Thursday, January 19, 2006

A new meme? No, just another list...

While traipsing through the information superhighway (or, if you prefer, the ‘internets’) the other night, I decided to type something into Google to see what popped up.

What I found would shock and amaze you, and make you squirm…

I’m kidding.

I did find a handy little list that made me laugh (and we all know how much I love lists).

I’ve added my own listings to the list, changed some of the other istings in the list in order to better reflect myself and my coffee habit… No, make that my coffee inclination… That doesn’t work, how about my coffee tendency… no I have it...

My coffee dependency.

I thought about making this a meme, but decided better of it. (Best friend Scott, ChildsPlay X 2, MetroDad, Mr. Big Dubya, Becky and Sarah should all be breathing a huge sigh of relief.)

So here it is.

You Know You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When…

  • You answer the door before people knock.
  • Juan Valdez named his donkey after you. (El burro Kemp… just doesn’t sound right, does it?)
  • You ski uphill. (Impressive in itself, even more so if you consider that I don’t even know how to ski… at least not well)
  • By the end of the workday you sound like Teddy Ruxpin hooked up to a car battery.
  • By the end of the night you start to flutter around your house like a hummingbird.
  • Sleep? Who needs sleep? You get plenty of sleep when you’re dead.
  • When you sleepwalk, you speed-sleepwalk.
  • You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
  • You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
  • You lick your coffeepot clean.
  • You tell people you’re ‘Chock Full o Nuts
  • Every vacation you have to visit ‘Blue Mountain.’ Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
  • You're been named employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
  • Even when you sleep, your eyes stay open.
  • You're so jittery that your hands can be used to blend margaritas.
  • You take cocaine as a downer.
  • You buy coffee filters by the gross
  • You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug. Now, you just drink it straight from the carafe.
  • You go to ‘group’ meetings just for the free coffee.
  • You've built a miniature city and miniature people out of little plastic stirrers… and you’re their King.
  • People get dizzy just watching you.
  • You're so wired; you can pick up satellite radio.
  • People can recharge their car batteries in your ears.
  • Instant coffee takes too damn long.
  • When someone says. “How are you?” you respond, “Good to the last drop.”
  • Your slogan is ‘Coffee is hot and delicious. As am I.’
  • You want to be cremated so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
  • Your birthday is a national holiday in Columbia, Sumatra, Jamaica, and Hawaii.
  • Rather than pictures of your kids on your coffee mug and mouse pad at work, you have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug and mouse pad.
  • You name your dogs “Sumatra” and “Kona.”
  • You keep pictures of your coffeemaker in your wallet.
  • You don't tan… you roast.
  • Your three favorite things in life are...coffee, coffee and more coffee.
  • You help your dog chase its tail.
  • You introduce your spouse as your ‘coffeemate.’

Have one of your own? Throw me a bone and leave a comment and tell me what it is.

5 comments:

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

Some things hit just a little too close to home.

MetroDad said...

Au contraire, mon ami. I think "El Burro Kemp" is a FANTASTIC name! In fact, from here on in, I will only refer to you by that name.

Kemp said...

Son of a bi--

Running2Ks said...

Oh I love this:

"By the end of the workday you sound like Teddy Ruxpin hooked up to a car battery."

Who else could put Teddy Ruxpin and cocaine into a single list, I ask you?

Becky said...

I don't drink coffee while reading your lists because I don't want to waste any ... you know, laughing so hard I spit all over my screen.

And, yeah. Breathing a sigh of relief here. Speed breathing in fact. You know. Coffee.