Hey!

Go over and wish Back to Me's Samantha Jo, and her husband, congratulations on the birth of their first child...

Woot, woot!

Note to my Cardinals, aim for the crotch

It's as if thousands of men weeped in pain, and then were silenced...



From the Chicago Cubs official site: "Outfielder Felix Pie missed a couple of days early because of a twisted testicle."



Besides the obvious statement of, 'OMFG that's got to be painful!', the more important question is; How exactly does this happen to someone?



Though I don't think Cubs fans can blame Bartman for this one...

Wow...

does this bring back memories... kinda sad really...

Things that make me wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat

"Rosie O'Donnell and Fran Drescher are working together on creating a new sitcom."

Hello? Is anyone there?

Yes, I am still here... I am still writing, I just haven't had a chance to write lately.

Not only did The Peanut Butter get the flu, so did Honey Mustard... the two of them then got upper respitory infections... followed by The Jelly getting a sinus infection (but NOT the flu thank God).

I, knock on wood, have not gotten anything... wait, does my throat feel scratchy now? Do I feel warm?

Sorry.

This weekend marks the annual Chorizo-making fun with my Dad, brother and a slew of cousins and Uncles. And making a special guest-appearance this weekend is none other than that other missing blogger; Scott.

Hopefully I will have more stories to regale you with upon my return.

Now I'm going to take some Vitamin C and echinacea...

OH YEAHHHHHHH

Valentine's Day

No, you’re not having a bad flashback… I wrote this post for Valentine’s Day 2006… but I’ve updated some areas, so enjoy this post with 40% added material…

Tomorrow I will post the poem I wrote for my wife the year we started dating, which was published in my univeristy's poetry magazine...

I love my wife more and more each day. And each day I am grateful she is with me for eternity and has given us our beautiful daughters, The Peanut Butter and The Jelly. She laughs at my jokes, she compliments my cooking and, last but not least; she makes me a better man, husband, and father, and for that I can never thank you enough. I love you, always… and forever.Ok… how about some handy dandy Valentine’s Day statistics… cause nothing says love like statistical data…

+ 15% of U.S. women send themselves flowers on Valentine's Day
+ 73% of people who buy flowers for Valentine's Day are men, 27% are women
+ about 3% of pet owners will give Valentine's Day gifts to their pets (your dog wants Ghiradelli)
+ California produces about 60% of American roses, but the majority sold on Valentine's Day in the United States are imported, my guess for that would be because it’s winter here
+ 64% of men do not make plans in advance for a romantic Valentine's Day with their sweethearts (I would have thought that number would have been much larger)
+ Consumers will spend an average of $77.43 on Valentine's Day gifts this year

Did you enjoy those? I knew you would. Ok… how about some Inane Valentine’s Day trivia…

On this date in 1929, the "St. Valentine's Day Massacre" took place in Chicago, Illinois. Seven gangsters, all rivals of Al Capone, were killed. People think that it was Capone’s men that did the killing but they’re wrong. It was the seven gangster’s wives who didn’t even get a card, much less flowers or chocolates, for Valentine’s Day… Remember the saying: hell hath no fury like a woman forgotten on Valentine’s Day.

Alexander Graham Bell applied for his patent on the telephone on Valentine's Day, 1876… guys, could you imagine how V-Day would be if Bell hadn’t invented the phone? I would say, but I’ve grown accustomed to my genetalia.

That some famous people have gotten married on February 14th? The Captain to Tennille, Elton John to Renate Blauel, Jerry Garcia to Deborah Koons,

What’s that you say? Now you want some... Historical background on Valentine’s Day?

As early as the fourth century B.C., the Romans engaged in an annual young man's rite to passage to the God Lupercus. The names of teenage women were placed in a box and drawn at random by adolescent men; thus, a man was assigned a woman companion for the duration of the year, after which another lottery was staged. After eight hundred years of this practice, the early church fathers sought to end it. They found an answer in Valentine, a bishop who had been martyred some two hundred years earlier.According to church tradition St. Valentine was a priest near Rome in about the year 270 A.D.(At that time the Roman Emperor Claudius-II who had issued an edict forbidding marriage. This was around when the heyday of Roman empire had almost come to an end. Lack of quality administrators led to frequent civil strife. Learning declined, taxation increased, and trade slumped to a low, precarious level. And the Gauls, Slavs, Huns, Turks and Mongolians from Northern Europe and Asian increased their pressure on the empire's boundaries. The empire was grown too large to be shielded from external aggression and internal chaos with existing forces. Thus more of capable men were required to be recruited as soldiers and officers)When Claudius became the emperor, he felt that married men were more emotionally attached to their families, and thus, will not make good soldiers. So to assure quality soldiers, he banned marriage.

Valentine, a bishop , seeing the trauma of young lovers, met them in a secret place, and joined them in the sacrament of matrimony. Claudius learned of this "friend of lovers," and had him arrested. The emperor, impressed with the young priest's dignity and conviction, attempted to convert him to the roman gods, to save him from certain execution. Valentine refused to recognize Roman Gods and even attempted to convert the emperor, knowing the consequences fully.

On February 24, 270, Valentine was executed, but not before, while in prison awaiting his fate, he came in contact with his jailor, Asterius.It seems Asterius had a blind daughter and requested Valentine heal his daughter. Through his faith he miraculously restored the sight of Asterius' daughter.Just before his execution, he asked for a pen and paper from his jailor, and signed a farewell message to her "From Your Valentine," a phrase that lived ever after.Valentine thus became a Patron Saint, and the spiritual overseer of an annual festival. The festival involved young Romans offering women they admired, and wished to court, handwritten greetings of affection on February 14. The greeting cards contained St. Valentine's name.
And now you know… the rest. Of. The story.Still hungry for more? How about... Kemp’s Top Ten Valentine’s Day/Romantic Movies:
- Casablanca
- Pride & Prejudice
- The Philadelphia Story
- Reality Bites
- Before Sunrise
- Amelie
- Chasing Amy
- It Happened One Night
- Say Anything
- The Princess Bride

Still hungry for more Valentine's Day-related madness? Ok. Here’s... How to say “I love you” in other languages.

In Danish – “Jeg elsker dig”
In Dutch -- "Ik hou van jou"
In Esperanto -- "Mi amas vin"
In French -- "Je t'aime"
In German -- "Ich liebe Dich"
In Indonesian -- "Saya cinta kamu"
In Italian -- "Ti amo"
In Japanese -- "Aishite imasu"
In Latin -- "Te amo"
In Mandarin Chinese -- "Wo ai ni"
In Polish -- "Kocham cie"
In Romanian -- "Te iu besc"
In Russian -- "Ya vas liubliu" (which you would know if you’ve ever watched “The Great Escape”)
In Spanish -- "Te amo" (Wait, or is that how you say it in Italian?)
In Swedish -- "Jag alskar dig"
In Turkish -- "Seni seviyorum"

Now you want some Quotes about Love, don’t ya?
“Love is the delightful interval between meeting a girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.” - John Barrymore
“I never knew how to worship until I knew how to love.” - Henry Ward Beecher
“Love is a power too strong to be overcome by anything but flight.” - Miguel de Cervantes

“Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.” - Robert Frost

“In love there are two things: bodies and words.” - Joyce Carol Oates

“Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.” - Peter Ustinov

A Living Legend

Last night Honey Mustard and I went to a concert...

Who did we see?

None other than The King himself...

Mr. B.B. King...

At 82 years of age, the man can STILL grind that axe...

It's a moral imperative*

If you live in one of the plethora of states holding a primary today, remember, regardless of political affiliation, to get out and

VOTE!!

*Know what movie this is from??

A Follow-Up

For those of you that have sent me emails asking what the status of my previous post is...

The "accused" is no longer accused… he is guilty… convicted late Wednesday afternoon of four counts of first-degree murder in the deaths of his former girlfriend “Nicole”, her 9-week-old son (who was named after him) and her friends “Brandon” and my cousin “Mary.”

It took the jury four hours to convict him, and 20 minutes to decide he was eligible for the death penalty… that part of the trial is slated to begin today…

He's very clean*

This is Frightening...


On the left is Sean Lennon and his girlfriend... on the right are his Mom and Dad, aka Yoko Ono & John Lennon...

Eep

*Know what movie this is from??

Next time Kemp, write a god-damn memo

Following in Matthew’s inspired leadership; I have taken his post titles being song lyrics and tweaked it a tad... my titles will be quotes from movies… sometimes the quotes will be well-known and famous, sometimes obscure.

Am I stealing this from him? Technically yes, but I prefer to think of it as flattery of being copied...

This morning when I got into work I realized that I needed to ask my new media coordinator a question about the brand-spanking new marketing campaign I created. Needing to grab another cup of coffee from the breakroom I decided to walk down to her office and ask her in person (concept in this day and age).

As I turn the corner to her office I see her in the hallway... with her skirt hiked up... adjusting her underwear thong...

Next time Kemp, send a memo... or an email.

Random Thoughts for a Wednesday Afternoon

After a sabbatical in the jungles of Peru, it is back… the return of Kemp’s Random Thoughts for a Wednesday Afternoon…

• + Yahoo news headline; Women More Thick-headed than Men. Ahh, snark overload, snark overload...


• + So sad Heath… so, so sad…


• + Though not quite as sad a commentary on people as the fact that the current number 2 search term on Google is Keith Ledger…


• + Matthew has a grudge, and rightfully so, towards Home Decorators stores and is telling the blogosphere “DO NOT SHOP AT HOME DECORATORS. Do not shop at the Home Decorators website: http://www.homedecorators.com/.” Done and done…


• + Thanks to everyone who expressed their kind wishes following the Friday post about my cousin Mary. The trial has started…


• + Proof that CNN is being run by morons; actual headline; “Sasquatchy image spotted in Mars picture” Sasquatchy… seriously???


• + With the writers on strike, we can count on an influx of reality programming this season. I think everyone can share my reaction to that news when I say; AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!


• + Recent search terms that have brought people to my corner of the blogoverse: “where is garth kemp”, “dennis hopper super bowl commercial”, “kemp’s blog”, “princess solstice ride on” (I assume they mean the car and NOT a porn movie of some kind), “ghosts, pemberton hall”, “big kids kemp” (Huh?), “Becky Kemp”, “poland mardi gras float”


• + Who the hell is Garth Kemp? And why should I care?

An Open Cry for iPod Help

Knowing that I have the smartest blog-readers and blogmigos on the face of the planet, I thought I would float this question in the blogosphere before I do anything drastic.

For the last few weeks I've been having an issue with my iPod wherein my computer doesn't recognize it... If you've ever encountered this problem with your iPod, and know a good fix that doesn't involve doing a system restore (I've done that many times) or re-formatting my iPod (and thus losing everything) please email me at kempsblog at gmail dot com

If you don't have a quick fix and hear a loud, agonizing scream this Thursday coming from the Chicago area, have no fear; it will be me re-formatting my iPod and losing my 9,000 + songs, videos, movies, etc...

Thank you...

A Non-humourous post

Warning, the following post contains words and descriptions that may be unsettling to some readers.

About 2 ½ years ago one of my second cousins, “Mary”, was brutally shot and killed, all because she was helping a friend in need.

Granted, I didn’t know “Mary” that well, but her Dad and I hung out a lot when I was younger and even though we have grown apart as our lives took divergent paths, we still kept in touch.


(He was one of my older cousins - all of them were older, that’s what happens when you’re the youngest of the youngest - and, like all my cousins, did things with my brother and I that are usually reserved for siblings… but that’s how my family is, and I love that about them.)


When my Dad called me to tell me what had happened, even though I didn’t know her that well, she’s family, and the news was a swift kick to the gut.

Some back-story: back in October of 2005, the “accused” broke into my cousin’s basement apartment in Belleville, Illinois, using his shotgun to break out the window. From outside he shot my cousin’s friend, “Nicole”, as she watched television in the living-room; he then crawled through the window and gunned down my cousin “Mary”, her friend “Brandon”, and Nicole’s 2-month old son… with a shotgun… at close range…

The son was named after his Dad… the “accused” gunman…

…

The “accused” was arrested hours after the attack and charged with four counts of first-degree murder.

Delay after delay, the trial is just now getting under way… and I have to tip my hat to my cousin and his wife… they have not only taken Mary’s son to raise, they have been living this personal hell for over 2 years now of not only losing their daughter, but of their grandson losing his mother… and it’s all about to be dredged up again in court…

The judge also ruled that jurors would be barred from hearing statements the "accused" allegedly made to police after his arrest.

The hatred one can have is a strong thing, and... while I am famously (or infamously) a Liberal, I do support the death penalty in certain cases…

This is one of those cases. Even putting personal feelings aside, this man not only shot and killed 3 people under the age of thirty, but also a 2-month old baby… a 2-month old baby that was strapped into his car seat when he was shot.

I hope the bastard gets what he deserves...

It worked, for a moment

It was over…the J had just sassed me for what felt like the hundredth time that night (truthfully it was more like 2 or 3) but I was not going to have any of it. Having already placed her in time-out, the next step was clear… but just as I was about to lower the boom, she said;

“I love you Daddy.”

Sigh… no fair…

FLOOD

The Kankakee river is flooding, and it's yielding some incredible photos... like these that were taken by Honey Mustard today.


No, this isn't my house... but it's for sale if you want to buy it...

This is a park that we often take The PB & The J to... it's now partially under water

Needless to say, the water is not supposed to be that close to the bridge...

This gives you the best opportunity to see just how far up the river has come. It's expected to crest tonight and start dropping. Unless of course we get the rain/snow that is being forecast for tomorrow...

So what are you waiting for?

Today, Thursday January 10, 2007 is National De-lurking day, a day where readers of blogs come out of the woodwork and leave a comment rather than stay in the shadows lurking (see what I did there?)

Feel free to say anything you want, even if it doesn’t make sense… something I’m guilty of doing A LOT.

You can thank Aimee of Greeblemonkey for the hilarious button and the permission to use said button and Chris at Rude Cactus for keeping the spirit alive and not letting National De-lurking day fade…

So De-lurk already!

How's about a joke?*

A NY City cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him;

“Nice bike, did Santa bring it to you?”

“Yep, he sure did!” said the little girl.

The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation, saying; “Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it.”

The young girl looked up at the cop and said, “Nice horse you got there officer, did Santa bring it to you?”

The cop chuckled and said, “Yes, yes he did.”

The little girl looked up at the cop and said, “Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top.”

Thank you, I’m here all week. Try the veal, it’s lonely…


*Please note I did not ask how about a good joke...

I'm a guest poster...

If you have time today, head on over to Deep Muck, Big Rake and check out my guest post. It's a moral imperative...