Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Random Thoughts for a Wednesday

  • My brother and I are making a documentary on our family tradition of chorizo-making and have found some great old pictures of our family. Including a photo of one of our uncles from World War II, right before he walked out of a house and was shot by a sniper, earning himself a Purple Heart. I will post them in the coming days when I have time to scan them. They are a sight to see… I mean a sight to see.
  • Stalag 17 has been released on DVD… I must buy it…
  • A medical assessment said that Maryland sniping “suspect” John Allen Muhammad is Psychotic… well, duhhhhh.
  • Apple vs. Apple 2. This time… it’s ridiculous.
  • Random quote: “I’m used to people judging me without even knowing me, I’m in high school.” Wise-beyond-her-years, 16-year old golf phenom Michelle Wie, when asked by Time magazine about how she deals with the trash talking from LPGA Tour members twice her age. Nice quote Michelle, very nice.
  • With Andrew Card resigning his post at the White House, can I now say we’ve seen a ‘reshuffling of the ‘Card’s’???
  • I think I may be losing my perspicacity…
  • I’ve accidentally elbowed Honey Mustard in my sleep… and I’ve accidentally pushed her out of the bed in my sleep… but divorcing?
  • Today’s gratuitous blog plug: Dadcentric.
  • Netflix rox!
  • Note to self; don’t let Honey Mustard or The Peanut Butter or The Jelly drink too much water at the next Cardinals game we go to in the new Busch Stadium.
  • Here are some of the recent search phrases that have brought people to my little corner of the blogosphere: ‘1643 Racine’, ‘clydesdales play ball 1996 budweiser’, ‘imdb eeffoc’, ‘ss edmund fitzgerald bodies’, ‘Mental IPod Best Life’, ‘1st year fatherhood’, ‘quote i'm here all week try the veal’
  • Note to self; avoid flying out of O’Hare.
  • Today’s gratuitous (and superfluous) attempt for the ‘craziest phrase used in a blatant attempt to trick people into visiting my site when they type it into Google’ is: ‘potty parity’
  • Mental iPod Song of the Day: ‘I’m No Superman’ by Lazlo Bane, from the Scrubs Soundtrack:
Out the door just in time
Head down the 405
Gotta meet the new boss by 8 a.m.
The phone rings in the car
The wife is workin' hard
She's running late tonight again

Well I know what I've been told,
You got to work to feed the soul
But I can't do this all on my own
No, I know, I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman

You've got your love online
You think you're doing fine
But you're just plugged into the wall

And that deck of tarot cards
Won't get you very far
There ain't no hand to break your fall

Well I know what I've been told
You gotta know just when to fold
But I can't do this all on my own
No, I know, I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman

That's right

You've crossed the finish line
Won the race but lost your mind
Was it worth it after all

I need you here with me
Cause love is all we need
Just take a hold of the hand that breaks the fall

Well I know what I've been told
Gotta break free to break the mold
But I can't do this all on my own
No I can't do this all on my own
I know that I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman

Someday we'll be together
I'm no Superman
Someday we'll be together
I'm no Superman

The results are in...

It’s unanimous… and by unanimous I mean the wife liked this choice most.

Hundreds of you sent emails (actually, it was closer to 1 than 100, but who’s counting?) to help me select the new Kemp’s Blog Official Nickname for Kemp’s Wife.

Wait a minute, that’s not right; I stole that from “The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.”

Actually, her new nickname will be Honey Mustard, or HM for short. (She declined the other abbreviated nickname I derived from that: HoMu… though I have no idea why)

She loved the name… even more important was the fact that The Peanut Butter & The Jelly loved the name. They are now telling it to anyone who will listen… even if you aren’t listening, they’ll still tell you. That’s just their way.

She says the decision was neck and neck between Honey Mustard and the names that Croutonboy suggested last week in his comment: “You could also call her Smuckers or Skippy, since both produce Peanut Butter and Jelly. Or she a choosy mother?”

Ultimately though, she went with Honey Mustard.

So let it be known and spread across the blogosphere, hence forth, my wifeth shall be knoweth by the moniker(eth) of Honey Mustard.

Spread the word…

Tuesday, March 28, 2006


Croutonboy posted a comment in my post about my bracket’s implosion (thanks Dub) and voiced his thought that maybe 2 or 3 people in the country had this Final Four picked.

Actually, there are 4.

. . .

For those of you who are regular readers of my blog (or my Poli-Blog), you will know why this exchange between my wife and I from this morning made it as a post here.

I decided to wear a white dress shirt today. After getting dressed I walked downstairs and, upon seeing my white shirt, blue suit and the tie I had on, my wife remarked:

“You look like you’re going to a GOP fundraiser.”


Monday, March 27, 2006

Know much about history...

Who was George Mason?

Being a history minor (yeah, that was a decision that helped my career… PR major, history minor… what the fu** was I thinking??) I have actually heard of George Mason from some of my past history classes.

Years ago when my cousin started attending the college, I knew who he was so when people asked who he was, I could tell them. Well, lately the subject of who he was has come up again (wonder why?) and I have been able to impress some people lately who have asked the question “who the hell is he?”

  • He was NOT president (he was asked to be VP, but he said no)
  • He was the driving force behind the Bill of Rights (thank you, btw, for that Mr. Mason…)
  • Thomas Jefferson once called Mason "the wisest man of his generation.”
  • He was a neighbor of George Washington and Mason’s wife repeatedly refused Martha’s request to borrow a cup of sugar (ok, I made that last part up, but it sounded good didn’t it?)
  • Was strongly opposed to the creation of a 10-mile federal district in Virginia. That would eventually become Washington DC.
  • Was against ratifying the Constitution (before you get the tars and feathers ready, hear me out) because “there is no Declaration of Rights, and the laws of the general government being paramount to the laws and constitution of the several states, the Declaration of Rights in the separate states are no security.” Essentially his reasoning was because there was no Bill of Rights included.
  • His long and deep friendship with Washington became fractured after that (though some historians point to the friendship ending because of Martha’s repeated attempts to borrow sugar from the Masons – ok, again, I made up that last part)

To learn more about George Mason, visit your local library and check out these books: “George Mason: Reluctant Statesman” by Robert Rutland, “George Mason, Constitutionalist” by Helen Hill Miller. Remember, the more you know

Sunday, March 26, 2006

. . .

I can think of only one word that can sum up my NCAA Tournament bracket...


Friday, March 24, 2006

It makes my head hurt

Want another example of why English is the hardest language to learn? I present to you this sentence: The bandage was wound around the wound.

Dadbloggers shout-out!

Shout out to let all of you steady-readers out there (I’m sure I have to have at least 1 or 2) that my monthly post is up at Dadbloggers.

It deals with my fears and plans for when (many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many years from now) that The Peanut Butter & The Jelly start dating.

Check it out… you know you want to. Please read it. If you do, I’ll send you a check for one dollar and nine cents.

Warning: Checks will not be valid.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

An open call for assistance

Sarah asked this for her spouse a few weeks ago, though I am not sure if anything was decided.

My wife, while waiting for her class to start at Lewis University last night, checked out my blogs.

When she got home, she asked why I only refer to her as ‘the wife’ or ‘my wife’ on this blog.

I told her it was because I couldn’t think of a good nickname (you can sense what’s coming, can’t you?)

I had one that I stole from my brother, but my wife doesn’t like it; ‘the war department’

Since she does so much around the house and, essentially, keeps the damn thing running like a Swiss chee--, watch, I suggested; ‘Condi’, as in Condoleezza Rice… she really didn’t go for that.

So I ask all of you… my dear, intelligent readers, ‘what should my wife’s nickname be in blogland?’

Lines are now open… the 13th caller wins tickets to Supertramp.

Note: No one will win tickets to Supertramp.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Random Thoughts for a Wednesday Afternoon

Like Mr. Big Dubya, I've been suffering from some writer's block, or, as he called it, a "blogging funk". So here's the weekly random thoughts post. Enjoy.

  • If I see that Applebee’s commercial during the next round of the NCAA Tournament, I am going to do one of two things. Throw a brick at the television, or fly to Hollywood, find these guys, and hit them over the head with their guitars… anyone who has been watching the tourney knows exactly what commercial I’m talking about.
  • From the ‘give me a friggin’ break’ files. The song “Baa baa black sheep” has been changed to “Baa baa rainbow sheep” in the UK. Apparently there was a rash of Sheep raising hell about being stereotyped that no one told me about…
  • Matthew is ridiculing me on his latest The Blogfathers post. Why? Because my NCAA Tournament picks suck… as if I didn’t already know that.
  • My iPod rocks.
  • Scott did a post on the Best Day of Your Life. I've been trying to think of one and can't. It's not that I don't have any, it's more so having to decide which one is "the best"
  • Here are some of the recent search phrases that have brought people to my little corner of the blogosphere: “‘wednesday hump day’ + scrubs”, “mardi gras Made in china”, “vince coleman tarp”, “twins baby in lunar calendar”, “amani toomer's wife”, “fatherhood”, “ozzie smiths backflip”, “mccartney chaos and creation in the backyard”
  • In honor of those, here is today’s gratuitous (and superfluous) attempt for the ‘craziest phrase used in a blatant attempt to lure people to my site when they type it into Google’ is: ’12 inch meat stick’ Tell your friends…
  • Who would have guessed that this short post would garner me 17 comments. Well… considering the subject matter, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised…
  • Gratuitous Blog Plug of the Day: Upside Up by Laurie. She’s a lurker who just recently de-lurked herself and left me a comment on my ‘Smack Down’ post. Welcome Laurie.
  • Writer’s block sucks moose co**
  • Mental iPod Song of the Day: How’s about an 80’s Flashback in honor of Sarah and Devra’s recent concert trip? Here’s “Africa” by Toto.
I hear the drums echoing tonight
But she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation
She’s coming in 12:30 flight
The moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me towards salvation
I stopped an old man along the way
Hoping to find some long forgotten words or ancient melodies
He turned to me as if to say, hurry boy, it’s waiting there for you

It’s gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
There’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
I bless the rains down in Africa
Gonna take some time to do the things we never had

The wild dogs cry out in the night
As they grow restless longing for some solitary company
I know that I must do what’s right
Sure as Kilaimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti
I seek to cure what’s deep inside, frightened of this thing that I’ve become

Chorus(instrumental break)

Hurry boy, she’s waiting there for you

It’s gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
There’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
I bless the rains down in Africa, I bless the rains down in Africa
I bless the rains down in Africa, I bless the rains down in Africa
I bless the rains down in Africa

Gonna take some time to do the things we never had

Monday, March 20, 2006

Sights seen...

Scott and I had dinner, smoked some cigars and drank scotch while watching the NCAA tournament Saturday at a pub in Orland Park, IL.

One of the items on the menu was "stuffed butt steak."

Insert your own sophomoric joke here...

Friday, March 17, 2006

St. Patrick's Day

Well… it’s become a bit of a tradition here at Kemp’s Blog; lively posts about holidays.

Today is Friday, March 17th… also known as St. Patrick’s Day. A day of celebrating the drinking of green beer…

While I have talked (at great lengths) about my Spanish ancestry, my other roots are British and Irish (my first name Kemp is an old Celtic name that means ‘warrior’ & ‘champion’)

And while I may not drone on and on about my Brit-Irish roots, I am proud of them and do celebrate them on St. Paddy’s Day. So without further ado, here’s my St. Patrick’s Day post… enjoy.

Historical background on St. Patrick’s Day

The person who was to become St. Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland, was born in Wales about AD 385 with the given name of Maewyn. At the age of 16, Maewyn, who had considered himself a Pagan, was sold into slavery by a group of Irish marauders that had raided his village… it was at this time in captivity that he became closer to God and when he escaped from slavery after six years, he went to Gaul where he studied in the monastery under St. Germain (the Bishop of Auxerre) for a period of twelve years.

His wishes were to return to Ireland and to convert the native pagans to Christianity. Instead, his superiors appointed St. Palladius, who, two years later, was transferred to Scotland.

Patrick, having adopted that Christian name earlier, was then appointed as second bishop to Ireland.

Patrick proved himself to be very successful at winning converts, a fact that upset the Celts who had Patrick arrested several times… but saw him escape each and every time.

Patrick traveled throughout Ireland, establishing monasteries across the country and setting up schools and churches that would aid him in his conversion of the Irish country to Christianity.

His mission in Ireland lasted for thirty years after which Patrick retired to County Down where he died on March 17, 461 AD.

That day has been commemorated as St. Patrick's Day ever since.

The first St. Patrick's Day was publicly celebrated in the U.S. in 1737 in the city (and this should come as a surprise to no one) of Boston.

Much Irish folklore surrounds St. Patrick's Day with very little of it actually substantiated.

Originally a Catholic holy day, St. Patrick's Day has now evolved into more of a secular holiday.

Historical background of Leprechauns

The Leprechaun is an Irish fairy that looks like a little old man (“He’s very clean”) and is often dressed like a shoemaker, complete with cocked hat and leather apron.

Leprechauns have very little to actually do with St. Patrick's Day's.

In Irish legend, leprechauns are a far cry from their happy-go-lucky modern counterparts as they were generally seen as bad-tempered spirits that were capable of great mischief.

According to legend, leprechauns are aloof, unfriendly, live alone, and pass their time making shoes.

They also possess hidden pots of gold. In fact, treasure hunters can often track down a leprechaun by the sound of his shoemaker's hammer and, if caught, they can be forced (with the threat of bodily harm) to reveal the location of their treasure. But the captor must keep their eyes on him at every second for if the captor's eyes leave the leprechaun, they vanish and all hopes of finding the treasure are lost (d’oh!)

While they did have pots of gold that they would have to relinquish if a human caught them, the leprechaun was likely to come after you later to get revenge.

Legend has it that you can find the leprechaun, along with his pot of gold, at the end of a rainbow.

Inane St. Patrick’s Day trivia…

  • The traditional shamrock icon came from an old Irish tale that told of how Patrick used the three-leafed shamrock to explain the Holy Trinity, using it in his sermons to represent how the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit could all exist as separate elements of the same entity.
  • The shamrock is a type of small herb with leaves made up of three leaflets and is the common name for any of several types of three-leafed clovers that are native to Ireland.
  • The Irish have considered shamrocks as good luck symbols for centuries and it has now become the national symbol of Ireland.
  • St. Patrick didn’t drive any snakes out of Ireland, (mainly because no snakes were ever native to Ireland… but that’s besides the point) This is said to be a metaphor for his conversion of the pagans.
  • Today, people celebrate the holiday with parades, wearing of the green, and drinking beer.

Did you know?

  • that the song "When Irish Eyes are Smiling" isn't a popular Irish ballad? It was actually composed by an American?
  • that during the Irish Potato Famine in the 1840’s, 75% of Irish immigrants landed in New York?
  • that Corned beef and cabbage is not a favorite St. Patrick's Day dish in Ireland (they prefer ham or bacon) but rather in the U.S.?
  • that St. Patrick's Day parades have a history that goes back hundreds of years, but they didn't originate in Ireland? The parade in Dublin has a scant 50-year history, while those in Montreal and New York City go back almost 200 and 300 years respectively.
  • that close to 34 million U.S. residents claim some Irish ancestry?
  • that a shillelagh (pronounced shah-lay-lee) is a stout walking stick?

Kemp’s Top 6 Irish Authors

  1. James Joyce
  2. George Bernard Shaw
  3. Samuel Beckett
  4. William Butler Yeats
  5. Jonathan Swift
  6. Oscar Wilde

Kemp’s Top Ten St. Patrick’s Day movies

10. The Magical Legend of the Leprechauns
09. St. Patrick's Day
08. The Matchmaker
07. The Secret of Roan Inish
06. St. Patrick: The Irish Legend
05. Luck of the Irish
04. The Fugitive (it has a scene during the Chicago St. Patrick’s Day parade, so it makes the cut)
03. Finnian’s Rainbow
02. Darby O’Gill & The Little People
01. The Quiet Man

Not listed in the Top 10 and for a damn good reason: ‘Leprechaun’, ‘Leprechaun 2’, ‘Leprechaun 3’, ‘Leprechaun 4 in Space’, ‘Leprechaun in the Hood’ and ‘Leprechaun: Back 2 da Hood’

Kemp’s Recipe for an Old Mr. Boston's Irish Shillelagh

  • Juice from ½ lemon
  • 1 ½ oz. Irish whiskey
  • ½ oz. sloe gin
  • ½ oz. rum

One ounce is equal to one shot of hard alcohol. In a mixer, combine the lemon juice, whiskey, sloe gin and rum. Shake the ingredients with crushed ice and strain into an old fashioned glass. Add fruit for garnish. Sliced peaches, raspberries or strawberries are recommended

Kemp’s Favorite Irish Blessings

Whatever your libation, you'll want to memorize a few standard Irish toasts for the occasion. Here are some of the more popular ones. Practice saying them with an Irish accent to impress your guests."May your glass be ever fullMay the roof over your head be always strongAnd may you be half an hour in heaven before the devil knows you're dead."

“May you have warm words on a cold evening,
A full moon on a dark night,
And the road downhill all the way to your door."

"May the road rise up to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
The sun shine warm upon your face,
The rain fall soft upon your fields,
And until we meet again
May God hold you in the palm of His hand."

"Health, and long life to you,
Land without rent to you,
The partner of your heart to you,
And when you die,
may your bones rest in Ireland!"

Kemp's Gratuitouos St. Patrick's Day pic.

This is an image of the Chicago River after it had been dyed green for the city's annual St. Patrick's Day Parade:

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Random Thoughts for a Thursday Afternoon

Psst… buddy. Hey… do you know what today is?

It’s Thursday, which can only mean one thing… Random Thoughts for a Thursday Afternoon… spread the word.

Randomness… pure, unadulterated, unsullied and chaste randomness…

  • Today’s post is brought to you by the number ‘42’. Extra credit points to anyone who knows the significance of the number 42. Anyone… anyone… Bueller? Bueller?
  • Guys (and I suppose gals) if you’re getting sick of filling out NCAA Tournament brackets… try the NCTnA brackets. (Note: semi-safe for work)
  • Last week’s number and letter sponsor was 28 IF. No one responded as to its significance… and frankly I’m a little bummed about that.
  • Uh… Mr. Douglas… this is the kettle… you’re black.
  • I don’t care how old you are… if you want to be a singer, how the HELL can you not know who Stevie Wonder is????
  • I have to admit… I thought it was a blatant marketing/money-making scheme (which it is), but the World Baseball Classic has given us some great baseball… too bad the U.S. team sucks.
  • Jeff King won his fourth Iditarod. I don’t know why I’m mentioning this… but I am.
  • We had to re-arrange our Disney World trip to the first week of June. It will be 6 days/5 nights of all-Disney, all the time… insert own thought here
  • Aw crap, this doesn’t bode well…seems a Supercomputer has built a virus… it starts…
  • What's scarier? A movie version of the TV show ‘Dallas’, Ice Cube in a movie version of ‘Welcome Back Kotter’, or Ashton Kutcher & Kevin Costner doing a movie together?
  • Matthew over at Childs Play x2 invited me to join his Blogging Daddies NCAA tournament bracket challenge. I said yes… I filled out my brackets… and now I await the first round of me getting my ass kicked and my head handed to me on a platter. SIU-C over West Virginia?? Bradley over Kansas?? George Mason over Michigan State?? Gonzaga & Villanova in the Championship Game?? Who am I kidding??
  • Speaking of which, ‘Bring me the head of Alfredo Garcia…’
  • And ‘a glass of hot fat…’
  • Here are some of the recent search phrases that have brought people to my little corner of the blogosphere: “Twin movie quotes”, “especially at night i worry over situations”, “eeffoc”, “blogs - on humanity and politics”, “ono-mono twin images”, “scrubs song list diving in to deep”, “Quotes on the banning Mardi Gras”, “francis slay cardinals arizona”, “Amani Toomer's siblings”, “michael shannon kemp”, “Whitey Herzog's Wife's Name”, and “effects after drinking whisky”
  • In honor of those, here is today’s gratuitous (and superfluous) attempt for the ‘craziest phrase used in a blatant attempt to lure people to my site when they type it into Google’ is: ‘Banana Hammock.’ Tell your friends…
  • Have I mentioned that I suck at NCAA Tournament selection-brackets?
  • Gratuitous Quote of the Day: “I often quote myself. I find it adds spice to the conversation.” – George Bernard Shaw
  • Gratuitous (you have to be asking yourself how many times I could use the word ‘gratuitous’ in one post…) Blog Plug of the Day: Scott’s Rant Spot
  • Did I mention that I suck at NCAA Tournament selection-brackets?

Morning cup of Jo(ke)

A little joke to start your day off right...

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"

The Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The President. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what his Dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. "

The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, the President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

Thank you, thank you. I'm here all week, try the veal... it's lonely.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006


Last night, I was playing Legos (you are NEVER too old for Legos) with The Peanut Butter and The Jelly, when The PB got up, went to their toy room, picked up one of their toy cell phones… answered it… then said something to The J, who proceeded to get up, walked over to her sister and gave her a huge hug.

She then came back and sat down next to me and continued playing Legos…

My wife and I looked at each other as though we just got through watching a lecture by Stephen Hawking and were confused as hell.

After that, the two of them had a full-fledged conversation for a good 2 minutes… back and forth talking about kids at Preschool/Daycare and .

(This conversation was interrupted once when The J saw a picture of “President” Bush on the TV, stopped, looked at the TV, looked at me, then pointed to the screen and said Cuckoo-Bananas. I have absolutely no idea where she learned that… it’s so hard to express sarcasm in the written word)

After The J’s political commentary (I was so proud of her), they continued their conversation… and at one point I looked up from the massive Lego house I was making for them (I am ‘da man’ when it comes to Legos…) and looked at The PB…

The look I got from them was one that could best be described as “This is an ‘A’ & ‘B’ conversation, why don’t you ‘C’ your way out of it.”

Ouch. I had just been smacked-down by one of my (soon-to-be) four year olds…

I then felt as though I had violated their First Amendment rights (Quick! Who can name all The Simpsons family…) and wanted to crawl under a rock.

So I throw this question out to all you other twin/multiple parents out there… have you ever interrupted a conversation between them that made you want to crawl under a rock when they noticed you were listening?

Inquiring minds want to know…

Monday, March 13, 2006

Mental iPod Song of the Day

“Cockamamie Business” by George Harrison from The Best of Dark Horse, 1976-1989

Bust my back on the Levy - broke my strings on the BBC
Found my chops on Eel Pie Island - paid my dues at the Marquee
Slagged off by the N.M.E. - lost my stash and my virginity
In this Cockamamie Business

Got my face on Ed Sullivan - broke my heart on the Soul Train
Introduced to Bad Company - lost cells down at Brain Drain
And before I could mend - lost the missus, missed the girlfriend
In this Cockamamie Business

Now we like to air condition - though the air has no ozone ring
Still they're chopping down the forest for McDonalds and the Burger King
Eating cows with such persistence - doesn't offer much resistance
To this Cockamamie Business

There are too many things - stressing out the nervous system
Girls you used to know - fellas that may have kissed'em
Some got rabies - Some got fleas - some got incurable diseases
From this Cockamamie Business

Everybody's after as many points as they can get
As long as it's not them that has to pay
No one really minds the Debt5-Star actors, tax inspectors, film producers and directors
With their Cockamamie Business

Well you do what you can - can't do much more than that
(No you can't do what he just said)
Some days you're pretty sharp - on other days you feel half dead
(While you make your daily bread)
Didn't want to be a star - wanted just to play guitar
In this Cockamamie Business

Friday, March 10, 2006

A rare written & posted while at work, post

It’s Friday.

Ya know Friday... end of the work week… cusp of the weekend…

For all intents and purposes, I should be happy, right?

Well… I’m not.

Why aren’t you happy Kemp?

Because the day has dragged on excruciatingly slow, painfully and excruciatingly slow… painfully, excruciatingly and no-end-in-sight slow… so slow, that I think we have gone through 3 or 4 ice ages whilst it’s been happening.

It's so slow... that George Bush's thought process seems faster...

It feels like it should be 4 in the afternoon but it’s not… it’s not even Noon yet…

Is it possible for the clock to start moving backwards? That has to be the only logical explanation… right?

If this keeps up, I may actually have to do some work…

Thursday, March 09, 2006


Today, a sampling of quotes from some of my favorite TV shows and books.

This seems like Blog-Filler to me Kemp, is it? No… it’s called block… as in writer’s block… so rather than have people visit my blog and see nothing new, I thought… hey, let’s throw out some quotes… better that than nothing…

From ‘The West Wing’

President Josiah Bartlet: I was watching a television program before, with a kind of roving moderator who spoke to a seated panel of young women who were having some sort of problem with their boyfriends - apparently, because the boyfriends had all slept with the girlfriends' mothers. And they brought the boyfriends out, and they fought, right there on television. Toby, tell me: these people don't vote, do they?

From ‘Scrubs’
J.D.: I think childbirth has been way too romanticized. [Cut to a 1950s era informational film with JD and the soon-to-be parents] You will spend hours and hours of pain while you poop, pee, puke and other people stare into your vagina, which, by the way, has an 80 per cent chance of tearing.

From ‘Sports Night’
Casey McCall: [on the air] So don't adjust that dial; and, while we're gone, if any talking animals ask you to buy some tacos or beer… for God's sake, do what they tell you. You've been watching Sports Night on CSC. Have a good night.

From ‘The Simpsons’
Lisa: Where's Dad?
Marge: Your father is... resting.
Bart: "Resting" hung over? "Resting" got fired? Help me out here.

From Catch-22 by Joseph Heller
“The Texan turned out to be good-natured, generous and likable. In three days no one could stand him.”

“He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.”

From Blue Highways by William Least Heat Moon
“What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do - especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you.”

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Random Thoughts for a Wednesday Afternoon

  • Today’s post is brought to you by the number ‘28’ and the letters ‘i’ and ‘f’ (Bonus points for anyone who can explain the significance of those)
  • I'm feeling better but the kids are now sick and the wife is now sick… so all in all, life sucks at the moment. Thanks for all that wished me to get better, appreciate it.
  • I am not running for Alderman. A local-Hispanic Professionals group approached me earlier this week and asked me to run for School Board (which has no Hispanics on it) next year with their full financial backing… Hmmm, using my own money on a campaign or someone else’s money? That’s a no-brainer, right?)
  • Due to my very good friend (and ‘bestus’ buddy) Scott naming his new 30-gig iPod Lola, I have named mine: ‘Martha.’ Where did I get the name? Three words: Beatles White Album
  • Now that George Clooney has won an Oscar (and was nominated for two more) will people finally stop asking him about leaving “E.R.?” He jumped off that train wreck just in time if you ask me… though no one has.
  • Is it just me, or is Ziyi Zhang just… wow?
  • David Mamet has long-been my favorite contemperary playwright, and last night (while taping – yes I still have a vcr to tape things – Scrubs) I watched his new show on CBS that he created and writes… “The Unit” (it stars Dennis Haysbert & Scott Foley). The Pilot wasn’t bad… though I have to wonder how hard it was for him to write without the generous use of the word ‘fuck’ that usually permeates his writings…
  • I performed a plethora of Mamet’s works in college speech (Phi Rho Pi at community college and NFA at University) and did very well with ‘Duck Variations,’ ‘Glengarry Glen Ross’, ‘Oleanna’, ‘American Buffalo’ and ‘Sexual Perversity in Chicago’ (that last one ought to get me some interesting google-links… which reminds me…)
  • Today’s superfluous attempt for the ‘craziest phrase used in a blatant attempt to lure people to your site when they type it into Google’ is: Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. Which is (besides being the longest word in the English language) defined as “a lung disease caused by the inhalation of very fine silica dust, mostly found in volcanos.” So that’s what’s wrong with me… damn, pesky volcanoes…
  • Today’s Mental iPod song of the day is a song from The Beatles ‘White Album’, ‘Rocky Raccoon’

Now somewhere in the black mountain hills of Dakota
There lived a young boy named rocky raccoon
And one day his woman ran off with another guy
Hit young rocky in the eye, rocky didn’t like that
He said I’m gonna get that boy
So one day he walked into town
Booked himself a room in the local saloon

Rocky raccoon checked into his room
Only to find Gideon’s bible
Rocky had come equipped with a gun
To shoot off the legs of his rival
His rival it seems had broken his dreams
By stealing the girl of his fancy
Her name was Magil and she called herself Lil
But everyone knew her as Nancy

Now she and her man who called himself Dan
Were in the next room at the hoe down
Rocky burst in and grinning a grin
He said Danny boy this is a showdown
But Daniel was hot - he drew first and shot
And rocky collapsed in the corner

Now the doctor came in stinking of gin
And proceeded to lie on the table
He said rocky you met your match
And rocky said, doc it’s only a scratch
And I’ll be better, I’ll be better doc as soon as I am able

Now rocky raccoon he fell back in his room
Only to find Gideon’s bible
Gideon checked out and he left it no doubt
To help with good Rocky’s revival

Monday, March 06, 2006

Son of a b----


That’s what it topped out at, 104.7.

104.7 degrees Fahrenheit

That’s what my fever was Friday night when my brother and I got to my parent’s house…

That’s what my fever was when my Dad and brother left for my cousin’s house Saturday morning to make the chorizo…

That’s what my fever was when the nurse took my temperature at the Doc in the Box my mom took me to in Clayton…

High fever, cough, tightness in chest…. diagnosed as bronchitis.

Yes, I had a fever (and bronchitis) all weekend long… so I was not able to help in the annual, chorizo-making tradition.

The last time I had a fever? About 30 some years ago, younger even than The Peanut Butter and The Jelly are now.

So… needless to say, my weekend sucked moose cock.

I still feel tired, sick and exhausted, so I’m going back to bed.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Mental iPod Song of the Day

In light of a post by Tony over at Cheeky’s Hideaway, today’s mental iPod song of the day is not one I heard on the way in, but it’s a good one anyway…

"Brothers in Arms" by Dire Straits from The West Wing Soundtrack – Volume 1

These mist covered mountains
Are a home now for me
But my home is the lowlands
And always will be
Some day you’ll return to
Your valleys and your farms
And you’ll no longer burn
To be brothers in arms

Through these fields of destruction
Baptisms of fire
I’ve watched all your suffering
As the battles raged higher
And though they did hurt me so bad
In the fear and alarm
You did not desert me
My brothers in arms

There’s so many different worlds
So many different suns
And we have just one world
But we live in different ones

Now the sun’s gone to hell
And the moon’s riding high
Let me bid you farewell
Every man has to die
But it’s written in the starlight
And every line on your palm
We’re fools to make war
On our brothers in arms

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Random Thoughts for a Wednesday

It’s Wednesday. Hump-day. Mid-week. We all know what that means. Random Thoughts for a Wednesday.

  • Today’s post is brought to you by the letter ‘M’ and by the number ‘42’
  • My Wonderlic test score was 49… never did find out which one I missed.
  • Anna Nicole Smith at the US Supreme Court? This is a fantasy of Justice Clarence Thomas isn’t it?
  • Does this really surprise anyone? Turns out that American’s know more about The Simpsons than they do about the First Amendment. Well, duh. How about you? Take this QUIZ and find out if you know about the First Amendment.
  • Confidential advice to Ms Smith; if Justice Thomas offers you a can of Coke, say ‘no thank you.’
  • One for Sarah & Becky and anyone else in the Tampa area. A Tampa Bay Storm football player was arrested because he and his girlfriend were living in Section 8 housing and paying only $20 a month. Although, is it really that bad? I mean, how much could an Arena football player actually make?? What’s that? How much? In that case, off with his head!
  • The U.S government is telling people to take sick leave and stay home if they get the bird flu. Wow, I never would have thought of that…
  • I will be participating in a family tradition this weekend. I, along with my dad, my brother, and 2 of my cousins will be getting together for our yearly family-chorizo making. Using a recipe that my Abuela brought over from Spain when she came over at the young age of 19, we butcher the hog, add the spices, mix it, put it in a grinder, encase it and let it smoke for a few days. Last year's batch was the best we had ever done and we only hope to equal that success this year. It's still 3 days away, but because last year's batch was as close to perfection as you can get, we're all excited at the prospect of besting ourselves. Of course, if it's worse, we will never speak of it again...
  • Today’s superfluous attempt for the ‘craziest phrase used in a blatant attempt to lure people to your site when they type it into Google’ is: “manute bol’s wife”… what’s that? That one’s been used? Rats. How about: “inspired looniness
  • After much thought and discussion, I’ve decided that I am running for City Alderman in my town. More info as it becomes available.
  • No gratuitous picture today, instead have a Mental iPod Song of the day: ‘Car Wash’ by Rose Royce. Why do I have this song on my iPod? Because The PB & The J love to dance to it, so I had no choice but to download it?

Ooh ooh You might not ever get rich
But let me tell ya it's better than diggin' a ditch
There ain't no tellin' who you might meet
A movie star or maybe even an Indian chief

(Workin') At the car wash
Workin' at the car wash, girl
Come on and sing it with me
(Car wash)
Sing it with the feelin' ya'all
(Car wash, girl)

Ooh! Some of the work gets kinda hard
This ain't no place to be if you planned on bein' a star
Let me tell you it's always cool
And the boss don't mind sometimes if you act the fool

At the car wash
Whoa whoa whoa whoa
Talkin' about the car wash, girl
Come on, ya'all and sing it for me
(Car wash)
Oooh oooh oooh
(Car wash, girl)

(Work and work)
Well, those cars never seem to stop coming
(Work and work)
Keep those rags and machines humming
(Work and work)
My fingers to the bone
Can't wait till it's time to go home

(Hey, get your car washed today)
Fill up and you don't have to pay
Come on and give us a play
(Do the wash, right away)

(The car wash)
Talkin' 'bout the car wash
Car wash, girl
Come on, ya'all, let's sing it with me
(Car wash)
Sing it with feelin', ya'all
(Car wash, girl)

Whoa whoa whoa whoa
(Car wash)
Never seem to stop comin'
What'd I say
Keep those rags and machines hummin'
(Car wash)
Let me tell you, it's always cool . .