Remembrance

Don Herbert, more popularly known as "Mr. Wizard" died today at the age of 89.

I am not a science person by ANY means, but I always enjoyed watching his show as he not only introduced me to the joys of science, he introduced generation after generation of young viewers to the joys of science as well, and he will be missed...

Perfect Tommy: Emilio Lizardo. Wasn't he on TV once?
Buckaroo Banzai: You're thinking of Mr. Wizard.
Reno: Emilio Lizardo is a top scientist, dummkopf.
Perfect Tommy: So was Mr. Wizard.

- from The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension

How true Perfect Tommy... how true...

Now let's all go freeze a superball in liquid nitrogen and smash it with a hammer, just for old times sake.

I don't even know where to begin...

So I'm in the front of the office, the radio is on and the DJ says that Paris Hilton was released from prison today, a scant day or two into her 23-day sentence, because she was depressed.

Stop the world, I want to get off...

It was forty years ago today…

... that Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play.


Today is the 40th Anniversary of the release of what is arguably THE most influential rock album EVAH; The Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.

Go on... give it a listen today…

Oops

Director Mike Figgis (Leaving Las Vegas, Timecode) was going through security at LAX when he was asked the reason for his visit.

He responded by saying; "I'm here to shoot a pilot."

Five hours after immigration and airport officials got online and figured out that, "pilot" has more than one meaning, he was released.

Don't you feel safe that our airports are hiring the best and brightest...

Um, am I missing something?

Can someone please explain this ComcastNews headline to me:

Sean Lennon Unfazed by Public Attention

I know he's the son of John but... what public attention are they referring to exactly???

Why, oh why?

Proof our country is drowning in a sea of pop culture schlock...

You probably all know that the cavemen from the Geico TV ads are getting their own TV show… that’s scary enough, but now word is coming out that the “Burger King” from the Burger King commercials will be making a theatrical feature (read: a movie) to give background for the commercials...

...

Stop the world, I want to get off...

Blog Confessionals

It’s time for a confession… one I’ve held back and kept secret for years… one that gnaws at my soul and wakes me up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat… a confession that could shake the very foundation of my life… so here goes…

I’m afraid of the Oompa Loompas.

Yes… you read that right, the Oompa Loompas. The little demons things from the original Willy Wonka movie…

They scare me… I admit it... it’s not something I’m proud of, but they scare me silly.

I don’t really know what it is about them that freaks me out… but they do.

Please don’t laugh at me.

Now you might me asking yourself how this came up?

Or you might be asking yourself why you’re reading this blog in the first place, but that’s neither here nor there… it all started this past Saturday night, Honey Mustard, The Peanut Butter, The Jelly and I were sitting with HoMu’s youngest sister, who is disabled, so her parents could see a show we had gotten them tickets for.

To get off track momentarily, we first watched the original Parent Trap, and while watching it, I remembered that the actress playing the gold-digger was the same actress that played Patrick Dennis’ snobby fiancé in Auntie Mame and played the gold-diggers mother in the 1998 remake. More proof that you can believe me when I tell you I am chocked-full of useless knowledge…

Afterwards, The PB & The J wanted to watch Willy Wonka.

HoMu said yes, I on the other hand, wanting nothing to do with it, protested… I said it’s late and the girls need to lie down and go to bed…

No dice…

I then said the movie would give them nightmares…

Again, no dice…

So they put the movie in… besides being a colossal piece of mind-numbing drivel, the movie is, quite frankly, excessively cloying… but we watched the movie…

And then, the unspeakable happened…

The Oompa-Loompas appeared…

Oh. My. God.

One look into their beady little eyes and all I see is one thing; EVIL.

Pure, unadulterated, evil.

What it is about them that freaks me out I’m not quite certain of, but I can tell you that I am reasonably sure they are out to get each and every one of us…

Think about it… when was the last time you saw an Oompa Loompa walking around New York City… or Washington DC… or Tampa…

Exactly… you don’t see them…because they’re camouflaged… they’re camouflaged and waiting for just the right moment to spring up and unleash their evil…

Am I the only one that sees this?

Random Thoughts

The following takes place between 9:00 am and 9:08 am…

• We all make fun of her (and deservedly so), but for the sake of her children, I hope Britney gets the help she needs… wait… wow, that was short-lived...
• Heather Mills (Paul McCartney’s soon-to-be ex-wife) will be a contestant on Dancing with the Stars this season… I’m not gonna say anything except this; better her than Yoko…
• Fark Headline of Mid-Week. “Two cities are battling over a federal trademark on the nickname 'Icebox of the Nation.' Submitter still holding out for his ex-wife's vagina.”
• Useless trivia time!!!! Did you know? That Oscar nominee Forest Whitaker was cast as the original Sawyer on “Lost” but dropped out of the show for the chance to direct a movie… a movie starring Katie Holmes called “First Daughter”?
• Ugh… last week on Random Thoughts I poked fun at a possible remake of “Weird Science”. The LA Times apparently didn’t read my post and register my disgust with remaking “classic” films from the ‘70’s and ‘80’s and has released a list of 1980’s movies whose time has come to be remade, meaning they want these movies to be remade. They include “Ghostbusters”, “Jaws” (obviously no one at the LA Times can do research as Jaws was released in 1975), “Airplane” and “Teen Wolf”… (Wait, what? Teen Wolf? Are you fuc**** kidding me?)
• AVClub.com has a list of 14 TV shows that deserve to be released to DVD… I’m a fan of most of them, but especially of “Its’ Garry Shandling’s Show”, one of the funniest shows from the 1980’s. The best line from IGSS’s entry; “Shandling hinted that a DVD release was in the cards, but to date, no official announcement has been made. Meanwhile, Full House has just issued its fifth boxed set.” Nicely put guys…
• They’re working on a movie version of “24”… I assume it won’t be 24-hours in length, but you never know. More useless trivia; the longest movie ever is The Cure for Insomnia which clocked in at a robust 85-hours long…
• Slate.com headline; “Is there a sex crisis on college campuses?” There wasn’t when I was going to college… but then again, I graduated from college in 1996… which makes me realize… I. Am. Old.
• Sarah answers your e-mails… Croutonboy is not a happy home-renovator… Mr. Big Dubya wants to see your tats (that’s tats with an ‘a’, not an ‘i’… Gidge teaches us all about Harvest Festivals of the Modern Age…Dad2Twins is going tropical… TheWhitedNews took some pictures of the Midwest blizzard from last week…
• Recent Search phrases that have brought people to my blog: “Bridget Monyhan” (though I’m sure if I added the word naked to that phrase, my hits would quadruple), “bob gibson statues” (they moved them both from old Busch to new Busch), “Mardi gras catholic perspective”, “doodlebops without makeup” (thanks Sarah!), “naked housewives” (thanks AGAIN Sarah!), “I want Penolope Cruz naked” (I’d be okay with that), “Ilan Mitchell Smith”, “donkeyporn” (I really, really REALLY do not even want to know about this one…), “has anyone died while eating King cake” (Elvis?)
• I liked Sarah’s mailbag post SOOOOO much, I’ve decided to do the same… but first, I need questions. So, if you have any questions, anything at all, send me an email or leave me a comment. Remember, I’m full of useless knowledge, so no subject is omitted…
• Quote of the Week:

  “A witty saying proves nothing.” - Voltaire

Random Thoughts

• Pitchers and catchers report this week for the defending WORLD SERIES CHAMPION ST. LOUIS CARDINALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hmmmmm, I can’t seem to remember whom they beat in the series? Anyone?? Queen, do you remember?
• Am I the only one who doesn’t buy Paula Abdul’s claims that she’s never been drunk?
• I’m signed-up for a lot of email alerts. Yesterday morning I got one from CNN. I see it pop up and I think, oh Christ, something’s happened. I open it up and read: “A judge has ruled Anna Nicole Smith’s body must stay at the medical examiner’s office until a dispute over her daughter’s paternity is resolved, but Smith’s body can be embalmed.” Are you fu***** kidding me??? You send a breaking news email to thousands of people about this??? Here’s a confidential note to the entire Fourth Estate: Get. A. Clue.
• Sarah has nominated me to become a “made man” with “The Blogfathers”. Thanks Sarah!! Would it be unsightly to actively campaign for it? Something along the lines of PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!!!!!! Or does that come across as pathetic? How about bribing?Watched a good movie this past weekend; “Thank You for Smoking”. Biting satire, and worth the rental fee. Having said that, avoid “Clerks 2”… it’s nowhere near as good as the original.
• Remember how I told you all about the HUGE snowstorm that had hit the Midwest, and that no one knew about it because, well, it hit the Midwest? It’s reached the Northeast now so, naturally, it is now worthy of national media attention… all bow down to the MSM…
• A surfeit of meme’s is going around the blogosphere right now and so far I haven’t been tagged… I’m not sure how to feel about that…
• Proof that Hollywood has truly run out of ideas (just in case the looming remakes of Revenge of the Nerds or Police Academy hadn’t convinced you), there are plans in the works to remake “Weird Science”… probably cuz the original had such a huge impact on the acting career of Ilan Mitchell-Smith (who is now, in case you care, a professor at Texas A&M)
• Looking back at some of my blogmigo’s latest posts: MetroDad likes Valentine’s Day… Croutonboy, not so much… Becky’s head has exploded, again… Backtome is doing well… and Lumpyheads Mom has named her beautiful new daughter
• Winner of last week’s “Funniest phrase aimed at getting people to my blog via a google search” is Sarah from SATGS. Her winning phrase was: “hot naked lesbian housewives in diapers sucking big cock that look like Prince's guitar on Project Runway secrets during American Idol iPod Vista naked Paris Hilton on Myspace 2000 bloggers global warming without makeup homophobic Super Bowl ad XXX porn twins cum shot Dooce Today Show 9/11 sexy blonde sluts”… whew… that was a lot. What does Sarah win? A beer. I will buy her a beer next time I am in Washington DC or next time she is in Chicago, whichever comes first.
• Quote of the Week, which is my all-time favorite quotes:

  “There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it.” George Bernard Shaw, from Man and Superman

Random Thoughts for a Thursday Afternoon

• Paula Abdul is going to play a “prominent” role in a live-action movie of the “Bratz” toy line… does this surprise, anyone?
• I read a report that trumpeted James Cameron’s return to directing. My question is, did anyone miss him?
• Things that make me believe there is a heaven: Reports of a lesbian relationship between Spanish beauty (and one of my '5' celebrities) Penelope Cruz and Mexican beauty (and another of my '5') Salma Hayek.
• Fark Headline of the Day: “Cold front moving into Colorado will drop the temperature 60 degrees overnight, from "jacket weather" to "has anybody seen where my testicles went?" Runner-up: ”Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro downgraded from Spalding to Elmer's.”
• We’re sending more troops to Iraq, the editor of PC World magazine was murdered, an Afghan insurgent helped bin Laden escape, and the “Headline” on CNN.com as I’m writing this post is about David Beckham moving to America… it’s just sad…
• The St Louis Cardinals re-signed Rick “Almost wild-pitched himself out of baseball only to try and become an outfielder who then got hurt and missed the entire World Series-winning season and is now desperately trying to resurrect anything that resembles a baseball career” Ankiel to a minor-league deal… why they did I have no idea…
• How long will Lovie Smith stick with Rex Grossman on Sunday? Apparently, that’s the ONLY news happening in Chicago this week.
• Should have posted this yesterday. A new drinking game for Bush’s speech last night. Take a shot every time Bush says “surge” “freedom,” “liberty,” “terrorists” and “troops.” Hope whoever came up with this game had 911 on hold…
• I just read that before getting behind Indiana Jones IV, George Lucas tried to recruit Harrison Ford for a Han Solo spin-off movie. Imagine the possibilities…
• Recent searches that have brought people to my slice of blogosphere heaven. “Girls with armpit hair” (that’s wrong on so many levels), “sahd wife”, “garth kemp birthday” (who the hell is garth kemp? It’s not another persona of Garth Brooks is it? Cuz one is enough…), “laurie berkner nude” (thanks QofS & SATGS), “where did legend of leprechauns originate” (thanks to my ever-popular St Pat’s day post)
• Gratuitous blog-plug of the week: I’d Like to Buy a Vowel
• In honor of “The King’s” birthday earlier this week, today’s Mental iPod Song of the Day is “Kentucky Rain”:

Seven lonely days
And a dozen towns ago
I reached out one night
And you were gone

Dont know why you'd run,
What youre running to or from
All I know is I want to bring you home
So I'm walking in the rain,
Thumbing for a ride
On this lonely kentucky backroad
I've loved you much too long
And my loves too strong
To let you go, never knowing
What went wrong

Kentucky rain keeps pouring down
And up aheads another town
That Ill go walking thru
With the rain in my shoes,
Searchin for you

In the cold kentucky rain,
In the cold kentucky rain

Showed your photograph
To some old gray bearded man
Sitting on a bench
Outside a genral store
They said yes, shes been here
But their memory wasnt clear
Was it yesterday,
No, wait the day before

So I finl'y got a ride
With a preacher man who asked
Where you bound on such a dark afternoon?
As we drove on thru the rain
As he listened I explained
And he left me with a prayer
That I’d find you

Random Thoughts for a Wednesday Afternoon

I appreciate the kind words many of you have left.

Honey Mustard asked me last night if I really wanted to stop the blog… I thought for a moment and told her; ‘I don’t know. At times I feel like I want to keep it going, other times I want to stop.”

So who knows what’s going to happen.

You can view this edition of Random Thoughts for a Wednesday Afternoon one of two ways; my Random Swan Song… or just another Random post…

• Can someone please tell Pat Robertson to STFU?? Anyone?? Please, I’m begging you…
  Let’s all keep Scott’s son in our thoughts and prayers while he goes through some medical testing to find out what’s going on with his stomach.
• For some reason this morning, as I was working, the movie “The Girl, the Gold Watch & Everything” popped into my head… strange, huh?
• Fark Headline of the Day: "A woman has become the Tower of London's first ever female Beefeater." Ya know, sometimes… the jokes just write themselves…
• Twin moms!! How would you like it if THIS happened to you??? A set of twins were the celebrated last baby of 2006 AND first baby of 2007. A set of twins born at Boston's New England Medical Center Sunday night accomplished this feat when the girl twin was born at 11:58 pm Sunday night (December 31st) and the boy twin was born at 12 AM, Monday (January 1st). Twins with different birthdays… interesting…
• If you were a teenage boy (or girl for that matter), and saw the headline: “Cheerleaders Run Amok in Texas", wouldn’t you immediately book a flight to Texas? I know I will would…
• Is it just me, or is New Years Eve drastically overrated?
• Is it just me, or are the Chicago Bears drastically overrated?
• With the change in Congress taking place tomorrow (whoo-hoo!!), why do I get the feeling that Lumpyhead’s Mom is going to be posting less and less…
• Phrases that brought people to my little corner of the blogosphere: “To Kill a Mockingbird by Harpee Lee” (that’s Harper!), “+"day after day" +appears +"night after night" +heart +"fade away"” (uh… okay), “edmund fitzgerald sinking reason” (quick reason: lots of water), “PMS irritable” (not even gonna touch that one…), “twelve weeks pregnant twins morning sickness worsening”, “lyrics for mr.mom with cords” (uh, I think you meant chords… do they not teach spelling in school anymore??)
• Today’s gratuitous word or phrase to get people to my blog (not that it ever works though): radiculopathy disc herniation
• High temperature of 48 degrees today… in Chicago… in January… is it just me or is there something fundamentally wrong with that?
• This week’s gratuitous blog-plug of the week is:
• Mental iPod song of the day: Johnny Cash’s “Hurt” from American IV: The Man Comes Around
  

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myselfI would find a way

Random Thoughts for a Wednesday Afternoon

It’s back… it’s bad… it’s totally rad…

Random Thoughts for a Wednesday Afternoon…

• Did we really need an actual study to determine that couples have pre-marital sex?? In other news: the sky is blue, water is wet…
• 5 days to go… and The PB & The J can barely stand it…
• Can you guess what band has a new album coming out in March? Guns N’Roses. Follow-up question: will anyone care?
• How many of you saw the Christmas episode of “Studio 60?” If you liked the musician’s version of ‘O Holy Night’, you can download it for free on NBC.com… it’s worth it.
• Open question to the Chicago Cubs… $23 million for Jason Marquis? Really??
• Newest Hollywood couple: Christian Slater & Sharon Stone. What can be said besides; ‘Eeeeeewwwwww…’
• Last year The PB & The J had to watch ‘A Christmas Story’ once a day… this year? “The Polar Express”. I can’t decide which is worse…
• Best Fark headline of the day: “In the latest cunning plan to unseat Ted Kennedy, bill seeks to ban trans fats from Massachusetts”
• Tom Cruise has announced he’s gonna make a movie based on a novel by scientologist founder L. Ron Hubbard… cuz earlier attempts to do that did oh so well…
• 1/20/2009…hee hee hee hee
• A few phrases that got people to my small, insignificant corner of the blogosphere: “disney princess electric roadster”, “weekend at bernie's a guilty pleasure”, “word escape me” (coming from Japan’s Google), “placebo”, “kemp” (coming from New Zealand’s Google), “"donte stallworth parents” (only result for that inquiry)…
• Today’s superfluous, blatant attempt to draw people to my small, insig— you get the idea… “super pants”
• Today’s gratuitous and spontaneous blog plug is: Back to Me
• Today’s mental iPod Song of the Day: Christmas is coming, so it’s a Christmas song… “Elf’s Lament” by Barenaked Ladies featuring Michael Bublé.

I'm a man of reason, and they say "'Tis the season to be jolly"

But it's folly when you volley for position

Never in existence has there been such a resistance

To ideas meant to free us

If you could see us, then you'd listen

Toiling through the ages, making toys on garnished wages

There's no union

We're only through when we outdo the competition

I make toys, but I've got aspirations

Make some noise

Use your imagination

Girls and boys, before you wish for what you wish for

There's a list for who's been

Naughty or nice, but consider the price to an elf

A full indentured servitude can reflect on one's attitude

But that silly red hat just makes the fat man look outrageous

Absurd though it may seem, you know, I've heard there's even been illegal doping

And though we're coping, I just hope it's not contagious

You try to start a movement, and you think you see improvement

But when thrown into the moment, we just don't seem so courageous

I make toys, but I've got aspirations

Make some noise

Use your imagination

Girls and boys, before you wish for what you wish for

There's a list for who's been

Naughty or nice, but consider the price to an elf

You look at yourself

You're an elf

And the shelf is just filled with disappointing memories

Trends come and go, and your friends wanna know why you aren't just happy makingcrappy little gizmos

Every kid knows they'll just throw this stuff away

We're used to repetition, so we drew up a petition

We, the undersigned, feel undermined

Let's redefine "employment"

We know that we've got leverage, so we'll hand the fat man a beverage

And sit back while we attack the utter lack of our enjoyment

It may be tough to swallow, but our threats are far from hollow

He may thunder, but if he blunders, he may wonder where the toys went

I make toys, but I've got aspirations

Make some noise

Use your imagination

Girls and boys, before you wish for what you wish for

There's a list for who's been

Naughty or nice, but consider the price

Naughty or nice, but consider the price

Naughty or nice, but consider the price to an elf.