A Sign of Things to Come

“The female of the species is more deadly than the male.” - Rudyard Kipling

Oh you have no idea Rudyard… you have no idea…

This past weekend, Honey Mustard and I took The Peanut Butter & The Jelly to the Illinois State Fair in Springfield to see Corbin Blue/Drake Bell in concert.

Who’s Corbin Bleu you ask?

He’s one of the stars of the evil empire’s Disney’s “High School Musical,” he also starred in The PB’s favorite movie; “Jump In.”

There were approximately 7300 people at the concert, with the breakdown something like this:

• Girls anywhere from ages 3-17; 6899


• Boys anywhere from ages 3-17; 100


• Mothers/grandmothers/etc; 291


• Fathers/grandfathers/etc; 10

Ok, there were probably more than 10 men there, but not a whole-lot more… I was definitely outnumbered and realize I could have been trampled and overpowered at any given moment, but that is part of being a good father. And when The PB & The J told me that I was the best Daddy in the world for taking them to the concert... well, my heart was bursting with pride and joy.

When the first act, Jordan Pruitt, came out the audience response was a succinct; meh.

When Drake Bell (of Nickelodeon’s Drake & Josh) came out… the audience roared with approval.

When Corbin came out, all I heard was the squealing of thousands of girls… something along the lines of "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

That was immediately followed by a semi-constant ringing in my ears that went away… well, it really hasn’t yet…

The PB & The J enjoyed themselves immensely… and were dancing and singing with all the other girls in attendance.

The PB & The J are five… and we saw plenty of other girls around the same age… with their High School Musical or “I heart Corbin” t-shirts on… teeny-bopping around, screaming, and generally acting like a concert-goer.

But seeing all of this – seeing the throngs of girls in a tizzy ready to rip the eyes out of any other girl that made eyes at Corbin – made me realize one thing;

I am oh-so-screwed…

It’s gonna be me… HoMu… and The PB & The J… no other males in the house…

Me… and three females…

Pray for me…

In all seriousness though; Bell wasn’t bad. His musical influences are The Beatles, and you can definitely hear it in his music and also in his fashion with his publicty photo on the state fair’s website looking very early-Beatlesesque;

As far as Corbin goes, he’s been working out since “High School Musical.” Midway through his show he removed his shirt to reveal a tank top with a glittery peace sign, and his muscles were a’bulging with more than a few of the mother’s oooing and aahing… never mind the fact that he’s only 20…

And one other question; when the HELL did concert t-shirts get so ridiculously expensive? $30, are you kidding me?

Best Greeting Card Ever

Friday was Honey Mustard's birthday, and yesterday I threw a 35th b-day bash for her (more on that later).

The card my brother gave her is one of the most clever cards I've ever seen... even though it took a potshot at me.

[front] "Sister-in-law; I thought about getting you one of those gag gifts for your birthday...

[inside]: ...but you already have my brother."

Ouch

Headlines that give me hope for humankind:

Critics bash new 'Caveman' show

Wow... I never saw that coming... (he said with sarcasm oozing out of him...)

A sad and pathetic threat*

Kemp’s Note: I know I haven’t posted anything political here since I started TBWA, but this story just pissed me off so much, I had to take any soapbox I could get to let my anger known. Here ya go…


As I mentioned briefly in this morning’s “’BushWhack’ing”, there is a bi-partisan effort underway in the Senate to renew a program that provides health insurance to poor children, and they’ve reached a compromise that would expand the program by $35 billion over five years, an increase agreed to by both Democrats and republicans.

The program currently insures 6.6 million low income children from families that do not qualify for Medicaid, but are still too poor to afford private insurance coverage, and under the Senate’s expansion plan, an additional 3.3 million children would be covered under the program that was developed by Senate Finance Committee Chairman Max Baucus (D-MT) and republican Sens. Charles Grassley (r-IA) and Orrin Hatch (r-UT), among others…. and they plan to pay for this with a scant $0.61 increase on the federal excise tax on cigarettes.

“President” Bush opposes both.

Now I could give a rats-ass as to the cigarette tax… but the one that really frosts my preserves is his opposition to insuring more children whose only strike against them is being born into a poor family.

This isn’t a partisan issue, as republicans have tried pleading with Bush to compromise with Democrats on the legislation and he’s ignored them (and he wonders why no one likes him and why no gop candidates want their picture with him… it’s because he’s a train wreck that’s turning into a disaster who only cares about his beliefs and no one else’s, but I’m getting off-topic)

And no, he doesn’t have a better solution in mind; he wants to kill the expansion because… well, let’s let him speak for himself;

“My concern is that when you expand eligibility . . . you're really beginning to open up an avenue for people to switch from private insurance to the government.”

You read that right… he’s essentially saying that he cares more about private insurance companies than he does about children's health, (which seems, to me, to exemplify how he and other republicans don't care about children once they are outside the womb or outside the Petri dish)

Bush went on and said that he objects to the proposal based on “philosophical grounds”…

‘Philosophical grounds????’ Whose philosophical grounds; insurance and healthcare companies?? Or more specifically, insurance and healthcare company’s political gop contributions???

And what’s more, his comments seem to imply that he wants private insurance only… now I could get into the whole socialized medicine universal health care spiel, but after reading this, I’m just too frustrated to do it.

Rep. Rahm Emanuel (D-IL), the House Democratic Caucus chairman, said that he’s “bewildered” that Bush would be fighting an expansion in funding for a program that is not only supported by Democrats, but republicans as well. Said Mr. Emanuel;

“This is the chance for him to finally be a uniter and not a divider. You have consensus across party and ideology, and a unity on the most important domestic issue, health care -- except for one person.”

Bush’s ignorance here is unnerving… this isn’t a program to increase handing out condoms in schools or to teach evolution, two things that cause conservative’s skin to crawl… it’s ensuring that children who can not fend for themselves and have been born into situations that they are not able to control or change have health coverage…

I mean… shouldn’t it be a necessity to ensure that children (who are, as trite as it may sound, our future) are healthy?

Billions and billions of dollars for Iraq… but let’s screw poor kids.

The man is a tool… and I hope Bush can explain to the sick and dying kids what his "philosophical" reasons are for letting them suffer… and I won’t even bring-up his pre-presidential pledge to be a “compassionate conservative” because he obviously only understands the definition of one of those words.

Your guess as to which one I’m inferring to…

*cross-posted at The BushWhacked Administration

Glorious Self-Promotion Post

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEMP!!!!

Hi everyone, it's Honey Mustard... wanted to give a blogosphere shout-out to hubby, to one of the most intelligent, creative and thought-provoking bloggers in the blogosphere...

at least that's what he wrote down for me...

He's 34 today, so if you have a chance, come wish him a Happy Cyber-Birthday.

Happy 4th of July!! Have some Hendrix

What better way is there to wish everyone a happy and safe July 4th then by showing this...

Maybe we can hire Bob the Builder

Well… apparently Honey Mustard and I are gluttons for punishment.

First, we made an offer on a lovely house…

Second, we rescinded said offer after the home inspector said the house was a ‘fire waiting to happen’ and was… well, I can’t really say any more as I’ve suppressed those memories…

Third we thought about adding on to our house. Uh… no…

Fourth, and current, we have purchased a lot… a lot in which we will build a house.

We are going to build… a… house…

Bui— Oh my God…what the hell are we thinking?

Didn’t we see “Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House”???? Or “The Money Pit”? Or “Drömkåken”????

Didn’t we see Ice Cube’s “Are we Done Yet?”? (wait, that’s right; no one saw that movie…)*

Oh my God… building a house?

...

...

Is it possible to hyperventilate in the blogosphere?


*BTW, I’m ignoring the fact that all of these movies are all in some way remakes of ‘Mr. Blandings…’

Quick post from Oklahoma...

So Julie was driving the last 2 hours of our trip to Oklahoma yesterday afternoon when it starts to get really, really dark.

I’s about 88 degrees… then, suddenly the temperature drops to 70…

And then I see this dropping out of the sky to our right…

Have car, will travel

At first I was supposed to go out to L.A. on business…

Then that changed to Boston on business…

Then that got cancelled altogether and now I’m going to Norman, Oklahoma…

From LA to Boston to Norman… that’s a rather strange progression isn’t it?

One of my cousins got married recently and they are having a reception on Saturday. And seeing as how this is one of only two cousins on my Mom’s side, Honey Mustard, The Peanut Butter, The Jelly and I – along with my parents, my brother and his fiancée – are making the trek down.

Twelve hours in a car with two 5-year olds…

Oh. My. God.

Sure, we’ll have the dual DVD player… and The PB & The J will have their Gameboys (which, quite frankly, they don’t really like)… and they’ll have enough books that they would be able to take over for the Library of Congress… and coloring books. But even with all those diversions, it’s still going to be a bumpy ride so to speak.

Why? Well, save for a short portion through the Ozarks, the states of Illinois, Missouri and Oklahoma are pretty damn flat…

For those of you in New York or Virginia or California or Florida who have never driven through those states, it looks something like this:




Okay, maybe not that bad, but you get the idea.

So… I’ll be back Tuesday with tales to regale about a trip that, while shorter than last year’s jaunt to Washington DC, will surely be…

Be…

...

... well... how about we just say ‘interesting’ at this point at leave it at that?

Oh... and a prize to whomever can accurately guess what the total expenditure of gas on this trip will be while driving a Ford Explorer.

Happy Father's Day!!

To all my fellow dads out there Happy Father's Day.

And to my own dad, Happy Fathers Day, I love you and truly appreciate everything you've ever done for me in my life. Thank you.

I am part of a special collaborative post over at The Blogfather's today about our thoughts on being a father, go check it out with this handy, dandy link.

Remembrance

Don Herbert, more popularly known as "Mr. Wizard" died today at the age of 89.

I am not a science person by ANY means, but I always enjoyed watching his show as he not only introduced me to the joys of science, he introduced generation after generation of young viewers to the joys of science as well, and he will be missed...

Perfect Tommy: Emilio Lizardo. Wasn't he on TV once?
Buckaroo Banzai: You're thinking of Mr. Wizard.
Reno: Emilio Lizardo is a top scientist, dummkopf.
Perfect Tommy: So was Mr. Wizard.

- from The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension

How true Perfect Tommy... how true...

Now let's all go freeze a superball in liquid nitrogen and smash it with a hammer, just for old times sake.

I don't even know where to begin...

So I'm in the front of the office, the radio is on and the DJ says that Paris Hilton was released from prison today, a scant day or two into her 23-day sentence, because she was depressed.

Stop the world, I want to get off...

It was forty years ago today…

... that Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play.


Today is the 40th Anniversary of the release of what is arguably THE most influential rock album EVAH; The Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.

Go on... give it a listen today…

Coooooool

Oops

Director Mike Figgis (Leaving Las Vegas, Timecode) was going through security at LAX when he was asked the reason for his visit.

He responded by saying; "I'm here to shoot a pilot."

Five hours after immigration and airport officials got online and figured out that, "pilot" has more than one meaning, he was released.

Don't you feel safe that our airports are hiring the best and brightest...

Went to a picnic and an Amish barn-raising broke out

Honey Mustard, The Peanut Butter, The Jelly and I were going to a Memorial Day picnic at the home of one of my sisters-in-law yesterday.

The fete was scheduled to start at 4:00… and unbeknownst to me, my father-in-law, brother-in-law and his Dad were erecting (heh heh heh… I said erect…) a wooden swingset… a task they started at Noon.

So, needless to say, from 4:00 until (no lie) 9:15 in the evening, the four of us, joined later by my sister-in-law’s fiancé, put the set together.

I could go into detail of how the process went, but A: I don't have that kind of time, and B: I honestly don't think I have enough swear-words in my vocabulary to do the story justice.

What I can say is this; when it comes time to upgrade The Peanut Butter and The Jelly’s playset, I’m gonna splurge on a little extra money and have professionals install it… lest my children be playing on something that looks like it was put together by Homer Simpson.

Because the kids did not having a swingset to play with, I was the adult of the day when I quickly ran home and got The PB & The J’s birthday present from my parents. How do you think THIS THING went over with nine kids ages 23 month to 15 years?
Yeah... I was the hero of the day...

Kemp's 7-word Movie Review

This week's offering; Shrek 3.

"They should have stopped at number two."

That is all...

Ya remember that post a few weeks ago wherein I said I wasn’t going to do this blog anymore and how I had lost my spark to write and yada, yada, yada?

.....

I’d like you all to forget that post mmkay? Thanks…

Happy Birthday to The Peanut Butter & The Jelly

Dear The PB & The J:

It was five years ago today… at 4:19 PM… that you came into this world.

The PB, you came out loud and crying at 4 pounds, 14ounces.

The J, you came out ‘floppy and unresponsive’ at 4 pounds, 3 ounces and with 10 tangles in your umbilical cord.

But you were healthy, and for that your Mother and I are eternally grateful.

After three weeks of life in the NICU, we brought you home. To say your Mommy and I were nervous would be a colossal understatement…

We were scared to death.

Dozens of questions went through our heads; ‘Would we be good parents?’, ‘Would we be so-so parents?’… ‘Would we be parents that you would have to talk to therapists about when you’re both older?’

There were adjustments, and some of them were hard to... well, adjust to. Some weren't... like sleep, since you both started to sleep through the night around 4 months of age...

You crawled...

You walked...

You talked...

You sassed...

And…

You’ve grown..

Happy Birthday girls… I love you both very, very much… more than anything else in the world, and will continue to do so, always... and forever..

Love Daddy