Top 100: 70 - 61

A Note: I've been getting some interesting feedback from my list so far (some positive, more of it negative) to the extent that I'm saying this; I'm not looking to make people like my taste in music as my taste can best be described as eclectic (which is one reason I am so big onto Soundtracks and why I'm allowing them on this list) and know that this causes some people frustration as they then can't 'label' me as a "Country fan", "Alternative fan", "Rock 'n' Roll fan" and so on...

The frustration has come across in some of the emails I've received (they dont have the gall to put them into the comments) and I now feel complied to say this to those critics; I refuse to apologize for my taste in music. This was supposed to be a fun excercise, but it seems to be steering vastly far away from that, to the point that I am unsure if I will continue this list and at the same time reinforcing my thoughts I've had about folding my blog all-together as my readership has dwindled and my comments have fallen off the face of the earth. But I'm starting to get preachy andthis post is starting to feel like a friggin' "Very Special Episode" post... so on with the countdown...


70 – The Rat Pack Live at the Sands by The Rat Pack. What can I say, I love ‘em all as you’ll see as this list continues. I’m not sure where my love of Sinatra, et al came from, but it’s there, and this album catches it perfectly with the selection of songs and the dialog between the three of them. This is only the 2nd official release of Rat Pack material (released immediately after the Oceans 11 remake came out) and if you like the Rat Pack, I suggest you pick this one up, you won’t be disappointed.


69 – Head Soundtrack by The Monkees . The soundtrack from their one and only film and years ahead of its time. Favorite Song: “The Porpoise Song”


68 – Funkentelechy Vs. the Placebo Syndrome by Parliament. I like funk, what can I say? And these guys are funk-masters extraordinaire.


67 – Eye to the Telescope by KT Tunstall. One of the best (recent) albums I've heard in years. The fact I discovered her via a free iTunes video of her performance on The Today Show worries me a little… but what can you do? She's good. Favorite Song: “Suddenly I See”


66 – Excitable Boy by Warren Zevon. He was a master, but you have to be in a mood for him. Favorite Song: I know it’s trite to mark this as my favorite, but it is; “Werewolves of London”


65 – Desperado Soundtrack by Various Artists. A very good album with some great music in the mariachi style. Listen to "Quedate Aqui" by Salma Hayak, it’s sexier than Marilyn Monroe's 'Happy Birthday' ditty. Give it a little listen (hopefully, if the site is working today) HERE. Favorite Song: “Strange Face of Love” by Tito & Tarantula


64 – Our Side of the Story by Last Gentlemen. Again! My brother met these guys in concert at U of I while he was a DJ (see #71) and they gave him a few copies of this album and he, as always, gave one to me. All I can say is 'wow'. Can best be described as a mix of punk and alternative with some classic rock thrown in for good measure. Good luck trying to find this album… though I have found a place to download it if you want... for free... and legal.


63 – Burnin’ by Bob Marley & The Wailers. The man. The doobie. The legend. Favorite Song: “Get Up, Stand Up”


62 – Hot House by Arturo Sandoval. One word can describe Sandoval and his music; “¡Ululación!” A bit of a flashback to the trumpet styling of a Dizzy Gilespie, Sandoval blends his Cuban roots into his jazz teachings and the result is an infusion of Latin, jazz and funk. This is one of his later albums (released in 1998), and you can tell that he's still experimenting with his playing... and it still works. Favorite Song: “Funky Cha-Cha”


61 – Mermaid Avenue by Billy Bragg & Wilco. As you’ll soon start to notice, I'm a HUGE fan of Wilco as they will be making multiple appearances on this list. I found this album the same time I found Wilco's double-album "Being There" and it doesn’t disappoint as they take on the song catalog of Woody Guthrie. Favorite Song: “At My Window Sad And Lonely”

Top 100: 80 - 71

What time is it- 5 AM?? Ugh... where's my coffee?? We're out? We only have DeCaf?? DeCaf?? I mean, really, what's the point?? I know I bought real coffee... where is it... where... AHA! Here it is... aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh...

Anyway, while I "patiently" wait for the coffee, here's another part of my list


80 – (What’s the Story) Morning Glory? by Oasis I know… it’s their most-commercial album and, because of that, a bit of a sell-out. But it’s still my favorite from the Fighting Brothers. Despite Liam and Noah’s objections, the album is full of Beatles-heavy influences and harmonies. Favorite Song: “Don’t Look Back in Anger”


79 – Exile in Guyville by Liz Phair. I’m not a huge fan of Liz, I can take her or leave her, but this is a phenomenal album with some really rockin’ tunes. And she’s easy to look at, which always helps.


78 – Come Away with Me by Norah Jones. She is a singer to be reckoned with as her voice is nearly-flawless, her style is natural and she draws favorable comparisons with Billy Holiday… and did you know that her father is sitar-master Ravi Shankar? This one is a family-favorite on lazy Sunday afternoon’s… calm, cool, and collected. Favorite Song: “I Don’t Know Why”


77 – Curtain Call by Eminem. He’s everything that Vanilla Ice wanted to be but failed spectacularly at. Sure, this is called a greatest hits compilation, but whenever new songs are included, three on this album, it loses it’s ‘GH’ label… at least that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.


76 – Pulp Fiction Soundtrack. Another college album with personal connections as well as HoMu and I walked into our wedding to Misirlou (this was in 1997, before everyone else started doing it and before Black Eyed Peas sampled it) Not as good as another QT-directed film’s soundtrack, but darn close. “Flowers on the Wall”


75 - Reservoir Dogs Soundtrack. What can I say? Quentin Tarantino knows how to put together a soundtrack album better than anyone else. Between the Steven Wright monologs and the “Madonna Speech” interwoven between the songs, it’s a stockpile of classic non-disco songs from the 70’s. Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right always struck a chord with me. And the Madonna speech? I had it down pat. Almost every time we went to a bar, one of my friends would ask me to do the speech, and, being a ham, I always obliged. Favorite song: “Stuck in the Middle with You” (ear-cutting scene memories included)


74 – Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness by Smashing Pumpkins. I’m not a fan, per se of the Pumpkins, but something about this album spoke to me. Favorite song: “1979”


73 – License to Ill by Beastie Boys. How can you not like this album? Favorite Song: “Fight for your Right to Party”


72 – Madman Across the Water by Elton John. One of his smaller, lesser-known albums, but still my favorite as it showcases Elton and Bernie's more soulful side. Favorite Song: “Indian Sunset”










71 – Goodbye Jumbo by World Party. A great album. While at Illinois, my brother worked as a DJ at a “Chambana,” radio station, and constantly received free CD’s; this was one of them. He got 2 copies of this disk and gave one to me in the hopes that it would transition me from the ‘pop-bubblegum’ crap of my youth to a purveyor of fine musical taste. He succeeded. Funky, bluesy, rockin and mellow, it’s a great album that now, unfortunately, is very hard to find. Favorite Song: “When the Rainbow Comes”

See 101 - 91 and 90 - 81 to get an idea of where I'm coming from with my musical tastes.

Yes...

... sometimes my humor is sophomoric.

I'm Back

I am back.

I will resume the Top 100 Album countdown later this week, right now I am typing a post for Family Vacation 2006 Part Two: “Trip to the Land of No-road signs” that unfortunately did not include a visit to Sarah (didn’t have the time with our driving schedule – yes, we drove to Washington DC from Chicago – and her escape to BlogHer) but included some always-exceptional landmarks, some beautiful scenery, and some more-than-I-needed moronic driving.

Plus I'll tell you why I am the worst best friend in the entire history of friendship...

Stay tuned…

Here’s a picture to whet your appetite…

Editor's Note: No pictures right now. Why you ask? Because Blogger bites it!

Top 100: 90 - 81

And the hits just keep on coming...


90 – Too High to Die by Meat Puppets I know, I know, I know. Serious fans of theirs say this was their weakest album… I disagree. It’s full of some solid rock-out songs, some melodious melodies (wow, I don’t think you can do that to the English language) and some much-needed angst-anthems. Favorite Song: “Evil Love”


89 – Make Believe by Weezer. Not a huge Weezer fan, but I got this album for one of my nephews and then downloaded it onto my iPod. The first time I listened to it I found myself liking it… a lot (except for the overplayed ‘Beverly Hills’) Even if you think their earlier stuff was just this side of pop bubblegum, I strongly suggest you give this one a try. Favorite Song: “This is Such a Pity”


88 – Lola versus Powerman and the Money-Go-Round by The Kinks. A powerful album with some beautifully poetic songs that came amid a five-year, six-album burst that helped set them apart from other groups of the day. Favorite Song: “Lola”


87 – Standards by Ray Charles. One word can sum this album up; wow. Ray does his take on some of the classic songs of the past, and nails it. Favorite Song: “Georgia on my Mind”


86 – Greatest Hits Volume 1 and 2 by Billy Joel. This is one of those strange greatest hits albums in the way that it's more like a regular album like The Beatles Blue and Red albums, which, while technically were GH compilations, had a life all their own. Same thing with this one. And as I said earlier (I think), if it has one or two new songs on it, the GH’s label is not totally relevant. Favorite song(s): Disc 1- “Scenes from an Italian Restaurant” Disc 2- “Goodnight Saigon”


85 – Mugzy’s Move by Royal Crown Revue. You can take your Cherry Poppin’ Daddies and your Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, I’ll take Royal Crown Revue. Again, like a lot of others on this list, my brother introduced me to them. They never enjoyed the success of the other two bands which is a shame as they were definitely the more original of the three. Some of the songs on this album were on their Indie Label debut but were given the “real” producing treatment here. If you like swing music with a rock n roll attitude, and have enjoyed CPD and BBVD, then give RCR a try. Favorite Song: “Zip Gun Bop”


84 – Flood by They Might Be Giants. Years and years before they sold out with “Malcolm in the Middle” and The Disney Channel they released this incredible album. While most everyone knows “Istanbul” and “Birdhouse in Your Mind”, I suggest you listen to the other catchy sing-along songs on the album in order to get a real feel for this band. Favorite Song: “Lucky Ball and Chain”


83 – Achtung Baby by U2. Others will say The Joshua Tree was their best, others would say Zooropa. I don’t care about their best, I care about my favorite U2 album… and this is it. Long before Bono forgot that he’s a singer and NOT a worldhealer, the band made this album and it rocks. Hint: If you like the song ‘One” from this album, listen to Mary J. Blige’s version; it blows the U2 version off the map. Favorite Song: “Mysterious Ways”


82 – Abraxas by Santana. I'm sure almost everyone knows two of the songs from this album; arguable Santana's most famous "classic" songs: "Oye Como Va" and "Black Magic Woman", but what they may not know is that they were both on the same album, and the entire thing is a masterpiece. I had this CD in college but it was stolen one night during a party, so I had to buy a new one a few years ago. Still a classic. Favorite song: “Se a Cabo” (To Cabo)


81 – August and Everything After by Counting Crows. Another album from my college days (like most of them on here are). Ignore Mr. Jones as you’ve probably heard I a gazillion times on the radio and click over to one of the other tracks and you’ll find an exceptional album with some truly memorable lyrics. Favorite Song: “Rain King”

It continues...

I will be out of town for the next five days (Washington DC and then West Virginia) so you'll all have to wait until next Monday for the net installment of Kemp's Top 100 Albums.

I know it will be hard, but be strong... I'll be back before you know it.

Top 100: 101 - 91

It’s time.

After days and days of analyzing, postulating, calculating and hypothesizing…

Which was then followed by more re-analyzing, re-postulating, re-calculating and re-hypothesizing…

Which was then followed by even more re-analyzing, re-postulating, re-calculating and re-hypothesizing… I have done it.

Kemp’s Top 100 Albums.

You may all murmur amongst yourselves in anticipation of this grandiose event.

Let me throw out a few ground rules.

On rare occasions I accepted Greatest Hits compilations (it’s my list, so, conceivably, I could do what I wanted…)

I allowed soundtracks. If I didn’t allow soundtracks, that would have negated a few albums that I love and listen to A LOT.

I had to own the album or have the entire album on my iPod.

There are no rules. This was meant to be a fun exercise… as such, some of my favorite albums may not be others people’s idea of a favorite, or even good, album… and that’s my prerogative (No, you won’t be seeing any Bobby “Fisticuffs are my life” Brown on my list… nor his wife, Whitney “What happened to me and my career” Houston.

What you will see is Pearl Jam, The Beatles, The Kinks, Johnny Cash, Elvis and Poi Dog Pondering.

I started out with over 500 albums on my list and have now pared it down to 101 (always the overachiever am I…)

So without further ado…

The countdown begins with numbers 101 - 91… right now! [Whack!!… crash! Tingle… tingle… tingle….]

Damn it, that’s the last time I buy a gong off e-bay… ok, let’s try this again with my gas-powered fanfare machine…

The countdown starts… right now…[sputter, sputter,sputter…]

…

Right now…[sputter...wheeze...sputter...]

…

Son of a bi—

Right now! [Whoosh! Dum de de dum… dum dum dum dem de de dum… Gong!!]


101 – He’s the DJ, I’m the Rapper by DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince. Come on now… Who can ignore this camp classic? The rap is child-like, the rhythms routine and the lyrics overflow with XX, but it's still catchy in a pop-bubblegum kind of way. Favorite Song: “Parent’s Just Don’t Understand”


100 – Songs from the Big Chair by Tears for Fears. One of those 80’s album that everyone owned. From the sappy “Head over Heels” to the world-domination anthem (if it were a group of 'Up with People') “Everybody Wants to Rule the World”, this album was, and still is for me, one that instantly beams me back to the 1980’s. Favorite Song: “Shout”


99 – No Need to Argue by The Cranberries. This was the album from this Irish band. More emotionally raw and stronger than their first album (which missed being on this list by a smidge) it made some fans of their first album (like my friends Carrie and Angela) come to have feelings of derision for the group. I didn’t fall into that trap and found it to be 100-times better. Favorite Song: “Zombie”


98 - Ten by Pearl Jam. Now, I’m not a huge grunge fan, but the first time I heard this album way back when, I instantly fell in love with it. Eddie and the boys have never sounded better. While at times they band had an ego-problem, they still dished out some mighty-fine tunes. Favorite song: “Even Flow”


97 – Songs in the Key of Life by Stevie Wonder. Wonder is a phenomenal talent, and that talent is embodied with this album, which, as the title suggests, deal with things that are close and personal to Wonder and his life. Favorite Song: “Isn’t She Lovely”


96 - Blue Train by John Coltrane. As C-boy said, I could probably do a separate list with Jazz and Blues. One of John C’s best, he piques the interest of everyone who listens to this album. Odds are, you’ll see more of Mr. Coltrane before this list is done. Favorite song: “Blue Train”


95 – Les Misérables by Original Broadway Cast. Yes… it's a Broadway musical. No, I'm not gay (not that there's anything wrong with that), I just really, really like this show and the album. The music and singing are superb and emotional and tell the story, originally written by Victor Hugo, so well. Favorite Song: “Empty Chairs at Empty Tables”


94 - 3 years, 5 months & 2 days in the life of… by Arrested Development. The band was short-lived, but their tuneful blending of funk, rap and “southerness”, made this a great album that, unfortunately, the band couldn’t top. Favorite Song: “People Everyday”


93 – Citizen Steely Dan by Steely Dan. Yes, technically a Box Set, but not in the strict sense of the term. This set has every, single album that the band released before 1980 with each selection crossing every musical genres and forcing every listener to reflect. Favorite song: “East St. Louis Toodle-Do”


92 – Oranges and Lemons by XTC. A fantastic album with some very loud Beatle-ism’s. The band and this album never got as big as they should have, being drowned out by the band and album above them at #100. It’s a shame, as XTC was probably the better of the two bands. Favorite Song: “Mayor of Simpleton”


91 – Birth of the Cool by Miles Davis. Come on… do I really need to explain this one? The quintessential blues album has Miles in excellent and perfect form. Hint; you may see Mr. Davis on this list again. Favorite Song: “Budo”

We're off...

The anticipation is building...

In anticipation of throwing myself over the cliff with the rest of the lemmings (like e v e r y o n e else has) and naming my Top 100 Albums list, I thought I would regale you all with my bottom...

...

My bottom as in my bottom albums list… sheesh, must is always be sex with you people?

These are albums that didn’t even get included in the original 520 base point I started with, and not by coincidence, aren’t even on my iPod.

Though I am curious as to why we still have these craptacular discs in our CD rack… maybe I wanted to save them for The Peanut Butter and The Jelly so they can see how odd Daddy and Mommy used to be.

• Debbie… sorry, Deborah… Gibson: “Electric Youth.” When I was 14 she was hot as hell and I wanted her. Now… well, now I’m married, but after seeing her spread from Playboy, she is still be on my “celebrity-do” list… her music… not so much. Though I have tto say she’s still better than Tiffany. According to her website, she’s released a duet with Jordan Knight, he of NKOTB (who I can happily say is a group that I have NO albums by). There are so many smart ass comments whirling about my head right now, I can’t pick just one…
• Garth Brooks: “In Pieces” “No Fences” “The Chase” – I liked him at first. Then his ego got bigger than his talent… then he released that annoying and self-satisfying ‘Chris Gaines’ piece of crap and I lost all respect for him as a singer/musician. Now he’s thrown himself into a pact with the Devil, and by devil I mean Wal-Mart. What a dumb ass.
• Celine Dion: “Celine Dion” – why did I buy this album? Oh, right, my girlfriend at the time liked her, and I liked the girlfriend, so I tortured myself and bought this piece of musical claptrap. She is to music, what Six Habits of Highly Effective People is to books; a complete and total disaster. I wouldn’t think it possible, but she both sucks and blows.
• Color Me Badd: “CMB” – Again… what the HELL was I thinking?? It’s entirely possible I bought this in college after a night of heavy drinking… at least that’s my story and I’m sticking to it… And just so you know, according to Amazon, they have a ‘Greatest Hits’ album. Oddly enough, most of the songs on the hits album are on CMB… so one has to ask oneself; what’s the point?
• Damn Yankees: “Damn Yankees” – Nothing worse than a pop-bubblegum rock “supergroup” that thinks they’re heavy metal. This one was a lapse in judegement. I liked the album at one time I think. But it was high school and I’ve pretty much suppressed those four years…
• Mariah Carey: “Mariah Carey” – Again, what the HELL was I thinking. This was released the summer of 1990 after I just finished my junior year in high school (suppression!). So, it’s entirely possible I bought this album because of my girlfriend at the time. A girlfriend who turned out to be, like Mariah, crazy as a fuc**** loon…
• EMF: “Schubert Dip” – Yeah… I think I bought this one for one song; “Unbelievable” and that’s it. I probably listened to that song a few dozen times and nothing else (who knows why) then… poof! The song vanished from my conscience and the album stayed in the rack. This CD was in our ‘spare rack’ where we put any double albums that HoMu and I each had when we got married. What made me remember this song and album? The music is being used to shill Kraft Cheese Crumbles with the phrase; '”They're CRUMBelieveable” Sad… just sad…
• “Titantic” Soundtrack. This one just makes me ashamed… I think a friend bought it and somehow it got ensnared into my collection. However it came into my possession… I’m sorry... I’m truly, truly sorry…

That’s it, that’s the bottom of my list. I will start posting my Top 100 tomorrow or Monday.

"Kemp, why haven't you posted your Top 100 Albums list yet?"

Well, I think this explains it all...

Plus... it's hard. It's been hard to pare my list of albums down from over 525 (I know, it's pathetic) to 100. So, having the analytical mind that I have, I've made it into a process. I won't bore you with the details, but I can assure you the start of the list is forthcoming... today... or tomorrow... or Saturday...

But it is coming...

Everyone else is doing it…

Since e v e r y o n e, and I do mean everyone, who has a blog is doing their TOP 100 albums, I thought I would do the same.

Why?

Why the hell not.

So get ready blogosphere… for Kemp’s Top 100 Albums…

Not today though…

Tomorrow…

You’re on the edge of your seat, aren’t ya? Oozing with anticipation and sweat.

Then again, maybe not.

Whatever your feelings are towards it, stay tuned...

Random Thoughts for a Wednesday Afternoon

• My wife started her new job last week; so far, so good…
• Happy Birthday to two of my favorite writers: Henry David Thoreau (1817) and Pablo Neruda (1904).
• As if you needed more things on the Internet to kill time with, I give you this LINK. (Hint: it’s an online Etch-a-Sketch…)
• Mancow’s been fired and the radio landscape in Chicago is suddenly less crappy and polluted with less idiocy – “HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY, HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY!”
• Thanks to Crouton Boy, Sarah and MetroDad for wishing me a Happy Birthday on my birthday posts.
• Mmmmmmmmmmmmm, Prince Leia slave costume…
• And a Princess Leia slave costume website? Whoo-hoo!!
• Things I’ve read on some of my blogmigos’ sites this week: QofS is damn-proud of her hubby, CPX2 explains the rules of traveling on an airplane with twins, Happy First Birthday Cheeky!, Gidge is talking about her, um… uh, her, uh…(ahem)… just read the post…, Mr. Big Dubya lies
• Who knew there were this many types of fetishes??
• Joey Buttafuoco is going back to prison. Color me unsurprised…
• Two words come to mind after I read this ARTICLE: Dumb. Asses.
• Need iPod speakers? I got these for my birthday and they rock.
• Here are some of the recent search phrases that have brought people to my little corner of the blogosphere: “Soledad O'Brian and Miles O'Brian+married”, “"laurie berkner nude"” (this one makes me feel like I’m stealing someone away from Erin), “www.emasculation.com”, “"stage 2 ultrasound"”, “should you feed twins at the same time”, “twins one heartbeat 6 weeks”, “electric ride on corvette”,
  

Birthday #33

Honey Mustard threw me a surprise birthday party Saturday night… a sweet gesture as I have never had a surprise party thrown for me before.

Family, friends, pizza, alcohol and presents... good times.

The party was complete with pictures of me from the past.

I will NOT (and I can not stress that enough - will NOT) be posting any of the aforementioned pictures here.

Having said that, and unbeknownst to me at the time, my wife gave Scott some of the pictures with the understanding that he was to post them on his blog.

Rest assured if that happens… in the words of Owen Lars; “There’ll be hell to pay.”

Happy Birthday to me

You say it's your birthday
It's my birthday too--yeah
They say it's your birthday
We're gonna have a good time

I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you.

Yes we're going to a party party
Yes we're going to a party party
Yes we're going to a party party.

I would like you to dance--Birthday
Take a cha-cha-cha-chance-Birthday
I would like you to dance--Birthday
Dance

You say it's your birthday
Well it's my birthday too--yeah
You say it's your birthday
We're gonna have a good time
I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you.

Others born on July 8: Kevin Bacon, Sofia Bush (who?), Toby Keith (eewwwww), Angelica Huston, Wolfgang Puck, Raffi (shudder), Marty Feldman, Nelson Rockefeller, John Rockefeller and the inventor of the dirigible: Ferdinand Graf von Zeppelin

What's next?

The fourth of July has come and gone.

The next holiday is my birthday. Granted, it’s not a nationally recognized day – YET – but it is approaching nonetheless.

So you all know, I have tried many, many times to rewrite the Disney posts I lost, but have been unsuccessful as of yet.

Why you ask?

Because I can’t remember all the little things that happened; and let’s be honest, the funniest stuff from vacations always comes from the ‘little things’.

Anyhow, I’ve decided to forgo those posts in hopes that if I stop trying to write about them, I’ll have an epiphany and remember everything…

At least that’s what I’m telling myself.

Anyhow, I felt I had to inform all of you about the news we received this past weekend.

A cousin of mine is mayor of a “smallish” town here in Illinois (near the St. Louis area) and every July they have a festival and parade to honor the town’s founding and name a grand marshal, or two, to be the parade’s un-official spokesperson.

Who are the grand marshals going to be this year?

The Peanut Butter and The Jelly.

That’s right… MY PB & J are going to be the grand marshals of a parade. Ok, I know that it’s not the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade or the Tournament of Roses parade, but it’s still a parade that draws hundreds of people every year.

And they’re keeping up a family tradition; when I was 7 my brother and I rode in a float (with Fredbird) in St. Louis’ St. Patrick’s Day parade.

Now it’s The PB and The J’s turn.

Truth to be told; I’m giddy (no wait, men don’t get giddy… let’s say that I’m ecstatic) about them being in a parade where they’ll be able to throw candy (unless they eat it all themselves) and be the center of attention, which, being four, they "don't" enjoy at all (sarcasm alert)

They have two choices of how to be transported in the parade; they can either ride in my Dad’s C6 corvette, or my cousin will have someone construct them a float to ride on (personally, my vote is for one of his "mayoral minions" to build a float, but that must be the socialist in me)

The event is less than 2 weeks away, and I will have pictures posted.

Stay tuned…

Wow

DAMN is this impressive.

When I saw it the first time I couldn’t believe it and knew I had to share it with all my blogmigos.

It’s from Sir David Attenborough (Sir Richard’s brother) and his Life In The Undergrowth series, so you know it’s legit.

Fair warning though, it may make your skin crawl.

It’s a giant (over 13 inches long) Venezuelan centipede catching and eating... a bat.

Click HERE to see the video via boingboing.

Random Thoughts for a Tuesday Afternoon

• Always exciting when you catch a fish that could eat you.
• Okay, it’s official; we as a nation have become a bunch of lazy-asses. How about a machine that will dunk your cookie into your milk for you. No lie, someone (in Florida of course) invented one.
• Yesterday’s best headline on Fark: Nudists looking for new members, apparently tired of looking at the same old members. [rimshot!]
• How many people who read this blog did I just antagonize by insulting Florida?
• Rush Limbaugh was detained at an airport for having Viagra without a valid prescription. Limbaugh taking Viagra… talk about an image I don’t need to have…
• Though he has been screwing people over for years.
• Steven Seagal is making good headlines with his music career. Who’d a thunk it?
• Things that make my skin crawl. Headline from an op-ed piece in the Chicago Tribune: Taking a bath with Ann Coulter. Ewwwwwwwwwww……
• How would you do? Click HERE and see how you do on a sample of the civics test that immigrants have to pass in order to become a U.S. citizen.
• I scored a 19 out of 20. I missed the name of the form to become a U.S. citizen. Rats...
• As a person who loves crossword puzzles, THIS is an excellent article and I will have to see this movie.
• Good (but not great) article about traveling from St. Louis (where I was born) to Chicago (where I live now) and things to do. Give it a read HERE.
• Words every husband hopes to hear from their wife; “Honey, I’ve enrolled in a pole-dancing/cardio strip-class at the gym.”
• Superfluous blog-plug of the week: Sarah’s moved, go and check out her new site HERE… it’s now 100% Blogger-free.

Doggone it...

In it’s heyday, Frasier was one of the best shows on television; funny as hell, intelligent, chocked-full of physical comedy and never above making fun of itself. It was also one of my favorite shows until it jumped the shark a few years ago, only to right itself in the show's last 2 seasons.

Now comes this news: Moose, the lovable Jack Russell terrier who played Eddie on the show… has died.

He was 16 ½ (115 years old in dog years) and died of old age.

Goodbye little doggie…

D'oh!

Don’t you just love it when you have three long posts about you family’s trip to Disney World saved to a jump drive… and the jump drive decides overnight that it’s going to corrupt itself and you lose everything???

I do. I really, really do.

(Can’t you just feel the sarcasm dripping out of that statement?)

That’s what happened to me this past week. I had day’s four, five and six from our Disney Trip done.

I finished them all on Tuesday while HoMu was having surgery done – nothing “major”, she was having her deviated septum fixed – and yesterday I went to check them and post one...

Gone.

All of them... gone.

Everything on my jumpdrive... gone.

Every. Damn. Thing.

Gone.

Work files, home files, blog posts, everything... gone.

Luckily I had backups for the work and home files.

Not so much for the blog posts... they are forever lost to the cosmos...

So... I’m pretty pissed right now.

And bummed.

And puzzled.

Do I try to rewrite them? Do I say fu** it and not rewrite them? Or do I take the middle ground and do one post that encompasses the remaining days?

What do you guys think? Inquiring minds want to know.

A quick father's day post

For those of you looking for Part 3 of the Disney World Saga… don’t be disappointed, it’s coming soon – lot of stuff to cover… and remember…

And I’ve also been suffering from some severe writer’s block (or blogstipation – thanks Becky) as I cannot put into words what I want to say about the vacation… or anything else for that matter…

So let me post this short and simple post right now:

Taking a cue from Sarah, let me wish a Happy Father’s Day to all the Fathers out there who have blogs that I read on a consistent (some might say obsessive) basis: Scott, Crouton Boy, Childs Play x2, Mr. Big Dubya, MetroDad, Chocolate Makes it Better, Cynical Dad, Middle Aged Dad and The Whited News – HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!

Now, let me give a hearty Happy Father’s Day to my Dad, my Uncle Nishan (who was more like a grandfather to me than an uncle) my Grandpa Warren, and my Abuelo Florentino. I love you all – HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!!

"Day Two: Magic Kingdom" or "How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Mouse"

Day Two - A LONG, LONG, LONG Post

Our first full day in Florida and our first day of park tickets started early. Fortunately, day one was relatively calm and peaceful with only one true tantrum.

At 6:30 the phone rings with our wake-up call. Remembering the staggeringly annoying wake-up calls at Disney World when I was there in 1997, I made my wife answer it… (I’m sorry, I just cant handle anyone or anything being that fuc**** happy that early in the morning, especially without any coffee in my system)

She’s up and walks over to the food court to get herself some soda and me some coffee (isn’t she sweet?) and I hit the shower while letting the younglings sleep a ‘little’ longer.

We are at Magic Kingdom at 8:50, in time to see the “calling” of Mickey so he and his ‘posse’ can officially call for the opening of the Magic Kingdom. And right on cue, the train arrives at the station and Mickey and his friends get out, sing their little ditty, and huzzah; the gates part and we enter the ‘Happiest Place on Earth’.

And with that, The PB and The J’s first trip to Disney World was “officially” under way.

The PB and The J are not really accustomed to sitting in lines… let alone relatively long lines. So the Day One Meltdown (herein called DOM) starts… for both of them... while we wait in the line to ride Dumbo.

They don’t want to wait, they want to get on the ride NOW, not later. They want to know why the people in front of us aren't sharing. They want to ride Dumbo, and they want to ride it now...
After about 10 minutes they calmed down and realized that they weren’t the only ones waiting and that no one else in line was crying. So they stopped.

Then finally, it was our turn, The PB with HoMu and The J with me.

They loved it. They laughed, they giggled, they applauded…

(Aside: Is it me, or is the length of rides getting shorter and shorter??)

We rode Dumbo, we rode the Carousel, we rode The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (which was Mr. Toad's Wild Ride back in 1997. Apparently the braintrust at Disney finally realized that the kids of today had no clue who the hell Mr. Toad was...), Snow White's Scary Adventures (which, quite frankly, scared the bejeebus out of The PB), Mad Tea Party (The J's favorite ride while we were there) and The Barnstormer at Goofy's Wiseacre Farm (the PB's FAVORITE ride while we were there)

Now it's time for me to make a confession; I like rollercoasters, I like flying, I like doing fun-stuff, but I, Kemp, have a confession to make:

I don't like the Teacups at Mad Tea Party.

It's not that I don't like the ride per se, it's just that for some unknown, unearthly reason, that ride makes me queasy and nauseous. The four of us went on it once, and I had to prevent HoMu from making the cup go faster because I was starting to feel sick.

What's wrong with me? Am I a chicken? Am I a wuss? I don't know. There, that's my confession.

After riding a surfeit of rides, it was time for our first (of MANY) character meals. This was Winnie the Pooh and Friends at The Crystal Palace.

One word can sum it up: 'Wow!'

The restaurant is gorgeous, the food was great, and the characters came to each and every table and then, at one point during the festvities, they did the 'Tigger Dance' and had all the kids form a conga line and dance throughout the place. The PB & The J did, and I almost had to restrin HoMu from joining in (WTP is her all-time favorite Disney character. So much so that when we first started dating in college, that was her nickname for me, 'Pooh'... why the hell did I just tell all of you that??? Son of a bit--)

Anyway... after eating WAY too much and getting autograph and pictures galore, we headed to Adventure Land and rode, among others, The Magic Carpets of Aladdin (which is the same thing as Dumbo but with 'carpets' that can hold four instead of baby elephants that can hold two). This was also where the kids bought their first souvenier; a water bottle that 'spritzes' water through a kid-friendly fan. Find a need and fill it has always been my motto...

About 4:00, seeing that the girls were getting cranky, we decided to head back to the resort for a quick break (and a change, it was 93 degrees and we were all hot and sweaty) before our next character meal at 6:30.

We get back to Magic Kingdom and hopped on the Monorail (every time we got on, I had to sing the 'Monorail' song from The Simpsons, to the extent that The PB and The J also started singing it) to get to Chef Mickey's for our dinner with Mickey and the gang. Again, a very nice place. Good food, a LOT of characters (Mickey, Donald, Minnie, Goofy, Chip and Dale) and a relaxed atmosphere. They also did a dance with Goofy that required everyone to take their napkins and twirl them above their head (and apparantly ignoring the fact that some of the napkins probably have bits of food on them that will be flung in every direction)

Back to Magic Kingdom and watched Country Bear Jamboree (I think this attraction's time has come. The songs are more than a tad strange 'Blood on the Ground'?) and the "SpectroMagic" Parade followed by the nightly fireworks.

Then back to the room to sleep for another day of fun...

Tomorrow, Day Three at MGM. And this is where the fun REALLY starts...

Day One: Travel Day

There are so many stories to pass on about our trip to Disney (The Evil Empire) that I’ve decided to split them out by days, kind of like the TV show '24', but rather than Hour one or Hour Two, it will be Day One, Day Two.

Why? It’s called filler material my friends, and it’s needed when one is tired and too pooped to post.

And be warned, we took three hours of video and over 500 pictures (that’s what happens when you buy a brand-spankin’ new compact digital camcorder and an ultra-large digital camera SPD card right before leaving on vacation), so when we get them all uploaded and sorted, I'll be sure to post some.

For those of you that need lists and schedules and agendas (like my wife), here you go...

Day One: Traveling to Orlando and the “Happiest Place on Earth”… unless you’re a toddler who doesn’t get the toy that they wanted… then it sucks ass.

Day Two: Magic Kingdom and it’s never-ending parades (Homer Simpson: "Oh, look! It's the 12-noon robot parade. Hurry up or we'll have to wait for the 12:05 parade.")

Day Three: MGM ('Star Wars' weekend, baby!) and Magic Kingdom

Day Four: Epcot & Magic Kingdom (are you sensing a theme here?)

Day Five: Animal Kingdom and Magic Kingdom (hmmmmm... wonder what it is?)

Day Six: Traveling home to Chicago and its broad shoulders

This entry, the travel. Rather than drive the 450 hours to Florida, we decided to fly... with toddlers... uh, oh...

Honey Mustard and I had heard and read all the horror stories about airports and long lines, so we were a little nervous about the whole flying experience. Truth be told, given that this would be the first air-travel experience for The Peanut Butter and The Jelly, we were more than a little nervous, we were very nervous. Also consider that the last time my wife or I flew was in 2001, before 9/11, so this was, for all intents and purposes, a new experience for us as well.

Since we got the tickets online for Southwest airlines, we were able to do a quick check-in. We gave our bags to the agent and proceeded to security, fully prepared to wait in a long, tedious and winding line.

When we got to the security checkpoint, there was no line… none...

Uh-oh, should we be nervous??

Yes and no. We took off our shoes, placed our bags and keys in the plates and HoMu went through followed by PB and J.

Then it was my turn...

[Beep!]

Son of a...

Try again...

[Beep!]

Damn it!

The TSA worker working the line asked me to go over to a little area that was off to the side. I went in and sat down. Next thing I know, a big guy enters while putting rubber gloves on…

Eep.

It was at this point that I strongly considered surrendering and telling HoMu that she and The PB and The J were going to Disney World by themselves.

They had me take my socks off, take my belt off, checked me with the wand, patted me down and realized it was my friggin’ watch...

My friggin’ $10 watch that I bought solely for vacation with the reasoning of not wanting to wear an expensive (or even my nice, in-expensive) watch while traipsing around the parks and getting dirty and wet and being run into by people who have no idea what the concept of a line is… but that’s a post in its own.

We got through security and, since we had given ourselves WAY too much time, decided to get the girls something from McDonalds.

If you have never flown on Southwest airlines, the best way to describe the boarding process would be to say ‘cattle call followed by cattle stampede” as they do not have assigned seating.

We didn’t have to worry about that…since we were traveling with kids under 4, we qualified for “Pre-Boarding”, which meant we got to board the plane before the throngs did.

Score!

Now the tense part, how would the girls react to an airplane; the taxiing and taking off and any turbulence that may be encountered?

Turns out that The PB & The J can handle air-travel better than Honey Mustard can.

We had quite a bit of turbulence on the way down, bad enough that the stewardesses (yes, you saw that right; I called ‘em stewardesses) had to sit down and my wife was a little (read: VERY) nervous.

We landed, bypassed baggage claim (part of the Disney package – they claim our baggage and take it to the resort, we never see it until we get to our room and it’s already there, sweeeeeeet) and found our bus for the 45-minute trip to our resort.

The girls and the wife slept while I listened to some soothing Billy Holiday on my iPod and relaxed, bracing myself for what lie ahead...

Next: Day Two - The Magic Kingdom: home of Cinderella (the Jelly’s favorite) and Snow White (the PB’s favorite)... will the wife and I survive?

Wow, it IS a small world after all...

We are back from Disney World...

We are tanned...

We are relaxed...

And we are damn glad to be home...

(Aside: if I see one more Disney character, it’s entirely possible that I may pick them up and throw them off the top of the Dumbo Ride, but i digress)

All kidding aside, the four of us had a great time and got back into town last night about 7:30.

Now comes the stories...

We have lots of stories to tell but unfortunately, since I foolishly did not take today off (What the hell was I thinking, I will have to do write-ups tonight after the twins go to bed and the wife is at class (she didn’t take today off either)

So stay tuned… they are guaranteed* to make you laugh and say; “Awwwwwwwww.”



*Not an actual guarantee.

Tag! I'm it...

Leaving for the airport... forgot to post this yesterday... here ya go...

I was tagged by Croutonboy… actually, the state of Illinois was tagged by him, so at least I’m not alone.

If you were stranded on a desert island and could only bring three of the following items, what would they be?

MOVIES

Tough… very, very tough. I love movies, and it's so hard to rate them against each other. I almost went for a couple or somewhat obvious choices, like To Kill a Mockingbird, Stripes or Caddyshack.

Ignoring the fact that there probably isn’t a place to plug in a DVD player on a deserted island, I have made my choices…

The West Wing Season 1 – I can watch each episode over and over and over again and never tire of them.

Star Wars – All six of them… that’s right, you heard me (sorry Sarah). All of them… even ‘Phantom Menace’ and, sigh… Jar-Jar…

The Great Escape – I thought about a comedy (though on it’s worst day during Season 1, West Wing was funnier than half of the “comedies” on any of the networks) like Real Genius or Noises Off… but, ultimately… this won out. All-star cast, slight hints of comedy… and XX. How can you not like this movie?

MUSIC

I suppose it would be cheating to say my iPod, so I’ve combed through the recesses of my mind and picked the three albums I would have to have on the island.

“1” by The Beatles. It’s the Beatles… ‘nuff said.
“Yankee Hotel Foxtrot” by Wilco. Brilliant album, pure music genius.
“The Very Best of Frank Sinatra” by Frank Sinatra. How can you go wrong with Sinatra???

PEOPLE

I thought that C-boy’s selection of Mark Twain was a good one, but, not wanting to copy him, I decided to come up with someone similar… yet different.

James Dean? Henry David Thoreau? William Shakespeare? Nah… I had to be true to form and pick three eclectic individuals who could all bring something unique and varied to the table.

Aristotle. A philosopher (who created the theory of rhetoric) who loved to argue and me, who loves to argue, on a deserted beach… what could possibly go wrong?

Dudley Moore. Think about it, he could do improvisation with the best of them (Moore and Cook anyone?), could play virtuoso-type piano, was funny as hell, and was “Arthur”… how could one go wrong?

I thought about the last one a long time. The wife can’t be there, so I thought about Penelope Cruz (though the fact that she has “been” with Tom Cruise makes her slightly less attractive), or Salma Hayek or Shakira. But I finally decided on Rachel Ray. She may not be the most attractive one of the bunch, but she is pretty-damn hot and she can whip up anything in 30-minutes, which could come in handy on a desert island. Guys (and gals for that matter), click on the link for her name… yowza…

BOOKS

This one was the hardest one for me, which is why it’s last in this cavalcade of whimsy.

I have a list of favorite books, and I’ve written about it on this blog a few dozen times, but trying to pick three of them only was a very daunting task.

I do know that one of the three will be one I have never read before but have been told by a surfeit of others to read. Why something new? Because it’s something new that I can look forward to while stuck on a deserted island. If I don’t like the new one, it’s ok as I still have two of my favorites to fall back on.

I considered The Complete Works of William Shakespeare, but there are two things wrong with that selection; the size of the book and the fact that I feel it’s a cop-out to offer up that as a selection. Besides, even though I love Shakespeare and understand the language and meanings, anyone can get a headache while reading him… which I would imagine would only be exacerbated by being stranded.

Spoon River Anthology by Edgar Lee Masters. It stands to reason this would be one of my choices. Think about it; it’s an anthology, so there are multiple stories being told by multiple people and you can read it slowly and methodically and not lose sight of the end result of the book.

Walden by Henry David Thoreau. Think about it… the underlying nuances of the book and the underlying nuances of the situation of being on a deserted island makes for a compelling parternership. Plus, as Cheeky said, it’s good to have a self-help book on the hand.

The new book I would choose, would be Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk. Why not?

That’s my list… so now I have to tag someone else. Hmmmm… let’s see, I’m gonna take the Croutonboy route and name a state… let’s see… Florida or Virginia???? Hmmmm…

I think this will have to wait until I’m back from vacation…

Out of the blog

Well, I’ve been tagged by Croutonboy (actually, the entire state of Illinois has been tagged by him… this could take a while), but that’s going to have to wait.

First, I want to let my loyal readers (there has to be at least one out there… right? I asked, right?? Hello?? Is there anyone out there???) know that I will be away from a computer for the next few days as Honey Mustard, The Peanut Butter and The Jelly and I are going on vacation…

To Disney World…

You read that right… Disney World… the Evil Empire…

Five days of ‘The Mouse’…and princesses… and heat… and long, long lines… and ridiculously high prices… and…

And the scary thing is… I am excited…

What’s wrong with me?

I’ve been to Disney twice before. Once when I was a child with my parents and my brother, then in 1997 with my wife and ALL THE IN-LAWS. That’s right… ALL OF THEM… All thirteen of us… driving… from Illinois to Florida. And this was a mere six months after our wedding…

I would tell you more about that trip, but I seem to be repressing a lot of it.

Having said and experienced that, I am still looking forward to this trip. I realize it’s the first time The PB and The J will have ever been on a plane, the first time HoMu and I have been on a plane since 9/11 (mainly because in November of that year we discovered that “we” were pregnant), the first time we’ve ever done a true vacation with only the four of us…

Regardless of all of that… I am still excited.

Is there something wrong with me? Or is it because I am going with my children and I will be able to see the park anew through their eyes?

So, this will be the final post from me for a while (except for C-boy’s meme, which I will post later today)

I’ll see you all when I get back...

D'oh!

My computer at work got attacked by a virus Thursday night. When I came in Friday, all it would do would reboot in a continuous loop. That meant no access to work email, no access to my files, no internet access... nothing.

You would think that by Tuesday morning the IT department would have the problem fixed...

Wrong-o!

I still have no computer at work...

What's a person to do?

Random Thoughts for a Thursday Afternoon

• There’s been rumors of a “TomKat spat” and now Katie Holmes is reported to be "Very unhappy and beginning to realize she may have made a major mistake being with Tom." (Well duh…)
• I’m a Star Wars fan and all, but even I find THIS “nerdly” pathetic…
• From the ‘somewhat surprising’ files; the ratings for WNBA games are better than the ratings for the NHL playoffs… (And NHL owners still say they won…seems to me like no one won…)
• When asked who should win ‘American Idol’ (if anyone still cares), Tommy Mottola said Taylor Hicks is “a modern-day Huey Lewis.” (High praise indeed…)
• Which lasts longer? The ‘American Idol’ finale show or the NBA playoffs?
• Aren’t Jack Black’s 15 minutes up yet???
• Anyone know what the over-under is for how long the “CW Network” will be around next year?
• Check out Lumpyheadsmom’s post about American Idol HERE… it’s a “must read”
• LambChop is relieved as the Governor of Arizona signed into law a bill that states it is now illegal to have sex with sheep.
• Here’s a sobering statistic. The number of countries (out of 168 surveyed) that have guaranteed paid maternity leave for working mothers is 164. The number of countries that don't is 4 (New Guinea, Swaziland, Lesotho (is that near Freedonia?) and – you guessed it – the United States). Kind of sad… isn’t it? “I flat-out guarantee you that if men were biologically responsible for procreation, there'd be paid family leave in every Fortune 500.” Having said that “if men were biologically responsible for procreation, they'd fall down and die at the first sonogram.” (The West Wing – Season 2, Episode 18: “17 People”)
• Here are some of the recent search phrases that have brought people to my little corner of the blogosphere: “Tenneva Jordan's birth date”, “atticus's advice”, “mother of Twins blog”, “why is george washingtons birthday celebrated on the twenty second of february instead of the 11th”, “"Insanity runs in my family... It practically gallops."”, “your favorite cigar kemp” (uh… okay…)
• Today’s gratuitous (and superfluous) attempt for the ‘craziest word or phrase used in a blatant attempt to trick people into visiting my site when they type it into Google’is: “pussy willow”
• Today’s gratuitous blog plug is a poetry-site: The American Nightmare
• Today's mental iPod song of the day is "These Walls" by Teddy Geiger, from the album "Underage Thinking"

I can't believe what is in front of me
The water's rising up to my knees
And I can't figure out
How the hell I wound up here
Everything seemed okay when I started out the other day
Then the rain came pouring down
And now I'm drowning in my fears
And as I watch the setting sun
I wonder if I'm the only one

[Chorus]
Cause everyobody tries to put some love on the line
And everybody feels a broken heart sometimes
And even when I'm scared I have to try to fly
Sometimes I fall
But ive seen it done before I got to step outside these walls

I've got no master plan to help me out
Or make me stand up for
All the things I really want
You had me to afraid to ask
And as I look ahead of me
Cry and pray for sanity

[chorus]
These walls can't be my haven
These walls can't keep me safe here
Now I guess I got to let them down
Cause everybody tries to put some love on the line
And everybody feels a broken heart sometimes, yeah
Even when I'm scared I have to try to fly
Sometimes I fall
But I've seen it done before

I got to break out...
I got to break out...
I got to step outside these walls
Love outside these walls
I feel my heart breaking
But its a brand new day
I'm going down
I'm stepping out
I'm stepping outside
These walls
I've seen it done before.. i'm walking on, i'll walk it off, oh i'm moving on)

A Birthday Gala-Bash-Fete-Party-Fiesta-Soiree Roundup!

Thanks to e - v - e - r - y - o - n - e (wow, that worked out well) who wished The PB & The J Happy 4th birthday on Monday. They had a very good day and did not want it to end. Also, thanks to everyone who heaped congratulations onto HoMu and I for doing such a damn-fine job in raising them… so far…

MetroDad asked what we did with The PB & The J for their birthday, so I though I would push Random Thoughts to tomorrow and regale you with stories of their birthday celebrations. (It wasn’t one day of partying mind you, it was a few days… rather… it’s their birthday week…)

Sunday was their party… it was “small” this year with 25 people (and that’s just immediate family – though their psuedo-quasi-Uncle Scott was invited too, but, due to circumstances beyond his control, he was not able to make it… which made filming the party hard since he has “volunteered” to be the vide-ographer since their first birthday party… but I digress)

Rather than having it at our home, again, and not be able to enjoy it, we decided we would have it somewhere else.

Following the Twins Club’s bowling outing a few months ago (which I thankfully had to work through as the ratio of kids to adults was 24:8), the girls have had a fascination with bowling, and when we asked where they wanted their party at, they both, without hesitation, said a bowling alley

(I know what you’re all thinking... and no, we’re not hicks, the girls just like bowling)

This was easier than asking what type of party they wanted. One would say The Wiggles (year two party), one would say Princess (year three party), and The PB often said Star Wars (which made me proud) and on one occasion, they both said they wanted a “West Wing” party (Peanut Butter for President in 2045… watch for it)

So they finally picked what kind of party they wanted (Chicken Little) and the place they wanted it (bowling alley)... so the planning commenced.

We had the alley to ourselves, we ate lunch we had catered in, played a game of bowling, cut their cakes and opened their plethora (or if you prefer surfeit) of gifts.

A fun time was had by all...

We thanked everyone and, rather than give treat bags filled with candy, I burned a CD of all their favorite songs from my iPod (they have their own playlist on there), created an insert with their picture and a label with a "personal" message from them and we gave those out to everyone who attended.

On Monday, their actual birthday, HoMu and I took the day off. First, HoMU took them to see a friend of her family’s who shares the girl’s birthday and was turning 99 (99 and planning a trip to Jamaica to see her granddaughter get married… I can only hope that when I’m 99, I can still get on a plane. – Incidentally, my brother asked if she was going to Jamaica to ‘get her groove back’… ewwww)

The PB & The J then went to get their 4-year pictures taken.

I then met up with them and we went out for lunch to McDonald’s (birthday girls choice)

We then ran some errands (had to buy blank DVD’s for my new toy – a brand-spanking new digital camcorder), and went to see “Over the Hedge.” (My one-word review of Over the Hedge: “Meh”)

After that it was dinner at their favorite pizza place, Monical’s, and then home where they opened up their gifts from us (we always hold a couple of presents from us back so they have something to open on their actual birthday)

Then, as quickly as it came... the day was over and it was bedtime.

But their birthday celebrations weren’t done yet...

Yesterday they had a party at my mother-in-law’s daycare (where they go 3 days a week - free daycare; whoo-hoo!!) and the girls cutely and politely asked me to take their bounce house over so they could play with all their little friends (the bounce house was a gift to them from my parents last year… and still stands as their favorite summer “toy”… though the new bikes we got them this year may surpass that soon…)

If you ask them, they will tell you they had a “super cool.”

We don’t spoil our kids… do we??

Random Thoughts for a Wednesday Afternoon

• Ya get the feeling that Stella, Mary & James, Jr. are dancing a jig right now?
• I know how I can get elected as Governor in any state with just four words for my campaign: “IQ Tests – Drivers Licenses”… ‘nuff said.
• Honey Mustard has been out of town for the last 3 days/2 nights, so I’ve been ‘single-dadding’ it… happy to report that all is good. The kids have no broken bones and the house is still in one piece (and clean thank you very much)
• After 6 weeks, my Yahoo fantasy baseball team is still in first place with a 36-19-5 record. How? Two words: Albert and Pujols.
• It’s a work of fuc**** fiction people!!! Get over it!!!
• Can we all agree now that Britney Spears having another baby is a really, really bad idea??
• The news that “The Da Vinci Code” movie is bad is kind of disappointing… yet not entirely surprising.
• Goodbye Lew...
• ‘The West Wing’ gets cancelled, but 7th Heaven gets a reprieve?? Is this some sort of a cruel and sick joke???
• Goodbye Stanley...
• My next must read book: “Mockingbird: A Portrait of Harper Lee” by Charles J. Shields
• Today’s the birthday of an actor who spoke one of my favorite lines ever from a movie, so it’s a great opportunity to post the quote on my blog: “Heineken!? F--k that shit! Pabst Blue Ribbon!” Who knows the movie and the actor?
• Hmmmmm… I wonder if anyone reading this blog can relate to THIS LIST??
• There will be arguing in my household this fall on Thursday nights with Honey Mustard’s favorite show “Grey’s Anatomy” being moved opposite (what I am sure, based on history with the creator/writer, will be my new favorite show) Aaron Sorkin’s “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.” Son of a bit--
• Hey… if you haven’t gone over to Draft Day Suit… you need to… now… this minute… then come right back here and finish reading this post… please.
• I had other things to put in this week’s Random Thoughts… but I’ve since forgotten them… I really need to start writing these down.
• Here are some of the recent search phrases that have brought people to my little corner of the blogosphere: “twins mono ultrasound”, “edmund fitzgerald bell display”, “Sinking location of the Edmund Fitzgerald”, “ozzie smith wife and children?”, “whitey herzog's wife”, “bodies at the bottom of lake superior”, “the history of a cigar to celebrate fatherhood”, “yoda kemp”, “giorno felice delle madri”, “La Puente cheese enchilada recipe”
• Today’s gratuitous (and superfluous) attempt for the ‘craziest word or phrase used in a blatant attempt to trick people into visiting my site when they type it into Google’is: “onomatopoetic hyperbole”
• Today’s Gratuitous Blog Plug is: Jen (and Andrew). She linked my blog on her site and said, about me; “the dude is pretty damn cool”… how can I not plug her blog (wow, that sounds kinda dirty doesn’t it?)
• Today’s Mental iPod Song of the day, in honor of the separation of Paul & Heather McCartney is Your Loving Flame by Paul McCartney, from his album; “Driving Rain”

How can I hope to reach your love
Help me to discover
What it is you’re thinking of

’cos when we kiss, nothing feels the same
I could spend eternity
Inside your loving flame

What am I to do
If I don’t have you
I’ll be feeling blue
Just sitting here without you
You could be the one
To chase my blues away, away

So tell me how, how to reach your love
Help me to discover
What it is you’re thinking of

’cos when we kiss, nothing feels the same
I could spend eternity
Inside your loving flame

What am I to do
If I don’t have you
I’ll be feeling blue
Just sitting here without you
You could be the one
To chase my blues away, away

’cos when we kiss, nothing feels the same
I could spend eternity
Inside your loving flame

So tell me how, how to reach your love
Help me to discover
What it is you’re thinking of

How can I hope to reach your love
Here forever in your loving flame

Photo Captioning

Every so often, you encounter a picture that creates a plethora of snarky, smart-ass comments in your head...

This is one of those pictures...

"I can't believe you didn't vote for Chris Daughtry!"

"No soup for you!"

"I slap you silly bee-yatch..."

"Why I oughta.."

Feel free to add your own...

Happy Mother's Day

I tried to sit down and write something about inspiring and inspirational about my mother and my wife, who is the mother to our children... but when I sat down at the computer... I couldn’t put it into words.

The only thing I can think of to describe how my mother was to me, and how Honey Mustard is to The Peanut Butter & The Jelly is this:

Mom

Says it all… doesn’t it?

Happy Mother's Day

Mother's Day

Sunday is Mother’s Day. What better way to say “I Love You” to my mother, Honey Mustard for being such a damn-fine mother (and wife) to The Peanut Butter & The Jelly, and all the mothers of the world than do give one of my patented (in my mind at least) holiday posts.

I will be posting my more serious, more loving, and more caring homage to my mother and my wife on Sunday. Watch for it.

Did you know?

• That in 1872, Julia Ward Howe (who wrote the words to the ‘Battle Hymn of the Republic’, btw) suggested the idea of a celebration of Mothers?
• That it was Miss Anna Jarvis of Philadelphia, who began a letter-writing campaign to a variety of influential people that made Mother's Day a national holiday? In 1907 Anna persuaded her mother's church in Grafton, West Virginia to celebrate Mother's Day on the second anniversary of her mother's death, the 2nd Sunday of May. By the next year, 1908, Mother's Day was also celebrated in Philadelphia.
• That In 1910 the first Mother's Day proclamation was issued by the governor of West Virginia? Oklahoma celebrated Mother's Day that year as well.
• That by 1911 every state observed Mother's Day?
• That The Mother's Day International Association was incorporated on December 12, 1912, with the sole purpose of furthering meaningful observations of Mother's Day?
• That Mother’s Day became an “official” holiday in May of 1913? The US House of Representatives unanimously adopted a resolution requesting the President, his Cabinet, members of Congress, and all officials of the federal government to wear a white carnation on Mother's Day. Congress followed with a Joint Resolution on May 8, 1914 that designated the second Sunday in May to be Mother's Day.
• That Denmark, Finland, Italy, Turkey, Australia and Belgium celebrate Mother's Day on the same day as the US?
• That other countries throughout the world celebrate Mother's Day as well, just not on the same day?
• That the earliest Mother's Day celebrations can be traced back to the spring celebrations of ancient Greece in honor of Rhea, the Mother of the Gods?
• That the traditional US Mother's Day flower is a carnation? Pink to represent love for mothers, white to honor those mothers who are no longer living.
• That one in four will forget Mother’s Day… and will never hear the end of it for the rest of their natural life...

Statistics about Mothers Day (Source: US Census Bureau)

• There are about 82.5 million mothers in the US
• Approximately 96% of American consumers take part in Mother's Day in some manner.
• Mother's Day is widely reported as the peak day of the year for long distance telephone calls. (Reach out and guilt someone…)
• Retailers report that Mother's Day is the second highest gift-giving holiday in the US… can you guess which is #1?
• In 2002, 55% of American women with children were in the workforce (up from 31% in 1976, yet down from 59% in 1998)

Some Movies (some good, some mediocre, some ‘meh’) about Moms

• Mother
• Trading Mom
• Mr. Mom (meh… close enough)
• The Positively True Adventures of the Alleged Texas Cheerleader-Murdering Mom
• Hi, Mom!
• Serial Mom
• Mommie Dearest

Some really, really, really bad movies about mom

• Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot
• Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead

Some books about/for mothers

• I Don't Know How She Does It
• The Hot Mom's Handbook
• I'm Too Sexy for My Volvo: A Mom's Guide to Staying Fabulous!
• Mommy Land: Entering the Insanity of Motherhood
• What Do You Do All Day?
• The Motherhood Manifesto: What America's Moms Want - and What To Do About It

Some sage advice handed down by mothers throughout the years:

• Always change your underwear, you never know when you'll have an accident.
• Don't make that face or it'll freeze in that position.
• You’ll shoot your eye out.
• Be careful or you'll put your eye out.
• What if everyone jumped off a cliff? Would you do it, too?
• You have enough dirt behind those ears to grow potatoes!
• Close that door! Were you born in a barn?
• If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
• Don't put that in your mouth; you don't know where it's been!

Quotes and such about mothers:

• God could not be everywhere, so he made mothers – Jewish proverb
• “I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life.” - Abraham Lincoln
• “There was never a great man who had not a great mother” - Oliver Schreiner
• “A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie”. ~ Tenneva Jordan
• “The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new” – Rajneesh
• “Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body” - Elizabeth Stone
• “My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute all my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her.” - George Washington
• “My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it” –Mark Twain
• “A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take.” - Cardinal Mermillod
• “Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president, but they don't want them to become politicians in the process.” - John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Strange, but true, fact(s) about Mother’s Day:

• In Serbia, Mother's Day is observed two weeks before Christmas and is called "Materice". ON this day, boys and girls tiptoe into their mother's bedroom and tie her up. When she wakes up, she is surprised to find herself all tied up (shouldn’t be if it’s a yearly tradition), and begs the children to untie her while promising to give them little gifts which she has hidden under her pillow.

How to say “Happy Mother’s Day” in:

• Spanish: ‘Feliz día de la madre’
• German: ‘Glücklicher Muttertag’
• Italian: ‘Giorno felice delle madri’
• French: ‘Jour heureux de mères’
• Latin: ‘Gauisus Matris dies’

Mental iPod Song of the Day: Mother’s Day edition. “That's All Right, Mama” by Elvis Presley, from the album “The Sun Studios Story”

Well, that's all right, mama
That's all right for you
That's all right mama, just anyway you do
Well, that's all right, that's all right.
That's all right now mama, anyway you do

Mama she done told me,
Papa done told me too
'Son, that gal your foolin' with,
She ain't no good for you'
But, that's all right, that's all right.
That's all right now mama, anyway you do

I'm leaving town, baby
I'm leaving town for sure
Well, then you won't be bothered with
Me hanging 'round your door
Well, that's all right, that's all right.

That's all right now mama, anyway you do

FAQ's, or rather, FAQ

When I whined about no one asking me questions in last weeks Random Thoughts, Sarah evidently felt sorry for me (Whoo-hoo!! Pity!) and asked me a two-part question, so here’s my answer:

What are your five favorite books and what five books should I read?

My five favorite books are:

1. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
2. Spoon River Anthology by Edgar Lee Masters
3. Walden by Henry David Throeau
4. The Art of War by Sun Tzu
5. The Complete Works of William Shakespeare

Five books that you should read (assuming you've read TKAM & some Shakespeare):

1. The Art of War by Sun Tzu – not just a war strategies book anymore.
2. Blue Highways by William Yeast-Heat Moon – an incredible look into Americana. Somewhat dry at times, yet still a must-read.
3. Catch-22 by Joseph Heller – my brother’s favorite book. He forced me to read it years ago and I was not disappointed. Neither will you.
4. On the Road by Jack Kerouac – Best. Road-trip book. Ever.
5. Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson – Best. Drug & Road-trip book. Ever.

I have more books that I think should be required reading for people, in case you care: The Prince by Niccolo Machiavelli, Beowolf, The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien, Night by Elie Wiesel, The Divine Comedy by Dante Alighieri, The Harry Potter series (don't laugh, they're good and are getting better with each progressive book) Undaunted Courage, Band of Brothers & D-Day by Stephen Ambrose and the early works of Michael Crichton (before he sold out) such as The Andromeda Strain, The Terminal Man, The Great Train Robbery and Jurassic Park.

I considered doing this as a meme and tagging people such as Scott, CP X 2, Mr Big Dubya, MetroDad, Croutonboy, Becky, Roger, QofS, Gidge, a few others (who shall rename nameless… but you know who you are) and Sarah, but I decided against it (wow, that was a huge collective sigh of relief I just heard)

But I am still going to throw this question out to all of my loyal readers out there... assuming I have a couple...

What are your five favorite books and what five books should I read?

A Day, and night, apart: the conclusion

[Camera Shot: A beautiful spring day]

We follow The Peanut Butter as she gets out of the Explorer, runs to the front door (all so she can see her sister) and walks into her grandmother's house.

[Camera change: inside house] The PB’s Aunt tells her that her sister is playing in the backyard. The camera follows The PB as she bolts to the back door, swings it open and runs out...

[Camera change: outside] The Jelly is swinging with her cousin, Little Man, when she sees her sister come leaping out the door.

Their eyes meet [cue music] and as The J sees the PB, she jumps off the swing as they both start running towards one another...[music tempo increases]

They hug... camera pans around them...

They are together again...

[End Scene]

A day, and night, apart: Part 2

Last night, The Jelly started whimpering that she missed her sissy and wanted to see her.

Not more than 30 seconds later, Honey Mustard calls because The Peanut Butter was whimpering that she missed her sissy and wanted to see her.

That twins connection is a sight to see... I mean a sight to see...

Anyhow, The Peanut Butter has been released from the hospital earlier this morning and is currently speeding home to pick up The Jelly. Updates of their reunion will be carried here live, when they happen (or at least when I hear about them from HoMu)

And HoMu, The PB & The J and I want to thank all of you who left a comment or sent an email wishing us all well. We truly appreciate it.

A day, and night, apart

I am nervous today… and a little sad.

The Peanut Butter is having an EEG today (as part of a second opinion) to see why she has developed a “seizure disorder.” (She has had 4 seizures in the past, 3 of which were febrile, meaning they were due to an incredibly high fever, the 4th was not)

She is staying overnight at Children’s Memorial Hospital in Chicago with Honey Mustard and I am at-home with The Jelly.

I am nervous because I am hoping that this test will show something that was missed the last time she had this done (which took place at home) and may help with the treatment of the disorder.

I am sad because I won’t see HoMu and The Peanut Butter for 2 days.

But I am sadder more so because of The Jelly. While putting them to bed last night, The J started to cry because we were packing a bag for HoMu and The PB. She didn’t want her sister to leave without her, she wanted to go too, and at (almost) four years of age…she can’t really comprehend why she can’t go along.

It took a while, but we got The J settled down, and they both fell to sleep as soon as their heads hit the pillow.

This morning, things were quiet.

At least until HoMu and The PB were ready to leave.

That’s when The PB gave The J a hug goodbye… and that’s when The J lost it and started sobbing (not a whimper mind you, but one of those break-parent’s-hearts type of cry) her eyes out.

This of course started The PB crying… which in turn started HoMu crying.

All three of them… in the family room…crying…

And there’s me… standing there, attempting to be the strong, father/husband type and not cry…

They left, and The J settled down. I then dropped off The J to preschool and she held onto my hand tight and refused to let go (which she has NEVER done before… but, of course, her sister is always with her)

She finally released my hand from her death grip (I’ll never blog again… oh wait…) when she saw her favorite teacher come in… and then one of her friends. At that point it was like… ‘Daddy? Daddy who?’

I have a few questions here; would I be a total wimp-ass if I did cry when the three of them were crying?

Why don’t children come with protective coverings and virus-protection? Like a computer…

Does it count if I were to cry in my car when no one is around?

How can I get my sheets their whitest?

UPDATE: I spoke with The PB earlier on the phone, and the first question out of her
mouth was "How's sissy?' The connection they have with each other is incredible.