Day One: Travel Day

There are so many stories to pass on about our trip to Disney (The Evil Empire) that I’ve decided to split them out by days, kind of like the TV show '24', but rather than Hour one or Hour Two, it will be Day One, Day Two.

Why? It’s called filler material my friends, and it’s needed when one is tired and too pooped to post.

And be warned, we took three hours of video and over 500 pictures (that’s what happens when you buy a brand-spankin’ new compact digital camcorder and an ultra-large digital camera SPD card right before leaving on vacation), so when we get them all uploaded and sorted, I'll be sure to post some.

For those of you that need lists and schedules and agendas (like my wife), here you go...

Day One: Traveling to Orlando and the “Happiest Place on Earth”… unless you’re a toddler who doesn’t get the toy that they wanted… then it sucks ass.

Day Two: Magic Kingdom and it’s never-ending parades (Homer Simpson: "Oh, look! It's the 12-noon robot parade. Hurry up or we'll have to wait for the 12:05 parade.")

Day Three: MGM ('Star Wars' weekend, baby!) and Magic Kingdom

Day Four: Epcot & Magic Kingdom (are you sensing a theme here?)

Day Five: Animal Kingdom and Magic Kingdom (hmmmmm... wonder what it is?)

Day Six: Traveling home to Chicago and its broad shoulders

This entry, the travel. Rather than drive the 450 hours to Florida, we decided to fly... with toddlers... uh, oh...

Honey Mustard and I had heard and read all the horror stories about airports and long lines, so we were a little nervous about the whole flying experience. Truth be told, given that this would be the first air-travel experience for The Peanut Butter and The Jelly, we were more than a little nervous, we were very nervous. Also consider that the last time my wife or I flew was in 2001, before 9/11, so this was, for all intents and purposes, a new experience for us as well.

Since we got the tickets online for Southwest airlines, we were able to do a quick check-in. We gave our bags to the agent and proceeded to security, fully prepared to wait in a long, tedious and winding line.

When we got to the security checkpoint, there was no line… none...

Uh-oh, should we be nervous??

Yes and no. We took off our shoes, placed our bags and keys in the plates and HoMu went through followed by PB and J.

Then it was my turn...

[Beep!]

Son of a...

Try again...

[Beep!]

Damn it!

The TSA worker working the line asked me to go over to a little area that was off to the side. I went in and sat down. Next thing I know, a big guy enters while putting rubber gloves on…

Eep.

It was at this point that I strongly considered surrendering and telling HoMu that she and The PB and The J were going to Disney World by themselves.

They had me take my socks off, take my belt off, checked me with the wand, patted me down and realized it was my friggin’ watch...

My friggin’ $10 watch that I bought solely for vacation with the reasoning of not wanting to wear an expensive (or even my nice, in-expensive) watch while traipsing around the parks and getting dirty and wet and being run into by people who have no idea what the concept of a line is… but that’s a post in its own.

We got through security and, since we had given ourselves WAY too much time, decided to get the girls something from McDonalds.

If you have never flown on Southwest airlines, the best way to describe the boarding process would be to say ‘cattle call followed by cattle stampede” as they do not have assigned seating.

We didn’t have to worry about that…since we were traveling with kids under 4, we qualified for “Pre-Boarding”, which meant we got to board the plane before the throngs did.

Score!

Now the tense part, how would the girls react to an airplane; the taxiing and taking off and any turbulence that may be encountered?

Turns out that The PB & The J can handle air-travel better than Honey Mustard can.

We had quite a bit of turbulence on the way down, bad enough that the stewardesses (yes, you saw that right; I called ‘em stewardesses) had to sit down and my wife was a little (read: VERY) nervous.

We landed, bypassed baggage claim (part of the Disney package – they claim our baggage and take it to the resort, we never see it until we get to our room and it’s already there, sweeeeeeet) and found our bus for the 45-minute trip to our resort.

The girls and the wife slept while I listened to some soothing Billy Holiday on my iPod and relaxed, bracing myself for what lie ahead...

Next: Day Two - The Magic Kingdom: home of Cinderella (the Jelly’s favorite) and Snow White (the PB’s favorite)... will the wife and I survive?

Wow, it IS a small world after all...

We are back from Disney World...

We are tanned...

We are relaxed...

And we are damn glad to be home...

(Aside: if I see one more Disney character, it’s entirely possible that I may pick them up and throw them off the top of the Dumbo Ride, but i digress)

All kidding aside, the four of us had a great time and got back into town last night about 7:30.

Now comes the stories...

We have lots of stories to tell but unfortunately, since I foolishly did not take today off (What the hell was I thinking, I will have to do write-ups tonight after the twins go to bed and the wife is at class (she didn’t take today off either)

So stay tuned… they are guaranteed* to make you laugh and say; “Awwwwwwwww.”



*Not an actual guarantee.

Tag! I'm it...

Leaving for the airport... forgot to post this yesterday... here ya go...

I was tagged by Croutonboy… actually, the state of Illinois was tagged by him, so at least I’m not alone.

If you were stranded on a desert island and could only bring three of the following items, what would they be?

MOVIES

Tough… very, very tough. I love movies, and it's so hard to rate them against each other. I almost went for a couple or somewhat obvious choices, like To Kill a Mockingbird, Stripes or Caddyshack.

Ignoring the fact that there probably isn’t a place to plug in a DVD player on a deserted island, I have made my choices…

The West Wing Season 1 – I can watch each episode over and over and over again and never tire of them.

Star Wars – All six of them… that’s right, you heard me (sorry Sarah). All of them… even ‘Phantom Menace’ and, sigh… Jar-Jar…

The Great Escape – I thought about a comedy (though on it’s worst day during Season 1, West Wing was funnier than half of the “comedies” on any of the networks) like Real Genius or Noises Off… but, ultimately… this won out. All-star cast, slight hints of comedy… and XX. How can you not like this movie?

MUSIC

I suppose it would be cheating to say my iPod, so I’ve combed through the recesses of my mind and picked the three albums I would have to have on the island.

“1” by The Beatles. It’s the Beatles… ‘nuff said.
“Yankee Hotel Foxtrot” by Wilco. Brilliant album, pure music genius.
“The Very Best of Frank Sinatra” by Frank Sinatra. How can you go wrong with Sinatra???

PEOPLE

I thought that C-boy’s selection of Mark Twain was a good one, but, not wanting to copy him, I decided to come up with someone similar… yet different.

James Dean? Henry David Thoreau? William Shakespeare? Nah… I had to be true to form and pick three eclectic individuals who could all bring something unique and varied to the table.

Aristotle. A philosopher (who created the theory of rhetoric) who loved to argue and me, who loves to argue, on a deserted beach… what could possibly go wrong?

Dudley Moore. Think about it, he could do improvisation with the best of them (Moore and Cook anyone?), could play virtuoso-type piano, was funny as hell, and was “Arthur”… how could one go wrong?

I thought about the last one a long time. The wife can’t be there, so I thought about Penelope Cruz (though the fact that she has “been” with Tom Cruise makes her slightly less attractive), or Salma Hayek or Shakira. But I finally decided on Rachel Ray. She may not be the most attractive one of the bunch, but she is pretty-damn hot and she can whip up anything in 30-minutes, which could come in handy on a desert island. Guys (and gals for that matter), click on the link for her name… yowza…

BOOKS

This one was the hardest one for me, which is why it’s last in this cavalcade of whimsy.

I have a list of favorite books, and I’ve written about it on this blog a few dozen times, but trying to pick three of them only was a very daunting task.

I do know that one of the three will be one I have never read before but have been told by a surfeit of others to read. Why something new? Because it’s something new that I can look forward to while stuck on a deserted island. If I don’t like the new one, it’s ok as I still have two of my favorites to fall back on.

I considered The Complete Works of William Shakespeare, but there are two things wrong with that selection; the size of the book and the fact that I feel it’s a cop-out to offer up that as a selection. Besides, even though I love Shakespeare and understand the language and meanings, anyone can get a headache while reading him… which I would imagine would only be exacerbated by being stranded.

Spoon River Anthology by Edgar Lee Masters. It stands to reason this would be one of my choices. Think about it; it’s an anthology, so there are multiple stories being told by multiple people and you can read it slowly and methodically and not lose sight of the end result of the book.

Walden by Henry David Thoreau. Think about it… the underlying nuances of the book and the underlying nuances of the situation of being on a deserted island makes for a compelling parternership. Plus, as Cheeky said, it’s good to have a self-help book on the hand.

The new book I would choose, would be Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk. Why not?

That’s my list… so now I have to tag someone else. Hmmmm… let’s see, I’m gonna take the Croutonboy route and name a state… let’s see… Florida or Virginia???? Hmmmm…

I think this will have to wait until I’m back from vacation…

Out of the blog

Well, I’ve been tagged by Croutonboy (actually, the entire state of Illinois has been tagged by him… this could take a while), but that’s going to have to wait.

First, I want to let my loyal readers (there has to be at least one out there… right? I asked, right?? Hello?? Is there anyone out there???) know that I will be away from a computer for the next few days as Honey Mustard, The Peanut Butter and The Jelly and I are going on vacation…

To Disney World…

You read that right… Disney World… the Evil Empire…

Five days of ‘The Mouse’…and princesses… and heat… and long, long lines… and ridiculously high prices… and…

And the scary thing is… I am excited…

What’s wrong with me?

I’ve been to Disney twice before. Once when I was a child with my parents and my brother, then in 1997 with my wife and ALL THE IN-LAWS. That’s right… ALL OF THEM… All thirteen of us… driving… from Illinois to Florida. And this was a mere six months after our wedding…

I would tell you more about that trip, but I seem to be repressing a lot of it.

Having said and experienced that, I am still looking forward to this trip. I realize it’s the first time The PB and The J will have ever been on a plane, the first time HoMu and I have been on a plane since 9/11 (mainly because in November of that year we discovered that “we” were pregnant), the first time we’ve ever done a true vacation with only the four of us…

Regardless of all of that… I am still excited.

Is there something wrong with me? Or is it because I am going with my children and I will be able to see the park anew through their eyes?

So, this will be the final post from me for a while (except for C-boy’s meme, which I will post later today)

I’ll see you all when I get back...

D'oh!

My computer at work got attacked by a virus Thursday night. When I came in Friday, all it would do would reboot in a continuous loop. That meant no access to work email, no access to my files, no internet access... nothing.

You would think that by Tuesday morning the IT department would have the problem fixed...

Wrong-o!

I still have no computer at work...

What's a person to do?

Random Thoughts for a Thursday Afternoon

• There’s been rumors of a “TomKat spat” and now Katie Holmes is reported to be "Very unhappy and beginning to realize she may have made a major mistake being with Tom." (Well duh…)
• I’m a Star Wars fan and all, but even I find THIS “nerdly” pathetic…
• From the ‘somewhat surprising’ files; the ratings for WNBA games are better than the ratings for the NHL playoffs… (And NHL owners still say they won…seems to me like no one won…)
• When asked who should win ‘American Idol’ (if anyone still cares), Tommy Mottola said Taylor Hicks is “a modern-day Huey Lewis.” (High praise indeed…)
• Which lasts longer? The ‘American Idol’ finale show or the NBA playoffs?
• Aren’t Jack Black’s 15 minutes up yet???
• Anyone know what the over-under is for how long the “CW Network” will be around next year?
• Check out Lumpyheadsmom’s post about American Idol HERE… it’s a “must read”
• LambChop is relieved as the Governor of Arizona signed into law a bill that states it is now illegal to have sex with sheep.
• Here’s a sobering statistic. The number of countries (out of 168 surveyed) that have guaranteed paid maternity leave for working mothers is 164. The number of countries that don't is 4 (New Guinea, Swaziland, Lesotho (is that near Freedonia?) and – you guessed it – the United States). Kind of sad… isn’t it? “I flat-out guarantee you that if men were biologically responsible for procreation, there'd be paid family leave in every Fortune 500.” Having said that “if men were biologically responsible for procreation, they'd fall down and die at the first sonogram.” (The West Wing – Season 2, Episode 18: “17 People”)
• Here are some of the recent search phrases that have brought people to my little corner of the blogosphere: “Tenneva Jordan's birth date”, “atticus's advice”, “mother of Twins blog”, “why is george washingtons birthday celebrated on the twenty second of february instead of the 11th”, “"Insanity runs in my family... It practically gallops."”, “your favorite cigar kemp” (uh… okay…)
• Today’s gratuitous (and superfluous) attempt for the ‘craziest word or phrase used in a blatant attempt to trick people into visiting my site when they type it into Google’is: “pussy willow”
• Today’s gratuitous blog plug is a poetry-site: The American Nightmare
• Today's mental iPod song of the day is "These Walls" by Teddy Geiger, from the album "Underage Thinking"

I can't believe what is in front of me
The water's rising up to my knees
And I can't figure out
How the hell I wound up here
Everything seemed okay when I started out the other day
Then the rain came pouring down
And now I'm drowning in my fears
And as I watch the setting sun
I wonder if I'm the only one

[Chorus]
Cause everyobody tries to put some love on the line
And everybody feels a broken heart sometimes
And even when I'm scared I have to try to fly
Sometimes I fall
But ive seen it done before I got to step outside these walls

I've got no master plan to help me out
Or make me stand up for
All the things I really want
You had me to afraid to ask
And as I look ahead of me
Cry and pray for sanity

[chorus]
These walls can't be my haven
These walls can't keep me safe here
Now I guess I got to let them down
Cause everybody tries to put some love on the line
And everybody feels a broken heart sometimes, yeah
Even when I'm scared I have to try to fly
Sometimes I fall
But I've seen it done before

I got to break out...
I got to break out...
I got to step outside these walls
Love outside these walls
I feel my heart breaking
But its a brand new day
I'm going down
I'm stepping out
I'm stepping outside
These walls
I've seen it done before.. i'm walking on, i'll walk it off, oh i'm moving on)

A Birthday Gala-Bash-Fete-Party-Fiesta-Soiree Roundup!

Thanks to e - v - e - r - y - o - n - e (wow, that worked out well) who wished The PB & The J Happy 4th birthday on Monday. They had a very good day and did not want it to end. Also, thanks to everyone who heaped congratulations onto HoMu and I for doing such a damn-fine job in raising them… so far…

MetroDad asked what we did with The PB & The J for their birthday, so I though I would push Random Thoughts to tomorrow and regale you with stories of their birthday celebrations. (It wasn’t one day of partying mind you, it was a few days… rather… it’s their birthday week…)

Sunday was their party… it was “small” this year with 25 people (and that’s just immediate family – though their psuedo-quasi-Uncle Scott was invited too, but, due to circumstances beyond his control, he was not able to make it… which made filming the party hard since he has “volunteered” to be the vide-ographer since their first birthday party… but I digress)

Rather than having it at our home, again, and not be able to enjoy it, we decided we would have it somewhere else.

Following the Twins Club’s bowling outing a few months ago (which I thankfully had to work through as the ratio of kids to adults was 24:8), the girls have had a fascination with bowling, and when we asked where they wanted their party at, they both, without hesitation, said a bowling alley

(I know what you’re all thinking... and no, we’re not hicks, the girls just like bowling)

This was easier than asking what type of party they wanted. One would say The Wiggles (year two party), one would say Princess (year three party), and The PB often said Star Wars (which made me proud) and on one occasion, they both said they wanted a “West Wing” party (Peanut Butter for President in 2045… watch for it)

So they finally picked what kind of party they wanted (Chicken Little) and the place they wanted it (bowling alley)... so the planning commenced.

We had the alley to ourselves, we ate lunch we had catered in, played a game of bowling, cut their cakes and opened their plethora (or if you prefer surfeit) of gifts.

A fun time was had by all...

We thanked everyone and, rather than give treat bags filled with candy, I burned a CD of all their favorite songs from my iPod (they have their own playlist on there), created an insert with their picture and a label with a "personal" message from them and we gave those out to everyone who attended.

On Monday, their actual birthday, HoMu and I took the day off. First, HoMU took them to see a friend of her family’s who shares the girl’s birthday and was turning 99 (99 and planning a trip to Jamaica to see her granddaughter get married… I can only hope that when I’m 99, I can still get on a plane. – Incidentally, my brother asked if she was going to Jamaica to ‘get her groove back’… ewwww)

The PB & The J then went to get their 4-year pictures taken.

I then met up with them and we went out for lunch to McDonald’s (birthday girls choice)

We then ran some errands (had to buy blank DVD’s for my new toy – a brand-spanking new digital camcorder), and went to see “Over the Hedge.” (My one-word review of Over the Hedge: “Meh”)

After that it was dinner at their favorite pizza place, Monical’s, and then home where they opened up their gifts from us (we always hold a couple of presents from us back so they have something to open on their actual birthday)

Then, as quickly as it came... the day was over and it was bedtime.

But their birthday celebrations weren’t done yet...

Yesterday they had a party at my mother-in-law’s daycare (where they go 3 days a week - free daycare; whoo-hoo!!) and the girls cutely and politely asked me to take their bounce house over so they could play with all their little friends (the bounce house was a gift to them from my parents last year… and still stands as their favorite summer “toy”… though the new bikes we got them this year may surpass that soon…)

If you ask them, they will tell you they had a “super cool.”

We don’t spoil our kids… do we??

Random Thoughts for a Wednesday Afternoon

• Ya get the feeling that Stella, Mary & James, Jr. are dancing a jig right now?
• I know how I can get elected as Governor in any state with just four words for my campaign: “IQ Tests – Drivers Licenses”… ‘nuff said.
• Honey Mustard has been out of town for the last 3 days/2 nights, so I’ve been ‘single-dadding’ it… happy to report that all is good. The kids have no broken bones and the house is still in one piece (and clean thank you very much)
• After 6 weeks, my Yahoo fantasy baseball team is still in first place with a 36-19-5 record. How? Two words: Albert and Pujols.
• It’s a work of fuc**** fiction people!!! Get over it!!!
• Can we all agree now that Britney Spears having another baby is a really, really bad idea??
• The news that “The Da Vinci Code” movie is bad is kind of disappointing… yet not entirely surprising.
• Goodbye Lew...
• ‘The West Wing’ gets cancelled, but 7th Heaven gets a reprieve?? Is this some sort of a cruel and sick joke???
• Goodbye Stanley...
• My next must read book: “Mockingbird: A Portrait of Harper Lee” by Charles J. Shields
• Today’s the birthday of an actor who spoke one of my favorite lines ever from a movie, so it’s a great opportunity to post the quote on my blog: “Heineken!? F--k that shit! Pabst Blue Ribbon!” Who knows the movie and the actor?
• Hmmmmm… I wonder if anyone reading this blog can relate to THIS LIST??
• There will be arguing in my household this fall on Thursday nights with Honey Mustard’s favorite show “Grey’s Anatomy” being moved opposite (what I am sure, based on history with the creator/writer, will be my new favorite show) Aaron Sorkin’s “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.” Son of a bit--
• Hey… if you haven’t gone over to Draft Day Suit… you need to… now… this minute… then come right back here and finish reading this post… please.
• I had other things to put in this week’s Random Thoughts… but I’ve since forgotten them… I really need to start writing these down.
• Here are some of the recent search phrases that have brought people to my little corner of the blogosphere: “twins mono ultrasound”, “edmund fitzgerald bell display”, “Sinking location of the Edmund Fitzgerald”, “ozzie smith wife and children?”, “whitey herzog's wife”, “bodies at the bottom of lake superior”, “the history of a cigar to celebrate fatherhood”, “yoda kemp”, “giorno felice delle madri”, “La Puente cheese enchilada recipe”
• Today’s gratuitous (and superfluous) attempt for the ‘craziest word or phrase used in a blatant attempt to trick people into visiting my site when they type it into Google’is: “onomatopoetic hyperbole”
• Today’s Gratuitous Blog Plug is: Jen (and Andrew). She linked my blog on her site and said, about me; “the dude is pretty damn cool”… how can I not plug her blog (wow, that sounds kinda dirty doesn’t it?)
• Today’s Mental iPod Song of the day, in honor of the separation of Paul & Heather McCartney is Your Loving Flame by Paul McCartney, from his album; “Driving Rain”

How can I hope to reach your love
Help me to discover
What it is you’re thinking of

’cos when we kiss, nothing feels the same
I could spend eternity
Inside your loving flame

What am I to do
If I don’t have you
I’ll be feeling blue
Just sitting here without you
You could be the one
To chase my blues away, away

So tell me how, how to reach your love
Help me to discover
What it is you’re thinking of

’cos when we kiss, nothing feels the same
I could spend eternity
Inside your loving flame

What am I to do
If I don’t have you
I’ll be feeling blue
Just sitting here without you
You could be the one
To chase my blues away, away

’cos when we kiss, nothing feels the same
I could spend eternity
Inside your loving flame

So tell me how, how to reach your love
Help me to discover
What it is you’re thinking of

How can I hope to reach your love
Here forever in your loving flame

Photo Captioning

Every so often, you encounter a picture that creates a plethora of snarky, smart-ass comments in your head...

This is one of those pictures...

"I can't believe you didn't vote for Chris Daughtry!"

"No soup for you!"

"I slap you silly bee-yatch..."

"Why I oughta.."

Feel free to add your own...

Happy Mother's Day

I tried to sit down and write something about inspiring and inspirational about my mother and my wife, who is the mother to our children... but when I sat down at the computer... I couldn’t put it into words.

The only thing I can think of to describe how my mother was to me, and how Honey Mustard is to The Peanut Butter & The Jelly is this:

Mom

Says it all… doesn’t it?

Happy Mother's Day

Mother's Day

Sunday is Mother’s Day. What better way to say “I Love You” to my mother, Honey Mustard for being such a damn-fine mother (and wife) to The Peanut Butter & The Jelly, and all the mothers of the world than do give one of my patented (in my mind at least) holiday posts.

I will be posting my more serious, more loving, and more caring homage to my mother and my wife on Sunday. Watch for it.

Did you know?

• That in 1872, Julia Ward Howe (who wrote the words to the ‘Battle Hymn of the Republic’, btw) suggested the idea of a celebration of Mothers?
• That it was Miss Anna Jarvis of Philadelphia, who began a letter-writing campaign to a variety of influential people that made Mother's Day a national holiday? In 1907 Anna persuaded her mother's church in Grafton, West Virginia to celebrate Mother's Day on the second anniversary of her mother's death, the 2nd Sunday of May. By the next year, 1908, Mother's Day was also celebrated in Philadelphia.
• That In 1910 the first Mother's Day proclamation was issued by the governor of West Virginia? Oklahoma celebrated Mother's Day that year as well.
• That by 1911 every state observed Mother's Day?
• That The Mother's Day International Association was incorporated on December 12, 1912, with the sole purpose of furthering meaningful observations of Mother's Day?
• That Mother’s Day became an “official” holiday in May of 1913? The US House of Representatives unanimously adopted a resolution requesting the President, his Cabinet, members of Congress, and all officials of the federal government to wear a white carnation on Mother's Day. Congress followed with a Joint Resolution on May 8, 1914 that designated the second Sunday in May to be Mother's Day.
• That Denmark, Finland, Italy, Turkey, Australia and Belgium celebrate Mother's Day on the same day as the US?
• That other countries throughout the world celebrate Mother's Day as well, just not on the same day?
• That the earliest Mother's Day celebrations can be traced back to the spring celebrations of ancient Greece in honor of Rhea, the Mother of the Gods?
• That the traditional US Mother's Day flower is a carnation? Pink to represent love for mothers, white to honor those mothers who are no longer living.
• That one in four will forget Mother’s Day… and will never hear the end of it for the rest of their natural life...

Statistics about Mothers Day (Source: US Census Bureau)

• There are about 82.5 million mothers in the US
• Approximately 96% of American consumers take part in Mother's Day in some manner.
• Mother's Day is widely reported as the peak day of the year for long distance telephone calls. (Reach out and guilt someone…)
• Retailers report that Mother's Day is the second highest gift-giving holiday in the US… can you guess which is #1?
• In 2002, 55% of American women with children were in the workforce (up from 31% in 1976, yet down from 59% in 1998)

Some Movies (some good, some mediocre, some ‘meh’) about Moms

• Mother
• Trading Mom
• Mr. Mom (meh… close enough)
• The Positively True Adventures of the Alleged Texas Cheerleader-Murdering Mom
• Hi, Mom!
• Serial Mom
• Mommie Dearest

Some really, really, really bad movies about mom

• Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot
• Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead

Some books about/for mothers

• I Don't Know How She Does It
• The Hot Mom's Handbook
• I'm Too Sexy for My Volvo: A Mom's Guide to Staying Fabulous!
• Mommy Land: Entering the Insanity of Motherhood
• What Do You Do All Day?
• The Motherhood Manifesto: What America's Moms Want - and What To Do About It

Some sage advice handed down by mothers throughout the years:

• Always change your underwear, you never know when you'll have an accident.
• Don't make that face or it'll freeze in that position.
• You’ll shoot your eye out.
• Be careful or you'll put your eye out.
• What if everyone jumped off a cliff? Would you do it, too?
• You have enough dirt behind those ears to grow potatoes!
• Close that door! Were you born in a barn?
• If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
• Don't put that in your mouth; you don't know where it's been!

Quotes and such about mothers:

• God could not be everywhere, so he made mothers – Jewish proverb
• “I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life.” - Abraham Lincoln
• “There was never a great man who had not a great mother” - Oliver Schreiner
• “A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie”. ~ Tenneva Jordan
• “The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new” – Rajneesh
• “Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body” - Elizabeth Stone
• “My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute all my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her.” - George Washington
• “My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it” –Mark Twain
• “A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take.” - Cardinal Mermillod
• “Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president, but they don't want them to become politicians in the process.” - John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Strange, but true, fact(s) about Mother’s Day:

• In Serbia, Mother's Day is observed two weeks before Christmas and is called "Materice". ON this day, boys and girls tiptoe into their mother's bedroom and tie her up. When she wakes up, she is surprised to find herself all tied up (shouldn’t be if it’s a yearly tradition), and begs the children to untie her while promising to give them little gifts which she has hidden under her pillow.

How to say “Happy Mother’s Day” in:

• Spanish: ‘Feliz día de la madre’
• German: ‘Glücklicher Muttertag’
• Italian: ‘Giorno felice delle madri’
• French: ‘Jour heureux de mères’
• Latin: ‘Gauisus Matris dies’

Mental iPod Song of the Day: Mother’s Day edition. “That's All Right, Mama” by Elvis Presley, from the album “The Sun Studios Story”

Well, that's all right, mama
That's all right for you
That's all right mama, just anyway you do
Well, that's all right, that's all right.
That's all right now mama, anyway you do

Mama she done told me,
Papa done told me too
'Son, that gal your foolin' with,
She ain't no good for you'
But, that's all right, that's all right.
That's all right now mama, anyway you do

I'm leaving town, baby
I'm leaving town for sure
Well, then you won't be bothered with
Me hanging 'round your door
Well, that's all right, that's all right.

That's all right now mama, anyway you do

FAQ's, or rather, FAQ

When I whined about no one asking me questions in last weeks Random Thoughts, Sarah evidently felt sorry for me (Whoo-hoo!! Pity!) and asked me a two-part question, so here’s my answer:

What are your five favorite books and what five books should I read?

My five favorite books are:

1. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
2. Spoon River Anthology by Edgar Lee Masters
3. Walden by Henry David Throeau
4. The Art of War by Sun Tzu
5. The Complete Works of William Shakespeare

Five books that you should read (assuming you've read TKAM & some Shakespeare):

1. The Art of War by Sun Tzu – not just a war strategies book anymore.
2. Blue Highways by William Yeast-Heat Moon – an incredible look into Americana. Somewhat dry at times, yet still a must-read.
3. Catch-22 by Joseph Heller – my brother’s favorite book. He forced me to read it years ago and I was not disappointed. Neither will you.
4. On the Road by Jack Kerouac – Best. Road-trip book. Ever.
5. Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson – Best. Drug & Road-trip book. Ever.

I have more books that I think should be required reading for people, in case you care: The Prince by Niccolo Machiavelli, Beowolf, The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien, Night by Elie Wiesel, The Divine Comedy by Dante Alighieri, The Harry Potter series (don't laugh, they're good and are getting better with each progressive book) Undaunted Courage, Band of Brothers & D-Day by Stephen Ambrose and the early works of Michael Crichton (before he sold out) such as The Andromeda Strain, The Terminal Man, The Great Train Robbery and Jurassic Park.

I considered doing this as a meme and tagging people such as Scott, CP X 2, Mr Big Dubya, MetroDad, Croutonboy, Becky, Roger, QofS, Gidge, a few others (who shall rename nameless… but you know who you are) and Sarah, but I decided against it (wow, that was a huge collective sigh of relief I just heard)

But I am still going to throw this question out to all of my loyal readers out there... assuming I have a couple...

What are your five favorite books and what five books should I read?

A Day, and night, apart: the conclusion

[Camera Shot: A beautiful spring day]

We follow The Peanut Butter as she gets out of the Explorer, runs to the front door (all so she can see her sister) and walks into her grandmother's house.

[Camera change: inside house] The PB’s Aunt tells her that her sister is playing in the backyard. The camera follows The PB as she bolts to the back door, swings it open and runs out...

[Camera change: outside] The Jelly is swinging with her cousin, Little Man, when she sees her sister come leaping out the door.

Their eyes meet [cue music] and as The J sees the PB, she jumps off the swing as they both start running towards one another...[music tempo increases]

They hug... camera pans around them...

They are together again...

[End Scene]

A day, and night, apart: Part 2

Last night, The Jelly started whimpering that she missed her sissy and wanted to see her.

Not more than 30 seconds later, Honey Mustard calls because The Peanut Butter was whimpering that she missed her sissy and wanted to see her.

That twins connection is a sight to see... I mean a sight to see...

Anyhow, The Peanut Butter has been released from the hospital earlier this morning and is currently speeding home to pick up The Jelly. Updates of their reunion will be carried here live, when they happen (or at least when I hear about them from HoMu)

And HoMu, The PB & The J and I want to thank all of you who left a comment or sent an email wishing us all well. We truly appreciate it.

A day, and night, apart

I am nervous today… and a little sad.

The Peanut Butter is having an EEG today (as part of a second opinion) to see why she has developed a “seizure disorder.” (She has had 4 seizures in the past, 3 of which were febrile, meaning they were due to an incredibly high fever, the 4th was not)

She is staying overnight at Children’s Memorial Hospital in Chicago with Honey Mustard and I am at-home with The Jelly.

I am nervous because I am hoping that this test will show something that was missed the last time she had this done (which took place at home) and may help with the treatment of the disorder.

I am sad because I won’t see HoMu and The Peanut Butter for 2 days.

But I am sadder more so because of The Jelly. While putting them to bed last night, The J started to cry because we were packing a bag for HoMu and The PB. She didn’t want her sister to leave without her, she wanted to go too, and at (almost) four years of age…she can’t really comprehend why she can’t go along.

It took a while, but we got The J settled down, and they both fell to sleep as soon as their heads hit the pillow.

This morning, things were quiet.

At least until HoMu and The PB were ready to leave.

That’s when The PB gave The J a hug goodbye… and that’s when The J lost it and started sobbing (not a whimper mind you, but one of those break-parent’s-hearts type of cry) her eyes out.

This of course started The PB crying… which in turn started HoMu crying.

All three of them… in the family room…crying…

And there’s me… standing there, attempting to be the strong, father/husband type and not cry…

They left, and The J settled down. I then dropped off The J to preschool and she held onto my hand tight and refused to let go (which she has NEVER done before… but, of course, her sister is always with her)

She finally released my hand from her death grip (I’ll never blog again… oh wait…) when she saw her favorite teacher come in… and then one of her friends. At that point it was like… ‘Daddy? Daddy who?’

I have a few questions here; would I be a total wimp-ass if I did cry when the three of them were crying?

Why don’t children come with protective coverings and virus-protection? Like a computer…

Does it count if I were to cry in my car when no one is around?

How can I get my sheets their whitest?

UPDATE: I spoke with The PB earlier on the phone, and the first question out of her
mouth was "How's sissy?' The connection they have with each other is incredible.

FYI

Just in case you didn't know; mother’s day is quickly approaching in a little over a week.

Tell your friends, siblings and anyone else who has a habit of forgetting important things like this.

Finally!

Two years after some diehard (read: obsessed) fans ridiculed George Lucas for releasing the 2004 digitally modified versions of the celebrated “Star Wars” trilogy only; the original theatrical versions of the first three films (Episode IV: A New Hope, Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back & Episode VI: Revenge Return of the Jedi) are being released to DVD on September 12, 2006.

I liked the modified versions, and had the original trilogy in a VHS (How many readers are asking ‘what’s the hell is VHS??’) boxed set and really didn’t see any reason to get in a tither (or a lather) about the DVD release only being the modified versions.

Having said that, I am thrilled that the original versions are being released and you can BET that I will be one of the first people in my area to purchase them…

The only thing I dislike about all of this is 20th Century Fox and Lucas Films is pulling a (Evil Empire) Disney on us by only offering the DVD’s until December 31, 2006.

That’s wrong… or, in ‘Yoda-ese’; ‘Wrong, that is.”

(Somber) Mental iPod Song of the Day

I think regular readers of this blog know that I am very political, but that I try to keep those posts saved for my Poli-Blog with my bestest friend Scott, but since I like to post Mental iPod songs of the day on this one, I thought that I would combine the two today, so forgive me for going somber with today's song.

Today is the 36th Anniversary of the Vietnam War protests at Kent State University in Ohio that resulted in National Guard troops firing into the crowd and killing four students, and injuring 12.

In honor of that, today’s mental iPod song of the day is “Ohio”, by Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young.

Tin soldiers and Nixon coming,
We're finally on our own.
This summer I hear the drumming,
Four dead in Ohio.

Gotta get down to it
Soldiers are cutting us down
Should have been done long ago.
What if you knew her
And found her dead on the ground
How can you run when you know?

Gotta get down to it
Soldiers are cutting us down
Should have been done long ago.
What if you knew her
And found her dead on the ground
How can you run when you know?

Tin soldiers and Nixon coming,
We're finally on our own.
This summer I hear the drumming,
Four dead in Ohio.

Random Thoughts for a Wednesday Afternoon

• If you haven’t done so already, get your butts over to Draft Day Suit… pronto. As I’ve said before, ‘it’s a moral imperative.’
• Mmmmmmm... Scotch whiskey.
• This is just sad and pathetic: two of three Americans age 18-24 cannot find Iraq on the map. Close to a third couldn’t locate the state of Louisiana, and “fewer than three in 10 think it important to know the locations of countries in the news.” Nice...
• AAAAAHHHH!!!!!! Ben Affleck… as Captain Kirk?? Shoot me now...
• Nobody ever asks me questions... sniff, sniff...
• Salary.com commissioned a report that concluded (obviously to most) a full-time, stay-at-home mom “would earn $134,121 a year if paid for all her work.” A mother who also works outside the home would earn an extra $85,876. Great! Now I can quit my job and realize my dream of blogging all day long...
• President Bush wants the military to develop a laser weapon. No word if he also wants “Sharks with frickin' laser beams on their heads..."
• Oh come on you have got to be kidding me... a TV show where Mr. T will traipse (does Mr. T. traipse?) across the country dispensing advice?? What’s next? Rosie O’Donnell on “The View”? Huh? What’s that??? Really?? Eewwwwww...
• Here are some of the recent search phrases that have brought people to my little corner of the blogosphere: “link:promo.crownroyal.com”, “how tunes six hundred twenty five thousand lyrics”, “mockingbirds do nothing but to sing for us”, “NCTNA Bracket”, “twins naps”, “"west wing"”, “"mardi gras movies"”, “meaning of overkill by Colin Hay”, “mae west naked” (this one puzzles and disturbs me)
• Though I have to admit, as Pete Schrager’s said in a Fox Sports.com column; “Telling a guy that Rosie O'Donnell is joining the cast of “The View” is pretty much the same as telling a lizard that Tony Snow is the President's new press secretary. It makes absolutely no difference in either species' world.” "Ouch, that's gotta hoit"
• Today’s gratuitous (and superfluous) attempt for the ‘craziest word or phrase used in a blatant attempt to trick people into visiting my site when they type it into Google’is: ‘steroids’
• Gratuitous blog plug of the week is (and you’ve had to have seen this coming): Draft Day Suit
• As celebration of news that Johnny Cash’s final album, American V: A Hundred Highways will be released July 4th

Something new this way comes...

Pssssst... There’s a new Sports Blog out there in the ‘blogosphere’ that is loaded with awe-inspiring and mind-numbing talent.

It’s called Draft Day Suit and it’s ‘wicked cool.’

Check it out, it's a moral imperative.

Note: Never try to 'fib' when your kids are around

Yesterday, after picking up The PB & The J from daycare, Honey Mustard decided to swing through Dairy Queen to get them a Star treat (a popular thing for the three of them to do on Fridays)

That night (out of curiosity) I asked HoMu if she had gotten anything there.

She said "no."

The PB immediately said... "Yes you did Mommy, you got a crunch cone."

BUS-TED!

Let that be today's lesson for all of us... never... ever... tell a fib when your kids are around. They will bust you and bust you good.

It's almost as good as having a conscience...

Shout Out!

I would be remiss if I were to miss giving a Shout-out today to the author of my favorite book; To Kill a Mockingbird.

Today is Harpee Lee’s 80th birthday, and in honor of that, I present to you a little bio of her life, and a brief analysis of her famed novel. To see a snippet of her novel, go on over to my Poetry and Literature blog.

Nelle Harper Lee was born on April 28 1926 in Monroeville Alabama, the youngest of four children of Amasa Coleman Lee and Frances Finch Lee. She attended Huntingdon College, studied law at University of Alabama (while attending there she wrote for several student publications and also spent a year as editor of the campus humor magazine, "Rammer-Jammer") She didn’t finish her law degree but did stud one year at Oxford University before moving to New York in 1950, where she got a job as a reservation clerk with an airline. She gave up her job, moved into a tiny NYC apartment and concentrated on her writing.

In 1957 Miss Lee submitted a manuscript to the J. B. Lippincott Company that contained a series of short stories about life in the South. Told that her novel consisted of a series of short stories strung together and thusly was hard to understand, she was told to re-write it, which she did for the next two and a half years with the help of her editor, Tay Hohoff.

In 1960 To Kill a Mockingbird was published.

It was Lee’s only book and won the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction in 1961 and, in 1999, was voted “Best Novel of the Century” in a poll conducted by the Library Journal (which is a trade publication for librarians that was founded by Melvil Dewey, who you may know as the father of the Dewey decimal system)

In 1959 Ms. Lee accompanied her good friend Truman Capote to Holcombe, KS to work as a research assistant for one of Capote's novels. That novel, published in 1966, was In Cold Blood, and it has dedications to Jack Dunphy and Harper Lee.

To Kill a Mockingbird is set in Maycomb, Alabama, in the 1930’s with many of the settings and characters being drawn from Lee’s life; Finch was the maiden name of Lee's mother and the character of Dill was drawn from Capote, Lee's childhood friend. The novel can, at it’s core, be seen as a coming-of-age story that it told from the point of view of Jean Louise “Scout” Finch, the young daughter of Atticus Finch, an educated lawyer in a small fictional town in the South. Throughout the novel Scout is accompanied by her brother Jem and their mutual friend Dill (who was modeled after Lee’s good friend Truman Capote)

The title of the book is taken from Atticus's advice to his children about firing their air rifles at birds, stating in the book: "Shoot all the blue jays you want, if you can hit 'em, but remember it's a sin to kill a mockingbird". While the blue jay is a common bird, and is often perceived as a bully and a pest, mockingbirds do nothing but “sing their hearts out for us.”

Metaphorically, several of the book's characters can be seen as "mockingbirds" (Tom Robinson and Boo Radley), because they are constantly attacked despite having nothing but goodness in them, therefore the mockingbird represents innocence, and to kill one is to metaphorically kill innocence.

During the humorous and sad events of the novel, Scout and Jem learn a lesson in good and evil, and compassion and justice. As Scout's narrative goes on, the reader begins to realize that Scout will never kill a mockingbird and, more importantly, become racist. While Scout tells her story in her own language, she also analyzes people and their actions from the viewpoint of an already grown-up, mature person.

Part of the story’s emphasis is that children are born with an instinct for justice and absorb prejudices in the socialization process.

According to today's The Writer's Almanac, the novel sells about a million copies every year, and has sold over thirty million copies since its publication. In 1963, a scant three years after its publication, it was being taught in 8% of U.S. public middle schools and high schools. Today that figure is closer to 80%, with William Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet" & "Macbeth" and Mark Twain's "Huckleberry Finn"being the only novels that are read by more high school students.

If you haven't read the book (or seen the equally impressive movie starring Gregory Peck), pick up a copy and read/watch it. You WILL NOT be dissapointed.

Random Thoughts for a Wednesday Afternoon

• Been busy the past few days and didn’t have time to blog. Can’t tell you why yet…
• Yeah... this sounds like a good idea...
• Does anyone really care that Ryan Seacrest and Paula Abdul (both of American Idol “fame”) aren’t speaking to each other??? I know I sure as hell don’t.
• As Sarah mentioned in her blog, she and I are starting up a Sports Blog. Why? Cuz you can never A: have too many blogs to read and B: read too much opinions from ‘crazed’ sports fans. We have some excellent people joining us, and as soon as we can get all our ducks in a row, we’ll throw a HUGE launch party... and by HUGE I mean myself... and by launch party I mean lunch at my desk...
• Anyone want to go in with me to buy this? Think about it... we name it after our blogs and our traffic would go through the roof.
• Headlines that write themselves after you hear this story: “Cyclone Monica blowing Australia – Bill Clinton en route” Got an idea for your own headline? Leave it as a comment.
• Never... ever... try to take donuts from a cop.
• The last few weeks of The West Wing have been spectacular... and there are only three more episodes left.
• HoneyMustard and I were planning on getting our oldest nephew a black 30GB iPod for his 8th grade graduation, his birthday and his confirmation, but his Dad (who hasn’t seen him or his other two kids since walking out on my sister-in-law three years ago) got him a Nano for his birthday (seems my sister in law may have inadvertently told her ex.’s sister that we were planning on getting him an iPod) My thought is that he couldn’t stand me being a father-figure to his kid (which I and another brother-in-law have been since before he even left) and wanted to strike first. Is it wrong that I’m pissed about this?
• Is it wrong that upon hearing that news I immediately thought that a LOT of places are giving away Nanos for free when you sign-up for something?
• Lumpyhead’s mom tagged me to reveal something about Sarah that other people may not know and is weird. Well, the only thing I can think of is one that everyone knows but that I find very weird; she’s a Bucs fan... Ewwwww.
• MetroDad and Scott still haven’t responded to my ‘6 weird’ tag. Shame, shame, shame...
• Interesting story about the demographics of “Democratic” bloggers. They also polled Republicans but I can’t comment on that one because my computer doesn’t go that far to the right [rimshot]... kidding, that... that was a joke.
• Here are some of the recent search phrases that have brought people to my little corner of the blogosphere: “blog plug create folder by date”… that’s it… one lousy search phrase since last Wednesday?? Son of a...
• Today’s gratuitous (and superfluous) attempt for the ‘craziest word or phrase used in a blatant attempt to trick people into visiting my site when they type it into Google’ (if that ever happens again…) is: ‘Pussy Galore’
• Today’s gratuitous and spontaneous blog plug is: Savage Stories
• Today’s mental iPod song of the day is: “Hung my Head” by Johnny Cash, from his album “American IV: The Man Comes Around”

Early one morning
With time to kill
I borrowed Jeb's rifle
And sat on a hill
I saw a lone rider
Crossing the plain
I drew a bead on him
To practice my aim

My brother's rifle
Went off in my hand
A shot rang out
Across the land
The horse, he kept running
The rider was dead
I hung my head
I hung my head

set off running
To wake from the dream
My brother's rifle
Went into the sheen
I kept on running
Into the south lands
That's where they found me
My head and my hands

The sheriff he asked me
Why had I run
And then it came to me
Just what I had done
And all for no reason
Just one piece of lead
I hung my head
I hung my head

Here in the court house
The whole town was there
I see the judge
High up in the chair
Explain to the court room
What went through you mind
And we'll ask the jury
What verdict they find

I felt the power
Of death over life
I orphaned his children
I widowed his wife
I begged their forgiveness
I wish I was dead
I hung my head
I hung my head
I hung my head
I hung my head

Early one morning
With time to kill
I see the gallows
Up on a hill
And out in the distance
A trick of the brain
I see a lone rider
Crossing the plain

And he'd come to fetch me
To see what they'd done
And we'd ride together
To kingdom come
I prayed for god's mercy
For soon I'd be dead
I hung my head
I hung my head
I hung my head
I hung my head

Random Thoughts for a Thursday Morning

• Whoo-hoo!! I made a Dadcentric post… I have arrived baby; “Things are going to start happening to me now.”
• Personal message to Bill Bidwell, owner of the Chicago/St Louis/Arizona/ Phoenix /Arizona Cardinals, Even if you build a $450 million dollar stadium, fans still won’t come if the teams sucks… do you NOT remember your attempt at that philosophy in St. Louis?? Remember how that turned out??
• One question Tom: Suri?
• Good advice. MSNBC has a list of 59 things a man should NEVER do after 30… thank God “Start a blog” isn’t one of them…
• Which is worse, a child’s vomit on your clothes, or a child’s vomit on your face?
• One question Brooke: Grier?
• Thank God the hockey season is over for us St Louis Blues fans. Maybe now that there’s a new owner on the horizon, maybe next year they could actually, I don’t know… compete.
• My vote is for face. Just don’t ask me how I came to that opinion.
• Too many family things in April: Mine and Honey Mustard’s anniversary, father-in-law’s birthday, my mom’s birthday, Honey Mustard’s grandma’s birthday, one of her uncle’s birthdays, one of her sister’s birthdays, her parent’s anniversary and a nephew’s birthday. Sheesh. And coming in May; the same nephew graduates from 8th grade AND makes confirmation, my brother’s girlfriend graduates from Law School and The PB & The J turn four. Double sheesh.
• Happy Birthday to Spanish painter Joan Miró, born on this date in 1893 (he died December 25, 1983). One of my favorite Spanish artists, see examples of his work HERE and HERE.
• Strange… but true? Go to http://www.google.com/, type in the word ‘failure’, hit the “I’m feeling lucky” button and see what pops up.
• Moment of seriousness: Yesterday was the 11th Anniversary of the Oklahoma City bombing. (I was in college at the time, and at the moment it blew I was – as was customary for my roommate and I – drinking coffee and watching SportsCenter before my 10:00 class; Psychology of Speech. ESPN interrupted the show and I turned on CNN as my first thought was about my family in Norman; 2 of who worked in OK-City) 168 people died from this act of “domestic terrorism” and, like the thousands of victims of 9/11, they must never be forgotten.
• I think Mr. Big Dubya is mad at me for tagging him...
• MSN’s list of TV’s Greatest talk-show hosts. Nice list, but one question though… Arsenio Hall??
• The return of ‘payola’… Allan Freed must be so proud.
• Here are some of the recent search phrases that have brought people to my little corner of the blogosphere: “wreck of the edmund fitzgerald date”, “but i shot a man in reno just to watch hm die johnny cash”, “monoamniotic twins”, “Dr.Ismail, University of Chicago, IL”, “traveling in the first trimester”, “lach twins”, “Vince-Coleman tarp”, “claymation ultrasound”, “anheuser busch eagle sign” (wow, rather dull week wasn’t it?)
• Today’s gratuitous (and superfluous) attempt for the ‘craziest word or phrase used in a blatant attempt to trick people into visiting my site when they type it into Google’ is: emasculation
• Today’s gratuitous and spontaneous blog plug is: Childsplayx2.Today’s mental iPod song of the day is: ‘Seasons of Love’ from the Broadway Cast Recording of “Rent”

Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Moments so dear
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
How Do You Measure - Measure A Year?

In Daylights - In Sunsets
In Midnights - In Cups Of Coffee
In Inches - In Miles
In Laughter - In Strife

In - Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
How Do You Measure
A Year In The Life?

How About Love?
How About Love?
How About Love?
Measure In Love

Seasons of Love.
Seasons of Love.

Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Journeys To Plan
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
How Do You Measure The Life
Of A Woman Or A Man?

In Truths That She Learned
Or In Times That He Cried
In Bridges He Burned
Or The Way That She Died

It's Time Now - To Sing Out
Though The Story Never Ends
Let's Celebrate Remember A Year In The
Life Of Friends

Remember the Love
Remember the Love
Remember the Love
Measure In Love

Oh you got to remember the love,
You know that love is a gift from up above
Share love, give love, spread love
Measure, measure your life in love.

Revolution # 6

Number six... number six... number six... number six...

Sorry, listening to "The Beatles White Album"...

I was tagged by Sarah with another 'meme' (Thanks... appreciate it btw. All I can say is just wait... revenge, like calamari, is best served cold...)

I was hoping that this whole ‘meme’ thing was as dead as Dillinger. Unfortunately, no such luck.

What exactly is this meme Kemp? I’m glad you asked, this is the meme where you say six "weird" things that people don't know about you then tag six other people. Weird is in the eye of the beholder... what some may find strange may not be strange to someone else... so I'm just gonna toss some 6 things you may not know about me... you decide the level of weirdness...

1. I hate, detest, abhor and loathe camping… and pretty much nature in general. “Nature, like a woman, will seduce you with its sights and its scents and its touch, and then it breaks your ankle, also like a woman.” And by nature I mean the woodsy/outdoorsy thing, not outside on my patio smoking a cigar and drinking a scotch or outside playing with The PB & The J.
2. I like Broadway musicals and show tunes. My favorites are “Les Misérables”, “Rent”, “The Phantom of the Opera” and “South Pacific.” Eclectic… isn’t it?
3. I once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die… wait, that’s Johnny Cash… wait… I’ve used that line on this blog before haven’t I? My bad. Uh… here’s the real one: I have the best lawn of anyone in my neighborhood… an obsession I learned from my father.
4. I used to be a big fan of the Archie comic books. Not the full-sized comics, the ‘digests.’ I still have them (approx. 310 of them) packed away for the off chance they are worth something some day.
5. I rear-ended another car 5 days after my 18th birthday (and a week after getting a speeding ticket for going 87 in a 55) because I was watching a woman jogging down the street wearing a sports bra, short-shorts and little else. In my defense, it was a family tradition as my Dad did the same thing when he was 17… but he rear-ended a cement truck, so I did a little better than he did.
6. My favorite guilty pleasure movies are “Tommy Boy” & “Weekend at Bernie’s.” Don’t ask me why I like them, I honestly couldn’t tell you… it’s just something about them

Now… who’s next on this cavalcade of banal inanity???

Tag!!! You’re it!!!!

• Scott
• Mr Big Dubya
• MetroDad… but he’s still in Vietnam I think… so he’s off the hook
• John
• Hmmm… he's already been tagged by someone else…
• Ditto her.

Oh well... four is better than none.

It's the little things...

Saturday… first lawn mowing of the season.

Pull the chord and the mower starts on the first try... whoo-hoo!!!!!

Life is good.

A meandering post

Couple of things today:

Honey Mustard asked me a question this morning.

After The Jelly asked me if she could play with my Palm Pilot and then my iPod, my wife asked, “How many 3 ½ year olds know what an iPod and a Palm Pilot are?”

My first thought was… quite a few actually.

But the more I think about it, I’m not so sure. So I decided to ask my blog-friends (or Bloends as I call you… which sounds a little dirty doesn’t it? How about Blogends? Blends? I could combine blog and amigo and I can call all of you blomigos. That’s it, that’s the winning entry right there’ blogmigos)

So I decided to ask my blomigos this question:

How many toddlers do YOU think know about PDA’s, iPods (or other MP3 players) and cell phones?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Secondly; Becky isn’t the only one with a ‘ghetto’ park near her house. We have a few parks near our house and one that The PB and The J really like is located near the river. We went there the other day but were unable to play because there were “big kids” there. And by ‘big kids’ I mean kids who are in high school and should have no use for a playground/park. The little kids, about 20 of them including my two, couldn’t play on the slides because the big kids were on top of the slide (and it was creaking and shaking) and blocking the kids from getting to the slide.

Ditto for the swings. And the jungle gym. And everything else. The other parents were sitting there, their kids whining because they couldn’t slide, and weren’t saying a damn thing.

Now, as most of you could probably guess, I am not one to hold my tongue, even if it’s a group of high school students who obviously have too much time on their hands that they have to hang out at a park.

So I said something.

Something along the lines of, “My daughters and all these other kids want to slide so get your fat ass off of there and out of the way,” (I may be paraphrasing a bit) and followed that up with a classic line from the Cosby Show: “I am probably the only adult who will sue little children.”

Actually it was more like "please move, my kids want to go down the slide." Have to be an example for The PB and The J.

They didn’t move. So all the kids and parent’s left, we left and I’m left wondering: “Was I like that in high school? Was I that much of a jackass?”

I don’t think I was. How about all of you? Would you have been like that or would you have gotten down and allowed the kids to play?

I’m just curious.

No sooner did we start walking away, the kid on top of the slide (it was a big slide about 8 feet off the ground) who I surmise was the leader, promptly fell off the slide and started crying like one of the toddlers they just chased away.

Is it wrong that I enjoyed that immensely?

I am off work this afternoon and will be busy the next few days doing yard work (that lawn isn’t going to mow itself… yet), getting ready for Easter (those Easter Eggs won’t dye themselves… yet) and waiting for the plumber (that leak won’t… well, you know the rest).

So I want to wish all of you and yours a very joyous Passover and a very Happy Easter.

BTW, coming Monday, be on the lookout for Kemp’s patented Holiday-post for Easter and find out all you ever wanted to know about the Easter holiday but were afraid to ask.

Random Thoughts for a Wednesday Afternoon

• Here's a movie cast we should all be afraid of: Tim Allen, Martin Lawrence & John Travolta starring together in a movie called Wild Hogs, about middle-aged men who form a motorcycle gang and then have to face off against the Hells Angels. Good God… just shoot me now. If this movie gets made, it will signal the apocalypse.
• Damn glad I don’t wear contact lenses.
• Today is the 25th Anniversary of the first shuttle launch. I remember getting up early to watch it take-off. I was seven... I was seven… Son of a bit** I’m getting old. Damn… I need to buy a sportscar…
• Took this from Fark. Here’s a list of some of the weirdest USB gadgets out there. I don’t know about you, but personally, I don’t know how I’ve lived my life without a flash drive shaped like a piece of sushi.
• I was watching TV last night with The Jelly sitting next to me (I think HoMu was subjecting me to American Idol) and I saw something on the screen that made me groan, and I said ‘Oh my…’ and before I could say the next word, The Jelly said, perfectly, ‘…goodness.’ Yep, she and The PB are my kids, next thing you know they’ll be saying things like ‘D’oh’ and ‘Nice.’ Wait, they already do that…
• I agree with Sarah. “Higglytown Heroes” are a bunch of hooey and I am SO glad that The Peanut Butter & The Jelly are not into them.
• I’ve learned how to add feeds to bloglines, and I’ve learned how to create folders in Bloglines so it’s now an organized mess. But, I still don’t know how to make myself ‘public’ on there so people can see what I’ve subscribed to (as if anyone would care)… can anyone out there help a blogger-brotha’ out?
• My hatred of Brett Favre is growing with each pasing day. Personally, if I were the Packers, after he AND his agent said; ‘what are they going to do, cut me?’, I would have cut his pompous ass… and I think some Packers fans are starting to agree with me. Sarah, I KNOW you have to have an opinion on this…
• After 1 week, my fantasy baseball team is in First place at 9-0. I should screen save it for posterity as I am sure this will be the last time for that.
• Here are some of the recent search phrases that have brought people to my little corner of the blogosphere: "aston kutcher twin brother", “Pemberton hall eastern ill”, “eds squirrel pamplona video”, “NEW BUSCH STADIUM COMPUTER WALLPAPER” (I don’t know why they were yelling), “jimmy kemp” (no idea who this is… anyone?), “clydesdales cardinals”, “BUSCH STADIUM DEMOLITION” (again, don’t know why they were yelling), “ultra sound of identical twins”, “movie quote 'here till thursday try the veal'”, “fairmont city IL spanish radio” (this one worries me as this is the small town outside of East St Louis where I was born), “Mary Hawkins + EIU”, “nine presidents did not attend college”, “nervous about being a father of twins” (I’m sure reading this blog helped him overcome that…)
• Today’s gratuitous (and superfluous) attempt for the ‘craziest word or phrase used in a blatant attempt to trick people into visiting my site when they type it into Google’ is: ‘Omnes una manet nox’ (that’s Latin baby!)
• Today’s gratuitous and spontaneous blog plug is: I’d Like to Buy a Vowel
• Today’s mental iPod song of the day is: ‘Any Road’ by George Harrison, from his final album: “Brainwashed”

Oh I've been traveling on a boat and a plane
In a car on a bike with a bus and a train
Traveling there and traveling here
Everywhere in every gear

But oh Lord we pay the price with a
Spin of a wheel - with a roll of a dice
Ah yeah you pay your fare
And if you don't know where you're going
Any road will take you there

And I've been traveling through the dirt and the grime
From the past to the future through the space and the time
Traveling deep beneath the waves
In watery grottoes and mountainous caves

But oh Lord we've got to fight
With the thoughts in the head with the dark and the light
No use to stop and stare
And if you don't know where you're going
Any road will take you there

You may not known where you came from
May not know who you are
May not have even wondered
How you got this far

I've been traveling on a wing and a prayer
By the skin of my teeth by the breadth of a hair
Traveling where the four winds blow
With the sun on my face - in the ice and the snow

But oooeeee it's a game
Sometimes you're cool, sometimesyou're lame
Ah yeah it's somewhere
And if you don't know where you're going
Any road will take you there

But oh Lord we pay the price
With the spin of the wheel with the roll of the dice
Ah yeah, you pay your fare
And if you don't know where you're going
Any road will take you there

I keep traveling around the bend
There was no beginning, there is no end
It wasn't born and never dies
There are no edges, there is no size
Oh yeah, you just don't win
It's so far out - the way out is in
Bow to God and call him Sir
But if you don't know where you're going
Any road will take you there

First game at new Busch Stadium...

Wish I was there...

Shout-out

On this date in 1970, Paul McCartney announced that The Beatles, after a 10-year run that included 20 number-one Billboard songs (including occupying the first five slots of the Billboard Hot 100 on April 4, 1964 – a feat that has never been accomplished by anyone else) were breaking up.

The group had not performed in public since January 1969, when they gave their famous (and oft-imitated) impromptu concert on the roof of their Apple recording studios in London.

Their final album, Let it Be, was released shortly after the announcement.

Blogheadlines...

Like Sarah did with me the other day, I am blatantly stealing this from Becky at I’d Like to Buy a Vowel.

But when you get a nice line like this handed to you on a platter, you have to take it.

This is the best news headline I’ve seen in a while:

Bright blue ring circles Uranus

Ya know, that wouldn’t happen to people if they left Smurfette alone…

Random Thoughts for a Wednesday Afternoon - Thursday Edition

A day late... but not a dollar short.

• Really NBC… is this really who you want hosting your morning “News” show… someone who moonlights as a game show host?? Why not just bring J. Fred Muggs back??
• Sarah asks if 11:40 in the morning is too early to drink. My response was; ‘not if you have twins.’
• How random can thoughts be if one has to think about them first?
  Does anyone else besides me want to smack the hell out of the duo from those annoying VW commercials?
• Are the two of them more or less annoying than the 80’s Energizer guy? That’s a tough call.
• I love my kids.
• I usually find her writing’s pushy and obnoxious, but the Chicago Tribune’s TV blogger nails it in her scathing comments about NBC today.
• Sad… very, very sad… Note to The PB & The J… don’t even think about dressing like that when you are 10…
• Random “The Simpsons” quote: “I wish we lived in a place more like the America of yesteryear that only exists in the brains of us Republicans.” – Ned Flanders
• I hate to admit it, but I thought Gene Pitney was already dead. RIP GP.
• The 2006 NFL schedule has been released… GO RAMS!!
• Here are some of the recent search phrases that have brought people to my little corner of the blogosphere: “lyrics "I once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die"”, “leprechaun the fugitive”, “nickname for wednesday=hump day”, “Cash Bash”, “Irish saint twins”, “simpsons quotes politics”, “sahd”, “monoamniotic pregnancy and yolk sac”, “fatherhood spanish”, “who provide the voice for Stewie Griffin twin” (actor/playwrite Wallace Shawn btw)
• Today’s gratuitous (and superfluous) attempt for the ‘craziest phrase used in a blatant attempt to trick people into visiting my site when they type it into Google’ is: ‘kwyjibo’
• Today’s gratuitous and spontaneous blog plug is: Mr. Big Dubya
• Today’s Mental iPod song of the day is ‘They Don’t Know’ by Tracey Ullman.

You've been around for such a long time now
Oh, maybe I could leave you but I don't know how
And why should I be lonely every night
When I could be with you, oh yes you make it right
And I don't listen to the guys who say
That you're bad for me and I should turn you away

Cause they don't know 'bout us
They've never heard of love

I get a feeling when I look at you
Wherever you go now I wanna be there too
They say we're crazy but I just don't care
And if they keep on talkin', still they get nowhere
So I don't mind if they don't understand
When I look at you and you hold my hand

Cause they don't know 'bout us
They've never heard of love

(do do-do-do)
Why should it matter to us if they don't approve
(do do-do-do)
We should just take our chances while we've got nothin' to lose

Baby

There's no need for living in the past
Now I've found a love, I'm gonna make it last
I tell the others don't bother me
Cause when they look at you they don't see what I see
No I don't listen to their wasted lines
Got my eyes wide open and I see the signs

Cause they don't know 'bout us
They've never heard of love

No I don't listen to their wasted lines
Got my eyes wide open and I see the signs

Cause they don't know 'bout us
They've never heard of love

Pottery & Leather

No random thoughts today as I am only working half a day. Why you ask?

Today is mine and Honey Mustard’s 9-Year Wedding Anniversary. (The traditional gift is pottery and the modern is leather… wait, I found another web site that says linen and lace respectively… wait, another says tin for both… and this one says… edible what!!?? Never mind...)

We are going out to lunch and a movie (with The Peanut Butter & The Jelly). She has school tonight and can’t miss class… lest she get a ‘F’ on her paper. (It’s also a bit of a contest as she is trying to match, or beat, my grad-school GPA of 3.9/4.0)

Our private celebration will be this Saturday.

So… be strong, for I shall return tomorrow to regale the blogosphere with my humorous and enlightening stories of life.....

Meanwhile...

I haven’t posted since last Wednesday. Why? I really have no idea… I just haven’t.

I could come up with some cleverly conceived lie and say I hadn’t posted lately because I was being held captive by a galloping and marauding group of... well... marauders...

Or I could say I was instantaneously and inexplicably transported to another time where I was elected King of the Universe and reigned supreme until I was overthrown by an army of Rachel Ray look-alikes...

Or that I was in a perpetual dream state where I kept having the same dream where I saw myself standing a sort of sun-god robe on a pyramid, with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at me...

But that would be a lie...

What I can say is that these last few days have been hectic.

Friday Honey Mustard had a “procedure” done where she had to lie still for 24 hours and not move her head (the procedure had to do with sinuses) that much.

What did that mean? That I had to drive her to and fro, take her home, put her to bed, pick up her pain medication, do laundry, pick up The PB & The J from daycare, tidy-up the house, tend to HoMu, check in with the office, make dinner, bathe the children, watch “Walk the Line” and put the children and HoMu to bed.

(Aside: if you haven’t seen “Walk the Line.” I highly recommend it. It was a very good flick with some phenomenal performances, and singing, by Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon. Even if you aren’t a Johnny Cash fan, I am a JC fan btw; I still think it would be a good movie for ya.)

I had no problem doing any of that as that are responsibilities of a husband and father and I am more than happy to do it… it was just so damn tiring...

Continue to Saturday. HoMu was still laid up and couldn’t do much. So I got The PB & The J up, got them some breakfast, took them to music class, grabbed them some lunch, got them home for nap because, like Amy @ Savage Stories, we had a four-year old birthday party to attend (I understand the grammar in that sentence is off – the party itself was not 4 years old, the birthday girl herself was turning 4… but I’m too tired to fix it… and I realize the irony in the fact that I had enough time to point out that fact even though I said I didn’t have enough time to fix the grammatical error…)

Let me set the scene of the party for you: 35 adults and 814 children.

814 children running around, going up and down the stairs, to the playroom, to the bedrooms… outside for a piñata, inside for party games, back outside to roast marshmallows, back inside to open gifts, cut the cake and hand out treat bags (where did this policy start btw??? I don’t remember EVER getting a treat bag when I went to birthday parties in my youth…)

We got home around 10:00, put the kids to bed, changed the clocks and I went to play a game of Call of Duty on the computer while the wife went to sleep…

(Aside: I have to do a little shout-out here to the Poli-blog Scott and I run. We got our 10,000th visitor on Saturday after 6 short months of existence. Whoo-hoo!!)

Sunday was somewhat routine…

Church, a quick lunch, a visit with HoMu’s grandmother, then grocery shopping, home to house cleaning, made dinner, watched The Simpsons, put The PB & The J to bed, HoMu did some homework while I worked on my crossword, then we watched The West Wing I TiVo’ed (btw, the last 5 minutes was incredibly sad and emotional with the “discovery” of an unresponsive Leo…) and went to sleep.

Whew

I promise to write better tomorrow...

How Metrosexual of you...

Check out my new Poetry & Literature Corner blog where, from time to time, I will post excerpts from some of my favorite books and poems with an occasional book review thrown in for good measure.

So sit back, grab a cup o’ java, smoke ‘em if you got ‘em, and enjoy...

Random Thoughts for a Wednesday

• My brother and I are making a documentary on our family tradition of chorizo-making and have found some great old pictures of our family. Including a photo of one of our uncles from World War II, right before he walked out of a house and was shot by a sniper, earning himself a Purple Heart. I will post them in the coming days when I have time to scan them. They are a sight to see… I mean a sight to see.
• Stalag 17 has been released on DVD… I must buy it…
• A medical assessment said that Maryland sniping “suspect” John Allen Muhammad is Psychotic… well, duhhhhh.
• Apple vs. Apple 2. This time… it’s ridiculous.
• Random quote: “I’m used to people judging me without even knowing me, I’m in high school.” Wise-beyond-her-years, 16-year old golf phenom Michelle Wie, when asked by Time magazine about how she deals with the trash talking from LPGA Tour members twice her age. Nice quote Michelle, very nice.
• With Andrew Card resigning his post at the White House, can I now say we’ve seen a ‘reshuffling of the ‘Card’s’???
• I think I may be losing my perspicacity…
• I’ve accidentally elbowed Honey Mustard in my sleep… and I’ve accidentally pushed her out of the bed in my sleep… but divorcing?
• Today’s gratuitous blog plug: Dadcentric.
• Netflix rox!
• Note to self; don’t let Honey Mustard or The Peanut Butter or The Jelly drink too much water at the next Cardinals game we go to in the new Busch Stadium.
• Here are some of the recent search phrases that have brought people to my little corner of the blogosphere: ‘1643 Racine’, ‘clydesdales play ball 1996 budweiser’, ‘imdb eeffoc’, ‘ss edmund fitzgerald bodies’, ‘Mental IPod Best Life’, ‘1st year fatherhood’, ‘quote i'm here all week try the veal’
• Note to self; avoid flying out of O’Hare.
• Today’s gratuitous (and superfluous) attempt for the ‘craziest phrase used in a blatant attempt to trick people into visiting my site when they type it into Google’ is: ‘potty parity’
• Mental iPod Song of the Day: ‘I’m No Superman’ by Lazlo Bane, from the Scrubs Soundtrack:

Out the door just in time
Head down the 405
Gotta meet the new boss by 8 a.m.
The phone rings in the car
The wife is workin' hard
She's running late tonight again

Well I know what I've been told,
You got to work to feed the soul
But I can't do this all on my own
No, I know, I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman

You've got your love online
You think you're doing fine
But you're just plugged into the wall

And that deck of tarot cards
Won't get you very far
There ain't no hand to break your fall

Well I know what I've been told
You gotta know just when to fold
But I can't do this all on my own
No, I know, I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman

That's right

You've crossed the finish line
Won the race but lost your mind
Was it worth it after all

I need you here with me
Cause love is all we need
Just take a hold of the hand that breaks the fall

Well I know what I've been told
Gotta break free to break the mold
But I can't do this all on my own
No I can't do this all on my own
I know that I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman

Someday we'll be together
I'm no Superman
Someday
Someday we'll be together
Someday
I'm no Superman

The results are in...

It’s unanimous… and by unanimous I mean the wife liked this choice most.

Hundreds of you sent emails (actually, it was closer to 1 than 100, but who’s counting?) to help me select the new Kemp’s Blog Official Nickname for Kemp’s Wife.

It’s…

It’s…

42

Wait a minute, that’s not right; I stole that from “The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.”

Actually, her new nickname will be Honey Mustard, or HM for short. (She declined the other abbreviated nickname I derived from that: HoMu… though I have no idea why)

She loved the name… even more important was the fact that The Peanut Butter & The Jelly loved the name. They are now telling it to anyone who will listen… even if you aren’t listening, they’ll still tell you. That’s just their way.

She says the decision was neck and neck between Honey Mustard and the names that Croutonboy suggested last week in his comment: “You could also call her Smuckers or Skippy, since both produce Peanut Butter and Jelly. Or Jif...is she a choosy mother?”

Ultimately though, she went with Honey Mustard.

So let it be known and spread across the blogosphere, hence forth, my wifeth shall be knoweth by the moniker(eth) of Honey Mustard.

Spread the word…