What do you think?

I've made some aesthetic changes and I want to hear YOUR opinion...

Like it.

Hate it.

Have mass indifference to it.

Inquiring minds... okay fine, inquiring mind wants to know...

In the words of Homer J. Simpson; "D'oh!"

I can’t think of anything to write today…

I thought about simply writing “I have nothing to say today. That is all"… but Croutonboy beat me to it.

Then I thought I would take a picture of my ass, but QofS beat me to it…

So… I’m sitting here… with nothing to say… with no spark… with no prospects…

Not even a random thought bouncing around in my head.

It’s gone someplace… somewhere in this world is my talent…

If you find it, if you would be so kind as to let me know, I would greatly appreciate it.

And yes, I see the irony of having said in the previous post that I found my creative spark only to lose it the next day...

Reader Mailbag Volume I

Time to reach into the official “Kemp’s Blog Mailbag” and answer some e-mail/comment questions…

• Becky asked: “What does Kemp mean?”
  
  First of all let me clear up the misconception that it’s short for anything; it’s not (you would not believe how many people ask me that question – so I though I would take the preemptive measure of getting that out of the way). Kemp (originally a surname) is a family name of Celtic/Gaelic origin that stands for “Warrior and Champion”. So my first name is Celtic, my middle name is Armenian and my surname is Spanish… figure that one out…

• Becky also asked: “Besides sausages, what's your favorite dish to cook?”
  
  I love making my special bar-b-que ribs. I start with my “special” dry-rub, and then splash on my secret sauce. Also Spanish Tortilla, Toasted Raviolli and my Abuela’s Arroz con Pollo.

• Becky then asked: “Do you bake?”
  
  Technically, yes. If she had asked if I bake well, I would have to alter my answer a smidge…

• And finally Becky asked: “Was I only supposed to ask one question?
  
  Matters not one whit how many question you ask…

• Samantha Jo asks “If you were to be a Sesame Street character, who would you be and why?”
  
  Well, most people would say Oscar the Grouch because, at times, I can be a bit of a grouch – but nowhere near the grouch that my brother is… any-hoo… I would have to say Grover. Why? Because he can do anything… he’s smart, fearless (Super Grover!), eloquent and erudite, and he is a direct descendent of Yoda… at least in my mind he is seeing as how they both were/are brought to life by Frank Oz… what do you think? Did I put too much thought into that?

• Sarah asks “If the PB & the J were boys, what would their names have been?”
  
  The PB would have been Nishan Kemp (after my Uncle Nishan, who was more like a grandfather to me, and for whom I was given my middle name) and the J would have been Marshal Kemp (after one of my wife’s Uncles).

• Ronnie asked: “What other names did you consider for The PB & The J?”
  
  The PB almost was Isabella and J was almost Maria.

• Jeanine asked: “Are you still considering ending your blog?”
  
  As of now, no. I’ve reacquired my creative spark (on both this and TBWA) and will continue doing it until I either lose it again or the people in the black, windowless vans take me away… whichever comes first.

I enjoyed the questions. If you have any more , leave ‘em in comments or send me an email – kempsblog at gmail dot com

Thanks… and enjoy…

Are these the little girls I carried?

Honey Mustard had class the other night and wasn’t home yet.

The Peanut Butter and The Jelly were playing with their dolls so I quickly went down to the laundry room and got some laundry to fold... yes, I fold laundry...

I brought the laundry up, put it down near the couch and then had to put the dog outside as she was dancing a jig and I know if I didn’t put her out now, she’s piddle all over the floor.

So I put the dog out, brought her in and gave her some water. All told, about 7 minutes I was away from the laundry basket.

I go into the front room to fold it, and to my surprise, my daughters... my 4 ½ year old daughters... had folded it all.

You read that right... they folded the laundry... all of it... nicely... and had it in perfect stacks...

I remember them not being able to hold their heads up like it was yesterday... and now here they are folding laundry (and nicer than the job I can do quite frankly)...

I don’t want to sound like a schmo here... but I was amazed. I know, I know, I know... they’re getting older, there are a lot of things they can do... but it still surprised me and brought home one, simple fact that, I think, some parents tend to forget...

Time.

Flies.

Enjoy it while you can...

I'll be back

I leave after work this afternoon for my sojourn into sausage making (there are two things you never want people to see you make; laws and sausages)

The Peanut Butter and The Jelly are… for the most part… okay with the fact they won’t see me until Sunday afternoon… at least until they get home tonight and I’m not there.

Then it will start; “Where’s Daddy?”… “When’s Daddy coming home?” … “I miss Daddy.”

It’s enough to make a sane man cry like a little girl…

Sigh…

On the plus side, we did just receive in the mail their own DVD of “Toy Story” for them to watch tonight.

(They had been watching my old copy on VHS… until they took it to daycare and one of the other children – for these purposes I shall call him De-struct-or – who unraveled it like it was a tape cassette given to you by your 1980’s ex-boyfriend/ girlfriend…)

Anyhow, I’ll try to post some pictures of the choriz-process so you can see how sausages are made.

If you want to see how laws are made, you need to speak to Lumbyheadsmom or MaW… they might be able to help you with that…

Random Thoughts

The following takes place between 9:00 am and 9:08 am…

• We all make fun of her (and deservedly so), but for the sake of her children, I hope Britney gets the help she needs… wait… wow, that was short-lived...
• Heather Mills (Paul McCartney’s soon-to-be ex-wife) will be a contestant on Dancing with the Stars this season… I’m not gonna say anything except this; better her than Yoko…
• Fark Headline of Mid-Week. “Two cities are battling over a federal trademark on the nickname 'Icebox of the Nation.' Submitter still holding out for his ex-wife's vagina.”
• Useless trivia time!!!! Did you know? That Oscar nominee Forest Whitaker was cast as the original Sawyer on “Lost” but dropped out of the show for the chance to direct a movie… a movie starring Katie Holmes called “First Daughter”?
• Ugh… last week on Random Thoughts I poked fun at a possible remake of “Weird Science”. The LA Times apparently didn’t read my post and register my disgust with remaking “classic” films from the ‘70’s and ‘80’s and has released a list of 1980’s movies whose time has come to be remade, meaning they want these movies to be remade. They include “Ghostbusters”, “Jaws” (obviously no one at the LA Times can do research as Jaws was released in 1975), “Airplane” and “Teen Wolf”… (Wait, what? Teen Wolf? Are you fuc**** kidding me?)
• AVClub.com has a list of 14 TV shows that deserve to be released to DVD… I’m a fan of most of them, but especially of “Its’ Garry Shandling’s Show”, one of the funniest shows from the 1980’s. The best line from IGSS’s entry; “Shandling hinted that a DVD release was in the cards, but to date, no official announcement has been made. Meanwhile, Full House has just issued its fifth boxed set.” Nicely put guys…
• They’re working on a movie version of “24”… I assume it won’t be 24-hours in length, but you never know. More useless trivia; the longest movie ever is The Cure for Insomnia which clocked in at a robust 85-hours long…
• Slate.com headline; “Is there a sex crisis on college campuses?” There wasn’t when I was going to college… but then again, I graduated from college in 1996… which makes me realize… I. Am. Old.
• Sarah answers your e-mails… Croutonboy is not a happy home-renovator… Mr. Big Dubya wants to see your tats (that’s tats with an ‘a’, not an ‘i’… Gidge teaches us all about Harvest Festivals of the Modern Age…Dad2Twins is going tropical… TheWhitedNews took some pictures of the Midwest blizzard from last week…
• Recent Search phrases that have brought people to my blog: “Bridget Monyhan” (though I’m sure if I added the word naked to that phrase, my hits would quadruple), “bob gibson statues” (they moved them both from old Busch to new Busch), “Mardi gras catholic perspective”, “doodlebops without makeup” (thanks Sarah!), “naked housewives” (thanks AGAIN Sarah!), “I want Penolope Cruz naked” (I’d be okay with that), “Ilan Mitchell Smith”, “donkeyporn” (I really, really REALLY do not even want to know about this one…), “has anyone died while eating King cake” (Elvis?)
• I liked Sarah’s mailbag post SOOOOO much, I’ve decided to do the same… but first, I need questions. So, if you have any questions, anything at all, send me an email or leave me a comment. Remember, I’m full of useless knowledge, so no subject is omitted…
• Quote of the Week:

  “A witty saying proves nothing.” - Voltaire

Breaking Hearts

This Saturday is the Day of the Chorizo.

A family tradition that I, along with my dad, my brother, a few of my cousins partake in annually. It’s the day we make the family-chorizo for the coming year. We use a recipe that my Abuela brought over with her when she immigrated (or is that emigrated) from Spain at the age of 19.

We butcher the hog, we add the spices, we mix it, we put it in a grinder, we encase it and we let it smoke for a few days.

Last year I was too sick to participate... but this year I am feeling fine and ready to go.

Because The Peanut Butter and The Jelly have dance class (and a recital in May that they’re practicing for), and Honey Mustard has midterms next week (that she has to study for) they are not going...I am going sans family.

Last night at dinner, The PB asked if we could go see a movie this weekend, and HoMu said ‘Daddy will be out of town this weekend.”

(Note: We are not telling the girls where I am actually going... if they knew I was going to my parents, their Abuelo and Abuela, they would want to go and would throw a fit that could very well go down as the most impressive fit by a child EVER)

The J started crying... actually crying... saying “But I love Daddy. I want him to stay home. Don’t go Daddy, don’t go.”

My heart... was breaking...

Then The PB decided to join in... and my heart was doubly breaking...

(Let me explain something about my daughters… being twins, they know how to play off each other… whether it be for fun or dramatic effect or for getting what they want – and they’re only four, so get ready Sarah, Becky, Matthew – so I knew that I was in trouble)

This went on for about 20 minutes until The J said, “I’ll miss you Daddy but you can go” followed by The PB saying, “Go Daddy.”

Great... they feel better, but my heart is still breaking...

If they’re acting like this now, what are they going to do when both HoMu and I go to Las Vegas in April for our 10 Year wedding anniversary??

What do you guys do when you have to be away from the kids?

...

And incidentally, my family’s version of chorizo does NOT use the “varietal parts of the animal, such as cheeks, salivary glands or lymph nodes” that Wikipedia mentions...

Fat Tuesday Redux

I wrote a post last year explaining Fat Tuesday, you can read it HERE. Or you can read the new and improved version with over 30% new material below… it’s guaranteed* to impress…

*not a real guarantee

DID YOU KNOW?

• That the name Fat Tuesday comes from the French Words ‘Gras’ (pronounced ‘graw’) and ‘Mardi’… Mardi Gras… aha! The light bulbs come on
• That Mardi Gras is a legal holiday in New Orleans
• That the oldest Mardi Gras celebration in the United States is in Mobile, Alabama. Their celebrations date back to 1703.
• That the official colors of Mardi Gras (purple which is a symbol of justice; green which represents faith; and gold which signifies power) have their roots in Catholicism.
• The name Fat Tuesday comes from the tradition of slaughtering and feasting upon a fattened calf (The veal wasn’t butchered though, it died of loneliness--- my kingdom for a rimshot) on the last day of Carnivale.

Background

In England, today is known as Shrove Tuesday, derived from the word “Shrive”, which is an old English word for having your sins forgiven. People would get ready for Lent by going to Confession and by asking forgiveness of one another. Then they would keep the disciplines of Lent (prayer, fasting and almsgiving) as their penance.

That’s the serious side of Shrovetide, but another task during Carnival was the “eating-up” of Lent’s forbidden foods, and for over a thousand years, most Christians kept Lent by not eating animal products, a practice that probably began out of necessity.

At Carnival all meat, butter, cheese and eggs got used up in one final feast before the Lenten fast. Making pancakes and doughnuts uses up a lot of these ingredients. Russians call the days before Lent “Butter Week.” In some countries, the last day before Lent is called Doughnut Day or Pancake Day. The Irish call it “Ash Eve.” The French call it “Mardi Gras” which means “Fat Tuesday.”

In Venice, at midnight on Ash Wednesday Eve, a straw figure named “Carnivale,” whose body has been stuffed with fireworks, is burned in a fire in St. Mark’s Square. In some places last year’s Palm Sunday branches are burned with an effigy of old man winter, and so Lent’s ashes get made at the same time that winter “burns up.”

Mardi Gras came to New Orleans through its French heritage in 1699. Early explorers celebrated this French holiday on the banks of the Mississippi River. Throughout the years, Orleanians have added to the celebration by establishing krewes (organizations) which host parades and balls. Carnival quickly became an exciting holiday for both children and adults.

Parades are put on by carnival krewes (or organizations). Every year, each krewe picks a king and a queen who reign for that parade. The floats are decorated to depict different themes. The floats are pulled by tractors. Most parades have at least 15 floats. People who belong to the krewe ride on the floats. They throw beads, doubloons, cups, and trinkets to the crowd. Following the parade, the krewe usually has a ball presenting their king and queen, and their royal court. The royal court includes maids, dukes, pages, captains, and jesters.

Since the Mardi Gras season begins with the celebration of Epiphany, the visit of the “Three Kings” to the Baby Jesus, it is a tradition of the celebrations to bake an oval cake in honor of the three kings - the King Cake. The shape of a King Cake symbolizes the unity of faiths. Each cake is decorated in the traditional Mardi Gras colors: purple represents justice, green represents faith and gold represents power. A small baby, symbolizing the baby Jesus, is baked into each cake. In New Orleans, King Cake parties are held throughout the Mardi Gras season. In offices, classrooms, and homes throughout the city, King Cakes are sliced and enjoyed by all. Like the biblical story, the "search for the baby" adds excitement, as each person waits to see in whose slice of cake the baby will be discovered. While custom holds that the person who finds the baby in their slice will be rewarded with good luck, that person is also traditionally responsible for bringing the King Cake to the next party or gathering.

Paczki (punch-key) Day is the feast of plenty before the Lenten fast begins. It is the last day of gaiety in Karnawal time, the period between Christmas and Lent. This is the time for sleigh parties called Kulig. To mark the last moments of excess before the austerity of Lenten sacrifice, Polish Roman Catholics celebrate Paczki Day.

On this day the traditional deep fried pastries (something like jelly doughnuts) are enjoyed throughout the world's Polonias (Polish immigrant communities). This joyous activity precedes the Gorzkie Zale (lamentation services) of Lent in Polonian churches. In Poland, Paczki Day takes place the Thursday before Ash Wednesday, called Tlusty Czwartek (Fat Thursday). Long lines form in front of the bakeries in Polonia, and millions of Paczki are sold.

MARDI GRAS IN NOLA

Secret societies, known as krewes, arrange and finance all the Mardi Gras activities in New Orleans, with the oldest krewe being Comus, which made its first appearance in 1857. A different krewe holds a parade on each night during the two weeks leading up to Lent. The krewes also hold masked balls at which the king and queen of the krewe are presented to the society.Eventually the French in New Orleans celebrated Mardi Gras with masked balls and parties… at least until the Spanish government took over in the mid-1700s and banned the celebrations (sorry, our bad).This ban continued even after the U.S. government acquired the land but started-up again in 1827.While Mardi Gras (or Fat Tuesday) has grown in popularity in recent years as a hedonistic and alcohol-swilling event, its roots lie in the Christian calendar.The whole season kicks off with the Epiphany (also known as Twelfth Night, Three Kings' Day and in some Eastern churches Theophany), which falls on January 6 – 12 days after Christmas. That day celebrates the visit of the Wise Men bearing gifts for the infant Jesus.What’s the purpose of King's Cake? Well, legend has it that the cakes were made in a circle to represent the circular routes that the Wise Men took to find Jesus, in order to confuse King Herod and foil his plans of killing the Christ Child. In the early days, a coin or bean was hidden inside the cake, and whoever found the item was said to have good luck in the coming year. In Louisiana, bakers now put a small baby, representing the Christ Child, in the cake; the recipient is then expected to host the next King Cake party. (How would you like to miss that and explain to the ER doctor: ‘Well, doc, I was eating a piece of cake when a baby got lodged in my throat.’)

Kemp’s Top Ten Movies Fat Tuesday/Mardi Gras Movies

...that have Mardi Gras as a central theme… or even a passing theme… or a naked women theme… or really, have nothing to do with Mardi Gras other than being set in New Orleans because there are not, quite frankly, enough movies about Mardi Gras to do an actual Top Ten Mardi Gras movies list.

10. Zombie vs Mardi Gras 9. Mardi Gras Massacre 8. Piano Players Rarely Play Together 7. Mardi Gras 6. Night Trap (aka Mardi Gras for the Devil) 5. Playboy: Girls of Mardi Gras 4. Mardi Gras: Made in China 3. Girls Gone Wild: Mardi Gras 2. Easy Rider 1. Hard Target

Allow me to pat myself on the back

Along with my good friend Scott.

Why?

Well, who would have thunk it... but Scott and I are "famous"... and I'm using that term loosely.

The internet/blog reporter for McClatchy-Tribune News Service, Wendy Zang, has picked our The BushWhacked Administration as their 'Blog of the Week'.

See links HERE and HERE.

Here's a snapshot from the National Federation of Independent Business' site...



She also mentions this blog right here; Kemp's Blog.

So... allow me to bask in the glow of being mentioned by an honest to God news outlet.

I (somewhat) take back everything I've ever said about the Fourth Estate... though I'm not sure how long this feeling will last.

Random Thoughts

• Pitchers and catchers report this week for the defending WORLD SERIES CHAMPION ST. LOUIS CARDINALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hmmmmm, I can’t seem to remember whom they beat in the series? Anyone?? Queen, do you remember?
• Am I the only one who doesn’t buy Paula Abdul’s claims that she’s never been drunk?
• I’m signed-up for a lot of email alerts. Yesterday morning I got one from CNN. I see it pop up and I think, oh Christ, something’s happened. I open it up and read: “A judge has ruled Anna Nicole Smith’s body must stay at the medical examiner’s office until a dispute over her daughter’s paternity is resolved, but Smith’s body can be embalmed.” Are you fu***** kidding me??? You send a breaking news email to thousands of people about this??? Here’s a confidential note to the entire Fourth Estate: Get. A. Clue.
• Sarah has nominated me to become a “made man” with “The Blogfathers”. Thanks Sarah!! Would it be unsightly to actively campaign for it? Something along the lines of PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!!!!!! Or does that come across as pathetic? How about bribing?Watched a good movie this past weekend; “Thank You for Smoking”. Biting satire, and worth the rental fee. Having said that, avoid “Clerks 2”… it’s nowhere near as good as the original.
• Remember how I told you all about the HUGE snowstorm that had hit the Midwest, and that no one knew about it because, well, it hit the Midwest? It’s reached the Northeast now so, naturally, it is now worthy of national media attention… all bow down to the MSM…
• A surfeit of meme’s is going around the blogosphere right now and so far I haven’t been tagged… I’m not sure how to feel about that…
• Proof that Hollywood has truly run out of ideas (just in case the looming remakes of Revenge of the Nerds or Police Academy hadn’t convinced you), there are plans in the works to remake “Weird Science”… probably cuz the original had such a huge impact on the acting career of Ilan Mitchell-Smith (who is now, in case you care, a professor at Texas A&M)
• Looking back at some of my blogmigo’s latest posts: MetroDad likes Valentine’s Day… Croutonboy, not so much… Becky’s head has exploded, again… Backtome is doing well… and Lumpyheads Mom has named her beautiful new daughter
• Winner of last week’s “Funniest phrase aimed at getting people to my blog via a google search” is Sarah from SATGS. Her winning phrase was: “hot naked lesbian housewives in diapers sucking big cock that look like Prince's guitar on Project Runway secrets during American Idol iPod Vista naked Paris Hilton on Myspace 2000 bloggers global warming without makeup homophobic Super Bowl ad XXX porn twins cum shot Dooce Today Show 9/11 sexy blonde sluts”… whew… that was a lot. What does Sarah win? A beer. I will buy her a beer next time I am in Washington DC or next time she is in Chicago, whichever comes first.
• Quote of the Week, which is my all-time favorite quotes:

  “There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it.” George Bernard Shaw, from Man and Superman

Reason # 1223

This morning, as I’m leaving for work, The Peanut Butter and The Jelly are eating breakfast. After I kiss and hug them and HoMu goodbye, I walk out the door. As I’m walking down the sidewalk to the garage, I hear the door open and The PB says to me, “Happy Valentine’s Day Daddy”… I go back to the door and tell her Valentine’s Day was yesterday, and she responded, “I know, I just wanted you to come back inside so I could tell you I love you again…”

I love being a daddy…

Valentine's Day

I wrote a trivia-laden Valentine’s Day post last year which you can view HERE. This year I am going a different direction.

I agree with Croutonboy (a phrase I guarantee you won’t see me repeat often).

I don’t like Valentine’s Day… never have… probably never will. With that in mind, I give my message in the preferred short and sweet method:

I love my wife more and more each day.
Each day I am grateful that she is with me always and forever.
Each day I am grateful that she has given us our beautiful daughters.
Each day I am grateful that she laughs at my jokes and compliments my cooking.
Each day I am grateful that she makes me a better man, husband, and father, and for that I can never thank her enough.

Now, rather than fill the remainder of this post with more saccharine, which we are probably all full of by now anyway, I present to you… mine and Honey Mustard’s song, the one we remember from college and the one we had our first dance to as husband and wife, Love Will Keep Us Alive, by The Eagles.

I was standing
All alone against the world outside
You were searching
For a place to hide

Lost and lonely
Now you’ve given me the will to survive
When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive

Don’t you worry
Sometimes you’ve just gotta let it ride
The world is changing
Right before your eyes
Now I’ve found you
There’s no more emptiness inside
When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive

I would die for you
Climb the highest mountain
Baby, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do

I was standing
All alone against the world outside
You were searching
For a place to hide
Lost and lonely

Now you’ve given me the will to survive
When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive
When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive
When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive

Snow Work Day

Sigh… The Peanut Butter, The Jelly & Honey Mustard all have a snow day today…

But not me…no sireeee, I’m at work… toiling away, listening to the wind howl and watching the snow pile up and swirl outside my office window (yes, I have an actual office with an actual window – one positive about this job…)

Has anyone ever seen the episode of The Simpsons (Episode 7F03 – ‘Bart Gets an F’) where Bart prays for snow because of a test? He gets his prayer answered and while the entire town of Springfield has fun in the snow (a day Mayor Quimby proclaims as “…Snow Day, the funnest day in the history of Springfield!”), he’s stuck inside…

Welcome to my world...

Sure, my employees are here (most of them) the doctors are nowhere to be found… and we’re under a Blizzard Warning until midnight.

Sigh...

Why did I get into HR/Operations? Why didn’t I follow my brother (a professor) and my wife (an administrator) into education?

Because I’m an idiot, that’s why.

But you all knew that......

Kemps Blog: The Musical?

The Peanut Butter and the Jelly are musical people with music in their heart. They both love to sing and they both love to dance.

They love watching anything on TV with music… one of their new favorite movies is “Mary Poppins”… if it has music, they like it.

Henceforth lies the problem…

How many of you saw the musical episode of “Scrubs” a few weeks back with the stirring musical numbers “Everything Comes Down to Poo”, “Guy Love” and “Dominican Tango”?

Not a bad episode, and the musical numbers were catchy…

The problem is that is has become The PB & The J’s favorite show.

More so than Mickey’s Clubhouse or Handy Manny… they now want to watch the “singing doctor show.”

Every. Single. Minute.

Why is this a problem? Because now I have all of those songs stuck in my head.

Everything comes down to poo!
From the top of your head, to the sole of your shoeWe can figure out what's wrong with yo—

Stop it...

Every. Single. One.

Sometimes you're better off not knowing
But this isn't one of those times
Your world's become a musical
And your doctors speak in—

I said stop it...

I can’t shake them. No matter how much I listen to my iPod, no matter what I listen to on my iPod… I can’t shake them…

Let's face the facts about me and you
A love unspecified
Though I'm proud to call you Chocolate Bear
The crowd will always talk and stare

I really need to stop that, don’t I?

I’ve even tried replacing it with a colossally-annoying song-worm like The Wiggles or Dan Zane… but to no avail.

The thing is guys remember facts
Like what Derek Jeter hit last year, which was 3-oh-3!
And that is why our brains are maxed
And there's no room for things like birthdays or ethnicities

Son of a bit—

Help me. Please help me.

Random Thoughts for a Wednesday

It’s Wednesday, we all know what than means. It’s time for some strong alcohol random thoughts… enjoy:

• While perusing for music online, I came across an entry that sent shivers down my spine… the title of the album was Bolton Swings Sinatra. Yes… Michael Bolton singing Frank Sinatra… is that even legal???
• Here’s something that no writer could make up on their best day. Astronaut (or maybe that should be astro‘nut’) Lisa Nowak strapped on a pair of adult diapers, threw her trusty BB gun in her car, switched her brain to the off position and drove 950 miles so she could settle a lover's quarrel. Seriously, you can’t make this shit up…
• Great poll on IMDB today: Who would win in a fight: Abigail Breslin or Dakota Fanning?
• I’ve never watched “24” before but have been this year and I can safely say I am hooked. Who knew that so much bad shit could happen to one person… and always in tidy 24-hour increments…
• Show of hands, who thought that this year’s Super Bowl commercials sucked worse than Rex Grossman?
• People really are getting upset about the whole Prince's guitar-as-schlong imagery from the halftime show… Can we get some lives over here in aisle 1!!??
• I honestly don’t know if I would be able to take a step onto THIS…
• I have recently “purchased” the new Norah Jones album (Not Too Late) and both of the new Harry Connick, Jr. albums (Oh, My NOLA & Chanson du Vieux Carre) and they are all very good albums. I highly advise getting them if you like either of these artists. Jones showcases her songwriting skills and her beautiful voice while Connick goes back to his jazz upbringing and has crafted two loving tributes to his hometown of New Orleans. Now comes part of the service you get here at Kemp’s House of Useless Knowledge as it’s useless trivia time: Norah Jones’ father is no other than The Beatles confidant and sitar master Ravi Shankar. Harry Connick’s mother was a judge and his father was an attorney who, in 1973, beat Jim Garrison for the position of Orleans Parish District Attorney (this would be the Jim Garrison that launched the investigation into Kennedy assassination) a position that he held for 29 years.
• Look back at some of my blogmigo’s latest posts: I think Queen of Spain’s head may explode if she has to follow doctor’s orders... MetroDad really digs his new kitchen toy... Croutonboy’s “parental units” came for a visit… like mine, they sometimes forget that you can get everyday household items, you know, everywhere... Sarah and the Goon Squad are sick...
• Recent searches that have brought people to my little corner of the blogosphere: “Disney princess solstice car”, “pictures of twins in the seventh week ultrasound”, “to kill a mockingbird affected my life”, “cuzzi murder”, “biography of lou brock”, “doodlebops without makeup” (thanks Sarah!!).
• Okay… the way people are getting to my blog via google searches is rather pathetic so I’m holding a contest. Whoever can leave me a comment with the funniest phrase aimed at getting people to my blog via a google search wins. Wins what? I haven’t decided yet… but I can promise you it will be, you know, fairly insignificant…
• Replacing Mental iPod Song of the Week is Quote of the Week:

  ”Common sense is not so common. - Voltaire

Groundhog Day

Wow... it's like I'm in my own version of the Bill Murray movie 'Groundhog Day'... I could have sworn I've seen this holiday before... and I know I've seen this post before... but I can't quite place where...

Oh, that's right. Last Groundhog Day. Rather than try to find new trivia and useless information about the holiday, I present to you a flashback (hence the flashback tag I've created) of my Groundhogs Day post from last year... in it's entirety... with .02% new footage... Enjoy.

Originally published February 2, 2006:

Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow today (Actually today; February 2, 2007 he didn't see his shadow, so that means Spring is on the way. Hmmm I wonder what Al Gore has to say about this??) so that means six more weeks of winter. My question is: When did winter start?

To help you get through that horrible news, I’ve put together some random Groundhog Day trivia/Q&A/useless knowledge tidbits. Enjoy...

- The groundhog is also known as a woodchuck (Marmota monax) and is a member of the squirrel family eating such things as dandelions, clovers and various grasses.
- Did you know? That the first Groundhog Day was observed in Punxsutawney, PA in 1887.

Top 10 Groundhog Day Movies
10 - Groundhog Day
09 - Groundhog Day
08 - Groundhog Day
07 - Groundhog Day
06 - Groundhog Day
05 - Groundhog Day
04 - Groundhog Day
03 - Groundhog Day
02 - Groundhog Day
01 - Groundhog Day

Nice list huh? What do you expect with what I have to work with?

Top 10 Reasons to Celebrate Groundhog Day

10 - It's on nearly every calendar
09 - It helps relieve Cabin Fever
08 - Spring or not, it's still six weeks till St. Urho's Day
07 - Forecast is no less reliable that any other Weather Service.
06 - At least one of them critters is bound to see things your way
05 - Valentine's Day is just too damn depressing for nerds
04 - Unlike the Easter Bunny, he keeps his dirty paws outside
03 - As was said on the 'oldtime' radio show back in the 'olden days': “The Shadow Knows”
02 - It's fun to say “Punxsutawney”
01 - If a rodent can bring us an early spring, more power to him

Random Groundhog Day Musings:

Allow me to get political with this next one:
Q: What's the difference between Groundhog Day and President Bush's State of the Union Address?
A: One is a meaningless ritual wherein we look to a creature of little intelligence to prognosticate for us... the other involves a woodchuck. [rimshot] (Thank you, I'm here all week, try the veal... or the Groundhog)

And this one:
“On Groundhog Day, old timers think they can predict whether it's going to be an early spring or six more weeks of winter by whether or not the groundhog sees his shadow, or, as President Bush calls it, ‘reliable intelligence’.”
- Jay Leno

“The groundhog is like most other prophets; it delivers its prediction and then disappears.”
- Bill Vaughn

What else has happened on February 2 throughout the years?

1653 - New Amsterdam (later renamed New York City) is incorporated.
1709 - Alexander Selkirk is rescued from a shipwreck on a deserted island. This would inspire the writing of the book "Robinson Crusoe" by Daniel 'No Relation to Willem' Defoe.
1880 - The first electric streetlight is installed in Wabash, Indiana.
1940 - Frank Sinatra debuts with the Tommy Dorsey orchestra.
1945 - World War II: US President Franklin D. Roosevelt & British Prime Minister Winston Churchill leave to meet with Soviet leader Joseph Stalin at the Yalta Conference.
1979 - Sid Vicious dies of a heroin overdose.

How about a Groundhog Day drinking game?

This is a very simple game. Watch the movie “Groundhog's Day” and take a shot for every new ‘day’ that Bill Murray lives again. Especially fun is the multiple slapping scenes. Each slap is obviously another day, so you may have to count the number of slaps, stop the tape and catch up. This all happens when he tries killing himself over and over, and over and over and over and, well, you get the idea. (Hint: By the end of the game, each participant should have done 42 shots. Remember, as with any drinking game... know your limitations)

Did you know?

… that Punxsutawney Phil has seen his shadow the last 7 years.

… that the movie “Groundhog Day” with Bill Murray was filmed in Woodstock, Illinois.
… that like the shadow disappearing after the groundhog sees it; Andie MacDowell’s career suffered the same fate after appearing in this movie?

The story of Groundhog Day.

That pig farmers have never done well in the United States as most Americans prefer beef to pork. Granted, hamburger is an American favorite but, in a little known secret, actually contains no ham whatsoever.

The porcine raisers were hopeful to see a significant increase in their business after the health scares about beef and Upton Sinclairs novel “The Jungle”, but most of those benefits had gone to the poultry and fish industries and sales of ham and bacon remained virtually unchanged.

Because of this, The National Porcine Association hired a major Madison Avenue advertising firm to boost sales of pork products and they decided on an intensive campaign to saturate magazines, television and radio with ads urging people to eat pork patties. The campaign was given an extra boost when Congress was convinced to designate the second of February as the day when every family would be urged to eat pork sausage. That day would be celebrated nationally, of course, as Ground, Hog, Day.

To get a real history of the day, click HERE.

And consider this...

...and one day, sick and tired of having to showcase themselves on every February 2nd, the Groundhogs rose up and attacked their human masters...