Applaud: to Clarence Aguirre. One of the conjoined Filipino twins (who survived a long series of delicate surgeries to separate him from his brother) has begun walking. (Being a father of twins who missed being conjoined by, literally, a matter of minute, this makes me very happy and very proud for his parents) His brother is expecting to follow suit and take his first steps soon.

Heckle: to MLB’s Players Union. In an attempt to counter Commissioner Bud Selig’s offer of a “50-100-lifetime ban” penalty for testing positive for steroids, the union offered up a “20-75” penalty with provision after provision attached. The Union has got to get smarter in this area soon – the public is getting fed up with the abuse in the game, and every other professional sport (even surfing) has a real penalty system already in place. Take a cue from the NHL’s Players Union and take the offer. Otherwise, like the NHL Union, you could find yourself taking an offer that takes more away from the players than before.

Applaud: After viewing recent news accounts, we believe Bill Frist's political career is in a persistent vegetative state with little chance of recovery. Anyone know where we should send the flowers?

Heckle: to FEMA (shocked, shocked and appalled, aren’t ya?) The federal agency has turned down Wisconsin Governor Jim Doyle’s request for financial assistance to help his state recover from tornadoes that tore through the state last month. In a letter to Doyle, FEMA Acting Director R. David “Duck Tape” Paulison said the damage “…was not of such severity and magnitude as to be beyond the capabilities of the state and affected local governments.” (Mind-boggling, isn’t it?)

Applaud: to China for releasing in a statement that they will start to use satellite technology in order to look in on the sexual antics of Panda Bears….(you can NOT make this kind of stuff up.)

Heckle: to “Brownie” once again. Why? Why not?

Applaud: to FLOTUS, Laura Bush, for giving the Bob Barker treatment to our Puppet-in-Chief. According to the Washington Post, Laura Bush is telling George to be a little more Metrosexual by laying off the “swagger”. Steve Soto has the smackdown:
And now it's happened. It must be fun around the house now, with a top Republican saying openly that Laura's got Bush's balls in her pocket. If Skippy wasn't drinking before, he is now.


Anonymous said...

Michael Brown is a scapegoat. Pure and simple.

Scott said...

Like a stupid lamb to the slaughter..