Random Thoughts

• Pitchers and catchers report this week for the defending WORLD SERIES CHAMPION ST. LOUIS CARDINALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hmmmmm, I can’t seem to remember whom they beat in the series? Anyone?? Queen, do you remember?
• Am I the only one who doesn’t buy Paula Abdul’s claims that she’s never been drunk?
• I’m signed-up for a lot of email alerts. Yesterday morning I got one from CNN. I see it pop up and I think, oh Christ, something’s happened. I open it up and read: “A judge has ruled Anna Nicole Smith’s body must stay at the medical examiner’s office until a dispute over her daughter’s paternity is resolved, but Smith’s body can be embalmed.” Are you fu***** kidding me??? You send a breaking news email to thousands of people about this??? Here’s a confidential note to the entire Fourth Estate: Get. A. Clue.
• Sarah has nominated me to become a “made man” with “The Blogfathers”. Thanks Sarah!! Would it be unsightly to actively campaign for it? Something along the lines of PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!!!!!! Or does that come across as pathetic? How about bribing?Watched a good movie this past weekend; “Thank You for Smoking”. Biting satire, and worth the rental fee. Having said that, avoid “Clerks 2”… it’s nowhere near as good as the original.
• Remember how I told you all about the HUGE snowstorm that had hit the Midwest, and that no one knew about it because, well, it hit the Midwest? It’s reached the Northeast now so, naturally, it is now worthy of national media attention… all bow down to the MSM…
• A surfeit of meme’s is going around the blogosphere right now and so far I haven’t been tagged… I’m not sure how to feel about that…
• Proof that Hollywood has truly run out of ideas (just in case the looming remakes of Revenge of the Nerds or Police Academy hadn’t convinced you), there are plans in the works to remake “Weird Science”… probably cuz the original had such a huge impact on the acting career of Ilan Mitchell-Smith (who is now, in case you care, a professor at Texas A&M)
• Looking back at some of my blogmigo’s latest posts: MetroDad likes Valentine’s Day… Croutonboy, not so much… Becky’s head has exploded, again… Backtome is doing well… and Lumpyheads Mom has named her beautiful new daughter
• Winner of last week’s “Funniest phrase aimed at getting people to my blog via a google search” is Sarah from SATGS. Her winning phrase was: “hot naked lesbian housewives in diapers sucking big cock that look like Prince's guitar on Project Runway secrets during American Idol iPod Vista naked Paris Hilton on Myspace 2000 bloggers global warming without makeup homophobic Super Bowl ad XXX porn twins cum shot Dooce Today Show 9/11 sexy blonde sluts”… whew… that was a lot. What does Sarah win? A beer. I will buy her a beer next time I am in Washington DC or next time she is in Chicago, whichever comes first.
• Quote of the Week, which is my all-time favorite quotes:

  “There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it.” George Bernard Shaw, from Man and Superman

Reason # 1223

This morning, as I’m leaving for work, The Peanut Butter and The Jelly are eating breakfast. After I kiss and hug them and HoMu goodbye, I walk out the door. As I’m walking down the sidewalk to the garage, I hear the door open and The PB says to me, “Happy Valentine’s Day Daddy”… I go back to the door and tell her Valentine’s Day was yesterday, and she responded, “I know, I just wanted you to come back inside so I could tell you I love you again…”

I love being a daddy…

Valentine's Day

I wrote a trivia-laden Valentine’s Day post last year which you can view HERE. This year I am going a different direction.

I agree with Croutonboy (a phrase I guarantee you won’t see me repeat often).

I don’t like Valentine’s Day… never have… probably never will. With that in mind, I give my message in the preferred short and sweet method:

I love my wife more and more each day.
Each day I am grateful that she is with me always and forever.
Each day I am grateful that she has given us our beautiful daughters.
Each day I am grateful that she laughs at my jokes and compliments my cooking.
Each day I am grateful that she makes me a better man, husband, and father, and for that I can never thank her enough.

Now, rather than fill the remainder of this post with more saccharine, which we are probably all full of by now anyway, I present to you… mine and Honey Mustard’s song, the one we remember from college and the one we had our first dance to as husband and wife, Love Will Keep Us Alive, by The Eagles.

I was standing
All alone against the world outside
You were searching
For a place to hide

Lost and lonely
Now you’ve given me the will to survive
When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive

Don’t you worry
Sometimes you’ve just gotta let it ride
The world is changing
Right before your eyes
Now I’ve found you
There’s no more emptiness inside
When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive

I would die for you
Climb the highest mountain
Baby, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do

I was standing
All alone against the world outside
You were searching
For a place to hide
Lost and lonely

Now you’ve given me the will to survive
When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive
When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive
When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive

Snow Work Day

Sigh… The Peanut Butter, The Jelly & Honey Mustard all have a snow day today…

But not me…no sireeee, I’m at work… toiling away, listening to the wind howl and watching the snow pile up and swirl outside my office window (yes, I have an actual office with an actual window – one positive about this job…)

Has anyone ever seen the episode of The Simpsons (Episode 7F03 – ‘Bart Gets an F’) where Bart prays for snow because of a test? He gets his prayer answered and while the entire town of Springfield has fun in the snow (a day Mayor Quimby proclaims as “…Snow Day, the funnest day in the history of Springfield!”), he’s stuck inside…

Welcome to my world...

Sure, my employees are here (most of them) the doctors are nowhere to be found… and we’re under a Blizzard Warning until midnight.

Sigh...

Why did I get into HR/Operations? Why didn’t I follow my brother (a professor) and my wife (an administrator) into education?

Because I’m an idiot, that’s why.

But you all knew that......

Kemps Blog: The Musical?

The Peanut Butter and the Jelly are musical people with music in their heart. They both love to sing and they both love to dance.

They love watching anything on TV with music… one of their new favorite movies is “Mary Poppins”… if it has music, they like it.

Henceforth lies the problem…

How many of you saw the musical episode of “Scrubs” a few weeks back with the stirring musical numbers “Everything Comes Down to Poo”, “Guy Love” and “Dominican Tango”?

Not a bad episode, and the musical numbers were catchy…

The problem is that is has become The PB & The J’s favorite show.

More so than Mickey’s Clubhouse or Handy Manny… they now want to watch the “singing doctor show.”

Every. Single. Minute.

Why is this a problem? Because now I have all of those songs stuck in my head.

Everything comes down to poo!
From the top of your head, to the sole of your shoeWe can figure out what's wrong with yo—

Stop it...

Every. Single. One.

Sometimes you're better off not knowing
But this isn't one of those times
Your world's become a musical
And your doctors speak in—

I said stop it...

I can’t shake them. No matter how much I listen to my iPod, no matter what I listen to on my iPod… I can’t shake them…

Let's face the facts about me and you
A love unspecified
Though I'm proud to call you Chocolate Bear
The crowd will always talk and stare

I really need to stop that, don’t I?

I’ve even tried replacing it with a colossally-annoying song-worm like The Wiggles or Dan Zane… but to no avail.

The thing is guys remember facts
Like what Derek Jeter hit last year, which was 3-oh-3!
And that is why our brains are maxed
And there's no room for things like birthdays or ethnicities

Son of a bit—

Help me. Please help me.

Random Thoughts for a Wednesday

It’s Wednesday, we all know what than means. It’s time for some strong alcohol random thoughts… enjoy:

• While perusing for music online, I came across an entry that sent shivers down my spine… the title of the album was Bolton Swings Sinatra. Yes… Michael Bolton singing Frank Sinatra… is that even legal???
• Here’s something that no writer could make up on their best day. Astronaut (or maybe that should be astro‘nut’) Lisa Nowak strapped on a pair of adult diapers, threw her trusty BB gun in her car, switched her brain to the off position and drove 950 miles so she could settle a lover's quarrel. Seriously, you can’t make this shit up…
• Great poll on IMDB today: Who would win in a fight: Abigail Breslin or Dakota Fanning?
• I’ve never watched “24” before but have been this year and I can safely say I am hooked. Who knew that so much bad shit could happen to one person… and always in tidy 24-hour increments…
• Show of hands, who thought that this year’s Super Bowl commercials sucked worse than Rex Grossman?
• People really are getting upset about the whole Prince's guitar-as-schlong imagery from the halftime show… Can we get some lives over here in aisle 1!!??
• I honestly don’t know if I would be able to take a step onto THIS…
• I have recently “purchased” the new Norah Jones album (Not Too Late) and both of the new Harry Connick, Jr. albums (Oh, My NOLA & Chanson du Vieux Carre) and they are all very good albums. I highly advise getting them if you like either of these artists. Jones showcases her songwriting skills and her beautiful voice while Connick goes back to his jazz upbringing and has crafted two loving tributes to his hometown of New Orleans. Now comes part of the service you get here at Kemp’s House of Useless Knowledge as it’s useless trivia time: Norah Jones’ father is no other than The Beatles confidant and sitar master Ravi Shankar. Harry Connick’s mother was a judge and his father was an attorney who, in 1973, beat Jim Garrison for the position of Orleans Parish District Attorney (this would be the Jim Garrison that launched the investigation into Kennedy assassination) a position that he held for 29 years.
• Look back at some of my blogmigo’s latest posts: I think Queen of Spain’s head may explode if she has to follow doctor’s orders... MetroDad really digs his new kitchen toy... Croutonboy’s “parental units” came for a visit… like mine, they sometimes forget that you can get everyday household items, you know, everywhere... Sarah and the Goon Squad are sick...
• Recent searches that have brought people to my little corner of the blogosphere: “Disney princess solstice car”, “pictures of twins in the seventh week ultrasound”, “to kill a mockingbird affected my life”, “cuzzi murder”, “biography of lou brock”, “doodlebops without makeup” (thanks Sarah!!).
• Okay… the way people are getting to my blog via google searches is rather pathetic so I’m holding a contest. Whoever can leave me a comment with the funniest phrase aimed at getting people to my blog via a google search wins. Wins what? I haven’t decided yet… but I can promise you it will be, you know, fairly insignificant…
• Replacing Mental iPod Song of the Week is Quote of the Week:

  ”Common sense is not so common. - Voltaire

Groundhog Day

Wow... it's like I'm in my own version of the Bill Murray movie 'Groundhog Day'... I could have sworn I've seen this holiday before... and I know I've seen this post before... but I can't quite place where...

Oh, that's right. Last Groundhog Day. Rather than try to find new trivia and useless information about the holiday, I present to you a flashback (hence the flashback tag I've created) of my Groundhogs Day post from last year... in it's entirety... with .02% new footage... Enjoy.

Originally published February 2, 2006:

Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow today (Actually today; February 2, 2007 he didn't see his shadow, so that means Spring is on the way. Hmmm I wonder what Al Gore has to say about this??) so that means six more weeks of winter. My question is: When did winter start?

To help you get through that horrible news, I’ve put together some random Groundhog Day trivia/Q&A/useless knowledge tidbits. Enjoy...

- The groundhog is also known as a woodchuck (Marmota monax) and is a member of the squirrel family eating such things as dandelions, clovers and various grasses.
- Did you know? That the first Groundhog Day was observed in Punxsutawney, PA in 1887.

Top 10 Groundhog Day Movies
10 - Groundhog Day
09 - Groundhog Day
08 - Groundhog Day
07 - Groundhog Day
06 - Groundhog Day
05 - Groundhog Day
04 - Groundhog Day
03 - Groundhog Day
02 - Groundhog Day
01 - Groundhog Day

Nice list huh? What do you expect with what I have to work with?

Top 10 Reasons to Celebrate Groundhog Day

10 - It's on nearly every calendar
09 - It helps relieve Cabin Fever
08 - Spring or not, it's still six weeks till St. Urho's Day
07 - Forecast is no less reliable that any other Weather Service.
06 - At least one of them critters is bound to see things your way
05 - Valentine's Day is just too damn depressing for nerds
04 - Unlike the Easter Bunny, he keeps his dirty paws outside
03 - As was said on the 'oldtime' radio show back in the 'olden days': “The Shadow Knows”
02 - It's fun to say “Punxsutawney”
01 - If a rodent can bring us an early spring, more power to him

Random Groundhog Day Musings:

Allow me to get political with this next one:
Q: What's the difference between Groundhog Day and President Bush's State of the Union Address?
A: One is a meaningless ritual wherein we look to a creature of little intelligence to prognosticate for us... the other involves a woodchuck. [rimshot] (Thank you, I'm here all week, try the veal... or the Groundhog)

And this one:
“On Groundhog Day, old timers think they can predict whether it's going to be an early spring or six more weeks of winter by whether or not the groundhog sees his shadow, or, as President Bush calls it, ‘reliable intelligence’.”
- Jay Leno

“The groundhog is like most other prophets; it delivers its prediction and then disappears.”
- Bill Vaughn

What else has happened on February 2 throughout the years?

1653 - New Amsterdam (later renamed New York City) is incorporated.
1709 - Alexander Selkirk is rescued from a shipwreck on a deserted island. This would inspire the writing of the book "Robinson Crusoe" by Daniel 'No Relation to Willem' Defoe.
1880 - The first electric streetlight is installed in Wabash, Indiana.
1940 - Frank Sinatra debuts with the Tommy Dorsey orchestra.
1945 - World War II: US President Franklin D. Roosevelt & British Prime Minister Winston Churchill leave to meet with Soviet leader Joseph Stalin at the Yalta Conference.
1979 - Sid Vicious dies of a heroin overdose.

How about a Groundhog Day drinking game?

This is a very simple game. Watch the movie “Groundhog's Day” and take a shot for every new ‘day’ that Bill Murray lives again. Especially fun is the multiple slapping scenes. Each slap is obviously another day, so you may have to count the number of slaps, stop the tape and catch up. This all happens when he tries killing himself over and over, and over and over and over and, well, you get the idea. (Hint: By the end of the game, each participant should have done 42 shots. Remember, as with any drinking game... know your limitations)

Did you know?

… that Punxsutawney Phil has seen his shadow the last 7 years.

… that the movie “Groundhog Day” with Bill Murray was filmed in Woodstock, Illinois.
… that like the shadow disappearing after the groundhog sees it; Andie MacDowell’s career suffered the same fate after appearing in this movie?

The story of Groundhog Day.

That pig farmers have never done well in the United States as most Americans prefer beef to pork. Granted, hamburger is an American favorite but, in a little known secret, actually contains no ham whatsoever.

The porcine raisers were hopeful to see a significant increase in their business after the health scares about beef and Upton Sinclairs novel “The Jungle”, but most of those benefits had gone to the poultry and fish industries and sales of ham and bacon remained virtually unchanged.

Because of this, The National Porcine Association hired a major Madison Avenue advertising firm to boost sales of pork products and they decided on an intensive campaign to saturate magazines, television and radio with ads urging people to eat pork patties. The campaign was given an extra boost when Congress was convinced to designate the second of February as the day when every family would be urged to eat pork sausage. That day would be celebrated nationally, of course, as Ground, Hog, Day.

To get a real history of the day, click HERE.

And consider this...

...and one day, sick and tired of having to showcase themselves on every February 2nd, the Groundhogs rose up and attacked their human masters...

Random Thoughts for a Wednesday Afternoon

• I think Super Bowl Media Day should be eliminated. Who’s with me?
• I think Paul McCartney’s ex and Brittany Spears’ ex should get together. Talk about a manipulative ‘don’t-know-when-their-15-minutes-are-up’ match made in ex-spouse heaven. Though if K-Fed’s music career fails and she has to be the breadwinner, she won’t have a leg to stand on… damn, there’s that poor taste coming out again…
• New Futurama movies/episodes are coming…
• Speaking of space…how the hell could NASA lose the videos of the 1969 moonwalk? Who’s in charge of security down there? President Bush Jessica Simpson?
• I’m getting my paperwork in under the wire, but everything looks to be coming together for me to make a run for City Alderman. I’ll let you know what happens.
• Fark Headline of the Week: “Dennis Hastert has swollen and enflamed gall bladder removed. Which is understandable, because it certainly takes a lot of gall to claim a president who lied about a BJ deserves impeachment while one who lies us into a war doesn't” (Couldn’t have said it any better myself…)
• I’m thinking that I am going to avoid purchasing or using Windows Vista, in fact I say to Microsoft and Vista: “Hasta la vista, Vista.” …
  

I’m sorry… I’m truly, truly sorry…

• Mariah Carey is going to appear in the March issue of Playboy… eeewwwwwww. Who’s next, Courtney Love?? Oh God why did I say that… Oh good God NO!!! Now that image has popped into my head and I have to gouge my brains out… son of a bit—
• Methinks Joe Biden’s presidential campaign has derailed even before it fully got on the tracks... at least he can help people with ‘things not to say when announcing your candidacy for president’
• Blog plug of the week: a new blog that I’m a part of (as are a few other of the usual suspects), The Supercoolest Book Club Ever
• Foreign countries where people have recently viewed my blog: Egypt, Netherlands, Thailand, Spain, United Kingdom, Japan, Australia, Sweden, Germany, India, Mexico, Canada, Singapore, and the Philippines. I’m international baby!!
• Mental iPod Song of the Day: Apparently, since they have rid the world of people downloading music for free from the internet, records companies are now scouring blogs and such looking for people illegally posting lyrics. Evidently, if you post the whole lyrics, you let the terrorists win. So with this I announce my retirement from posting song lyrics online and instead offer a hearty; “Fu** you!” to the entire recording industry.

40 Years and Counting…

My parent’s 40th Anniversary party went off without a hitch Saturday. Almost everyone who was invited came, including my mom’s Aunt (91 years young) and cousin who we have not seen in about five years, as well as friends of theirs from Peoria who they had not seen in about six years.

There was plenty of good food and good wine (we went through about 9 or 10 bottles of wine – my family are not a bunch of lushes, mind you, we just enjoy a good bottle of wine – that came from my Dad’s wine cellar).

Sidebar: my parents are really into wine and altered a walk-in closet in their basement into an ideal wine cellar. Life as retirees has its perks…

A wonderful time was had by all 55 people that attended.

Thier anniversary party serves as a nice segue into another story. A story that helps explains why I am the way I am when it comes to the little things.

Since they got married, my Dad has gotten my Mom roses on their anniversary – one for each year. This was their 40th anniversary, so when the doorbell rang Saturday morning and it was a delivery of flowers, no one was surprised.

The card read: "40 roses for 40 wonderful years"

Out of curiosity, I decided to count the roses… hmmm, only 28.

My mom counted and also found 28… hmmmmmmmm.

About 20 minutes go by and I tell my Dad that there are only 28 roses. He says to look again… I do… and now there’s a little red box in the flowers.

Aha...

I tell my Mom to count the flowers again, and she finds the box. In it, a heart-shaped pendant with 12 rubies (40th Anniversary stone) in the shape of… you guessed it… roses.

Forty years – and my Dad’s still got it.

Proof she's my kid

My parents celebrate their 40th Wedding Anniversary Sunday. We are throwing a party for them tomorrow, and while my brother uses his photo skills to make a picture collage, I'm using my video skills and making a video montage.

While scouring through pictures, I came across this one. It's of me when I was about 3 or 4 years old. The picture next to it is of The Peanut Butter at 4.

Ignoring the fact that she is exhibiting examples of being a world-class smart-ass like me, I can safely say I finally have hard evidence that she is mine...

From the files of The PB & The J

It dawned on me the other day that I hadn’t written about any tales of The Peanut Butter & The Jelly in a while. They must have sensed that, because they decided to do something about their lack of showing in my blog by themselves.

A couple of weeks ago, after yet another trip to the doctor to have The PB’s ear’s checked (she’s had an ear infection for 11 of the last 14 weeks), the pediatrician referred her to an Ear, Nose, Throat specialist to see about getting tubes put in her ears.

Last week it was decided, after much discussion, that she would indeed get tubes put in… ‘just like her little cousin’ (My youngest niece, 20 months old, had tubes put in the first of January).

The procedure was scheduled for Tuesday and it was decided that HoMu would take The PB to the hospital, while I would make sure The J got on the school bus.

HoMu and PB had to be at the hospital by 7:30… as they’re getting their coats on to leave, The J jumps out of bed, runs into the kitchen, and starts screaming that she doesn’t want her sister to go to the hospital. She wants her sister to go to school with her and sit next to her on the bus like they always do.

You can see it in her eyes; she’s worried about her sister going to the hospital and doesn’t like the idea of going to school without her.

We’re able to calm The J down, and as they’re about to leave, The J bear-hugs her sister for a solid half-minute (although it seemed more like 30 seconds…) and says; “I love you sissy. I’ll see you after school and we can play if you feel good.”

That twin-connection thing you always hear about… it’s real. And it’s one of the many reasons that I agree with Matthew when he says; “having twins is awesome.”

It is... it truly is...

The De-Lurker Knows...

It's de-lurking week.... so what are you waiting for? De-lurk already.

(I stole the picture from Gidge, who stole it from somebody else, so it's all good...)

Random Thoughts for a Thursday Afternoon

• Paula Abdul is going to play a “prominent” role in a live-action movie of the “Bratz” toy line… does this surprise, anyone?
• I read a report that trumpeted James Cameron’s return to directing. My question is, did anyone miss him?
• Things that make me believe there is a heaven: Reports of a lesbian relationship between Spanish beauty (and one of my '5' celebrities) Penelope Cruz and Mexican beauty (and another of my '5') Salma Hayek.
• Fark Headline of the Day: “Cold front moving into Colorado will drop the temperature 60 degrees overnight, from "jacket weather" to "has anybody seen where my testicles went?" Runner-up: ”Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro downgraded from Spalding to Elmer's.”
• We’re sending more troops to Iraq, the editor of PC World magazine was murdered, an Afghan insurgent helped bin Laden escape, and the “Headline” on CNN.com as I’m writing this post is about David Beckham moving to America… it’s just sad…
• The St Louis Cardinals re-signed Rick “Almost wild-pitched himself out of baseball only to try and become an outfielder who then got hurt and missed the entire World Series-winning season and is now desperately trying to resurrect anything that resembles a baseball career” Ankiel to a minor-league deal… why they did I have no idea…
• How long will Lovie Smith stick with Rex Grossman on Sunday? Apparently, that’s the ONLY news happening in Chicago this week.
• Should have posted this yesterday. A new drinking game for Bush’s speech last night. Take a shot every time Bush says “surge” “freedom,” “liberty,” “terrorists” and “troops.” Hope whoever came up with this game had 911 on hold…
• I just read that before getting behind Indiana Jones IV, George Lucas tried to recruit Harrison Ford for a Han Solo spin-off movie. Imagine the possibilities…
• Recent searches that have brought people to my slice of blogosphere heaven. “Girls with armpit hair” (that’s wrong on so many levels), “sahd wife”, “garth kemp birthday” (who the hell is garth kemp? It’s not another persona of Garth Brooks is it? Cuz one is enough…), “laurie berkner nude” (thanks QofS & SATGS), “where did legend of leprechauns originate” (thanks to my ever-popular St Pat’s day post)
• Gratuitous blog-plug of the week: I’d Like to Buy a Vowel
• In honor of “The King’s” birthday earlier this week, today’s Mental iPod Song of the Day is “Kentucky Rain”:

Seven lonely days
And a dozen towns ago
I reached out one night
And you were gone

Dont know why you'd run,
What youre running to or from
All I know is I want to bring you home
So I'm walking in the rain,
Thumbing for a ride
On this lonely kentucky backroad
I've loved you much too long
And my loves too strong
To let you go, never knowing
What went wrong

Kentucky rain keeps pouring down
And up aheads another town
That Ill go walking thru
With the rain in my shoes,
Searchin for you

In the cold kentucky rain,
In the cold kentucky rain

Showed your photograph
To some old gray bearded man
Sitting on a bench
Outside a genral store
They said yes, shes been here
But their memory wasnt clear
Was it yesterday,
No, wait the day before

So I finl'y got a ride
With a preacher man who asked
Where you bound on such a dark afternoon?
As we drove on thru the rain
As he listened I explained
And he left me with a prayer
That I’d find you

Kewl

I'm not one to brag about stuff... but I had to tell someone who might find it interesting, and I know a few of my faithful readers (if there are any) can appreciate this.

I am now the proud owner of Seasons 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7 of "The West Wing".

Yes, you read that right.

All. Seven. Seasons.

Every single one. Even the so-called 'bad season' (season 5 for you non-"Wingers" out there)... I now own them all.

I've tried to push the idea of an ultimate "West Wing" marathon to Honey Mustard, but so far she seems dis-interested, so I thought I would throw the offer out to the blogosphere.

Any takers?

Random Thoughts for a Wednesday Afternoon

I appreciate the kind words many of you have left.

Honey Mustard asked me last night if I really wanted to stop the blog… I thought for a moment and told her; ‘I don’t know. At times I feel like I want to keep it going, other times I want to stop.”

So who knows what’s going to happen.

You can view this edition of Random Thoughts for a Wednesday Afternoon one of two ways; my Random Swan Song… or just another Random post…

• Can someone please tell Pat Robertson to STFU?? Anyone?? Please, I’m begging you…
  Let’s all keep Scott’s son in our thoughts and prayers while he goes through some medical testing to find out what’s going on with his stomach.
• For some reason this morning, as I was working, the movie “The Girl, the Gold Watch & Everything” popped into my head… strange, huh?
• Fark Headline of the Day: "A woman has become the Tower of London's first ever female Beefeater." Ya know, sometimes… the jokes just write themselves…
• Twin moms!! How would you like it if THIS happened to you??? A set of twins were the celebrated last baby of 2006 AND first baby of 2007. A set of twins born at Boston's New England Medical Center Sunday night accomplished this feat when the girl twin was born at 11:58 pm Sunday night (December 31st) and the boy twin was born at 12 AM, Monday (January 1st). Twins with different birthdays… interesting…
• If you were a teenage boy (or girl for that matter), and saw the headline: “Cheerleaders Run Amok in Texas", wouldn’t you immediately book a flight to Texas? I know I will would…
• Is it just me, or is New Years Eve drastically overrated?
• Is it just me, or are the Chicago Bears drastically overrated?
• With the change in Congress taking place tomorrow (whoo-hoo!!), why do I get the feeling that Lumpyhead’s Mom is going to be posting less and less…
• Phrases that brought people to my little corner of the blogosphere: “To Kill a Mockingbird by Harpee Lee” (that’s Harper!), “+"day after day" +appears +"night after night" +heart +"fade away"” (uh… okay), “edmund fitzgerald sinking reason” (quick reason: lots of water), “PMS irritable” (not even gonna touch that one…), “twelve weeks pregnant twins morning sickness worsening”, “lyrics for mr.mom with cords” (uh, I think you meant chords… do they not teach spelling in school anymore??)
• Today’s gratuitous word or phrase to get people to my blog (not that it ever works though): radiculopathy disc herniation
• High temperature of 48 degrees today… in Chicago… in January… is it just me or is there something fundamentally wrong with that?
• This week’s gratuitous blog-plug of the week is:
• Mental iPod song of the day: Johnny Cash’s “Hurt” from American IV: The Man Comes Around
  

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myselfI would find a way

Goodbye

After much thought (with myself) and discussion (with others)… I am 99.98% sure that I will be ending this blog sometime this week…

The readership has dwindled to less-than-obscure levels, the amount of comments/feedback I’m getting is almost non-existent, and the amount of time I have to post is, at this moment, just not there.

Having just re-discovered my ‘groove’ and my ‘muse’, this is a hard thing for me to decide… and I’ve flirted with this before, but this time it feels like the time has come to actually pull the trigger.

Having said all of that… stranger things have happened (look who our ‘president’ is), and maybe something will happen this week that will change my mind…

Or then again... maybe nothing will...

And no, this is not an attempt to illicit comments...

You tell me...

Is it wrong that I feel emasculated jealous that my parents got Honey Mustard the 80 gb iPod for Christmas... which makes my 60 gb feel inadequate small?

Granted, they got me one of THESE... but still... her iPod has 20 more gigs than mine does...

I am jealous... is that wrong?

A Message of the Season

From Me, Honey Mustard, The Peanut Butter and The Jelly:

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!!!

A Soul-Cleansing Post or A Very Special Episode

Some of you may have noticed that I have been lax in posting the last few months… the truth of the matter is, I’ve been lax in everything for the last few months as I’ve battled through a deep-blue depression funk depression.

A variety of factors influenced these feelings… but the driving force/factor was my job and career... or rather, the lack thereof.

Something happened within me and I’ve turned a corner this past week. I don’t know what it was, but something has changed within me and I’m moving with purpose and aim now rather than wallowing in self-pity and loathsomeness...

If I knew what (or who) happened that rocketed me to this point, I would tell you

(Actually, I would first patent it, market it, make a killing at it, then tell all of you about it...)

All I know is I’m not in a funk anymore... I’m excited about my job, excited about a few job-prospects, and looking forward to a new year.

But the more I think about it... the more I slowly start to realize what happened that helped start me down this road.

It’s been a hard year for me, but then I realized that it hasn’t been anywhere as hard on me as it has for one particular cousin of mine.

In October, she lost her husband in a horrific traffic accident. This past week she lost her older brother (who was under the age of 50) to cancer.

Suddenly... all the problems I had been worrying/complaining about seemed insignificant in comparison… and in talking to my family this past week... I realized that.

Sure, I don’t have a perfect job that pays me what I’m (ahem) worth... but I have a job, I’m healthy, and I have a beautiful and loving wife, two beautiful and loving daughters, my parents, my older brother and an extended family that consists of four Aunts, two Uncles, a plethora of 1st, 2nd and 3rd cousins, two nieces, four nephews and a surfeit of in-laws...

I’m lucky... I’m blessed... I’m happy...

... and I’m back.

About friggin’ time huh?

Random Thoughts for a Wednesday Afternoon

It’s back… it’s bad… it’s totally rad…

Random Thoughts for a Wednesday Afternoon…

• Did we really need an actual study to determine that couples have pre-marital sex?? In other news: the sky is blue, water is wet…
• 5 days to go… and The PB & The J can barely stand it…
• Can you guess what band has a new album coming out in March? Guns N’Roses. Follow-up question: will anyone care?
• How many of you saw the Christmas episode of “Studio 60?” If you liked the musician’s version of ‘O Holy Night’, you can download it for free on NBC.com… it’s worth it.
• Open question to the Chicago Cubs… $23 million for Jason Marquis? Really??
• Newest Hollywood couple: Christian Slater & Sharon Stone. What can be said besides; ‘Eeeeeewwwwww…’
• Last year The PB & The J had to watch ‘A Christmas Story’ once a day… this year? “The Polar Express”. I can’t decide which is worse…
• Best Fark headline of the day: “In the latest cunning plan to unseat Ted Kennedy, bill seeks to ban trans fats from Massachusetts”
• Tom Cruise has announced he’s gonna make a movie based on a novel by scientologist founder L. Ron Hubbard… cuz earlier attempts to do that did oh so well…
• 1/20/2009…hee hee hee hee
• A few phrases that got people to my small, insignificant corner of the blogosphere: “disney princess electric roadster”, “weekend at bernie's a guilty pleasure”, “word escape me” (coming from Japan’s Google), “placebo”, “kemp” (coming from New Zealand’s Google), “"donte stallworth parents” (only result for that inquiry)…
• Today’s superfluous, blatant attempt to draw people to my small, insig— you get the idea… “super pants”
• Today’s gratuitous and spontaneous blog plug is: Back to Me
• Today’s mental iPod Song of the Day: Christmas is coming, so it’s a Christmas song… “Elf’s Lament” by Barenaked Ladies featuring Michael Bublé.

I'm a man of reason, and they say "'Tis the season to be jolly"

But it's folly when you volley for position

Never in existence has there been such a resistance

To ideas meant to free us

If you could see us, then you'd listen

Toiling through the ages, making toys on garnished wages

There's no union

We're only through when we outdo the competition

I make toys, but I've got aspirations

Make some noise

Use your imagination

Girls and boys, before you wish for what you wish for

There's a list for who's been

Naughty or nice, but consider the price to an elf

A full indentured servitude can reflect on one's attitude

But that silly red hat just makes the fat man look outrageous

Absurd though it may seem, you know, I've heard there's even been illegal doping

And though we're coping, I just hope it's not contagious

You try to start a movement, and you think you see improvement

But when thrown into the moment, we just don't seem so courageous

I make toys, but I've got aspirations

Make some noise

Use your imagination

Girls and boys, before you wish for what you wish for

There's a list for who's been

Naughty or nice, but consider the price to an elf

You look at yourself

You're an elf

And the shelf is just filled with disappointing memories

Trends come and go, and your friends wanna know why you aren't just happy makingcrappy little gizmos

Every kid knows they'll just throw this stuff away

We're used to repetition, so we drew up a petition

We, the undersigned, feel undermined

Let's redefine "employment"

We know that we've got leverage, so we'll hand the fat man a beverage

And sit back while we attack the utter lack of our enjoyment

It may be tough to swallow, but our threats are far from hollow

He may thunder, but if he blunders, he may wonder where the toys went

I make toys, but I've got aspirations

Make some noise

Use your imagination

Girls and boys, before you wish for what you wish for

There's a list for who's been

Naughty or nice, but consider the price

Naughty or nice, but consider the price

Naughty or nice, but consider the price to an elf.

QUICK!

I’ve been very, very lax in posting lately, and for that I apologize… my life has been in a bit of flux lately, and, while it hasn’t totally leveled out yet, it’s getting there. And since Mr. Big Dubya posted my daughters picture on his mantel, I thought I better spruce the place up a bit before more people stop by…

I have a story to tell…it’s about sex… murder… and debauchery…

It really isn’t, but those three words should get me some interesting visitors via Google, don’t ya think?

Actually, it’s a quick post to say to you all: thanks for stoppng by. I’ll be funny and informative again soon… I have one post ready to go, but it’s on my laptop at work (the bastards took away my blog access at work so I can only work on this and my other blogs at home – let me rephrase that, I can only POST at work, I can still type posts up at work)

Have a good day, and for all of you visiting for the first time, check out my Top Ten Posts on the right… no, not there, lower… no, farther down… keep scrolling, keep scrolling… there ya go.

Also be sure to check out my ever-famous ‘100 Things’ post… also on the right.

Thanks again for stopping by.

Funny as hell!

This is an absolute hilarious mix of "Peanuts" and "Scrubs"...

Was Gordon Gekko* Right?

Christmas is fast approaching, and that can mean only one thing… do you know what that one thing is?

Peace?

Love?

Happiness?

No…

It’s greed.

The children, and let’s be honest, some adults, are getting greedy and The Peanut Butter and The Jelly are right in line with all the other 3-10 year olds.

Now I don’t think this is something that purely affects my children… I think all children of a certain age experience this concept of greed at Christmastime… it’s natural… they’ve been getting these brightly-wrapped packages that they are not only allowed to tear open, but are encouraged to tear open, and inside are things they get to play with or wear… how could they not get greedy?

The Peanut Butter and The Jelly are four, and they now know that Christmas = Presents. It’s a pretty easy equation along the lines of 1 + 1 = 2 that anyone (save for our current “President”— sorry, I should save that kind of talk for my poli-blog) can understand…

We as parents try to teach them the true meaning of Christmas, whether it be from a secular (the birth of Jesus) or non-secular (love to all mankind) standpoint… but who can compete with the constant barrage of catalogs, friends & cousins, TV & radio commercials and the like that are children are being inundated with?

At our house, we’ve been receiving gift and toy catalogs since mid-October… and the girls seem to have a sixth sense when it comes to those. They can sniff ‘em out and pour over them faster than people running from a Kevin Federline “concert.”

So where should we, as parents, place the blame?

Ourselves? I’m a firm believer that it’s up to the parents to make sure a child does what is right and doesn’t do what is wrong, so with that I say yes, but with a qualifier: we were probably the same way when we were their age and we turned out alright. And as I said above, we try our hardest to teach them the true meaning of the holiday, but sometimes we’re outgunned and outmaneuvered and it’s easier to pick your battles and know which ones can be won or lost.

Who else can be blamed?

Cousins? Well, I could blame a couple of my nieces and nephews who seem to exacerbate the greed with The PB & The J, but that would be unfair…

The media? Well… the media definitely seems to be an aggressor/agitator/make-it-worser (it’s a word it I use it) when it comes to children and greed, but I don’t think I can place the blame solely on them.

Greed is not necessarily a bad thing in moderation, and odds are my kids will grow out of it eventually… I did. But for now, “get while the getting’s good” seems to be the mantra for Christmas 2006.

Next year, I bet it will change….


* “…greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right, greed works.”

D'oh!!!

I no longer have access to blogs at work... so... if you thought my posting had been in a lull lately, you ain't seen nothin' yet.

Seriously though, I will try and post as much as I can in the evening hours after The Peanut Butter and The Jelly go to bed.

First Scott loses his access, then me... who's next??

11/30/06 UPDATE: Hmmmm... something very strange is going on here... at times I have access, other times I don't. It seems as though someone is sitting at a computer monitoring station somewhere and every once in a while, just to piss me off, they'll take away access to bloglines...

Where's the Christmas love man? It's not like I'm surfing through porn (like any man I do that in the comfort of my home after my wife has gone to sleep...), it's a blog...I'm trying to keep up with my blogmigos (some of whom seem to be ignoring me now, but that's another post for another day)

What will the next hour hold? Access to blogs... or no access to blogs? Come back later and find out... I know I will.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Hope you all have a very Happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy this snippit (about 5:30 minutes in length) from what I consider the best Thanksgiving sitcom episode EVAH!

Words Escape me...

Word's escape me in trying to describe this, supposedly one of the 'hottest' toys this Christmas.

This is supposed to be a children's toy, but first blush brings to mind a toy of a more "adult" nature...

Your thoughts?

Edmund Fitzgerald Redux

Kemp's Note: Today is the 31st anniversary of the wreck of the USS Edmund Fitzgerald. I wrote a post about it last year (classified to the right as one of my Top Ten Posts), so I thought I would post it again, this time with a useful LINK HERE, to a story from WJRT-TV. Enjoy.

The Great Lakes cover over 90,000 square miles and supply one-fifth of the world’s fresh water, with Lake Superior being the largest. The Chippewa Indians call Lake Superior “Kitchi-gummi” which means “great-water”. Later discovered by French explorers who named the lake, “le lac superieur”, which translates to upper lake.

Lake Superior is one of the busiest shipping lanes in North America and is connected to the Atlantic Ocean via the St. Lawrence Seaway. More than 1000 ships travel its waters each year landing either in the port of Duluth in the United States or Thunder Bay in Canada. Lake Superior is also large enough that it has considerable effect on the weather, especially when winds blow across its surface. Duluth sees over 50 days of fog between spring and fall and sometimes during a particularly cold winter the entire lake will freeze over. Another weather phenomenon common to the region, and particularly to Lake Superior, are the sometimes-vicious “northeasters”, which are gales that occur (mostly in November) and are formed when intense low pressure systems pass over the lake, thus creating hurricane-force winds that churn up enormous waves.

(Locals refer to these storms as “the witch of November.” It’s little wonder that the bottom of Lake Superior is littered with the skeletons of no less than 350 ships, most of them falling victim to the temperamental November ‘witch’)

That’s fascinating Kemp, but why the hell are you telling us all of this? And why the hell so many links?

Simple. Today (Thursday, November 10, 2005) is the 30th Anniversary of the most famous sinking on Superior (as well as the most baffling): that of the S.S. Edmund Fitzgerald.

This is a story that has always interested me and I knew, after realizing that the anniversary was today, that I had to write about it and give all you loyal readers the means to find out more, thus the superfluity of linkage.

The Fitzgerald was one of the largest lake vessels of her kind at 729 feet long, 75 feet wide and with a cargo capacity of 27,500 tons. The 7,500 horsepower engines were built by Westinghouse Electric Corporation and helped the ship set different shipping records.

The captain was Earnest MacSorley and gale warnings had already been issued when MacSorley steered the Edmund Fitzgerald, loaded down with taconite, out of Superior, Wisconsin’s docks shortly after 2PM. Meanwhile what looked like a typical November storm was intensifying. On the morning of November 10, heavy rain was falling and winds were gusting from the Northwest in excess of 60 mph as the storm tracked toward Canada, pummeling the Fitzgerald. A little after 3PM that same afternoon, Captain MacSorley reported that his ship was suffering damage and listing. At that time, another ship (The S.S. Arthur M. Anderson) that was sailing close to the Fitzgerald, agreed to stay close until they reached the calmer waters of Whitefish Bay.

In less than a half hour, the storm intensified with wind gusts clocking in at over 100 miles per hour. Shortly thereafter MacSorley again called in to the Anderson, and reported that the ship had lost all radar. Both ships continued on through the worsening conditions, the Anderson keeping track of the Edmund Fitzgerald on her radar screen. By early evening, around 7PM, meteorologists believe the storm’s pressure reached its lowest point; this combined with energy from the jet stream and created a series of enormous waves that first slammed into the Anderson and then into the Fitzgerald. The Anderson sustained damage but survived the onslaught and immediately The captain of the Anderson, Jesse Cooper, radioed the Edmund Fitzgerald to warn the crew of what to expect. The last words that came from Captain MacSorley were, “We are holding our own”.

Ten minutes later, around 7:25 PM… the big freighter had disappeared from all radar screens and the ‘witch’ had claimed yet another victim.

The day after the wreck, Mariners' Church in Detroit rang its bell 29 times, once for each life lost, a memorial that continues to this day. Every year on the anniversary, the church reads the names of the crewmen and rings the church bell.

An investigation by the Coast Guard suggested that the Edmund Fitzgerald had likely suffered enough initial damage that she began taking on water, causing the ship to list. Already unstable, the Fitzgerald was unable to ride out the onslaught of the massive waves once the northeaster worsened and she foundered, plunging to the bottom of Lake Superior with enough force to snap her in half. That report proved controversial, with the most common alternate theory contending that inoperative radar forced the crew to rely on maps that were woefully inacurate and, as a result, the Fitzgerald ran aground on a shoal without the crew knowing it and received bottom damage, thus causing it to gradually take on water until it sank.

The Edmund Fitzgerald now lies rusting under 550 feet of water. None of the sailors bodies were ever recovered. On July 4, 1995, a submarine expedition salvaged the ship’s bell and replaced it with another (as a tribute to the sailors and their families) with the date of the disaster and the names of the dead engraved on it. The bell is on display at the Whitefish Point museum near Paradise, Michigan.

The mystery of exactly how and why the Edmund Fitzgerald sank has never been discovered and the attachment of the ship and the story lives on, helped by the Gordon Lightfoot song: “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.” (lyrics to the song can be found here)

After reading a piece about the sinking in Newsweek, Lightfoot was inspired to write one of the signature songs of his lengthy career (and also one of his greatest hits) that turned into an improbable Top 40 smash.

Maritime historian Frederick Stonehouse, when speaking about the song, states: “In large measure, his song is the reason we remember the Edmund Fitzgerald. That single ballad has made such a powerful contribution to the legend of the Great Lakes.”

Three decades after the tragedy, the Fitzgerald remains the most famous of the 6,000 ships that disappeared on the Great Lakes. And the reasons for its sinking will probably never be known.

Much left to learn, young grasshoppers...

Last night I was talking to my brother on the phone about the (euphoric) events of the past few days. In doing so, I mentioned that since Rumsfeld resigned earlier that day, and since the Democrats won control of the House and the Senate, that “Dubya is curled-up in the fetal position and crying.”

The Peanut Butter and The Jelly immediately asked; “Cuckoo-Bananas is crying?”

I obviously have taught them well...

Something Wicked this Way Comes: The Book Meme

I’m a reader. An avid reader. So I’m gonna change it a little and make it ‘More Than One Book That…’

Why? Because I’m suffering from a severe case of Blogstipation (should that be capitalized?) and think this could be the very thing to get me out of my blogging-doldrums.

What gives me the authority to change it? Well… it’s my blog so, conceivably, I can do what I want.

1. One book that changed my life. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. Quite possibly the best book I’ve ever read with a message of tolerance, acceptance, and friendship. Another one is Patterns of Culture by Ruth Benedict. My parents (both Sociology majors in college) made me read this book when I was in 8th grade… and I understand why. For those of you who don’t know the book, it’s an examination of cultural studies that many say is as relevant today as it was when it was written in 1934.

2. One book I read more than once. The problem with this question is that there are quite a few books I’ve read more than once. Some of them include: Spoon River Anthology by Edgar Lee Masters, The Art of War by Sun Tzu, To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee.

3. One book I'd want on a deserted island. Okay, changing this one to more than one sort of voids the premise, so I’m gonna keep this as ‘one’ and say To Kill a Mockingbird. It’s one of those books that every time I read it, I notice or read something new.

4. One book that made me laugh. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams. Actually, let’s throw in the entire series while you’re at it and add a couple of his non-Hitchhiker’s works like Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency and Long, Dark Tea-Time of the Soul.

5. One book that made me cry. I’m a man… we don’t cry… what are you thinking?? Me cry?? Hey! How about them Rams Bears Colts? Sigh… no one’s buying this so I might as well ‘fess up’. Les Miserables by Victor Hugo. Cried like a girl baby…Also Travels with my Aunt by Graham Greene. While it’s not a tearjerker per se, it’s full of wit, wry comedy and poignancy. If you’ve never read Graham Greene, I highly suggest you start off with this novel then progress to The Quiet American, Our Man in Havana and one of his plays: “The Potting Shed”

6. One book I wish I'd written.. This is a toughie. Do I go with something that made the author a shitload of money or do I go with something that changed society and/or people?? I’m gonna have to go with one of my favorite all-time books and say The Art of War by Sun Tzu. Granted, he probably didn’t make a whole lot of money from the book, but his ancestors are and let’s face it; it’s changed a lot of people and probably has altered some lives.

7. One book I wish had never been written. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen “Whiny-Ass Bitch” Covey. What a bunch of claptrap; pointless, inane, and chock full of shit that should be freaking COMMON SENSE!!!! It’s not that hard… Why do I wish it had never been written? Because some people take it to heart (if you’re one of those people: I feel for you, I really do) and try to live their entire life by it. I read it the first time in high school and felt like I needed a shower afterwards. I don’t mean to get off on a rant here, but if more people stopped reading Covey and started reading real books, then we wouldn’t have this problem with every person in the world thinking that they can solve the problems of everyone else despite not having any training or education in that area…

Whew… I’m okay now…

8. One book I'm reading now. QB VII by Leon Uris & The Tao of Physics by Fritjof Capra.

9. One book I've been meaning to read. War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy. I’ve never read it… I’ve meant to… I’ve wanted to… I just never have… but I am meaning to read it… just give me some time…

10. Tag, you're it: Scott, MetroDad & Croutonboy.

V-O-T-E-!

There’s less than 24 hours to go and while many politicians (and Liberals) are contemplating sedatives (if not something stronger) there is an election tomorrow and we at TBWA (and Kemp's Blog) want everyone to get out and vote…

You can’t vote by sitting in front of your computer (at least not yet).

And you can’t vote by sitting on your couch at home…unless of course you have an absentee ballot.

You have to go to your respective polling place and pull the lever, punch the chad, push the button, scan the optic or fill-in the oval (which one of those do you think sounds sexual?).

In short; you must vote.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a Democrat, republican, Independent, Libertarian, Communist, Green or even a Mickey Mouse party fan… you must get out and vote.

If you think your ballot is worthless and doesn’t carry any weight you’re wrong.

According to The Voters Paradox by Leon Felkins and Mack Tanner the importance of any single vote declines the more voters as having made a rational decision.

The other side of the coin says that with fewer voters, the influence of an individual’s vote rises. Furthermore, if you don’t’ vote, you’re allowing others to speak for you… and that ain’t right.

You want another reason? Voting is a profound statement of our democracy, a birthright if you will, that no one, absolutely no one, should take for granted and ignore.

Every voice counts.

Every opinion counts.

Every vote counts.

So get your ass out to the polls and vote tomorrow.

Now… if you want to use your own brain and make an informed decision that will help our country, then vote Democratic.

If you want to screw the country with it’s collective pants on while maintaining the status quo, then vote republican.

If you feel guilty and want to vote your conscience while drinking coffee from a styrofoam cup, vote Green party.

If you want to vote with an eye on common ownership, vote Communist.

If you want to vote with an eye towards being free to do whatever you want, vote Libertarian.

However you decide to vote… just vote.


Cross-posted at The "Bush"Whacked Administration

When sports means more than just a pastime

My life, lately, has been rather pathetic, sad and depressing.

Deaths in the family, a fruitless job search, a current job hanging by a thread, difficult personal financial situations (all of which have caused problems with the wife and I. I know, I know… we shouldn’t let those problems effect us, and we sincerely try not to take the problems out on each other or the kids, but as most of my readers know… it’s hard. As MetroDad says about marriage: "...marriage is like a duck. On the surface, it looks cool and effortless, but underneath, everybody's paddling like hell." But I’m getting far off the point…) have all made my life very, very stressful. And while my life lately has been enough to make one incredibly depressed and despondent (which is how I’ve been for the last couple of days weeks months…), this past Friday night, something… something that some people might call insignificant… happened…

My baseball team, the St. Louis Cardinals, the team my parents, my aunts & uncles, my cousins, my brother and I have followed for as long as I can remember, won the World Series for the first time since I was a nine-year old lad in 1982.

Granted, it may not have been the most exciting World Series for non-Cardinals and non-Tigers fans to watch; after all, it was sloppy, short… and very, very wet.

But for Cardinal fans; it was bliss… and since it happened on a Friday I had a whole weekend to revel in it. More importantly, since I live in the Chicago-land area, I had the whole weekend to enjoy the victory in front of Cubs fans that had to live through the cross-town rivals winning it last year and their long-time league rivals winning it this year… talk about a sweet moment(s).

For a short time, the victory helped me forget my troubles and focus on the joy of a city and the joy of ‘Redbird Nation’…

And for that moment, and the euphoric moments that followed… all was right with the world.

Now I only hope that it continues and transmissions to something more vital... like a new job, a new outlook on life and better financial standing... otherwise I might be hoping for an ever-unlikely Super Bowl victory for my Rams... and I think we all know the chances of that happening...

Whoo-hoo!!!

All the experts said it couldn't be done...

They all said the Tigers would win it in 4, 5 or 6 games... one jackass even said 3...

The "worst" world series ever some sportswriters said...

To them I say two simple words:

Fuck.

You.

My boys... the team I've followed my entire life, won the 2006 World Series.

After the humiliation of 2004...

The agony of 1987 and the Garbage Bag's "fans"...

The blown call of 1985...

The 1982 championship against a team that's now in the National League...

The St. Louis Cardinals won the World Series 4 games to 1.

If you all don't mind, I'm just going to savor this for now and will write a more meaningful post about it later.

For now... I have some beer to drink, some people to call (Cubs fans mostly), some gloating to do (mostly Cubs fans, but a few Tigers fans) and some air to walk on...

In the words of Jack Buck: "Go crazy folks, go crazy. That's a winner!"

HELL YES!!!!!

It's on Queen...


Cross-posted on Draft Day Suit

It’s getting worse...

My blogstipation is turning into a severe lack of posting-desire.

Any suggestions?

Ultra-quick Random Thoughts

• I’d like to thank everyone who expressed their well-wishes to me last week, I truly appreciated it. Thank you.
• Big thanks to Kara for making me laugh last week with this “special” post.
• I am the proud new owner of a Motorola Razr… talk about a sweet phone. The phone was free, and I’m getting a free Bluetooth wireless headset as a rebate as well.
• I took a picture with my new phone on Saturday. It was a picture from a store here in town of a Christmas display… on October 6th… Christmas hype starting in five… four… three…
• How many people visiting this blog would elect me President if I promised to pass a law making it illegal to start selling Christmas before Thanksgiving?
• Looking for a job sucks moose cock…
• I am suffering from a severe case of blogstipation. I can’t think of anything to write for any of my blogs. I haven’t started to panic yet, but just wait.

A Bad Week

For those of you asking why I haven’t been posting this week, I’ll let you know...

Last Saturday night, the husband of one of my cousins was killed in a car accident near St. Louis... a car accident that resulted in the deaths of five other people.

Add to that the news that another cousin (one who retired two years ago after 30 years in the army) is going back to Baghdad as a private contractor for one year.

And even more, it was a year ago yesterday that the daughter of another cousin was murdered (along with 3 others) and we received word this past week that the trial has been set for mid-November.

So needless to say, the past seven days have not been easy on my family and me, so I just wanted to let all of my faithful readers, and blogmigos, know where I’ve been.

I’ll be funny again next week, I promise...

Yep, we're that sophomoric...

Honey Mustard was reading a bedtime book about planets to The Peanut Butter & The Jelly tonight.

She turns the page and reads: "Can you find Uranus?

...

She and I burst out laughing... meanwhile the girls are looking at us like we're strange (which, of course, we are)... and we can't stop laughing...

Must be our juvenile sense of humor...

Sans cast

The six weeks is over...

The cast is off...

Things are returning back to normal at Casa de Gemelos as The Peanut Butter had her short cast removed yesterday (her long-cast was removed 2-weeks ago) and is now, cast-free.

Let me get a ‘whoo-hoo’ for The PB!

It Begins

I know it was inevitable, I just didn’t think it would be this soon.

Pop quiz; what do candy bars, popcorn, wrapping paper, books and pizzas all have in common?

You give up?

They’re all things that kids are forced asked to sell while they are in school.

You can see what’s coming next, right?

They’re only four (and ½) years old, but The Peanut Butter and The Jelly have already started a ritual that every student in the United States has to endure for years & years and years & years…

That’s right, The PB & The J are selling stuff for their school.

Four years old… in preschool… and they’re selling stuff.

Well, not them so much as Honey Mustard and I.

They are selling popcorn… and not just any popcorn my friend; “Gourmet” popcorn (which in layman’s terms means small amounts of “relatively expensive” popcorn) There’s no normal buttered corn here, no sirree bob… this popcorn has flavors like Macadamia Crunch, Chicago Style, Chocolate-drizzled Carmel Corn, White Cheddar cheesecorn, Cookies and Cream and Rainbow (green apple, cheery, peach and two other flavors that have NO right being anywhere near a kernel of corn)

The girls did a good job of asking people if they wanted to buy popcorn (as good as any four-year old could), but let’s face it – when kids are this young and are assigned to sell something, the schools are expecting the parents to do it.

I remember selling stuff in grade school, junior high and high school… but not preschool.

Candy bars that were small and pricey (never mind that you could get essentially the same thing in the story for half that amount), pizzas that tasted like ass, popcorn that never fully popped, tins of popcorn that had probably been sitting around since the Eisenhower administration, wrapping paper that was ugly and magazines that no-one ever wanted to read… ever…

The strangest thing I ever sold? Poinsettias. Not for a garden club or anything, but for the speech/debate team in my high school.

My questions to you, dear readers and blogmigos, what age do you remember starting in on this grand tradition and what was the strangest thing you remember selling?

Inquiring minds want to know...

They're Aaron Sorkin junkies...

Having been subjected to seeing every episode of "The West Wing" since... hell, since they were in the womb, it's no wonder that The Peanut Butter and The Jelly are big West Wing fans.

On Monday & Tuesday nights (my wife is at school those nights. BTW, cheer her on blogaudience as, after this semester, she has only two classes left towards her Master's Degree), when I ask the girls what they want to do- their response is usually the same: play legos and watch West Wing with Daddy.

(Truthfully - how many 4-year olds do you know who will ask for West Wing by name?)

So we'll play legos and watch one episode of West Wing (their favorite episode is "Privateers" from Season 4... probably because in one scene, Josh mentions Captain Feathersword) before I turn the TV off and read them one two three four books before it's bed time.

Now... it seems I've gotten them hooked on "Studio 60..."

I recorded the first episode last week because Honey Mustard and I weren't home, and when I watched it last Tuesday night, they sat on the couch next to me... somewhat mesmerized.

Because HoMu was at school last night, I taped it for her and me (I was watching the football game)

When I picked them up from school this afternoon, on the way to their grandma's, The PB asked: "Daddy, Sunstriptudi tonight?"

I can only assume that she was asking me if we were going to watch "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" tonight.

What can I say, my kids are Aaron Sorkin junkies.

Maybe I can use their love of all-things-Sorkin to get "Sports Night: The Complete Series" on DVD.

It's worth a shot...

Psst, hey... buddy...

Did you know that tomorrow is the First Anniversary of Scott and mine’s Poli-Blog – The BushWhacked Administration?

You didn’t?

Well… now you do.

What do we have planned?

We have a guest post by a friend of mine about her feeling’s towards former Texas Governor Ann Richards, a couple of reflective pieces by Scott and I, a wrap-up of the last 12 months and last, but certainly not least, a special post by everyone’s favorite Goon Squad leader; Sarah.

BTW; if any of you (wink, wink, nudge, nudge... I do mean any of you) want to write a guest post for TBWA, by all means, let me know at kempsblog@gmail.com… even if you’re a conservative (there must be a few out there who read my blog) we’ll post it as Scott and I both believe in practicing tolerance for those that disagree with us… no matter how wrong they may be.

So be sure to stop by TBWA tomorrow and say hi.

Only a matter of time...

Knowing that my daughters each have one at home, I'm waiting for the day when ALL the electronic Elmo dolls become self-aware, fight back and eventually rule the earth.

It's like Small Soldiers meets Maximum Overdrive meets Chucky; death, carnage, toys...

Think about it...

Doing a Solo

Yesterday, Honey Mustard, The Peanut Butter and The Jelly had a baby shower to attend at Noon...

Which means that I was home alone...

You read that right; home alone.

As in no kids.

As in no wife.

Not a single person... just some beer, some cheese, some chips, some football... and me.

It was like I had died and gone to guy-heaven, where it’s always football-season Sundays and you can eat all the cheese, chips and beer you want and not get fat.

It also gave me some perspective as I totally get Superman’s Fortress of Solitude now… he wasn’t going there to meditate; he was going to get away from saving the world every five minutes. He went there so he could watch some football, drink some beer, stick his hand in his tights and veg-out.

Don’t get me wrong though, I absolutely love my kids and my wife... but sometimes... a man just has to be alone in his Sunday-glory with no worries except the occasional fantasy football-related question such as: “Why didn’t I draft the Bears ‘defense?” Or “What the hell was I thinking in drafting Lamont Jordan?”

(Being alone watching football also allows one to scream obscenities at the television with impunity when you see that your Wide Receiver on the Lions can't catch a fuc**** pass to save his life even though he guaranteed a victory the previous week... but I digress.)

Solitude is a good thing... unless your Emily Dickinson of course, then I wouldn’t advise it.

'Cast'ing Call

It's been four weeks already.

Today is the day that The Peanut Butter gets her full-arm cast taken off and replaced by a half-arm cast, which she will wear for the final two weeks.

When Honey Mustard and I asked her what color she wanted, she responded with a hearty shout of "Orange!"

When we asked her why, she said; "Because orange is sissy's (The Jelly) favorite color..."

Cries of ‘Aaawwwww... isn't that precious,’ in five... four... three... two...

Random Thoughts for a Wednesday Afternoon

Writer’s Block... again... and I can’t think of a damn thing to write, and when I do… it makes no sense whatsoever.

While that would qualify me to be a member of “President” Bush’s speechwriting staff, it’s not good enough for my loyal reader.

But I can still spew-out vapid, random thoughts… so here ya go.

• Hmmm… what do I care less about? Brittany’s second baby… or results from "Dancing with the Stars"? Damn, that's a toughie...
• From the people who brought us the picture of the python that exploded after eating an alligator, comes a python stuck in the road after eating a pregnant sheep… yes, you read that right, a pregnant sheep… click HERE for the picture goodness…
• This week’s Give me a fuc**** break award goes to Florida Circuit Judge Susan Roberts for warning the mother of two murder victims to NOT cry on the stand. Whether it makes legal sense or not, and personally I’ve never heard of this before, it’s cold and shows an obscene lack of empathy.
• Google is celebrating banned books this month (do not get me started on censorship!) and, being one who firmly believes in the First Amendment and have read most of these, I wanted to link the site. Check it out, some of them will make you scratch your head and wonder; ‘Why the hell would someone want to ban this book?’
• Want to post your own message on a McDonald’s sign? Try this LINK.
• What a cheap-ass stunt (pun intended…)
• Fark Headline of the day: “Triple amputee arrested for assaulting wife. Even though he was unarmed, state attorney says he hasn't leg to stand on with self-defense claims.”
• No fair… my iPod only has 60 GB…
• El Niño is back… mwahhh hah hah hah hah hah hah hah…
• Search flashback. These things brought people to my corner of the blogosphere recently: “Kids electric vehicles corvette”, “menards marion il” (second time in as many months), “edmund fitzgerald stream”, “EIU Pemberton mary Hawkins”, “PMS-irritable moods”, “magic kingdom trip parade”, “kemp high school squad”, “Donte Stallworth parents”
• Today’s phrase written only as a blatant attempt to attract readers (which I’m “borrowing” from Sarah): doodlebops without makeup
• This weeks wanton Blog Plug: Back to Me

All I got... have fun with 'em...

Do you feel a 'Draft'?

The Blog Pound Draft is done… after 3 ½ hours, we all had our teams… we all had trash-talked… and (most) had drank…

The players on the draft, done online AND over the phone, were BIYF, Bump, Child’s Play x 2, CroutonBoy, Genuine, Me, Marginally Clever, MetroDad, More Diapers, Queen of Spain & The Kaiser

I liked having it both ways, but at times I was listening to the phone conversation and missed an online mention of QoS’s boobs, but I did hear everyone at one time make fun of Jeff George (BTW, I met him once while he was still a “student” at Illinois and I can tell you this – he is as big a dick as you’ve heard)

By all accounts… I have a pretty good team (Name: The BushWhackers)

The strange thing is… I didn’t draft one St. Louis Ram…

I didn’t get the exact team I wanted as I did lose out on some of my preferred players. For example, everyone’s favorite ‘Goon-squad leader’ Sarah, drafted one ahead of me and took Cadillac Williams before I could… and Carson Palmer before I could… and Aaron Brooks…and Reggie Bush… wait a minute… she has my team…

Anyhow… I’m still optimistic about my final team. In case you want to know, here’s my team and “expert” analysis, let me know if you agree… if you don’t… meh.

• Matt Hasselbeck, QB - Underrated with minimal risk of interceptions
• Jon Kitna, QB - Good back-up as he now has offensive guru Mike Martz as his O-coordinator
• Frank Gore, RB - Should come into his own this season
• LaMont Jordan,RB - Ditto, but with a better ‘O’ line… and the possibility of Jeff George
• LenDale White, RB - Only a matter of time until he’s starting in Tennessee, with a small, ‘but’…
• Travis Henry, RB - Ditto, but with a much-larger ‘but’…
• Duce Staley, RB - Will replace ‘The Bus’ on certain downs and should be an okay back-up
• Donte' Stallworth, WR- Could be a breakout year as he now has a QB and his QB now has a target
• Roy Williams, WR - Should benefit from the high-flying attack of Martz
• Michael Clayton, WR - One of Simms’ favorite targets
• Peerless Price, WR - Always a good back-up
• Ben Watson, TE - Could put up WR numbers this year… plus Brady loves him like Bridget Monyhan…well, maybe not quite the same way…
• Jay Feely, K - Meh… he’s a kicker
• Panthers D - Strong…
• Cowboys D - On the upswing, and should fill-in nicely on Carolina’s bye week

The first game is still a week away (The Kaiser), so it should be an interesting season.

Go BushWhackers!

To separate or not to separate; that is the question

Go ahead, research it… talk to other parent’s of twins… read the book…

You’ll find the same opinions Honey Mustard and I did… opinions that are split down the middle of which of the two options is better.

I’m speaking of separating twins in school.

I bring this up because a few people have asked if the decision to separate The Peanut Butter & The Jelly in school was HoMu’s and mine. They also wanted to know how we came to arrive at that decision.

It was a mutual decision, and it was ours solely.

After talking to other parents and researching, it was the behavior of our children that prompted us to divide and conquer and split them up.

The reason?

The J tends to speak for, and over, The PB, so we decided that having them in different classes would benefit both of them… and after three days – it has. The PB is speaking more and getting involved in class, as is The J.

The school district here (the one where I was almost chosen to be on the school board), does not have a strict policy regarding twins in the classroom and leave that decision to the parents.

I’m not going to say this it the best option for everyone and would suggest you do your own research and talk to other parents (and I can almost guarantee that the opinions you get will be the same as my wife and I encountered, split right down the middle)

My best advice on this decision, and please remember this is only my opinion - I’m not an expert, is that you gauge your children’s attitudes and behavior and use that as the barometer for making the decision.

Will their separation be the way it is for their entire school careers? Doubtful, but it’s hard to tell at this moment, but for now, it’s working out very well.

But stay tuned…

'I don't remember growing older, when did they?'

Today was the second day of school for The Peanut Butter and The Jelly… and their first day riding the school bus, and since Honey Mustard had an early-morning meeting, I was in charge of getting them onto said bus.

If you read yesterday’s post, I didn’t cry when they went for their first day of school, (HoMu did) though I did wax poetically.

I cannot say the same thing for this morning...

I’m not even sure why I cried… but when they both stepped onto the bus steps, turned to me and said “Bye Daddy, we love you,” well... that was the ball game... it was as if the universe imploded and…… I snapped.

I broke down and cried like Adam Morrison (well, okay, maybe not that badly… but I did cry, and I'm not ashamed to admit it... though I will be checking out pictures of naked women immediately after posting this...)

If I'm like this now... what the hell am I going to be like when they start dating?? Will I have to be locked-up like Hannibal Lecter when the boys come-a-callin'?

Sigh...

It continues...

(Note: This is the fourth attempt at posting this entry... to which I say: "Blogger sucks it!!")