Next Stop: Disney

I leave tomorrow for yet another trip to Disney World, this time not only with HoMu, The PB & The J, but the rest of HoMu's family...

All.

18.

Of.

Us.

Now, I could write about how much I'm dreading fearing looking forward to the trip... or I could beg for guestposters... but I won't.

Instead I'm asking for YOUR help.

I need some new music for my iPod and before perusing I thought to myself, what better source than my b-l-o-g-m-i-g-o-s and the rest of the blogosphere to get some ideas.

So I'm asking all of you... what new albums/music should I illegally download?

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Why explain it myself when I can let Mr. Linus van Pelt do it for me... enjoy!

The Kemp's Blog Players present:

A play in one scene: “5-Year Old Smack-down”

Cast of Characters:
Narrator: The Voices in My Head
Daddy: Kemp
Sweetie: The Peanut Butter
Sissy: The Jelly

Setting: Kankakee, Illinois - Friday, December 21, 2007. 7:45 AM.

The wind was out of the SE at 8 MPH, with an air temperature of 37 degrees Fahrenheit. It was foggy with visibility at 2.50 miles…

Sweetie: “Daddy, I was good this morning wasn’t I?”

Daddy: “Yes sweetie, you were very good. Thank you.”

Sissy: “Was I Daddy?”

Narrator: “She wasn’t…”

Sweetie: “Not really Sissy…”

Narrator: “Sisters…”

So Kemp, how are you feeling?

Like someone hit me in the crotch with a baseball bat that had just took a swing at a microwave.

In other words, some minor discomfort...

Leader of the Band...

An only child
Alone and wild
A cabinet makers son
His hands were meant
For different work
And his heart was known
To none --
He left his home
And went his lone
And solitary way
And he gave to me
A gift I know I never
Can repay

A quiet man of music
Denied a simpler fate
He tried to be a soldier once
But his music wouldnt wait
He earned his love
Through discipline
A thundering, velvet hand
His gentle means of sculpting souls
Took me years to understand.

The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through
My instrument
And his song is in my soul --
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
Im just a living legacy
To the leader of the band.

My brothers lives were
Different
For they heard another call
One went to chicago
And the other to st. paul
And Im in colorado
When Im not in some hotel
Living out this life Ive chose
And come to know so well.

I thank you for the music
And your stories of the road
I thank you for the freedom
When it came my time to go --
I thank you for the kindness
And the times when you got tough
And, pap, I dont think i
Said i love you near enough --

The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through
My instrument
And his song is in my soul --
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
Im just a living legacy
To the leader of the band
I am the living legacy
To the leader of the band.

Dan Fogelberg, 1951-2007

Before...

I make 'Bob Barker a happier guy' (thanks Devra), I stumbled across this. How about the 2006 Casino Royale opening credits with the 1967 Herb Alpert score from the original Casino Royale... pretty sweet. Enjoy!

So Kemp, what are you doing tomorrow?

I won't bore you with the details or the specifics of the procedure I'm having done tomorrow other than this; it will make a vas deferens in my life...

Things that make my head hurt #3

Where do I start?? Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch has released their winners for this years “Wacky Warning Label” contest.

Some of the “winners”:

• A label on a small tractor that warns: "Danger: Avoid Death." (“Important safety tip; thanks Egon.”)
• Second place: An iron-on T-shirt transfer that warns: "Do not iron while wearing shirt." (Is that where that iron-shaped scar on my chest came from? I thought I was the chosen one…
• Third place: A baby stroller featuring a small pouch for storage that warns: "Do not put child in bag." (One has to think this was a direct message to “Brandine” Spears…)
• Honorable Mention: A letter opener that says, "Caution: Safety goggles recommended." (“The goggles! They do nothing!”)
• Honorable Mention: A marker that warns: "The Vanishing Fabric Marker should not be used as a writing instrument for signing checks or any legal documents." (So that’s how the Bush(whacked) Administrations covers their tracks…)

What's even more frightening is knowing that there are people out there who actually need these warnings...

Update on The PB

The Peanut Butter has been released from the hospital…

She had the 48 hour EEG done and the readings showed no irregular brain patterns, no spikes and no seizures.

The Neurologist isn’t ready to completely take her off the medication yet, so she will be kept on 2 pills a night for the next six months, after which she will have another EEG to see where she is at that time.

The doctor also wants her to be tested for dyslexia, which is something I’ve been asking to be done for some time.

More details to come…

Also, if you ever find yourself at the University of Chicago’s Comer Children’s Hospital, be prepared to be pampered.

Some of the amenities; one patient per room… flat-screen HD TV… free on-demand movies… free on-line games… room-service type food service (they don’t bring it by, you order it when you’re ready and they then bring it to you…) and for the parents, a sofa that folds out to a twin-sized bed. A far cry from the thing I had to sleep on when HoMu was on bed-rest during pregnancy… those things were far from comfortable…

Time Apart

Regular readers of my blog know that The Peanut Butter was diagnosed with a “seizure disorder” a little more than a year ago and was prescribed medication to combat it.

When she started kindergarten this year, HoMu and I, along with her teacher, noticed that at times she wasn’t paying attention in class, was easily distracted, seemed distant and un-interested and sometimes would act as though she didn’t know something even though she did the day or even hours before.

Like we did before she was put on the medication, we started researching the side-effects of her medication again and discovered that these were indeed side-effects of taking it. So at her bi-annual exam with her Neurologist, we discussed with the doctor and it was decided that we would wean her off of the medication and, for the last 8 weeks, we’ve been doing just that.

After being dropped from 4 doses a day to 2, she showed a drastic increase in her testing and schoolwork, scoring a 27 on a numbers test weeks before when she was under full dosage to an astounding 49 (out of 50) when her dosing was cut in half.

She is now totally off the meds and, knock on wood, has not had a seizure during that time… and today she starts her 48-hour, in-hospital EEG at the University of Chicago Hospital (also where they were born) to see if she is still having them (she was having them in her sleep, hence the 48-hour EEG).

This is significant for two reasons: First; hopefully we can find out if she has, as most children who develop this type of seizure disorder do, grown out of the seizures.

Second: this means that she and The Jelly will be separated… for 3 days/2 nights.

For those of you reading that don’t have twins, everything you’ve heard about the connections that twins have with each other is, for the most part, true… and in the past, their separations have not worked out very well.

So this time we’re trying something different.

I am teaching two ‘Introduction to Public Speaking’ classes this semester and this week are final exams and final speeches, so I can’t cancel class. HoMu will be staying with The PB in the hospital and I will be down here with The J. But since I teach tonight until 10:00, and in an attempt to make The J more at ease, one of my SIL’s graciously said that The J can stay with them… so rather than staying up late until I pick her up… and rather than staying with a set of grandparents, she will be with one of her Aunts and Uncles and three of her cousins…

Hopefully my nephews and niece will help The J get through this first night… my wife will help The PB get through her first night… and me? Well… in front of people I will be the strong father, stoic and solid. But when I get home tonight, with no one around, and when I start thinking about my wife and daughters and what one of them is going through at the hospital and the other is going through away from her sister… I’m sure I’ll sit down for a nice cry…

And I have no problem with that…

The iPod Meme

I wasn’t tagged by Sarah, per se, but I haven’t done a meme in a while, so here ya go… and in the interest of full-disclosure, we reset* our iTunes a few months back when we got our big-ass external hard-drive, so the numbers are probably a tad off…

How many total songs?
8,142 plus 5 videos, 2 TV episodes, one short-movie, and a plethora of photos

Sort by Time - Shortest and Longest…
“A Conjunction of Drones Simulating the Way in Which Sufjan Stevens Hasan Existential Crisis in the Great Godfrey Maze” (:19) by Sufjan Stevens from Illinoise
“Alice’s Restaurant Massacree” (18:30) by Arlo Guthrie from The Best of Arlo Guthrie

Sort by song title - First and Last…
“A” by Cartel from the album Chroma
“99 Luftballons” by Nena from The Download Album

Sort by Album - First and Last…
“(What’s the story) Morning Glory?” by Oasis
“Youth” by Matisyahu

Sort by Artist - First and Last…
A Tribe Called Quest
ZZ Top

Top Five Most Played Songs…*
“American Idiot” by Green Day’
“Superman” by Lazlo Bane
“Piece of my Heart” by Janis Joplin
“Suddenly I see” by KT Tunstall
“Hear me in the Harmony” by Harry Connick, Jr.

Find the following words. How many songs show up?
Sex: 221, Death: 123 , Love: 326, You: 2,058, Home: 201, Boy: 372, Girl: 421

First five songs that come up on Party Shuffle… Click HERE to get some information about how the iTunes’ and iPod’s shuffle algorithms work
“Rolling off a Log” by World Party
“Girl, You’ll be a Woman Soon” by Urge Overkill
“Waiting for my Real Life to Begin” by Colin Hay
“Ain’t That a Kick in the Head” by Dean Martin
“My Sweet Lord” by George Harrison

I won’t be tagging anyone because, well, it usually falls on deaf ears anyway… though I will tag my good friend Scott… remember him?? Let’s see if he’ll come back to the land of bloggers…

BTW; Scott is engaged...

Memories

Kemp’s Note: I know I’m going to get thrashed for this song by, well, quite a few of my blogmigos, but a memory is a memory, and it can’t be changed…

Memories are a strong thing, a strong thing that stays in the recesses of our mind and comes out with certain cues we get… the smell of cookies baking reminding you of your grandmother Florence… the sight of a red sky in fall reminding you of your beloved Uncle Nishan… and music, perhaps the strongest mental cue there is.

The best time of my early, pre-adult, pre-bill paying life was college… I had a circle of friends (most of whom I still stay in touch with) that were close, one of which would eventually become my wife.

Since my roommate and I had the largest apartment out of the group, everyone would congregate there… and one particular moment has stayed in my mind more than others.

It was me, HoMu, my roommate and the rest of our little gang. There were only two days left in the semester before winter break… and the six of us were having a beer (imagine that), talking about life and the holidays and the future. It was a great time… and then, if by design, it started to lightly snow outside and the below song started playing on the stereo…

The images… the sounds… the feeling of all of us sitting there and talking are fully ingrained into my brain, and whenever I hear this song, I’m immediately transported back to that time… and those friends. A time of youth and few responsibilities… a time that saw a love blooming… and the holiday season upon us.

Memories…

Enjoy the song… it’s Mariah Carey’s, “All I Want for Christmas is You”

Things that make my heart hurt 2

I don't think they quite understand the concept...

Wanted: Assistance

I am considering, on advice of my consultant Lance, a move over to wordpress.com because, as I have mentioned many, many, many many times; blogger bites it.

What I am looking for is someone who has done this before (moving from blogger to wordpress) because I have questions and you, hopefully, have answers. Such as, is it possible to move all my posts from here to there? And if so, how.

Yes, I COULD look at wordpress' help section, but why do that when I have the smartest blogmigos and readers around?

TIA...

Hmmmm...

it seems blogger (who bites it btw) doesn't like my new template... so everytime I post something it magically dissapears... almost like {puts tinfoil hat on} someone doesn't want me to post...

Hopefully I can get this thing figured out soon...

Goodbye Mr. Knievel...

1938 - 2007

A Toast....

Kemp's Note: The story you are about to see is true; the names have been changed to protect the innocent. For example: George Baker is now called "Sylvia Wiss. "

My older brother got married last Friday. I was the Best Man and The Peanut Butter and The Jelly were the Flower Girls. As the Best Man, I was required to give a toast to the happy couple... for your convenience, it's below.

More wedding shenanigans later...

If I could just say a few words... I'd be a better public speaker.

For those of you who don't know me, I'm Kemp, Prof’s little brother… in age, not in size.

Let me just start by saying that Lawyer looks absolutely stunning while Prof looks... well, stunned.

I consider it a great privilege that Prof asked me to be his best man as he has quite generously returned the favor that I asked of him 10 ½ years ago, during which he took the opportunity to make lots of cheap jokes at my expense... which means I now have the right to reciprocate… I should warn you now; pay back is gonna be a bitch.

When Prof asked me to be his Best Man, I immediately started going through all the stories about him that would best embar– I mean, describe him…

I could start by telling the story of how, on my 24th birthday, we went golfing and he got hit IN the head with a golf ball… or the story of his 30th birthday when he got hit ON by two 70-year old women at the Denny’s restaurant in Peoria… or how he almost got hit by a wayward bottle rocket one fourth of July… how he fell into a Christmas tree one year... or how my wife Honey Mustard likes to compare us to Frasier and Niles Crane... HoMu, you and Lawyer will have to decide which of you is Maris and which of you is Lilith...

But then I thought of a better story.

You see; many people thought that Prof was a confirmed bachelor, but something happened about five and a half years ago that changed him and made him more reflective on his life, and that was the birth of his nieces, The PB & The J…

Long story, somewhat short version... my wife HoMu was hospitalized with a difficult pregnancy 6 weeks prior to the birth of our twins. Surprising everyone, the girls… without me being there, hell without anyone being there, decided to come into this world a little earlier than planned.

Since I was a good 2-hour drive away in Aurora, and HoMu was in Chicago, I was unable to be there when the girls were hastily born … but I knew that Prof was only a few miles away so I called him, trembling - my voice cracking, and told him that the girls had been born, and someone needed to be there when HoMu woke up. Prof dropped everything, raced out of his DePaul office and took a very expensive cab ride to the University of Chicago Hospital.

Of course the nurses assumed he was the father and started telling him about the birth... and the incisions... and then, came the pictures... ending with one nurse asking Prof if he had ever seen a placenta that large... Prof’s response was a sardonic ‘not since breakfast.’

When HoMu woke up, Prof was there to comfort her, hold her hand, assure her that everything was fine, the girls were doing well, and that I was on my way…

After I got there, Prof's adventures continued as he traveled on foot in the dead of night, through the South Side of Chicago looking for a place to develop pictures of his nieces so HoMu, who wouldn’t be able to see the girls until the next day, could see them.

The first time I met Lawyer I told her this story… and she, and Prof, started to mist up… and it was then that I knew that these two were meant to be together

Lawyer, I know that Prof loves you very much because, you know, he spent a long time writing this speech FOR me.

And I know that you love him because you have accepted the eccentric, sometimes complicated (insert generic last name here) family.

But in all seriousness, I’d like to end with a quote for the two of you to remember from one of my favorite authors, Henry David Thoreau; “There is no remedy for love than to love more” so let’s raise our glasses to the happy couple, Prof and lawyer; may the joys you share today be the beginning of a lifetime of great happiness and fulfillment. Congratulations, I love you both.

Happy Thanksgiving...

I've done this before, but I stand by my statement that this is THE FUNNIEST Thanksgiving themed sitcom episode EVAH!!

Relax... and enjoy...

Things that make my head hurt #1

The publicist for Norman Mailer recently said of Kurt Vonnegut that he was

“the American Mark Twain.”

So who would be the British Shakespeare?

Sigh…

How many times?

After taking a break from blogging for a few months (2 1/2, but who’s counting?) I am once again feeling the mojo to rejoin the blogosphere and start blogging again.

To say I’ve had blogstipation would be a cheap cop-out… so instead I’ll say that the inspiration to write again has struck and I have found my muse.

Also, the issues in my life that led to the, well we'll call it a sabbatical for now, have slowly evaporated, and I find myself feeling good… looking good… and doing good…

Besides, there’s a lot of stuff to talk about…

My "confirmed bachelor" brother gets married this Friday in downtown Chicago... and I am the Best Man for said wedding and The PB & The J are the flower girls...

I am having a male-oriented "pro-ce-dure" in December...

HoneyMustard and I have decided, due to her PCOS & diabetes, we are done having children but are indeed looking into adoption...

The family in-laws are heading to Disney World after Christmas… All. 18. Of. Us. (eep)

The PB & The J are enjoying school, dance and gymnastics and are as full of life as ever...

The PB is being weaned off her seizure medication and will have a 3-day test in December to see if she has grown out of her seizure disorder...

So I am looking forward to regaling you with tales of whimsy, fun, drama, horror, opinion... in short; life.

I am in the process of re-designing the ol' blog, and it's a mighty task... so bear with me.

Returning in five... four... three... two...

“… good things don't end with 'eum,' they end with 'mania' or 'teria.’”

Or they simply end…

Here comes the smackdown

Tonight is my fantasy football draft with a plethora of my blogmigos from around the Blogospehere… we call our league; The Blogpound (sense a theme here?)

Below, in our league’s draft order, are the poor souls whose money I will be collecting after the season… (yes, I stole the links from Sarah):

Kaiser

Child’s Play x2

MetroDad

LA Daddy

ME (AKA; 2007 Blogpound Champion)

Marginally Clever

Bump

CroutonBoy

Queen of Spain

BIYF

More Diapers

Sarah & the Goon Squad

GAME ON!

Is it a bad sign...

...when you find yourself singing the songs from "High School Musical 2" and your kids are nowhere around???

Guilty-feeling Inquiring minds want to know...

Um, ok...

We took The Peanut Butter & The Jelly out for dinner last night and as we’re sitting down at the table The J says; ‘I need a beer.’

She meant root beer, but still...

'Blogfather'ing Alert!

Hey, I've got a post up at The Blogfathers today, why don't you go check it out? It's a moral imperative...

eep

Woman Has Rare Identical Quadruplets

Here my wife and I were, thinking that having two that are identical was (is) hard and this brave woman goes and has four babies that are identical.

She wins.

Regression

I have a temper… always have. I could easily chalk it up to my Spanish heritage and the infamous Spanish-temper… but that’s a cop-out.

I have never struck anyone in anger… not my wife or kids, nor my friends and family. My temper is not like that, it manifests itself in a much more childish manner…

A blow-up.

My temper is the precise reason I took up Tai Chi and meditation in college… because my temper had gotten the better of me one too many times and I needed to, for lack of a better term, channel it.

And it worked… granted, I still get upset (who doesn’t)… but I don’t have the blow-ups that I used to.

Until yesterday.

I had an adjunct faculty meeting last night and when I got home I noticed right away that Honey Mustard was upset… no details here, just that she was upset and it involved a couple of my in-laws.

I ended up calling the in-laws myself and had an abrupt conversation that ended in me throwing the cord-less phone across the room and slamming the door.

No one witnessed this, The PB & The J who were playing downstairs and HoMu was putting the dog out… it was just me being incredibly stupid and childish. And now I feel ashamed, upset disappointed that I lost my cool and blew up and thought that ‘airing it out’ on the blog would help.

It’s not…

A Sign of Things to Come

“The female of the species is more deadly than the male.” - Rudyard Kipling

Oh you have no idea Rudyard… you have no idea…

This past weekend, Honey Mustard and I took The Peanut Butter & The Jelly to the Illinois State Fair in Springfield to see Corbin Blue/Drake Bell in concert.

Who’s Corbin Bleu you ask?

He’s one of the stars of the evil empire’s Disney’s “High School Musical,” he also starred in The PB’s favorite movie; “Jump In.”

There were approximately 7300 people at the concert, with the breakdown something like this:

• Girls anywhere from ages 3-17; 6899


• Boys anywhere from ages 3-17; 100


• Mothers/grandmothers/etc; 291


• Fathers/grandfathers/etc; 10

Ok, there were probably more than 10 men there, but not a whole-lot more… I was definitely outnumbered and realize I could have been trampled and overpowered at any given moment, but that is part of being a good father. And when The PB & The J told me that I was the best Daddy in the world for taking them to the concert... well, my heart was bursting with pride and joy.

When the first act, Jordan Pruitt, came out the audience response was a succinct; meh.

When Drake Bell (of Nickelodeon’s Drake & Josh) came out… the audience roared with approval.

When Corbin came out, all I heard was the squealing of thousands of girls… something along the lines of "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

That was immediately followed by a semi-constant ringing in my ears that went away… well, it really hasn’t yet…

The PB & The J enjoyed themselves immensely… and were dancing and singing with all the other girls in attendance.

The PB & The J are five… and we saw plenty of other girls around the same age… with their High School Musical or “I heart Corbin” t-shirts on… teeny-bopping around, screaming, and generally acting like a concert-goer.

But seeing all of this – seeing the throngs of girls in a tizzy ready to rip the eyes out of any other girl that made eyes at Corbin – made me realize one thing;

I am oh-so-screwed…

It’s gonna be me… HoMu… and The PB & The J… no other males in the house…

Me… and three females…

Pray for me…

In all seriousness though; Bell wasn’t bad. His musical influences are The Beatles, and you can definitely hear it in his music and also in his fashion with his publicty photo on the state fair’s website looking very early-Beatlesesque;

As far as Corbin goes, he’s been working out since “High School Musical.” Midway through his show he removed his shirt to reveal a tank top with a glittery peace sign, and his muscles were a’bulging with more than a few of the mother’s oooing and aahing… never mind the fact that he’s only 20…

And one other question; when the HELL did concert t-shirts get so ridiculously expensive? $30, are you kidding me?

Best Greeting Card Ever

Friday was Honey Mustard's birthday, and yesterday I threw a 35th b-day bash for her (more on that later).

The card my brother gave her is one of the most clever cards I've ever seen... even though it took a potshot at me.

[front] "Sister-in-law; I thought about getting you one of those gag gifts for your birthday...

[inside]: ...but you already have my brother."

Ouch

Headlines that give me hope for humankind:

Critics bash new 'Caveman' show

Wow... I never saw that coming... (he said with sarcasm oozing out of him...)

A sad and pathetic threat*

Kemp’s Note: I know I haven’t posted anything political here since I started TBWA, but this story just pissed me off so much, I had to take any soapbox I could get to let my anger known. Here ya go…


As I mentioned briefly in this morning’s “’BushWhack’ing”, there is a bi-partisan effort underway in the Senate to renew a program that provides health insurance to poor children, and they’ve reached a compromise that would expand the program by $35 billion over five years, an increase agreed to by both Democrats and republicans.

The program currently insures 6.6 million low income children from families that do not qualify for Medicaid, but are still too poor to afford private insurance coverage, and under the Senate’s expansion plan, an additional 3.3 million children would be covered under the program that was developed by Senate Finance Committee Chairman Max Baucus (D-MT) and republican Sens. Charles Grassley (r-IA) and Orrin Hatch (r-UT), among others…. and they plan to pay for this with a scant $0.61 increase on the federal excise tax on cigarettes.

“President” Bush opposes both.

Now I could give a rats-ass as to the cigarette tax… but the one that really frosts my preserves is his opposition to insuring more children whose only strike against them is being born into a poor family.

This isn’t a partisan issue, as republicans have tried pleading with Bush to compromise with Democrats on the legislation and he’s ignored them (and he wonders why no one likes him and why no gop candidates want their picture with him… it’s because he’s a train wreck that’s turning into a disaster who only cares about his beliefs and no one else’s, but I’m getting off-topic)

And no, he doesn’t have a better solution in mind; he wants to kill the expansion because… well, let’s let him speak for himself;

“My concern is that when you expand eligibility . . . you're really beginning to open up an avenue for people to switch from private insurance to the government.”

You read that right… he’s essentially saying that he cares more about private insurance companies than he does about children's health, (which seems, to me, to exemplify how he and other republicans don't care about children once they are outside the womb or outside the Petri dish)

Bush went on and said that he objects to the proposal based on “philosophical grounds”…

‘Philosophical grounds????’ Whose philosophical grounds; insurance and healthcare companies?? Or more specifically, insurance and healthcare company’s political gop contributions???

And what’s more, his comments seem to imply that he wants private insurance only… now I could get into the whole socialized medicine universal health care spiel, but after reading this, I’m just too frustrated to do it.

Rep. Rahm Emanuel (D-IL), the House Democratic Caucus chairman, said that he’s “bewildered” that Bush would be fighting an expansion in funding for a program that is not only supported by Democrats, but republicans as well. Said Mr. Emanuel;

“This is the chance for him to finally be a uniter and not a divider. You have consensus across party and ideology, and a unity on the most important domestic issue, health care -- except for one person.”

Bush’s ignorance here is unnerving… this isn’t a program to increase handing out condoms in schools or to teach evolution, two things that cause conservative’s skin to crawl… it’s ensuring that children who can not fend for themselves and have been born into situations that they are not able to control or change have health coverage…

I mean… shouldn’t it be a necessity to ensure that children (who are, as trite as it may sound, our future) are healthy?

Billions and billions of dollars for Iraq… but let’s screw poor kids.

The man is a tool… and I hope Bush can explain to the sick and dying kids what his "philosophical" reasons are for letting them suffer… and I won’t even bring-up his pre-presidential pledge to be a “compassionate conservative” because he obviously only understands the definition of one of those words.

Your guess as to which one I’m inferring to…

*cross-posted at The BushWhacked Administration

Glorious Self-Promotion Post

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEMP!!!!

Hi everyone, it's Honey Mustard... wanted to give a blogosphere shout-out to hubby, to one of the most intelligent, creative and thought-provoking bloggers in the blogosphere...

at least that's what he wrote down for me...

He's 34 today, so if you have a chance, come wish him a Happy Cyber-Birthday.

Happy 4th of July!! Have some Hendrix

What better way is there to wish everyone a happy and safe July 4th then by showing this...

Maybe we can hire Bob the Builder

Well… apparently Honey Mustard and I are gluttons for punishment.

First, we made an offer on a lovely house…

Second, we rescinded said offer after the home inspector said the house was a ‘fire waiting to happen’ and was… well, I can’t really say any more as I’ve suppressed those memories…

Third we thought about adding on to our house. Uh… no…

Fourth, and current, we have purchased a lot… a lot in which we will build a house.

We are going to build… a… house…

Bui— Oh my God…what the hell are we thinking?

Didn’t we see “Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House”???? Or “The Money Pit”? Or “Drömkåken”????

Didn’t we see Ice Cube’s “Are we Done Yet?”? (wait, that’s right; no one saw that movie…)*

Oh my God… building a house?

...

...

Is it possible to hyperventilate in the blogosphere?


*BTW, I’m ignoring the fact that all of these movies are all in some way remakes of ‘Mr. Blandings…’

Quick post from Oklahoma...

So Julie was driving the last 2 hours of our trip to Oklahoma yesterday afternoon when it starts to get really, really dark.

I’s about 88 degrees… then, suddenly the temperature drops to 70…

And then I see this dropping out of the sky to our right…

Have car, will travel

At first I was supposed to go out to L.A. on business…

Then that changed to Boston on business…

Then that got cancelled altogether and now I’m going to Norman, Oklahoma…

From LA to Boston to Norman… that’s a rather strange progression isn’t it?

One of my cousins got married recently and they are having a reception on Saturday. And seeing as how this is one of only two cousins on my Mom’s side, Honey Mustard, The Peanut Butter, The Jelly and I – along with my parents, my brother and his fiancée – are making the trek down.

Twelve hours in a car with two 5-year olds…

Oh. My. God.

Sure, we’ll have the dual DVD player… and The PB & The J will have their Gameboys (which, quite frankly, they don’t really like)… and they’ll have enough books that they would be able to take over for the Library of Congress… and coloring books. But even with all those diversions, it’s still going to be a bumpy ride so to speak.

Why? Well, save for a short portion through the Ozarks, the states of Illinois, Missouri and Oklahoma are pretty damn flat…

For those of you in New York or Virginia or California or Florida who have never driven through those states, it looks something like this:




Okay, maybe not that bad, but you get the idea.

So… I’ll be back Tuesday with tales to regale about a trip that, while shorter than last year’s jaunt to Washington DC, will surely be…

Be…

...

... well... how about we just say ‘interesting’ at this point at leave it at that?

Oh... and a prize to whomever can accurately guess what the total expenditure of gas on this trip will be while driving a Ford Explorer.

Happy Father's Day!!

To all my fellow dads out there Happy Father's Day.

And to my own dad, Happy Fathers Day, I love you and truly appreciate everything you've ever done for me in my life. Thank you.

I am part of a special collaborative post over at The Blogfather's today about our thoughts on being a father, go check it out with this handy, dandy link.

Remembrance

Don Herbert, more popularly known as "Mr. Wizard" died today at the age of 89.

I am not a science person by ANY means, but I always enjoyed watching his show as he not only introduced me to the joys of science, he introduced generation after generation of young viewers to the joys of science as well, and he will be missed...

Perfect Tommy: Emilio Lizardo. Wasn't he on TV once?
Buckaroo Banzai: You're thinking of Mr. Wizard.
Reno: Emilio Lizardo is a top scientist, dummkopf.
Perfect Tommy: So was Mr. Wizard.

- from The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension

How true Perfect Tommy... how true...

Now let's all go freeze a superball in liquid nitrogen and smash it with a hammer, just for old times sake.

I don't even know where to begin...

So I'm in the front of the office, the radio is on and the DJ says that Paris Hilton was released from prison today, a scant day or two into her 23-day sentence, because she was depressed.

Stop the world, I want to get off...

It was forty years ago today…

... that Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play.


Today is the 40th Anniversary of the release of what is arguably THE most influential rock album EVAH; The Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.

Go on... give it a listen today…

Coooooool

Oops

Director Mike Figgis (Leaving Las Vegas, Timecode) was going through security at LAX when he was asked the reason for his visit.

He responded by saying; "I'm here to shoot a pilot."

Five hours after immigration and airport officials got online and figured out that, "pilot" has more than one meaning, he was released.

Don't you feel safe that our airports are hiring the best and brightest...

Went to a picnic and an Amish barn-raising broke out

Honey Mustard, The Peanut Butter, The Jelly and I were going to a Memorial Day picnic at the home of one of my sisters-in-law yesterday.

The fete was scheduled to start at 4:00… and unbeknownst to me, my father-in-law, brother-in-law and his Dad were erecting (heh heh heh… I said erect…) a wooden swingset… a task they started at Noon.

So, needless to say, from 4:00 until (no lie) 9:15 in the evening, the four of us, joined later by my sister-in-law’s fiancé, put the set together.

I could go into detail of how the process went, but A: I don't have that kind of time, and B: I honestly don't think I have enough swear-words in my vocabulary to do the story justice.

What I can say is this; when it comes time to upgrade The Peanut Butter and The Jelly’s playset, I’m gonna splurge on a little extra money and have professionals install it… lest my children be playing on something that looks like it was put together by Homer Simpson.

Because the kids did not having a swingset to play with, I was the adult of the day when I quickly ran home and got The PB & The J’s birthday present from my parents. How do you think THIS THING went over with nine kids ages 23 month to 15 years?
Yeah... I was the hero of the day...

Kemp's 7-word Movie Review

This week's offering; Shrek 3.

"They should have stopped at number two."

That is all...

Ya remember that post a few weeks ago wherein I said I wasn’t going to do this blog anymore and how I had lost my spark to write and yada, yada, yada?

.....

I’d like you all to forget that post mmkay? Thanks…

Happy Birthday to The Peanut Butter & The Jelly

Dear The PB & The J:

It was five years ago today… at 4:19 PM… that you came into this world.

The PB, you came out loud and crying at 4 pounds, 14ounces.

The J, you came out ‘floppy and unresponsive’ at 4 pounds, 3 ounces and with 10 tangles in your umbilical cord.

But you were healthy, and for that your Mother and I are eternally grateful.

After three weeks of life in the NICU, we brought you home. To say your Mommy and I were nervous would be a colossal understatement…

We were scared to death.

Dozens of questions went through our heads; ‘Would we be good parents?’, ‘Would we be so-so parents?’… ‘Would we be parents that you would have to talk to therapists about when you’re both older?’

There were adjustments, and some of them were hard to... well, adjust to. Some weren't... like sleep, since you both started to sleep through the night around 4 months of age...

You crawled...

You walked...

You talked...

You sassed...

And…

You’ve grown..

Happy Birthday girls… I love you both very, very much… more than anything else in the world, and will continue to do so, always... and forever..

Love Daddy

A Rant on the blog that refuses to die

I am literally sick to my stomach and am in desperate need of some ranting and venting, hence yet another post on the blog that refuses to die.

Some of you may remember that Honey Mustard and I put a bid on a new and larger house a few weeks ago with a contingency of it passing a home inspection.

Well, the inspection was today… and the house failed in a more spectacular fashion than George W. Bush would a public speaking class.

In other words, it wasn’t pretty.

When the home inspector with over 30 years experience says that the house is “a pit” and is “a fire waiting to happen” because of the electrical system and he is “amazed the house hasn’t caught fire yet”, you know you’re in trouble.

The inspector went room to room and went over each room with a fine-tooth comb and found so many things wrong with it that it would take me until Christmas 2009 to list them all, but here are a few of the better ones:

• Upstairs bathroom leaks into downstairs bathroom (Convenient…)
• Downstairs bathroom leaks into the basement
• The exhaust fan on the stove/oven doesn’t go outside as Illinois law dictates; rather it goes into the attic. Meaning if a fire occurred on the stove, the entire house would go up in flames.
• The outlets in every room are installed incorrectly.

Needless to say, we are going to rescind our offer.

These are things that no one; not me, not HoMu, not my father-in-law or mother-in-law, or my Mom and Dad noticed when we went through the house.

Granted, it’s a positive that we discovered it BEFORE we bought it and moved in, but still… we liked the layout of this house… we liked the looks of the house… we liked the yard…

And now we’re back at square one.

I can sum up my feelings in one concise word;

FUCK!

Thanks for allowing me the chance to vent. Carry on…

One Last Post: Happy Birthday Mr Big Dubya!!!

Yes, I've already broken my vow of not posting anymore, but this... this is a special occassion...

Kara over at Cape Buffalo is throwing a virtual birthday party for everyone's blogmigo Mr. Big Dubya.

For a virtual birthday gift I present to him: a couple of cubans...



Damn Blogger... I mean these types of Cubans:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY M-B-D! AND MANY, MANY MORE!!!!

And the curtain drops...

Sorry about the cryptic post earlier this week, but I was in a rush and didn’t want to be talked out of something.

I know I’ve flirted with this in the past but now it’s time.

It’s time to end this blog.

In the last few weeks, readership, comments and visitors have dropped dramatically and, as a result, I have not been in much mood to write.

I plan to continue with TBWA, The Blogfathers (if they still want me) and DDS (which I hope makes me elligible for the Blogpound next Fantasy Football season - hint, hint Tony...) it's just that I feel it’s time to bring this blog to an end as I have been in a severe case of writer's block for a few weeks now. I have the second and third part of my Vegas story ready, but it's... for lack of a better word... off. It doesn't make sense, it's unfunny and, in all honesty, it's cruel to a certain demographic.

I will be keeping the URL active on the off chance I am ever hit upside the head with a sledgehammer with a thought and need to express it.

Having said that, however, this will cease to be an "active" blog.

I seem to have lost my "blog muse" if you will and I don't know where it is.

For all of you that have been loyal readers, and I know there are a few, I want to give you a sincere "Thank you… and goodbye."

The End

Buh-bye...

Day One: Sand, sand everywhere, so let's all take a drink

Epilogue: The original plan was to go to bed relatively early after arriving late Wednesday night, but one thing led to another and we stayed up until 3:00 in the morning, went back to our room and

…

The following takes place between 7:00 AM and 2:30 AM…

Thanks to casinos pumping enough Oxygen into the joint to awaken Keith Richards , we went to bed about 2 or 3 in the morning and woke up and were raring to go at 7 AM.

We got cleaned up, dressed, hit the brunch buffet and, after being briefly sidelined by my ogling/playing of a Star Wars slot machine at Bills Casino (formerly Barbary Coast) we hit The Strip.

Today’s target; walk North South North to pick up our tickets at the Sahara for Trent Carlini’s show.

As we stepped outside, we immediately noticed something… there was no sun, and the wind was blowing harder than Paris Hilton at a new club opening…

{Rimshot!}

Because of which, we saw a LOT of people diving into shops to buy sweatshirts or jackets.

We’re Chicagoans, we did no such diving…

Besides the “chill” in the air, the wind was kicking up enough sand that one thought that Mac the Atlas man was around…

I’ll wait a moment for that reference to click…

We walked… we shopped… we visited each casino and played at least one game and, if the time was right, had one drink before we would walk to the next one.

That wasn’t so bad, I won a nice Calvin Hill gift set from The Riviera… and HoMu won a Leather bag set.

We finally arrived at the Sahara, got our tickets, made reservations for dinner at House of Lords (where The Beatles loved to go when they were in Vegas) and decided to walk back to our hotel via the other side of the street with the first stop to be Circus Circus.

Big. Honking. Mistake.

Apparently, about 98% of the vacationers that come to Las Vegas with kids stay at Circus Circus. We left our kids at home, so being surrounded by screaming children and obviously bored & longing parents ignoring said children was, to be polite; a bit taxing.

Mental note made at that time; never, ever, ever go back to Circus Circus…

We left C-C (we both vowed to never speak of the experience again…) and, seeing as how we both had sand in every single orifice of our body’s thanks to the wind and wanted to clean up before we went to dinner and the show, we decided to cab it back to The Flamingo. We did our thing and took the monorail (monorail… monorail… monorail…) back to the Sahara.

Dinner was excellent; we had time to gamble (I won about $50 on Blackjack) and went to our show.

Trent Carlini is Elvis. If you like Elvis and you go to Vegas, ignore every other Elvis impersonator and go see Carlini… you will NOT be disappointed.

After the show, we decided to take the monorail (monorail… monorail… monorail…) back to our hotel. When we arrive we head across the street to O’Shea’s. The War table is full, as are all the Blackjack tables, so we each find a ‘one-armed bandit’, I light my cigar and we gamble… badly… very, very badly… so when all else fails… drink.

And then go to “bed.”

Coming Next: “Day Two” or “Deliverance: Las Vegas Style”

Random (Las Vegas) Thoughts for a Wednesday

A few random thoughts about our trip to Las Vegas.

• There is a lot of construction going on in Vegas right now. A LOT. It will be interesting to go back in, say, five years and see the city.
• The Flamingo is great. Bugsy would be proud…
• The Tropicana, celebrating its 50th anniversary this year, will be gone within five years. It’s not being maintained very well, the restaurants all looked like (and served) crap, the theaters are run-down and the casino itself was craptacular.
• Saw a lot of kids in Vegas. Can’t really understand why parents would bring kids to a place where the primary pastime is drinking and gambling…
• Flying over the mountains is beautiful… but I miss the days when pilots would tell you to look out the windows at see ‘such and such.’
• People are rude, more so than Disney World.
• 'The Strip' at night is amazing.
• If I see one more picture or video of Celine Dion gyrating, I’m gonna plotz.
• Terrific views of the city atop Paris’ Eiffel Tower.
• If they stopped handing out the hooker cards and booklets, or at the least recycled them, every forest in the world could be re-populated.
• The biggest-selling clothing line in Vegas (meaning I saw them in every store and on 90% of the people walking around) had “CSI” plastered on them… as if they couldn’t find those anywhere else.
• ATM fees around the city were $4.99. That’s not just outrageous, it’s obscene.
• Cab drivers in Vegas drive like Chicago cabbies, but they do their best to get you somewhere quickly…
• What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas... and stays OUT of the blog; Sorry Samantha.
• On the final shuttle to the airport, a woman got on and proceeded to have a very loud conversation on her cell phone the entire way to the airport… in French. She didn’t even stop when one of the other passengers asked her to or when I said a smart-ass comment about frogs legs…I know, I know – that was harsh.
• Two airline flights, two rough landings.
• Random Vegas Photo Time! This is a photo of one of the pools at The Flamingo with a very stylish and very retro feel.

Random Las Vegas Picture

Everyone said we had to go here because it's a lot of fun; so we went:

I thought they said S and M World... imagine my disappointment...

Las Vegas: Departure (hopefully) & Arrival (hopefully)

When we woke up Wednesday morning, there was snow on the ground.

Snow… in Mid-April… wtf?

Later in the morning, the snow became this combination of quickly-changing and ever-changing snow/sleet/rain.

Usually it takes about an hour to get to Midway from our house, but because of the weather… and knowing that people can’t drive if they see a flake of snow fall from the sky, we decided to leave for the airport a little earlier.

We dropped The Peanut Butter and The Jelly off at HoMu’s parents house and hit the road.

Lo and behold, the traffic was fine and we arrived at the airport about three and a half hours before our flight was scheduled to depart.

Son of a…

We checked our bags and then checked the monitor to see the status of our flight:

“On Time.”

Excellent.

We then had two and a half hours to kill but that was not a problem as it gave us a chance to eat dinner at Harry Carry’s Seventh Inning Stretch and have a calming alcohol-based drink before boarding.

After that, we went to our gate and checked the status of our flight…

“Delayed.”

Son of a...

Did I mention it started snowing again… harder? And that the wind picked up… and that the temperature started to drop?

We were supposed to leave at 4:35, but at 4:45, they put a sign on the board that still said delayed… but listed no time.

Hmmmmm…

Being the inquisitive one that she is, HoMu went up and asked them approximately what time our flight would be leaving… the conversation went something like this:

“We don’t know, we can’t find the plan.”

“I’m sorry, what? Are you being funny?”

“No unfortunately I’m not…”

“Oh. Shit.”

That’s right, you heard me (sorry Sarah); they couldn’t find the plane.

Gotta love Southwest…

About 20 minutes later, they announced that they found the plane (it must have been in another pair of pants or something…) and that it was on its way to Midway.

A joyous applause was heard throughout the terminal… which was quickly beat-out by shouts of anger and frustration as the flight in the next gate was pushed back an additional hour.

So, we boarded the plane about 5:50 and they tell us we should be taking off within the next 10 minutes.

Needless to say, that was wrong.

We left the gate in ten minutes, but we sat on the tarmac for an additional 40 minutes before taking off…

We landed about 8:45 Vegas time and were told that our luggage would be on carousel 14.

We waited… and waited… and waited… and waited…

Finally, I saw a Southwest desk in the corner of the baggage area and went over to ask when our luggage would be unloaded and put on carousel 14, that conversation went something like this:

“When will the bags from Chicago be unloaded?”

“They already have been. They’re right here. We have our own luggage carousel.”

“We weren’t told that, the sign said carousel 14. I mean, didn’t you think it was odd that no one was claiming their luggage.”

“Actually I did. I thought about making an announcement, but didn’t.”

“You’re an idiot, do you know that?”

So HoMu and I got our bags and, since Southwest wasn’t doing a damn thing, we walked over to the luggage carousel where everyone on our flight was waiting and told them where to go and whom to yell at.

They obliged.

We quickly found the shuttle to The Flamingo, arrived, checked in and, seeing as how we hadn’t eaten since 2:00 Chicago time and it was now 11:30 Chicago time (9:30 LV), we grabbed a bite to eat before hitting the casino for a quick drink and some quick gambling before hitting the strip and getting to bed early so we could start early the next morning.

We ended up going to bed around 3:00.

Tomorrow; “Day One” or “How We Ended Up Getting Sand in Every Orifice of our Bodies”

Two nonstop flights to guilt please

Honey Mustard and I leave for Las Vegas tomorrow without the The Peanut Butter & The Jelly.

That’s right, just the two of us… and we’re positively giddy about the idea.

Now don’t get us wrong, we absolutely, unequivocally, unconditionally love our children, but… come on… anyone with kids knows exactly what I’m talking about.

However, there is one problem…

In The PB and The J’s 4 ¾ on this planet (and NOT counting the nights they were in the NICU since we were next door at the Ronald McDonald House) we’ve been apart from them, overnight, for a grand total of two times…

You read that right… two times.

Once, a year and two months after they were born when my Uncle Nishan (who I am named for and who was always like a grandfather to me) passed away.

The second time was two years ago when we decided to have some salvation for an evening and stayed the night at Hotel 71 in Chicago, had dinner at Miller’s Pub, drank too much with friends of ours at the Congress Hotel Bar (which is THE BEST dive bar in Chicago btw), and had Sunday Brunch at The Signature Room atop the John Hancock building…

And that’s it.

So here we are… on the cusp of multiple nights away from our little demoñios angels… and HoMu and I are more than a little nervous.

The girls?They’re excited… no, scratch that… they’re thrilled... after all, they get to spend two nights with HoMu’s parents, then two nights with my parents.

Four nights of spoiling… four nights of being given money from Abuelo (my Dad)… four nights of being the center of attention from their Gama (HoMu’s Mom, whom they usually have to share with six other grandchildren)…

It’s enough to make them push us out the door two days early.

...

… but it’s also enough to make HoMu and I a little worried.

But, we’ll muddle through somehow.

It's a pleasure to just be nominated...

Lisa over at My Thoughts, Ideas and Ramblings has nominated The BushWhacked Administration for the Blogger's Choice Awards - Best Political Blog.

So if you agree with her (and really, who wouldn't?), head over and give Scott and I a vote:

http://www.bloggerschoiceawards.com/blogs/show/698

It's a moral imperative...

It was ten years ago today...

We met in college… Eastern Illinois University… and in my first semester there, which was Honey Mustard’s second, we had a class together, World History with Wolfgang Schlauch.

I noticed her daily, because she sat in front of a girl I dated for about 3 months… and that’s how we initially met. Because “Ginger” was almost always tardy (the reason was one of the reasons we broke up – but that’s a story for another day), while we talked often, we didn’t really “meet,”

We got along, but nothing more as we were both in “relationships” (for lack of a better word) with others at the time…

But there was always something in the back of mind about her, even after the semester was over.

A year later, we actually “met”, this time through mutual friends. Along the way discovered that we lived about 1 block from each other and had a lot of mutual interests. That first night, we talked for four hours while our friends partied…

The rest, as the saying goes, is history.

HAPPY 10^th ANNIVERSARY HoMU! I Love You; Always & Forever.

Here’s the wedding meme revisited should you want to know more… and really, who doesn’t?

1. Where/How did you meet? See above…

2. How long have you known each other? All told – about 13 years. We’ve been together as a couple for about 12 years…

3. How long after you met did you start dating? About 2 months after the second time we met, or the “official” time we met as opposed to the moment, as HoMu so eloquently puts it, ‘we met while you (meaning I) were dating that tramp’ … in HoMu’s defense, the other woman was a tramp, but that’s another story for another day

4. How long did you date before you were engaged? 6 months

5. How long was your engagement? An additional year and a half as we decided to wait for me to graduate college (HoMu graduated a year before I did) and for her to finish her post-graduate program she started upon her graduation.

6. How long have you been married? 10 years today! Next week, we’re going to Vegas baby… sans kids…

7. What is your anniversary? See above. But still plenty of time to purchase something online for the special day.

8. How many people came to your wedding reception? 390 people, give or take a few…

9. What kind of cake did you serve? Classic wedding cake with tiers…

10. Where was your wedding? In Kankakee at the church my wife grew up attending.

11. What did you serve for your meal? Steak or chicken, twice-baked potatoes, salad, green beans, bread, and wine…

12. How many people were in your bridal party? Seven, plus two ushers and a flower girl and a ring bearer… one big-ass wedding party.

13. Are you still friends with them all? Yes…

14. Did your spouse cry during the ceremony? Yes… as did I…

15. Most special moment of your wedding day? Being at the front of the church and seeing her in her wedding gown for the first time when the ushers opened the doors…

16. Any funny moments? At the rehearsal, one of the altar boys asked my female cousin, who was standing-up as one of my “groomsmen,” if they were the night’s entertainment… my cousin almost slugged the kid. Another one happened at the reception, when the priest asked me if the ‘girl with the huge tits’ had found her purse…

17. Any big disasters? A couple. First, I almost did not have a vest as the tuxedo place screwed up my tux about eight times, which almost resulted in my Dad reaching over the counter and strangling, Homer-Bart style, the manager who had said to “Make do” with my messed up tux and the ringbearer’s messed-up tux. They eventually fixed it and I got my vest about 3 minutes before we started. The second? We had a gift opening/leftover eating party the next day as we were leaving for our honeymoon Monday morning. So my brother drove us to the O’Hare Holiday Inn Sunday night, where I had ordered a “Honeymoon Special” of bath beads, champagne, chocolates and a free dinner at their stylish restaurant. Besides the fact it was snowing (in April) when my brother dropped us off, the hotel had no heat… and no hot water. Plus, they did not have the Gift Basket waiting in the room for us. So we spent our second night of married life freezing our asses off waiting for a gift basket that never came. On the plus side, upon our return, we sent a letter to Holiday Inn corp and they sent us back a free 2-night stay at the same location with all the perks.

18. Where did you go on your honeymoon? The Sandals resort at Ocho Rios in Jamaica.

19. How long were you gone? A week and a half.

20. If you were to do your wedding over, what would you change? I would have held firm that my female cousin wear a tux while standing up on my side rather than one of the bridesmaids dresses, it looked odd…

21. What side of the bed do you sleep on? Left

22. What size is your bed? Queen.

23. Greatest strength as a couple? She laughs at my jokes, no matter how bad they are. Also, a shared respect for one another and our sometimes differing opinions.

24. Greatest challenges as a couple? I give two because they tie-in so well with each other. We are both highly opinionated, while at the same time we are both bosses at our jobs, and we sometimes tend to forget to leave that particular trait where it belongs…

25. Who literally pays the bills? She does. While I can manage a multi-million dollar budget at work, I have trouble doing so at home; go figure.

26. What is your song? “Love Will Keep Us Alive” by The Eagles. Though we walked into our reception to “Miserlou” from the Pulp Fiction soundtrack… without the Pumpkin and Honey Bunny dialog btw…

27. What did you dance your first dance to? The aforementioned Eagles song…

28. Describe your wedding dress tux? Black, with white vest and black satin band with diamond stud – no cummerbund or ‘tux’ tie…

29. What kind of flowers did you have at your wedding? Uh.. there were flowers?? Kidding, they were lilies…

30. Are your wedding bands engraved? Hold on, let me check.. no…

Because we're gluttons for punishment, that's why.

We put an offer on a larger house Saturday... one that has 2.5 bathrooms, 4 bedrooms and sits on 1/4 of an acre...

Now comes the joy of trying to sell our current house so we can buy and move into the new one...

Why, oh why?

Why I love her...

Honey Mustard: I'm gonna put these books in the bookcase...

Me: Novel idea...

-- BEAT --

HoMu: hahahahahaha...

Um, am I missing something?

Can someone please explain this ComcastNews headline to me:

Sean Lennon Unfazed by Public Attention

I know he's the son of John but... what public attention are they referring to exactly???

More YouTube Fun...

This is someone's own remix of 'Duel of the Fates' that encompasses all six movies... it's pretty damn cool and good filler, close to 5 minutes in length... enjoy

Random Thoughts

Have some Random Thoughts:

• I’ve got a post up at The Blogfathers today…
• If I hear one more thing about ‘American Idol’, Rosie O’Donnel, Anna Nicole Smith, ‘Dancing with the Stars’, Heather “Yoko” Mills or Brittany Lohan… I’m gonna plotz…
• I blame MetroDad for hooking me on this game…
• The UK is considering a ‘blogger code of conduct…
• Researchers have discovered a “new kind of twin.”
• Road House 2??????
• One man complained to the FCC that Prince’s Super Bowl halftime show gave him erectile dysfunction. One woman complained to the FCC that she was worried that Prince’s Super Bowl Halftime Show would turn her son gay… insert your own smart-ass comment about stupid is as stupid does here…
• I’ve said it before, but I’m gonna say it again; Netflix rocks!!!
• This has to be one of the strangest headlines I’ve ever read, and it comes from the Chicago Tribune: “Mom's beef puts son's sperm count at stake”
• And for all of you that sent in your votes for when The PB would catch The J’s strep; knock on wood – it hasn’t happened yet.
• Now I’m worrying that HoMu or I will catch before we go to Vegas 2 weeks from today…
• Searches that have brought people here: “cpx2 blog”, “1st year with twins”, “bridget monyhan”, “huge tits blog” (they were probably massively disappointed when they clicked on my blog, don’t ya think?), “the crowd will always talk and stare”, “baby shower yolk chicago” (wait, what?), “mardi gras france soldiers war kill” (uh, what are things that surrender?), “helen mirren, armpit” (fetish much?), “how many diapers will twins use the first year” (not that many at all…), “doodlebops without makeup” (thanks again Sarah!), “doodlebops having it” (I really don’t think I want to know what ‘it’ is. Do you?)
• What are some of my blogmigos up to this week? Mr. Big Dubya had an interesting weekend… Queen of Spain wrote a letter to the TSA… ThePapaDog gives the inspiration for twin beds… Cape Buffalo is ‘L'homme at last’… Philosopher Dad learns the hard way about baby-proofing the house… and Dad2Twins comes to a realization about his place in the house
• Quote of the Week:

  “Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance.” - George Bernard Shaw

It speaks for itself...

Uh-Oh

The Jelly has been running a fever all weekend (of course she has, it was in the 70's all weekend, so naturally she gets a temp and has to stay inside) so Honey Mustard took her to the Doctor this morning.

The diagnosis? '034.0'

That's Strep Throat for you non-healthcare folk out there.

So The Jelly has strep... meaning no school today or tomorrow... and, coincidentally, they don't have school Wednesday and Thursday for Parent-Teacher conferences and Teacher's Institute... so The J has a nice 6-day break...

Wish I could get strep...

Any wagers about how long it takes for The Peanut Butter to get it?

Sigh... another day, another meme

It’s around here somewhere… somewhere in the blog-o-sphere is my talent.

If you find it, please contact me… until then, have a meme that I found while traipsing around ‘The Internets’ last night.

1)Go to Wikipedia: Ok, simple enough, I’m there...

2) In the search box, type your birth month and day but not the year. Okay... J-u-o, wait, let me try that again... J-y-l... damn it... Sorry, I can’t type when people are looking over my shoulder... J-u-l-y- 8, there...

3) List five events that happened on your birthday:

First: in 1776 The Liberty Bell was rung to summon citizens of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania to the reading of the Declaration of Independence by the Continental Congress. (Kewl…)

Second: in 1889 the first issue of the Wall Street Journal was published.

Third: in 1947 there were reports broadcast that a UFO has crash landed in Roswell, New Mexico. (Wait a minute… there’s a New Mexico?)

Four: in 1896 William Jennings Bryan delivered his Cross of Gold speech at the 1896 Democratic National Convention in Chicago that advocated bimetalism. (One of the landmark speeches by one of the best orators EVAH)

Five: in 1982 there was an assassination attempt against Iraqi president Saddam Hussein in Dujail, Iraq. (He’ll eventually get his comeuppance … oh, wait.)

Hmmmmm, is it too soon for a Hussein joke?

4) List five important birthdays and one death.

1836 - Joseph Chamberlain (Papa of Neville)

1838 - Ferdinand Graf von Zeppelin ('Oh, the humanity…')

1933 - Marty Feldman ('There wolf, there castle.')

1948 - Raffi (eeeeewwwww)

1958 - Kevin Bacon (Wow, I’m six degrees from Kevin Bacon…)

Death –Soapy Smith in 1898. He was an American con artist. See number five below for more…

5) One holiday or observance (if any)

The Annual Soapy Smith wake, held each year in Skagway, Alaska in the Gold Rush Cemetery and in Hollywood, California at the Magic Castle…

6) Tag 5 other bloggers to complete.

No use since no one listens to me tags. If you want to do it, do it. If you don’t want to do it, don’t…

Decisions...

…are made by those who show up.

And a trio of bloggers is asking for your help to show up, or more appropriately, post up.

Croutonboy tipped me off to this, and I thing it’s an extraordinary idea.

Brian, Rick & Carol, along with Brave Humans, are trying to organize 30,000 bloggers to

“...act as a single voice for one moment in time.”

The purpose is not to make any particular political statements, but to, simply, make some noise.

Why? Because it’s there… because we can… because voices need to be heard. Or, in simpler reasoning; why not?

It’s an opportunity to stand-up and be counted… an opportunity to have your voice heard… an opportunity to “teach the world to sing” and to “shout from the rooftops”... okay, those are a little cheesy, but you get the idea.

Think about it, it worked for The Who’s in Horton Hears a Who… and it can work for the blog-o-sphere.

There’s no agenda attached… it’s not a Liberal thing… it’s not a conservative thing… it’s a change thing… it’s something aimed at bringing about change... and that’s all.

Sure, the catalyst was something said by a bat-shit crazy biatch conservative pundit, but it’s not who it is that prompted the day… it’s the chance to do... something.

Random Thoughts: Uber-quick version

• I’ve been taken into the family over at The Blogfathers… Someone must have told them all about my little maneuver at the battle of Taanab…
• I want one, I want one, I want one…nowwwwww
• Quick! What movie and what character?
• Carol Burnett needs to get a sense of humor…
• Seen on Fark. A 9-year old boy won a six-foot tall trophy for Best Mullet in Jacksonville… is it possible to suffer joke-overload? BTW, the link has, in the words of Fark, ‘pic goodness’…
• We had a surprise party last weekend for my FIL. He retired 2 weeks ago after 41 ½ years at Ford, broken up only by his tour in Vietnam. It was a total surprise… until my MIL decided to bring him in the back door at the pub and my FIL saw my parent’s red corvette with our last name on the license plate… oops…
• Since I can’t access blogs or even Bloglines at work, I’ve found a work-around that allows me to still read my favorite blogs… netvibes.com… very cool
• Another year, another Ides of March survived… whew…
• Tony praises the NCAA tournament… Sarah asks for someone to explain commercial air travel to her son… Mr. Big Dubya randomizes… Amy did a wedding meme...
• I can honestly say that I am very, very happy that Duke got bounced in the first round of the NCAA tourney…
• Search terms that have brought people to my corner of the blogosphere: “smoking like turks” (uh… okay…), “ruth kemp virgin” (uh… okay…), “adam morrison” (sheesh, make one joke about him crying like a girl and you get branded for life online…), “pictures of soledad obrian naked” (sweeeeet), “monoamniotic vaginally tampa” (no idea whatsoever what this is about), “skippy kemp”, “kemp”, “heroin overdose swollen testicles” (Gotta be a great story behind that search term, don’t ya think?

And now... The Blogfathers

I have been… asked… to join The Blogfathers… and you all know what one does to a request from The Blogfathers… you comply with a request from The Blogfathers…

Seriously though, I was one of seven to be offered the chance to be a Capo over there, and I have accepted, so I am excited about this new opportunity to expound on being a father of twins.

If you came to Kemp’s Blog via Blogfathers, please take a look around… you can click on my 100 Things About Me post, or check out my Top Ten posts over on the right, or just click around and explore…

I’ll be posting my Introductory post at The Blogfathers later this evening, so be sure to check that out as well…

Thanks… and enjoy…

Why, oh why?

Proof our country is drowning in a sea of pop culture schlock...

You probably all know that the cavemen from the Geico TV ads are getting their own TV show… that’s scary enough, but now word is coming out that the “Burger King” from the Burger King commercials will be making a theatrical feature (read: a movie) to give background for the commercials...

...

Stop the world, I want to get off...

Blog Confessionals

It’s time for a confession… one I’ve held back and kept secret for years… one that gnaws at my soul and wakes me up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat… a confession that could shake the very foundation of my life… so here goes…

I’m afraid of the Oompa Loompas.

Yes… you read that right, the Oompa Loompas. The little demons things from the original Willy Wonka movie…

They scare me… I admit it... it’s not something I’m proud of, but they scare me silly.

I don’t really know what it is about them that freaks me out… but they do.

Please don’t laugh at me.

Now you might me asking yourself how this came up?

Or you might be asking yourself why you’re reading this blog in the first place, but that’s neither here nor there… it all started this past Saturday night, Honey Mustard, The Peanut Butter, The Jelly and I were sitting with HoMu’s youngest sister, who is disabled, so her parents could see a show we had gotten them tickets for.

To get off track momentarily, we first watched the original Parent Trap, and while watching it, I remembered that the actress playing the gold-digger was the same actress that played Patrick Dennis’ snobby fiancé in Auntie Mame and played the gold-diggers mother in the 1998 remake. More proof that you can believe me when I tell you I am chocked-full of useless knowledge…

Afterwards, The PB & The J wanted to watch Willy Wonka.

HoMu said yes, I on the other hand, wanting nothing to do with it, protested… I said it’s late and the girls need to lie down and go to bed…

No dice…

I then said the movie would give them nightmares…

Again, no dice…

So they put the movie in… besides being a colossal piece of mind-numbing drivel, the movie is, quite frankly, excessively cloying… but we watched the movie…

And then, the unspeakable happened…

The Oompa-Loompas appeared…

Oh. My. God.

One look into their beady little eyes and all I see is one thing; EVIL.

Pure, unadulterated, evil.

What it is about them that freaks me out I’m not quite certain of, but I can tell you that I am reasonably sure they are out to get each and every one of us…

Think about it… when was the last time you saw an Oompa Loompa walking around New York City… or Washington DC… or Tampa…

Exactly… you don’t see them…because they’re camouflaged… they’re camouflaged and waiting for just the right moment to spring up and unleash their evil…

Am I the only one that sees this?

What do you think?

I've made some aesthetic changes and I want to hear YOUR opinion...

Like it.

Hate it.

Have mass indifference to it.

Inquiring minds... okay fine, inquiring mind wants to know...

In the words of Homer J. Simpson; "D'oh!"

I can’t think of anything to write today…

I thought about simply writing “I have nothing to say today. That is all"… but Croutonboy beat me to it.

Then I thought I would take a picture of my ass, but QofS beat me to it…

So… I’m sitting here… with nothing to say… with no spark… with no prospects…

Not even a random thought bouncing around in my head.

It’s gone someplace… somewhere in this world is my talent…

If you find it, if you would be so kind as to let me know, I would greatly appreciate it.

And yes, I see the irony of having said in the previous post that I found my creative spark only to lose it the next day...