Random Thoughts for a Thursday Afternoon

Psst… buddy. Hey… do you know what today is?

It’s Thursday, which can only mean one thing… Random Thoughts for a Thursday Afternoon… spread the word.

Randomness… pure, unadulterated, unsullied and chaste randomness…

• Today’s post is brought to you by the number ‘42’. Extra credit points to anyone who knows the significance of the number 42. Anyone… anyone… Bueller? Bueller?
• Guys (and I suppose gals) if you’re getting sick of filling out NCAA Tournament brackets… try the NCTnA brackets. (Note: semi-safe for work)
• Last week’s number and letter sponsor was 28 IF. No one responded as to its significance… and frankly I’m a little bummed about that.
• Uh… Mr. Douglas… this is the kettle… you’re black.
• I don’t care how old you are… if you want to be a singer, how the HELL can you not know who Stevie Wonder is????
• I have to admit… I thought it was a blatant marketing/money-making scheme (which it is), but the World Baseball Classic has given us some great baseball… too bad the U.S. team sucks.
• Jeff King won his fourth Iditarod. I don’t know why I’m mentioning this… but I am.
• We had to re-arrange our Disney World trip to the first week of June. It will be 6 days/5 nights of all-Disney, all the time… insert own thought here
• Aw crap, this doesn’t bode well…seems a Supercomputer has built a virus… it starts…
• What's scarier? A movie version of the TV show ‘Dallas’, Ice Cube in a movie version of ‘Welcome Back Kotter’, or Ashton Kutcher & Kevin Costner doing a movie together?
• Matthew over at Childs Play x2 invited me to join his Blogging Daddies NCAA tournament bracket challenge. I said yes… I filled out my brackets… and now I await the first round of me getting my ass kicked and my head handed to me on a platter. SIU-C over West Virginia?? Bradley over Kansas?? George Mason over Michigan State?? Gonzaga & Villanova in the Championship Game?? Who am I kidding??
• Speaking of which, ‘Bring me the head of Alfredo Garcia…’
• And ‘a glass of hot fat…’
• Here are some of the recent search phrases that have brought people to my little corner of the blogosphere: “Twin movie quotes”, “especially at night i worry over situations”, “eeffoc”, “blogs - on humanity and politics”, “ono-mono twin images”, “scrubs song list diving in to deep”, “Quotes on the banning Mardi Gras”, “francis slay cardinals arizona”, “Amani Toomer's siblings”, “michael shannon kemp”, “Whitey Herzog's Wife's Name”, and “effects after drinking whisky”
• In honor of those, here is today’s gratuitous (and superfluous) attempt for the ‘craziest phrase used in a blatant attempt to lure people to my site when they type it into Google’ is: ‘Banana Hammock.’ Tell your friends…
• Have I mentioned that I suck at NCAA Tournament selection-brackets?
• Gratuitous Quote of the Day: “I often quote myself. I find it adds spice to the conversation.” – George Bernard Shaw
• Gratuitous (you have to be asking yourself how many times I could use the word ‘gratuitous’ in one post…) Blog Plug of the Day: Scott’s Rant Spot
• Did I mention that I suck at NCAA Tournament selection-brackets?

Morning cup of Jo(ke)

A little joke to start your day off right...

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"

The Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The President. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what his Dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. "

The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, the President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

Thank you, thank you. I'm here all week, try the veal... it's lonely.

Smack-down!

Last night, I was playing Legos (you are NEVER too old for Legos) with The Peanut Butter and The Jelly, when The PB got up, went to their toy room, picked up one of their toy cell phones… answered it… then said something to The J, who proceeded to get up, walked over to her sister and gave her a huge hug.

She then came back and sat down next to me and continued playing Legos…

My wife and I looked at each other as though we just got through watching a lecture by Stephen Hawking and were confused as hell.

After that, the two of them had a full-fledged conversation for a good 2 minutes… back and forth talking about kids at Preschool/Daycare and .

(This conversation was interrupted once when The J saw a picture of “President” Bush on the TV, stopped, looked at the TV, looked at me, then pointed to the screen and said Cuckoo-Bananas. I have absolutely no idea where she learned that… it’s so hard to express sarcasm in the written word)

After The J’s political commentary (I was so proud of her), they continued their conversation… and at one point I looked up from the massive Lego house I was making for them (I am ‘da man’ when it comes to Legos…) and looked at The PB…

The look I got from them was one that could best be described as “This is an ‘A’ & ‘B’ conversation, why don’t you ‘C’ your way out of it.”

Ouch. I had just been smacked-down by one of my (soon-to-be) four year olds…

I then felt as though I had violated their First Amendment rights (Quick! Who can name all The Simpsons family…) and wanted to crawl under a rock.

So I throw this question out to all you other twin/multiple parents out there… have you ever interrupted a conversation between them that made you want to crawl under a rock when they noticed you were listening?

Inquiring minds want to know…

Mental iPod Song of the Day

“Cockamamie Business” by George Harrison from The Best of Dark Horse, 1976-1989

Bust my back on the Levy - broke my strings on the BBC
Found my chops on Eel Pie Island - paid my dues at the Marquee
Slagged off by the N.M.E. - lost my stash and my virginity
In this Cockamamie Business

Got my face on Ed Sullivan - broke my heart on the Soul Train
Introduced to Bad Company - lost cells down at Brain Drain
And before I could mend - lost the missus, missed the girlfriend
In this Cockamamie Business

Now we like to air condition - though the air has no ozone ring
Still they're chopping down the forest for McDonalds and the Burger King
Eating cows with such persistence - doesn't offer much resistance
To this Cockamamie Business

There are too many things - stressing out the nervous system
Girls you used to know - fellas that may have kissed'em
Some got rabies - Some got fleas - some got incurable diseases
From this Cockamamie Business

Everybody's after as many points as they can get
As long as it's not them that has to pay
No one really minds the Debt5-Star actors, tax inspectors, film producers and directors
With their Cockamamie Business

Well you do what you can - can't do much more than that
(No you can't do what he just said)
Some days you're pretty sharp - on other days you feel half dead
(While you make your daily bread)
Didn't want to be a star - wanted just to play guitar
In this Cockamamie Business

A rare written & posted while at work, post

It’s Friday.

Ya know Friday... end of the work week… cusp of the weekend…

For all intents and purposes, I should be happy, right?

Well… I’m not.

Why aren’t you happy Kemp?

Because the day has dragged on excruciatingly slow, painfully and excruciatingly slow… painfully, excruciatingly and no-end-in-sight slow… so slow, that I think we have gone through 3 or 4 ice ages whilst it’s been happening.

It's so slow... that George Bush's thought process seems faster...

It feels like it should be 4 in the afternoon but it’s not… it’s not even Noon yet…

Is it possible for the clock to start moving backwards? That has to be the only logical explanation… right?

If this keeps up, I may actually have to do some work…

Quotetastic!

Today, a sampling of quotes from some of my favorite TV shows and books.

This seems like Blog-Filler to me Kemp, is it? No… it’s called block… as in writer’s block… so rather than have people visit my blog and see nothing new, I thought… hey, let’s throw out some quotes… better that than nothing…

From ‘The West Wing’

President Josiah Bartlet: I was watching a television program before, with a kind of roving moderator who spoke to a seated panel of young women who were having some sort of problem with their boyfriends - apparently, because the boyfriends had all slept with the girlfriends' mothers. And they brought the boyfriends out, and they fought, right there on television. Toby, tell me: these people don't vote, do they?

From ‘Scrubs’

J.D.: I think childbirth has been way too romanticized. [Cut to a 1950s era informational film with JD and the soon-to-be parents] You will spend hours and hours of pain while you poop, pee, puke and other people stare into your vagina, which, by the way, has an 80 per cent chance of tearing.

From ‘Sports Night’

Casey McCall: [on the air] So don't adjust that dial; and, while we're gone, if any talking animals ask you to buy some tacos or beer… for God's sake, do what they tell you. You've been watching Sports Night on CSC. Have a good night.

From ‘The Simpsons’

Lisa: Where's Dad?
Marge: Your father is... resting.
Bart: "Resting" hung over? "Resting" got fired? Help me out here.

From Catch-22 by Joseph Heller

“The Texan turned out to be good-natured, generous and likable. In three days no one could stand him.”

“He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.”

From Blue Highways by William Least Heat Moon

“What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do - especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you.”

Random Thoughts for a Wednesday Afternoon

• Today’s post is brought to you by the number ‘28’ and the letters ‘i’ and ‘f’ (Bonus points for anyone who can explain the significance of those)
• I'm feeling better but the kids are now sick and the wife is now sick… so all in all, life sucks at the moment. Thanks for all that wished me to get better, appreciate it.
• I am not running for Alderman. A local-Hispanic Professionals group approached me earlier this week and asked me to run for School Board (which has no Hispanics on it) next year with their full financial backing… Hmmm, using my own money on a campaign or someone else’s money? That’s a no-brainer, right?)
• Due to my very good friend (and ‘bestus’ buddy) Scott naming his new 30-gig iPod Lola, I have named mine: ‘Martha.’ Where did I get the name? Three words: Beatles White Album
• Now that George Clooney has won an Oscar (and was nominated for two more) will people finally stop asking him about leaving “E.R.?” He jumped off that train wreck just in time if you ask me… though no one has.
• Is it just me, or is Ziyi Zhang just… wow?
• Ditto Keira Knightley.
• David Mamet has long-been my favorite contemperary playwright, and last night (while taping – yes I still have a vcr to tape things – Scrubs) I watched his new show on CBS that he created and writes… “The Unit” (it stars Dennis Haysbert & Scott Foley). The Pilot wasn’t bad… though I have to wonder how hard it was for him to write without the generous use of the word ‘fuck’ that usually permeates his writings…
• I performed a plethora of Mamet’s works in college speech (Phi Rho Pi at community college and NFA at University) and did very well with ‘Duck Variations,’ ‘Glengarry Glen Ross’, ‘Oleanna’, ‘American Buffalo’ and ‘Sexual Perversity in Chicago’ (that last one ought to get me some interesting google-links… which reminds me…)
• Today’s superfluous attempt for the ‘craziest phrase used in a blatant attempt to lure people to your site when they type it into Google’ is: Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. Which is (besides being the longest word in the English language) defined as “a lung disease caused by the inhalation of very fine silica dust, mostly found in volcanos.” So that’s what’s wrong with me… damn, pesky volcanoes…
• Today’s Mental iPod song of the day is a song from The Beatles ‘White Album’, ‘Rocky Raccoon’

Now somewhere in the black mountain hills of Dakota
There lived a young boy named rocky raccoon
And one day his woman ran off with another guy
Hit young rocky in the eye, rocky didn’t like that
He said I’m gonna get that boy
So one day he walked into town
Booked himself a room in the local saloon

Rocky raccoon checked into his room
Only to find Gideon’s bible
Rocky had come equipped with a gun
To shoot off the legs of his rival
His rival it seems had broken his dreams
By stealing the girl of his fancy
Her name was Magil and she called herself Lil
But everyone knew her as Nancy

Now she and her man who called himself Dan
Were in the next room at the hoe down
Rocky burst in and grinning a grin
He said Danny boy this is a showdown
But Daniel was hot - he drew first and shot
And rocky collapsed in the corner

Now the doctor came in stinking of gin
And proceeded to lie on the table
He said rocky you met your match
And rocky said, doc it’s only a scratch
And I’ll be better, I’ll be better doc as soon as I am able

Now rocky raccoon he fell back in his room
Only to find Gideon’s bible
Gideon checked out and he left it no doubt
To help with good Rocky’s revival

Son of a b----

104.7...

That’s what it topped out at, 104.7.

104.7 degrees Fahrenheit

That’s what my fever was Friday night when my brother and I got to my parent’s house…

That’s what my fever was when my Dad and brother left for my cousin’s house Saturday morning to make the chorizo…

That’s what my fever was when the nurse took my temperature at the Doc in the Box my mom took me to in Clayton…

High fever, cough, tightness in chest…. diagnosed as bronchitis.

Yes, I had a fever (and bronchitis) all weekend long… so I was not able to help in the annual, chorizo-making tradition.

The last time I had a fever? About 30 some years ago, younger even than The Peanut Butter and The Jelly are now.

So… needless to say, my weekend sucked moose cock.

I still feel tired, sick and exhausted, so I’m going back to bed.

Mental iPod Song of the Day

In light of a post by Tony over at Cheeky’s Hideaway, today’s mental iPod song of the day is not one I heard on the way in, but it’s a good one anyway…

"Brothers in Arms" by Dire Straits from The West Wing Soundtrack – Volume 1

These mist covered mountains
Are a home now for me
But my home is the lowlands
And always will be
Some day you’ll return to
Your valleys and your farms
And you’ll no longer burn
To be brothers in arms

Through these fields of destruction
Baptisms of fire
I’ve watched all your suffering
As the battles raged higher
And though they did hurt me so bad
In the fear and alarm
You did not desert me
My brothers in arms

There’s so many different worlds
So many different suns
And we have just one world
But we live in different ones

Now the sun’s gone to hell
And the moon’s riding high
Let me bid you farewell
Every man has to die
But it’s written in the starlight
And every line on your palm
We’re fools to make war
On our brothers in arms

Random Thoughts for a Wednesday

It’s Wednesday. Hump-day. Mid-week. We all know what that means. Random Thoughts for a Wednesday.

• Today’s post is brought to you by the letter ‘M’ and by the number ‘42’
• My Wonderlic test score was 49… never did find out which one I missed.
• Anna Nicole Smith at the US Supreme Court? This is a fantasy of Justice Clarence Thomas isn’t it?
• Does this really surprise anyone? Turns out that American’s know more about The Simpsons than they do about the First Amendment. Well, duh. How about you? Take this QUIZ and find out if you know about the First Amendment.
• Confidential advice to Ms Smith; if Justice Thomas offers you a can of Coke, say ‘no thank you.’
• One for Sarah & Becky and anyone else in the Tampa area. A Tampa Bay Storm football player was arrested because he and his girlfriend were living in Section 8 housing and paying only $20 a month. Although, is it really that bad? I mean, how much could an Arena football player actually make?? What’s that? How much? In that case, off with his head!
• The U.S government is telling people to take sick leave and stay home if they get the bird flu. Wow, I never would have thought of that…
• I will be participating in a family tradition this weekend. I, along with my dad, my brother, and 2 of my cousins will be getting together for our yearly family-chorizo making. Using a recipe that my Abuela brought over from Spain when she came over at the young age of 19, we butcher the hog, add the spices, mix it, put it in a grinder, encase it and let it smoke for a few days. Last year's batch was the best we had ever done and we only hope to equal that success this year. It's still 3 days away, but because last year's batch was as close to perfection as you can get, we're all excited at the prospect of besting ourselves. Of course, if it's worse, we will never speak of it again...
• Today’s superfluous attempt for the ‘craziest phrase used in a blatant attempt to lure people to your site when they type it into Google’ is: “manute bol’s wife”… what’s that? That one’s been used? Rats. How about: “inspired looniness”
• After much thought and discussion, I’ve decided that I am running for City Alderman in my town. More info as it becomes available.
• No gratuitous picture today, instead have a Mental iPod Song of the day: ‘Car Wash’ by Rose Royce. Why do I have this song on my iPod? Because The PB & The J love to dance to it, so I had no choice but to download it?

Ooh ooh You might not ever get rich
But let me tell ya it's better than diggin' a ditch
There ain't no tellin' who you might meet
A movie star or maybe even an Indian chief

(Workin') At the car wash
Workin' at the car wash, girl
Come on and sing it with me
(Car wash)
Sing it with the feelin' ya'all
(Car wash, girl)

Ooh! Some of the work gets kinda hard
This ain't no place to be if you planned on bein' a star
Let me tell you it's always cool
And the boss don't mind sometimes if you act the fool

At the car wash
Whoa whoa whoa whoa
Talkin' about the car wash, girl
Come on, ya'all and sing it for me
(Car wash)
Oooh oooh oooh
(Car wash, girl)

(Work and work)
Well, those cars never seem to stop coming
(Work and work)
Keep those rags and machines humming
(Work and work)
My fingers to the bone
(Work)
Can't wait till it's time to go home

(Hey, get your car washed today)
Fill up and you don't have to pay
Come on and give us a play
(Do the wash, right away)

(The car wash)
Talkin' 'bout the car wash
Car wash, girl
Come on, ya'all, let's sing it with me
(Car wash)
Sing it with feelin', ya'all
(Car wash, girl)

Whoa whoa whoa whoa
(Car wash)
Never seem to stop comin'
What'd I say
Keep those rags and machines hummin'
(Car wash)
Let me tell you, it's always cool . .

Fat Tuesday (aka Mardi Gras)

You knew it was coming, didn't you? I started it with Groundhogs Day, so now people expect it. This is it; Kemp's Official Fat Tuesday/Mardi Gras Primer...

DID YOU KNOW?

• That the name Fat Tuesday comes from the French Words ‘Gras’ (pronounced ‘graw’) and ‘Mardi’… Mardi Gras… ah! The light bulbs come on
• That Mardi Gras is a legal holiday in New Orleans
• That the oldest Mardi Gras celebration in the United States is in Mobile, Alabama. Their celebrations date back to 1703.
• That the official colors of Mardi Gras (purple which is a symbol of justice; green which represents faith; and gold which signifies power) have their roots in Catholicism.
• The name Fat Tuesday comes from the tradition of slaughtering and feasting upon a fattened calf (The veal wasn’t butchered though, it died of loneliness) on the last day of Carniva

HISTORY

What is less known about Mardi Gras is its relation to the Christmas season, through the ordinary-time interlude known in many Catholic cultures as Carnival (Carnival comes from the Latin words carne vale, meaning “farewell to the flesh.”)

Like many Catholic holidays and seasonal celebrations, it likely has its roots in pre-Christian traditions based on the seasons. Some believe the festival represented the few days added to the lunar calendar to make it coincide with the solar calendar; since these days were outside the calendar, rules and customs were not obeyed. Others see it as a late-winter celebration designed to welcome the coming spring. As early as the middle of the second century, the Romans observed a Fast of 40 Days, which was preceded by a brief season of feasting, costumes and merrymaking.

There are well-known season-long Carnival celebrations in Europe and Latin America, including Nice, France; Cologne, Germany; and Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. The best-known celebration in the U.S. is in New Orleans and the French-Catholic communities of the Gulf Coast. Mardi Gras came to the New World in 1699, when a French explorer arrived at the Mississippi River, about 60 miles south of present day New Orleans. He named the spot Point du Mardi Gras because he knew the holiday was being celebrated in his native country that day.

MARDI GRAS IN NOLA

Secret societies, known as krewes, arrange and finance all the Mardi Gras activities in New Orleans, with the oldest krewe being Comus, which made its first appearance in 1857. A different krewe holds a parade on each night during the two weeks leading up to Lent. The krewes also hold masked balls at which the king and queen of the krewe are presented to the society.

Eventually the French in New Orleans celebrated Mardi Gras with masked balls and parties… at least until the Spanish government took over in the mid-1700s and banned the celebrations (sorry, our bad).

This ban continued even after the U.S. government acquired the land but started-up again in 1827.

While Mardi Gras (or Fat Tuesday) has grown in popularity in recent years as a hedonistic and alcohol-swilling event, its roots lie in the Christian calendar.

The whole season kicks off with the Epiphany (also known as Twelfth Night, Three Kings' Day and in some Eastern churches Theophany), which falls on January 6 – 12 days after Christmas. That day celebrates the visit of the Wise Men bearing gifts for the infant Jesus.

What’s the purpose of King's Cake? Well, legend has it that the cakes were made in a circle to represent the circular routes that the Wise Men took to find Jesus, in order to confuse King Herod and foil his plans of killing the Christ Child. In the early days, a coin or bean was hidden inside the cake, and whoever found the item was said to have good luck in the coming year. In Louisiana, bakers now put a small baby, representing the Christ Child, in the cake; the recipient is then expected to host the next King Cake party. (How would you like to miss that and explain to the ER doctor: ‘Well, doc, I was eating a piece of cake when a baby got lodged in my throat.’)

Kemp’s Top Ten Movies Fat Tuesday/Mardi Gras Movies

...that have Mardi Gras as a central theme… or even a passing theme… or a naked women theme… or really, have nothing to do with Mardi Gras other than being set in New Orleans because there are not, quite frankly, enough movies about Mardi Gras to do an actual Top Ten Mardi Gras movies list.

10. Zombie vs Mardi Gras
9. Mardi Gras Massacre
8. Piano Players Rarely Play Together
7. Mardi Gras
6. Night Trap (aka Mardi Gras for the Devil)
5. Playboy: Girls of Mardi Gras
4. Mardi Gras: Made in China
3. Girls Gone Wild: Mardi Gras
2. Easy Rider
1. Hard Target

Gratuitous Fat Tuesday picture (Ask me how hard it was to find a Fat Tuesday image that didn't involve naked people)

Mental iPod Song of the Day - FAT TUESDAY EDITION

Talk about karma.

On today, one of New Orleans busiest days of the year (even this year, a scant 6 months after the horror that was Hurricane Katrina and disaster 'Brownie') as I was driving into work and, coincidentally, going over the train tracks in Kankakee, my iPod shuffled itself onto “City of New Orleans” by Arlo Guthrie. I am not making this up, the second song it went to. So, to keep all of you satisfied for me (mind out of gutters people) until I post my Official Fat Tuesday offering, I present to you today’s Mental iPod Song of the Day: "City of New Orleans"

Riding on the City of New Orleans,
Illinois Central Monday morning rail
Fifteen cars and fifteen restless riders,
Three conductors and twenty-five sacks of mail.

All along the southbound odyssey
The train pulls out at Kankakee
Rolls along past houses, farms and fields.
Passin' trains that have no names,
Freight yards full of old black men
And the graveyards of the rusted automobiles.

CHORUS:
Good morning America how are you?
Don't you know me I'm your native son,
I'm the train they call The City of New Orleans,
I'll be gone five hundred miles when the day is done.

Dealin' card games with the old men in the club car.
Penny a point ain't no one keepin' score.
Pass the paper bag that holds the bottle
Feel the wheels rumblin' 'neath the floor.
And the sons of Pullman porters
And the sons of engineers
Ride their father's magic carpets made of steel.
Mothers with their babes asleep,
Are rockin' to the gentle beat
And the rhythm of the rails is all they feel.

CHORUS

Nighttime on The City of New Orleans,
Changing cars in Memphis, Tennessee.
Half way home, we'll be there by morning
Through the Mississippi darkness
Rolling down to the sea.
And all the towns and people seem
To fade into a bad dream
And the steel rails still ain't heard the news.
The conductor sings his song again,
The passengers will please refrain
This train's got the disappearing railroad blues.

Good night, America, how are you?
Don't you know me I'm your native son,
I'm the train they call The City of New Orleans,
I'll be gone five hundred miles when the day is done.

Shout-Out!

"Fra-gee-lay. That must be Italian."

- Mr. Parker from A Christmas Story, portrayed by Darren McGavin who passed away Saturday at the age of 83. As long as this movie is shown and reruns of Kolchak: The Night Stalker are available, your memory will never be forgotten. We will miss you.

"I wish, I wish I was a fish."

- Henry Limpet from The Incredible Mr. Limpet, portrayed by Don Knotts who passed away on Friday night at the age of 81. More popularly known as Deputy Barney Fife on The Andy Griffith Show or Mr. Furley on Three's Company, I'll always remember you from Mr. Limpet. You will also be missed.

"Drink scotch whisky, all night long..."

At least that's what Steely Dan suggested in 'Deacon Blues'

Me? Not so much.

Last Friday I posted about the Cash Bash that I (along my the wife, my brother and his girlfriend) was going to attend last Saturday night… and some of you wanted to know how it went.

Well, it took me this long to remember it.

I’m exaggerating of course, but that has been what it’s felt like all week. Walking around in a stupor… (now I know how “President” Bush always feels…[rimshot]) trying to shake off the effects alcohol has on the (older) human body. (I am not an alcoholic… nor do I play one on TV. I drink in moderation. But when one has a chance to drink with a named designated driver and not without the responsibility of kids… one takes advantage… who of us here reading this post haven’t???)

After last week I have come to a horrifying conclusion… I. Am. Old.

It’s not something that homo-sapiens like to admit, but I feel the time has come for me to admit it.

I am 32 years old (33 in July) and can no longer consume the mass quantities of alcohol I was able to in college… hell, that I was able to 5 years ago.

I tried last Saturday night but with decidedly different results from 10 years ago (that’s something else I’m becoming to sense I am going to be having trouble coming to grips with… 10 years ago this summer I graduated from college… 10 years ago… 10 long… years… hijo de puta)

I started off with 1 beer when we got there. Meh. It didn’t taste good which means my body was telling me I wasn’t in the mood for beer. So I switched to Scotch and water… quite a few Scotch and waters. How many? I’m not sure; I lost count while I was playing Blackjack (and doing well; at one point I was even up 5 dollars… but then lost it on booze and women)

After Blackjack, and while we were holding the bar up and smoking some (very good) cigars, my brother and I turned to Crown Royals and water. (Interesting sidebar; at first it was hard to get the bartenders attention, but after we twice gave him a tip of $5, he was our bitch and then supplied us with very-generous amounts of CR in our glasses. At one point, he glanced at the President of the College and bypassed his drink order he could get us more… I told my wife to expect a call from him in the next few days…)

Back to the post at hand; age. I am old.

I can no longer drink a lot of alcohol and not feel the effects.

I can no longer eat mass amounts of food and no longer feel the effects.

I can no longer smoke more than 1 cigar a night without feeling the effects.

I. Am. Old. (To that I say to father time: ¡Chupapollas!)

I didn’t get sick that night (I never get physically ill after drinking) and didn’t have a hangover (remedy: drink, at the minimum, 6 pints of water) the next day… but I just felt… blah… incredibly blah… like I had been run over with a truck (which backed up a few times and ran me over again and again) forced to scale Mts. Fuji & Kilimanjaro and then forced to watch 24 straight hours of ‘Saved by the Bell: The College Years’

Don’t get me wrong, I did thoroughly enjoy myself (we all did), met our new neighbors (who are young… very, very young) talked some politics with a local alderman who is running for State Rep and may want me to write him some stump speeches (kick ass) and had an overall good time.

(Scott, next year you HAVE to go. No ifs. Ands. Or buts.)

BTW, in case any of you were wondering. None of us won any money. Not even one of the $100 pots… oh well, it was still a fun night out with family and friends (and no kids.. God love ‘em) and we will do it again next year

Just with better drink-pacing.

Mental iPod Song of the Day

Rather than not have any post on a given day, if I can’t think of anything interesting to say, I’ll throw out a new mental iPod Song of the Day.

This morning I hit shuffle so today’s mental iPod song of the day is Overkill by Colin Hay from the 'Scrubs' television soundtrack (and also from Colin Hay’s album Man at Work)

I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications

Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know I'll be alright
Perhaps it's just imagination

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away

Alone between the sheets
Only brings exasperation
It's time to walk the streets
Smell the desperation

At least there's pretty lights
And though there's little variation
It nullifies the night from overkill

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Come back another day

I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications

Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know I'll be alright
It's just overkill

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Ghosts appear and fade away
Ghosts appear and fade away

Random Thoughts for a Wednesday Afternoon

It’s Wednesday so that means it’s time for my patented (in name only) Random Thoughts for a Wednesday Afternoon…

• If I hear one more thing about Kevin Federline, I’m gonna barf… uh, oh…here it comes…
• Why they’re doing it is beyond me but researchers continue to debate on the sequence of events before the Titanic sank. To me it seems like rearranging deck chairs on the... well... you know… Click HERE to read more about it.
• Do bears bear? Do bees be? Do ducks duck? Do flies fly? Do math majors multiply? Do eggs get laid?
• Ladies… be grateful that you didn’t marry THIS LOSER.
• Jimmy Cracks corn and I do care.
• All my blogging friends out there (and you know who you are) be aware that I found a link that is nothing but various memes/games to pass on to other bloggers…in fact…
• I did one of these and found myself to be a Linguistic thinker, who tend to think in words, like to use language to express complex ideas, are sensitive to the sounds and rhythms of words as well as their meanings. Careers which suit Linguistic thinkers include journalist, translator, poet, lyricist, writer. Other Linguistic Thinkers include William Shakespeare, Sylvia Plath, Anne Frank and Leonardo da Vinci. Want to try the test yourself? Click HERE.
• There is not always room for Jello
• Are the Olympics over yet?
• Gratuitous picture time. This is a picture of our daschund Zoie and one of my Aunt’s weimaraners, Cody (who had to be put down a few weeks ago) taken at my parent’s house this past Christmas.

Mental iPod Song of the Day

Hit shuffle on the ol’ iPod this morning, so today’s mental iPod song of the day is “Big Boys Bickering” by Paul McCartney.

BIG BOYS BICKERING,
THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE DOIN' EV'RYDAY.
BIG BOYS BICKERING,
FUCKIN' IT UP FOR EV'RYONE, EV'RYONE.

GUESS WHILE THEY'RE BETTING ON THE TRACK,
THEY'RE TRYIN' TO WIN YOUR MONEY BACK.
ALL OF THE TAXES THAT YOU PAID,
WENT TO FUND THE MASQUERADE.

BIG BOYS BICKERING,
THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE DOIN' ALL THE DAY.
BIG BOYS BICKERING,
FUCKIN' IT UP IN EV'RY WAY, EV'RY WAY.

WE STAND HERE WAITING
UNDERNEATH THE TOWER BLOCK.
WHO WILL WIN AND WHO WILL LOSE?
WHICH WAY DO THE BIG BOYS CHOOSE?
WHICH OF US WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT GOES ON?

WHO WILL WIN, WHO WILL LOSE?

SO WHILE THEY ARGUE THROUGH THE NIGHT,
SHAKIN' THEIR STICKS OF DYNAMITE,
BABIES ARE DYING THROUGH THE DAY,
THEY WANNA BLOW US ALL AWAY.

BIG BOYS BICKERING,
AND SO THE GAME GOES ON AND ON.
BIG BOYS BICKERING,
FUCKING IT UP FOR EV'RYONE, EV'RYONE,
FOR EV'RYONE, FOR EV'RYONE, FOR EV'RYONE,
FOR EV'RYONE, EV'RYONE.

FUCKING IT UP FOR EV'RYONE,
(Fuckin' it up for ev'ryone)
FUCKING IT UP FOR EV'RYONE,
EV'RYONE, EV'RYONE

Mental iPod Song of the Day

Saw this feature on another blog I frequent (Kemp ‘borrowing’ from a blog for his own blog? I am shocked. Shocked to find gambling in this establishment!)

Kemp’s mental iPod song of the day

This is a song that I listened to on my iPod while driving into work this morning.

‘Hallelujah’ performed by Jeff Buckley from The West Wing soundtrack

I heard there was a secret chord
that David played and it pleased the lord
but you don't really care for music, do you?
well it goes like this the fourth, the fifth
the minor fall and the major lift
the baffled king composing hallelujah

Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...

well your faith was strong but you needed proof
you saw her bathing on the roof
her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
she tied you to her kitchen chair
she broke your throne and she cut your hair
and from your lips she drew the hallelujah

Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...

baby I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew
you I've seen your flag on the marble arch
but love is not a victory march
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...

well there was a time when you let me know
what's really going on below
but now you never show that to me do you
but remember when i moved in you
and the holy dove was moving too
and every breath we drew was hallelujah

well, maybe there's a God above
but all I've ever learned from love
was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
it's not a cry that you hear at night
it's not somebody who's seen the light
it's a cold and it is a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...
Hallelujah...

President's Day

No day off today, I am working. So, seeing as how it’s evolved into a bit of tradition, I present to you some President’s Day holiday facts.

Did you know?

• That contrary to popular belief, Presidents' Day (observed on the third Monday of February) honors Lincoln, Washington and ALL other past presidents of the United States of America. That means when you get elected, there's automatically a holiday honoring you - no matter how good (or not so good) you are at the job… I could say something about our current ‘Prez’ but it’s like shooting attorney’s in a field… it’s just too easy.
• The Office of Personnel Management (OPM - the Federal Government’s Human Resources Agency) states that, according to federal law, President’s Day is officially called Washington’s Birthday
• As far as historical scholars know, neither President Washington nor President Lincoln ever attended a President's Day sale.

Kemp’s Top Ten ‘President’s Day’ movies:

1. The Phantom President
2. Betty Boop for President
3. The President Vanishes
4. Kisses for My President
5. The Virgin President
6. Joe and Ethel Turp Call on the President
7. Olive Oyl for President
8. The American President
9. The President’s Analyst
10. All the President’s Men

President’s Day Trivia:

• President Taft was a large man and weighed about 322 pounds. A special bathtub was installed for him in the White House, big enough to hold four men.
• There have been 5 left-handed Presidents: James Garfield, Harry S. Truman, Gerald Ford, George Bush, and Bill Clinton.
• During his presidency, Ulysses S. Grant was arrested and fined $20 for driving his horse too fast.
• Nine Presidents did not attend college: George Washington, Andrew Jackson, Martin Van Buren, Zachary Taylor, Millard Fillmore, Abraham Lincoln, Andrew Johnson, Grover Cleveland, and Harry S. Truman.

History of President’s Day

The original version of the holiday was in commemoration of George Washington's birthday in 1796 (the last full year of his presidency). In 1796, many Americans celebrated his birthday on the 22nd while others marked the occasion on the 11th instead.

By the early 19th century, Washington's Birthday had taken firm root in the American experience as a bona fide national holiday. Its traditions included Birthnight Balls in various regions, speeches and receptions given by prominent public figures, and a lot of revelry in taverns throughout the land.

Then along came Abraham Lincoln, another revered president and fellow February baby (born on the 12th of the month). The first formal observance of his birthday took place in 1865 (the year after his assassination) when both houses of Congress gathered for a memorial address. While Lincoln's Birthday did not become a federal holiday like George Washington's, it did become a legal holiday in several states.

In 1968, legislation (HR15951) was enacted that affected several federal holidays, one of which was Washington's Birthday. The observation of his birthday was shifted to the third Monday in February each year whether or not it fell on the 22nd. This act, which took effect in 1971, was designed to simplify the yearly calendar of holidays and give federal employees some standard three-day weekends in the process.

Apparently, while the holiday in February is still officially known as Washington's Birthday it has become popularly (and, perhaps in some cases at the state level, legally) known as "President's Day." This has made the third Monday in February a day for honoring Washington and Lincoln, as well as all the other men who have served as president.

How about some past Presidential Campaign Slogans:

• William Henry Harrison – “Tippecanoe and Tyler Too”
• James K. Polk – “5440 or fight”
• Henry Clay – “Who is James K. Polk?” (Our thoughts exactly…)
• Grover Cleveland – “Blain, Blaine, James G. Blaine, The Continental Liar from the State of Maine” (at least it rhymed…)
• James Blaine – “Ma, Ma, Where’s my Pa, Gone to the White House, Ha, Ha, Ha” (at least it rhymed…)
• William McKinley – “A Full Dinner Party” (Isn’t that what Dolly Madison always said?)
• Woodrow Wilson – “He kept us out of war”
• Warren G. Harding – “Cox and cocktails” (I don’t even know where to begin…)
• Dwight Eisenhower – “I like Ike” (At least it rhymed…)
• Richard Nixon – “Nixon’s the One” (And number 2…)
• Jimmy Carter – “Not just Peanuts” (But jelly…)
• Ronald Reagan – “It’s morning again in America” (That’s how he remembered it anyway… sorry, that was in bad taste…)
• Bill Clinton – “Putting People First” (Especially interns…)
• George W. Bush – “Compassionate Conservatism” (Doesn’t apply to the VP while Quail hunting…)

Gratuitous President's Day photo:

TGIFF

Friday... Friday... Friday... Friday... Friday... FRIDAY!!!!!

It's Friday everyone. The end of the work week. The weekend is nigh (nigh??)

What do we have planned for this weekend?

• Friday night is the usual excitement. Grocery store. Whoo-hoo!

• Saturday morning The Peanut Butter & The Jelly have music class. Then my parents come in to town from St Louis for the weekend. Along with my brother and his girlfriend for the night. Why you ask... family picture Saturday afternoon. Yes... all of us, including the little ones. So you're all thinking to yourself... wow, Kemp's gonna need a drink after that... well, funny you should mention that.

• Saturday night my wife and I, along with my brother and his girlfriend, are going to a "Cash Bash." What's a Cash Bash you ask? Glad you asked...It's a fundraising event to raise money (imagine that) for the Community College my wife works at. For $100 per couple you get a food buffet, unlimited alcohol, and casino-type games (whoa...did I just get transported to a political lobbyist fundraiser?) You also get your name put into a drawing for $5,000.... $1,000... $500... and 10 chances for $100.

Unlimited food + Unlimited 'al-key-hall' + Gambling + Cigars + No kids = Hallelujah!!! (thank you Kevin Smith...)

Don't get me wrong, I love my kids, but a chance to go out for the evening while my parents watch them... it's... it's... I'm sorry... I promised myself I wouldn't cry....

Have a good weekend! Bye everybody!